Strings Attached
by Mrnickmiller
Summary: After a long dry spell Nick and Jess give into their urges and get their naughty on but can they handle being friends with benefits? (Dedicated to the anon on Tumblr who wanted a FWB story!)
1. Hard Up

It was Friday night, it was nine o'clock and he had a couple of shots in his system so he could feel his tongue had loosened up a little. He had caught her eye a couple of times so that was enough of a green light for him. She was a little out of his league but so what, he had just been promoted earlier that day, he had a new suit on and he was feeling good so to hell with it. He ignored the jibes and the playful jabs in the rib from his buddies and smoothed his hair back, squinting and widening his eyes a few times to keep the warm and fuzzies of the alcohol at bay. He squeezed his way through the crowd in a gentlemanly fashion resting his hand on the lower back of several woman gently ushering them aside until he reached the one he had his eye on. A few guys had their eye on her actually but it was easy to see why, she stood out, she was different to most of the girls that towered around him in their high heels and expertly squeezed together breasts.

He swayed a little as he crossed the room but it was ok, his tipsiness gave him hope that some words would actually come out when he opened his mouth. As he reached her he cleared his throat and stretched across to talk to her. He took her by surprise and she leaned back, exchanging glances with her blonde friend which didn't fill him with the greatest confidence that this was going to go the way he wanted. Seeing her up close he had underestimated how beautiful she was, he had never seen eyes like hers before, they even stopped him from taking a sneaky glance at her chest which he usually found excruciatingly difficult after a few drinks. Unlike the hairsprayed curls that bounced around the shoulders of the girls around him, hers was tied back in a ponytail with just a few wisps neatly framing her face. Her dress was low cut but in a classy way and her face was virtually free of make up, it made a nice change. He did the honourable thing and chatted to her friend who seemed to be on his side in his quest to secure her number which was reassuring but shortlived. The pretty brunette was polite and friendly, she indulged his flirting and laughed in all the right places but it was clear her digits were going nowhere near his phone. He had reached that inevitable fork in the road, push ahead and wear her down or bow out gracefully. He wasn't drunk enough to come up with any more lines so he simply shook her hand a retreated back to his friends to be mercilessly teased and laughed at.

"Are you insane?" Rose spat through a mouthful of wine as she finally and rather abruptly stole back Jess' attention from the gentleman who was now dejectedly walking away from them. "Jess he was gorgeous and he asked you out, he didn't just get hammered and slobber all over you, he was nice and polite and he actually asked you out. What the hell?" Rose was little tipsy but she didn't care, it gave her just the right edge to let Jess know how crazy she was being.

"I wasn't interested." Jess shrugged as she sipped the remainder of her cocktail noisily through her straw.

"Does it matter?"

"Uh yeah, it does to me" Jess laughed incredulously.

"Jess. Question. When was the last time you got laid?"

"What?" Jess screwed up her face unsure whether to convey confidence or offence at the question. "I get laid, I lay...it was...shut up Rose."

"Yeah that's what I thought." Rose replied smugly as she smoothly ordered them another two drinks with the flick of her hand without actually saying a word. Jess lamented the fact that she would never be cool enough to pull that move off. Nick had that move nailed too - she wasn't sure why that popped into her mind. She sighed at herself and shook her head which luckily Rose had assumed was a distaste for the conversation but still she proceeded to interrogate Jess regardless.

"I'm very in tune with all my female friends Jess, it's a gift and I know when they're not getting any. You for example, you sigh a lot, you get snappy, you stare at the the butts of all the guys in school and yes that includes Principal Foster and you sharpen your pencils very... agressively. Aaaaand you only ever get like that when you're in between boyfriends. Boom! I nailed it didn't I? Didn't I?" Rose smiled widely at her perceived success and held her hand up for a high five which Jess left hanging despite being unable to conceal her laugh. Maybe there was some merit to what Rose was saying. Not a lot, but some.

"You're the one who's crazy. Jess chuckled as she toyed with the straw in her drink trying to ignore Rose leaning closer and closer to her until she was right in her face. "Ok, ok it's been a while!" Jess held her hands up in surrender and did a quick scan of the people around her to check they hadn't heard her loud confession.

"Ha I knew it." Rose slapped her thigh in celebration.

"Well I'm glad my sex drought is so amusing to you."

"I'm sorry Jess." Rose giggled, relieved that Jess was taking her teasing in such good spirits. "I mean how long are we talking? Have you been with anyone since..."

"Ryan? No."

"Well I refuse to believe it's from lack of attention, this evening proves that case and point so what's the deal?"

"I don't know." Jess shrugged a little more pensively. "The best sex I've ever had has been when I've been in love and the thought of diving into that again right now just feels...messy. But anything else just seems like a waste of time. I'm not very good at meaningless hook ups I never have been."

"But Jess that's the best thing about it, it's meaningless which means you don't have to worry. You find a hot guy who is willing to partake in a little back scratching without all the messiness of feelings and you're golden. It doesn't have to be the best sex in the world, just a little something to take the edge off you know. Why don't you get your ass over there?"

Jess turned to her new friend Lewis who was still staring at her hopefully but all she could manage was a raise of her glass which she instantly cringed at and it didn't even bother to see if he returned the gesture before she turned away.

Rose's encouragement wasn't completely selfless, these days she seemed to get a kick out of living vicariously through Jess. Rose had been dating Craig, a P.E. teacher she had met at a convention, for six months now. They were edging closer and closer to that comfortable phase and the sex was starting to wind down a little bit, going from seven nights a week to five which amazingly had Rose up in arms. Jess had very little sympathy for her woes. Still, it meant that Rose talked about sex a lot, with very few boundaries, despite Jess' resistance. The truth was Jess admired Rose's openness but she just wasn't like that. Jess was no nun but she did tend to be a little more conservative. Sure her fling with Sam had opened the door to frivolity and set her on the road towards sexual freedom but she still knew her limitations and finding herself a 'fuck buddy,' as Rose so eloquently put it, was most definitely one of them. One night stands, those she understood and had permitted herself a few of them in her life, she knew there was no time for feelings to get in the way. It was one night and then you were gone. Poof. But the middle ground in between that and a relationship was a grey area she feared she would never be able to navigate successfully. How on earth could she set her emotions aside for weeks or months on end and let little Jess take control of the wheel?

But in spite of all her thoughts and considerations one fact still remained. She missed sex. She missed it a lot. It had been six months and one week, not that she was counting, but those were the numbers plain and simple. Aside from her ill-fated attempt to seduce Nick with a piece of porcelain three weeks ago - her toes curled in embarrassment at the thought - there had been nothing, zip, nadda. She was ready for a new sexual adventure, the last guy she had been with was Ryan and she was ready for someone more worthy to take that title. Before that had been Ian but the fun and games involved in getting him into her bedroom had hardly been worth the effort. Before that had been Nick. Nick Miller. Given that she had been thinking about sex and then suddenly about Nick her mind took her to a very surprising but oh so very specific place and it made her squeeze her thighs together at the thought.

* * *

Being a bar tender for the last twelve years Nick had developed the skill of watching girls without actually watching them. It was a fine art that involved the interspersion of fleeting but frequent glances with intently staring at whatever he was doing to give the impression of hard concentration. When they knew he was looking they would change, their whole body would arch to push out their assets, they would begin to ignore their friend's conversation and worst of all they would begin to make him uncomfortable because he hated to be stared at. At the risk of sounding like a predator he preferred to see them in their natural state, that was when he got the true measure of them. What they were really like.

He knew every type of girl, what they would wear, what they would order and what lines they would use to try and coax him out from behind the bar. Yet he loved it when he was proved wrong, he loved it when they surprised him and flipped his entire theory on its head. It was a rare thing but he got a big kick when it happened. Those were usually the girls he would wind up going home with. He found he got the best conversation out of them and he usually counted a little conversation as foreplay. But with college finals well underway the last few weeks had brought only students who saw him as nothing but a novelty, part of game of who could get the bar tender, who could impress their friends by scoring a guy in his thirties. That wasn't what got him going. Not anymore.

That's not to say he wasn't considering it as he stabbed a maraschino cherry on to a little umbrella and dropped it in a drink much to the delight of the young blonde in front of him. It had been a while and his judgement wasn't quite as sharp as usual. He let the girl stroke the back of his hand in awe and gratitude, or most likely in a shameless attempt to get him to go home with her. He knew exactly how the night would go, he knew what the conversation would be, what her place would look like, what the sex would be like and how he would feel about it all in the morning but it was sex and his brain and his penis weren't really comparing notes these days. Even though his imagination had explored her body in its entirety and imagined her capabilities in the bedroom in pretty fine detail he still found himself giving her that smile. That smile that said ' _thanks, you're cute, but I'm working.'_ Just like that she was gone and he would be sleeping alone for another night. He could hear twenty three year old Nick cursing at him and giving him a dead arm but thirty three year old Nick was looking for something else. He had no idea what. Just something else.

Winston wasn't looking for something else, he just wanted to get laid and he made no bones about that. He relied on Nick to hook girls in at the bar where he could wade in and test the water but his wingman was letting him down. Nick sighed and let Winston's ranting bounce off him. He had heard this monologue a lot in the last couple of months and he was used to it. How he never brought girls home anymore, how he hadn't been with anyone since Kai, how his dick was going to shrivel up and fall off if he didn't use it sometime soon. He was so used to it he no longer felt the need to listen. He didn't know what he was waiting for he just figured he would know when it was right in front of him.

* * *

Some time after midnight Nick lost his sulking loftmate to a group of inebriated students, he was pretty sure Winston had kept quiet on the fact he was a cop on that occasion. Nick wasn't too offended at being ditched, Winston's attempts to get him laid were starting to wear thin. Very thin. Not least because he and Winston had very different taste in women.

As the last few customers started to trickle out into the night Nick grabbed his keys and headed out to his car. One perk of his new, slightly more senior position was that he didn't get stuck with clean and lock up anymore. That privilege was now bestowed up the two twenty somethings he had hired a couple of months ago. Nick didn't feel guilty, he remembered it actually being fun at that age. Once the job was done you got to enjoy some free beer with your buddies in a crowdless bar and have free reign of the jukebox. But he wasn't that age anymore and he would start daydreaming of his bed throughout the last hour of his shift. He would imagine what nighttime snacks he would eat, how comfortable his sweats would be and what sports commentary programme he could fall asleep to.

He didn't expect to return home to anything exciting even if it was Friday night. Schmidt was at Cece's as usual, Winston was most likely in some club he was too old to be in and Jess was out for the evening. He plodded out of the elevator, his feet rapidly becoming throbbing dead weights on the end of his legs that were close to slowing him to a complete stop. He fished round for his keys in his pocket longing to take of his shoes and fill his belly with bread and cheese before sinking in between his sheets for the next ten hours. It would have been nice to sink in there with someone but at least this meant he could eat as much cheese as he wanted and not care. He walked through the front door but as he turned to throw it closed he caught it at the last minute, almost jamming his fingers to stop it from slamming. Jess was settled asleep on the sofa, so deeply buried in the cushions he barely saw her at first. He gritted his teeth as he closed the door as softly as he could manage and toed off his shoes with a less exuberant kick than usual. He stuffed his keys back in his pocket rather than cause a clatter on the side table and padded quietly to the kitchen. With a sleeping Jess the sizzle of grilled cheese was off the menu. He placed some soft bread under the quiet grill and settled for some toast - the poorer cousin of the grilled cheese sandwich - and popped open a beer.

Leaning back against the kitchen counter he wondered why she was home so early, then looking at his watch he realised it wasn't early she had probably just tired herself out from a night of dancing and fighting off countless admirers. Aside from the soft crackle of the grill and the hum of the fridge he could hear her breathing softly, he could see the rise and fall of her shoulder over the top of the couch cushion and it was almost mesmerising in his tired state. Jess was a deep sleeper like him, he figured it was due to her high energy levels during the day. When they were dating he could come home from work at all hours and climb into her bed and she wouldn't move a muscle. He could have been anybody! He wondered if he could get away with half an hour of TV without disturbing her.

With food and drink in tow he edged towards the sofa and lowered his butt slowly, changing the angle every second or so to avoid the creaking of the leather couch. Finally he perched on the edge, careful not to sit too near her feet which were stretched out across the length of the cushion. She had a habit of flexing her toes in her sleep like a cat and it made him chuckle quietly to himself, although it wasn't so funny when she used to claw his shins in the middle of the night, but the memory still made him smile. The blue material of her dress sprawled out across her, he was pretty sure it was a new dress, he'd never seen it before. The way it danced round her thighs and teased around her neckline was nice, he liked it. Not that he was looking anywhere near her neckline and the way her chest heaved slowly up and down under the weight of her slumber. He leaned forward grappling for the remote from the coffee table before flicking on the TV and expertly lowering the volume at record speed. He sat back, pleased with his quiet manoeuvres, that was until he reached for the beer he left on the coffee table knocking it with his fingertips and sending it crashing to the surface of the wood. He clenched his jaw and turned his head slowly.

"Sorry Jess." He whispered even though the damage was done.

She stirred slowly as he continued to offer words of apology. As she made her way upright she seemed to have forgotten where she was for a second. She had a crease up the right side of her face and her ponytail hung loose as she blinked her eyes open like a newborn animal. It was the kind of cute that sometimes he didn't know how to deal with.

"Hey Nick." She mumbled groggily.

"I'm sorry Jess." He repeated even though she didn't seem to mind.

She moaned a sleepy noise and kicked her legs underneath her, nestling against him a little. "S'ok...Mmmm whatcha got there."

"Just some toast. You want some?" He waggled the plate in her direction.

"Yeah thanks."

They crunched their toast as Nick took in the game highlights and Jess stole a sip of his beer every few minutes.

"How was work?"

"Hmm same old, I don't know why I have a job where you don't get to sit down. You know how much I love sitting down."

"I do." She chuckled lightly.

"How was your night?" Nick muffled through a mouth full of bread."

"It was good. Rose reached her three drink limit so we had to call it a night. She was trying to play matchmaker with all these random guys."

"Really? Where did you guys go?"

"Oh some new bar called The Ballroom, just a couple of blocks from school. We thought we'd try it out."

"Any good?"

"Hmm it was ok, a little pretentious and uppity for my liking."

Nick chuckled, only Jess would used the word 'uppity' about a cool new LA bar. He swallowed his last mouthful and stretched out even further, resting his beer on his belly as Jess continued to lean gently against his arm. It was just what he needed after a long, hard night at work. Just to unwind with his best friend felt good. He had been ready to take himself off to bed but suddenly he was strangely awake. With the loft a little more quiet these days they had found themselves spending more time alone together than they had done in a long time, he had almost forgotten what it felt like to be at the centre of her attention and he liked it. After the break up they had questioned every move they made, was it right? was it appropriate? were they crossing a line? and it was exhausting. At some point in the few months they had silently agreed to stop questioning everything and allow themselves to simply exist together without so many rules.

Occasionally there were little consequences but nothing they couldn't handle. The more comfortable Jess was with someone the more tactile she became and she sometimes forgot herself around Nick. As the food filled her up to the point of being sleepy again she let her head drop against his shoulder as she listened to him talk. When she felt the soothing heat coming off his body it was all she could do not to tuck her feet under his thigh and her hands under his shirt to rest against his belly to warm herself up the way she used to. She could feel his breath blowing against the hair on top of her head as his low voice lulled her into utter relaxation.

"So Rose was trying to set you up huh?"

"Mmmm she was trying to set _something_ up."

"What, you didn't see anyone you liked the look of?"

"Nope."

"Nobody?"

She shook her head softly against his shoulder.

"I don't know if I believe that."

She paused for a long time and closed her eyes as the weight of the day pulled them down. Sinking a little further into him she murmured. "Well maybe there was one guy." As she drifted off she would never be sure if he heard.


	2. Some Friendly Advice

It was a humid morning, summer was creeping in but so far it was the kind of heat that sat on your skin like and extra unwanted layer making you huff and puff and strain to catch a breeze that just wasn't there. Usually the first days of summer gave Jess an extra buzz of energy but this morning it just had her all hot and bothered. She pressed the pad of her thumb into the corner of her eye trying to ease the remnants of a headache she really didn't feel like she deserved after only three glasses of wine. She swallowed the last tepid mouthful of coffee from her mug choosing to dismiss the fact she had allowed it to go cold while she had tried for twenty minutes straight to figure out whether or not Nick had bought new jeans based solely on how they were hugging his bottom. She came to the conclusion that he had, must have been something to do with the pay rise he had got at the bar now that he was a manager, of sorts. He had been rocking a little more facial hair recently too after he had convinced himself it made him look more wise. Jess didn't want to burst his bubble, not least because she liked it, it was a good look on him, sexy. He needed a haircut though, it spiked up at the back when it was too long and it left him with an almost constant state of bedhead. She smiled as she remembered how she used to lick her fingers and try and smooth it down like he was a schoolboy, still it never made a difference. It always amazed her that someone could care so little about their appearance and yet be so handsome.

"Take a picture Jess it'll last longer." Schmidt cracked in a droll manner without even raising his eyes from his newspaper.

Jess shuffled back in her seat screwing her face up at him. "What? I wasn't...shut up Schmidt." She brought her coffee mug up to her face to hide her embarrassment but then she remembered there was nothing left in it so she set it down heavily in annoyance. He chuckled and returned to his newspaper deciding to take mercy on her. Grumbling at him she scooted off her seat and headed for the bathroom to wash the sticky heat off her. She charged past Nick was was still scratching around on the floor looking for something, his butt sticking up in the air like two taunting globes which were out to cause nothing but trouble. She rolled her eyes as the smell of fresh laundry hung in the air as she past him - what the hell was wrong with her?

In the safety of the bathroom she stood in front of the mirror and took off her glasses, letting out a lengthy sigh. She was sighing a lot lately, Rose was right. She ran her fingertips over the contours of her face checking for any new lumps and bumps that needed attending to and making sure she was effectively keeping any wrinkles at bay. She pulled on the delicate skin under her eyes deciding a good night's sleep was definitely in order. She peeled off her pyjamas dropping them into a small, neat pile on the floor and took one last check in the mirror. She was never overwhelmed by what she saw but she was content it had never really let her down either.

She reached into the shower to turn on the water, wiggling her fingers underneath the spray. She knew Nick had been the last one in as she felt the water start to scald her fingers, _that dude wasn't normal_ she thought to herself as she turned the temperature down to a more humane level. Stepping in she began to wash off the groggy feeling from the night before, feeling more and more like a new person with every drop that hit her skin. She squirted shampoo into the centre of her hand in a circular motion so it made a satisfying swirl and began to smooth it through her hair, taking time to ease the tension in her scalp. As the scent of coconut finally overpowered the smell of his mint shower gel she let the water run through her hair, squeezing her eyes shut and allowing herself to drift away for a few moments. She only just about heard the door knock.

"Jess."

She sighed and yelled over the sound of the rushing water ."What?"

"I think my phone is in there, do you mind if I come in for sec? You're in the shower right?"

"Well...I..." She stuttered. "Why would your phone be in the bathroom?"

"Uh, I was watching Youtube videos while I was on the toilet."

She frowned. "Gross Nick. Ok come in just be quick."

She stepped anxiously from side to side in the shower realising she had nowhere to go. Suddenly she felt vulnerable that there was nothing separating her naked body from Nick's eyes but a few millimetres of vinyl. She held her arm across her breasts while the other rested between her legs even though she knew he couldn't see her and even if he could it was nothing he hadn't see before. She heard him shuffling around just a few feet from her, she could make out his shadow just a little through the thin curtain and it made her skin break out in goose pimples. She sucked in a breath and held it, biting her lips into her mouth thinking that making a noise would somehow expose her.

"Got it." She heard him bellow triumphantly. "Mmmm it smells nice in here."

 _Why isn't he leaving?_ She thought. _Is he just sticking around to enjoy the atmosphere, what the hell?_ It was Jess who had initially started this little habit of coming into the bathroom while other people were in there and now she was beginning to rue the day she's ever done it. Damn her need to be such a close knit 'family.' Turns out there was such a thing as too close and her ex boyfriend standing two metres away from her naked breasts was definitely it.

"I said it smells nice in here, is that your shampoo?"

Enough was enough. She pulled the shower curtain back vigorously and poked her head out the side. "Nick I'm kinda trying to shower here."

"Ok yeah sorry, I'm going."

But he didn't move, instead she saw his eyes drop down from her face. She followed his gaze to find the wet shower curtain was rather unhelpfully clinging to her upper body like cellophane, her breasts perfectly outlined for him to see with no imagination required. She pulled the leech-like material away from her body swiftly and took a step back into shower. She looked back at Nick who was still standing with his mouth open, a look on his face that she couldn't quite read. She could feel heat flooding her face, and other places and it was all too much. This was not ok.

"Nick would you get out?!"

"Yeah...right." He turned tripping over the bath mat a little and fumbling for the door. "I'm going...I'm gone...sorry Jess."

As she heard the door click shut she leant back against the cold tiles, she waited for the annoyance or embarrassment to come but instead she could feel a smile curling up her lips.

* * *

Nick could think of a thousand ways he would happily spend his Saturday afternoon, literally a thousand. He could sit down and make a list and every single thing on that list would give him some modicum of enjoyment and yet somehow he had ended up at the drug store with Schmidt. Nick only ever had three things on his shopping list, deodorant, shaving cream when the beard went a little cave man and condoms, because, well you never know. Anything else he stole from Schmidt, or Jess if he was feeling bored or experimental. There were aisles and aisles of products he had never and would never touch and yet here he was perusing moisturisers, reading words on boxes that he was pretty sure didn't really mean anything, just a bunch of letter and numbers thrown together to convince a person it was legitimate science that was going to make them look a amazing. It was nonsense, he thought, it was all the same thing in each and every bottle and it was probably just glue and toothpaste mixed together or some crap like that. But Schmidt was one of those, crazy as far as Nick was concerned, guys who spent a significant portion of his already hefty salary on this stuff and it baffled Nick.

Nick had got just a many women as Schmidt had, more in their college days so what difference did it really make? But Nick knew how keen Schmidt was to make a good impression on Cece's Mom so for once he kept his mouth shut and silently frowned at all the tanned men with gleaming white teeth that stared back at him from the shelves. Nick had never spent thirty minutes in a drug store and he never imagined he would unless there was a power outage or a snow storm and he was forced to sleep there, something his idle mind had already given some considerable thought to. The candy aisle would take a hammering that was for sure.

As they hit the only aisle which held any real interest for Nick he watched Schmidt hook his forearm around the front row of condom boxes and knock them all into his basket while Nick clutched one solitary box with a look of disgust. "Ok you're having a lot of sex right now Schmidt I get it. Is that really necessary?" Nick moaned as he dropped the lonely box into his basket and turned to walk away but he felt his arm get dragged back firmly. "Schmidt what the hell?!"

"One box Nick? You think that kind of attitude is gonna get you laid?"

"Don't start Schmidt I had this from Winston all last night." Nick huffed as he picked out the extra three boxes Schmidt had kindly dropped in when he wasn't looking and put them back on the shelf.

"Nick you haven't haven't slept with anyone since Kai. I've never known you go this long I mean is everything still ok down there."

Nick swatted Schmidt's hand away from his nether region and stepped backwards in disgust. "There is nothing wrong with it...I mean me and could you kindly refrain from keeping a sex diary on my behalf it's creepy. Man I thought having a fiancee would keep you a little more occupied."

"I'm just concerned for your sexual health man. You gotta dust that thing off and get back out there."

"Aaaaand we're done. Let's go pay and get outta here." Nick started to walk while Schmidt trotted behind him unwilling to let the subject drop.

"Come on Nick, for some miraculous reason you get propositioned at the bar pretty much every night and how many girls have you come home with in the last few months. Zilch. What are you waiting for?"

"I'm not waiting for anything I just haven't met anyone I like."

"I'm not talking about finding someone to date I'm talking about finding someone to have a little fun with. My god you're practically abstinent. I mean when was the last time you saw a pair of boobs Nick, and actual, live pair of boobs, besides your own?"

Nick swung his basket back and forth and stroked his fingers and thumb over his ever-growing scruff trying to stifle a smile as his memory from earlier that morning toyed with him. "Come on man just stop. I'm fine."

"How can you be fine Nicholas I mean can you even remember what to do anymore? Is the sight of naked girl gonna scare you now? Because I got to tell you girls aren't going to find this whole shtick attractive. You might think you're being clever by playing the whole, sensitive, understanding, emotional, life isn't just about sex crap, but girls aren't going to dig a guy that doesn't care less whether or not he jumps her bones. They will run away and you will never get someone to touch your thing and you'll die Nick you will actually die a very slow painful death, if you're not already, I mean you must be in blue ball hell by now!"

"Ok I get it!" Nick snapped. "Fine, yes I need to get laid I know that. God!"

"Finally some progress." Schmidt huffed in frustration as he rested his hand on Nick's shoulder. "I'm gonna help you buddy. I promise. I'm gonna be the best wingman that's ever wung. I'm gonna get you laid."

* * *

Jess offered a polite smile after hearing the fourth ' _Hi Miss Day'_ of the afternoon. That was the one and only downfall of a trip to the mall on a Saturday, she would find a student or former student lurking around every corner. She loved the kids but there was always something strange about them seeing into her life out of school, their keen little eyes staring at who she was with and what controversial, newly purchased items might be in her shopping bags. Anything that would give them a source of gossip or ammunition if she ever tried to give them a detention. Grabbing Cece's wrist she steered her in a different direction until everyone she could see was at least shoulder height.

They had been shopping for two hours trying to find the perfect outfits to wear for dinner when Cece's Mom came into town in a couple of days. Knowing Cece's Mom the way she did Jess knew it would one of the fanciest, most expensive restaurants in LA whether she could afford it or not. Jess was fighting all her instincts to find a dress that was sophisticated and worthy of a high end restaurant, no crazy colours or bows in sight. Cece's Mom was an 'interesting' character, if a little emotionally draining, and she was also the sole subject matter that Jess had been working tirelessly to distract Cece from all afternoon.

Ordinarily and unsurprisingly Schmidt would jump at the chance to spend the afternoon at the mall with his fiancée and her best friend, especially if it involved cheering Cece up, but it was one issue that Schmidt just didn't have the tools to deal with, not yet anyway. Jess had a history with Cece's Mom, she knew what to expect and how to keep the plates spinning in the air. It had taken years even for Jess to get in her Mom's good books. She had shown a very clear distaste for Jess' overly optimistic approach to life and often questioned, in Jess' presence, whether Jess was ' _all there mentally'_. Eventually she had set aside Jess' quirks and peppiness and reached the conclusion that even the ' _crazy girl'_ was the preferred option to the slacker, junkie types she seemed convinced Cece was going to fall in with after her first modelling job. The criticisms and luke warm conversation were enough for Jess but it had never been enough for Cece and yet Cece sought nobody's approval more than her Mom's, she sought nobody's approval _BUT_ her Mom's.

With blowouts and nails done and a few purchases under their belts Jess had to move on to the next distraction to stop Cece from biting off those newly manicured nails. She actually had the perfect piece of gossip for Cece that involved a lost phone and a precariously placed shower curtain but she wasn't quite ready to discuss that yet. Instead she decided wedding talk was most definitely the best option and she could do with a little distracting herself. She did an excited gallop alongside Cece as they walked.

"When are we gonna start shopping for wedding stuff."

"Jess we haven't even set a date yet, it probably won't be for another year at least."

"Well we could start planning the bacherlorette party."

"I've only been engaged for three weeks." Cece laughed. "Besides Jess I know how much trouble you went to with the whole Shivrang disaster so I don't want you to go all out with this ok."

"What? Don't be crazy Cece you're my best friend and you're marrying my other best friend of course I'm gonna go all out. Besides it's different this time, I mean, this is the real thing right?" Jess threw her arm around Cece's shoulder.

"Yeah of course."

"Don't let your Mom get to you Cece, you're getting all nervous about something that hasn't even happened yet and may never happen. Her and Schmidt might hit it off."

Cece dropped her chin and rolled her eyes up at Jess. "Jess I love Schmidt more than anything but how many people do you know that liked him when they first met him. Apart from you."

"So he's a grower, lot's of people are. Your Mom has three days to get to know him and three days to fall in love with him the way you have. Don't worry so much. You've been so happy Cece, happier than I've seen you in a long time don't let this spoil it. You and Schmidt have been through the ringer so lord knows that deserves a party and a party it's gonna get!"

Cece smiled and squeezed Jess' hand. "Ha you can say that again. God did you ever think I would end up marrying Schmidt, Jess? I mean seriously. In the beginning I wouldn't even let myself be seen with him, I was so mean to him I don't know why he put up with it. I kept him on standby all the time I mean it was pretty much just sex for months and months on end." She shook her head in disbelief as they continued to walk.

Jess paused for a moment considering Cece's words and she couldn't help but think back to her conversation with Rose the night before. Despite recent parental-induced evidence Cece was a woman who was very much in control of things, her emotions in particular. It was one of the ways in which Jess and Cece differed the most. Jess had lost count of how much time Cece had spent talking Jess off an emotional ledge while Jess had spent years softening Cece's edges. Jess was romantic and easily carried away but not Cece. That's why it came as no surprise to Jess that Cece had been able to juggle a fuck buddy situation. Cece could shut guys down when she had to in a way that Jess had never mastered. Jess would get sucked into the glimmer of pain in a guy's eyes when he was being rejected and she would talk herself into going on a date with them, attending business dinners as their girlfriend to help them save face or even meeting their mother. Cece had tried to toughen Jess up, tried to get her to separate her feelings from time to time but she had struggled. Maybe it was time for another cold, hard lesson. Cece's attention was now firmly fixed on a pair of black court shoes but Jess was still hanging on to what she had said.

"How did you deal with that?" She asked timidly.

"How did I deal with what?"

Jess lowered her voice, muffling it a little as she leaned into towards Cece's ear. "The whole sex with no strings thing?"

"Um I don't know. Fine to begin with I guess. I mean it was just sex, it was fun."

"But you didn't want a relationship with him?"

"Back then?...oh God no! You had just moved in with him and he was cruising half the female population of LA at that time, too complicated. No, no, no it was just the fun stuff I wanted."

Jess chewed her lip and nodded her head slowly "Was Schmidt the only guy you've ever done that with?"

Cece stopped walking and squinted her eyes at Jess. "Why are you so interested in this all of as sudden?"

Jess shrugged. "No reason. We're just talking about you and Schmidt."

"No we _were_ talking about me and Schmidt now I think we're talking about something else." Cece nudged Jess' elbow as they resumed walking. "Or someone else."

Jess waved her hand in dismissal, shaking her head in vigorous disagreement, protesting just enough for Cece to find it not only transparent but very amusing. "No, no it's nothing like that. I was out with Rose last night and we were talking about the whole 'friends with benefits thing' and I was just a little curious. It's no big deal, I'm not planning anything."

"Ok, good."

Jess' face dropped a little "Why is that good?"

"Because you couldn't deal with that scenario Jess. You're way too sensitive. The fact that you can't even say friends with benefits without using air quotes says it all."

"Too sensitive? No I'm not."

"Yes you are Jess you would never be able to separate your life like that."

"I did it with Sam."

"For what like three weeks and then you broke up with him because you couldn't deal with it and then boom he was your boyfriend. Boyfriends with benefits - that's your thing."

Jess looked down to her feet "God you make me sound so..."

"What?"

"Sensible."

"Well you are Jess. That's not a bad thing, it's just who you are."

"It's not all I am. I can be reckless and wild if I want to be."

"Ok" Cece laughed.

"I can." Jess protested, speeding up to walk a few steps ahead of Cece and sulk. Jess had doubted her own capability to indulge in such a thing but to hear it out loud made her feel silly. It had struck and nerve and she had no idea why but she felt a strong compulsion to prove Cece's theory wrong. Cece jogged a few steps to catch up with her and swung all of her bags on one arm so she could grab Jess' hand and slow her down. Jess had always been perfectly comfortable with her approach to life and that included her approach to sex and relationships. Jess' style was often a little slower and more considered than Cece's but it was never something Jess disliked about herself. It was one of things guys often found most endearing about her and even Jess knew that.

Cece softened her eyes and her voice as she pulled Jess' arm encouragingly. "Come on Jess I thought we were kidding around I didn't mean to offend you. Where is all this coming from?"

Jess shrugged and shook her head, embarrassed by her now evident overreaction. "Nowhere."

"Jess honey I know you wouldn't be asking me about this if you weren't thinking about it."

"Well maybe I have been thinking about it a little."

Cece struggled to balance a reaction that lay somewhere between concern and excitement "Well who's the guy?!"

"Nobody. I mean nobody you know. Just a guy from work."

Cece widened her eyes in surprise. She knew how seriously Jess took her job and how much she regretted her decision to get involved with Ryan. She had sworn off ever getting involved with someone she worked with ever again and it had seemed pretty convincing.

"You really want to get mixed up with someone from work again. I thought you had decided that was a bad idea?"

Jess shook her head "No you're right it's stupid, besides it was just a thought anyway. It's nothing. Come on, let's go, we're meeting Sadie in twenty minutes."

* * *

Jess bounced Jacob on her knee delighting in his squeals and giggles. As he became distracted by the glimmer of her necklace she took a moment to regard Sadie. Jess hadn't seen her in a couple of months, she looked good, healthier and less stressed now that that they were out of Melissa's parents and back into their newly renovated house. Sadie was a real grown up in Jess' eyes, she had a partner, a child and a house that wouldn't be out of place in an interior design magazine. Where Jess had a polka dot tote full of hairs pins and old movie stubs hanging off her arm, Sadie had a bag full of nappies and bottles. Sadie was only a few years older than her, yet their lives seemed a thousand miles apart. The woman who had slept in the bathtub on Jess' 28th birthday was now responsible for the life of another human being.

As her gaze moved to Cece she realised her best friend was now on the same path. Her and Cece had been together through everything and now their lives were going to start moving in different directions. A year ago this had all felt so tangible, not the palatial abode, Jess' salary wouldn't allow it, but the domesticity and adultness of it all. She still imagined it but the visions weren't as clear as when she had been with Nick, like a photograph she was looking at underwater. Her life was somewhere else now. He mind wasn't cluttered with children's doctor appointments and mortgages, instead it was filled with questions about what she wanted out of life and where she was going, and more recently what things would make her truly happy until she got there. What made her laugh? What challenged her? What made her feel good? Lately there seemed to be only one answer to those questions.

Jess sat somewhat subdued as Cece and Sadie gassed about wedding plans and all the people Sadie could recommend for flowers and photos. She tickled Jacob delighting in the sound of his laughter which made her smile when her mind got exhausted. She absorbed herself so intently in the task of making him giggle she didn't notice when Cece left the table to go to the bathroom, leaving Sadie to glare at her.

"So come on Day, out with it."

"What?" She mumbled as she made funny faces at Jacob.

"You been super quiet and I know you have something you want to talk about I can see it in your eyes."

Jess sighed and decided she didn't have the energy to pretend nothing was going on anymore. There was never any judgement from Sadie and Jess knew that by talking to her the information would stay out of the loft where it belonged. She loved Cece more than anything but Cece and Schmidt were engaged now and Jess had to allow for the fact that there might not really be any secrets between them anymore, even Jess' secrets. She didn't blame Cece, that was just how it worked, but she couldn't risk any of the guys finding out what was on her mind especially not Schmidt.

"Sadie have you ever gotten involved with an ex?"

"We're talking about Nick right?" Sadie spoke nonchalantly through a mouthful of food.

"No! No." Jess protested and Sadie glared. "Ok maybe we're talking about Nick."

"When you say involved what do you mean?"

"Well nothing."

"Oh that's a little clearer thanks."

Jess giggled even though her struggle was still mapped out across her face. "I mean nothing has happened, not really but it has kind of been implied that it might...maybe...or this could be in my head. Except that it's not, I know it's not. Things have changed in the past few weeks ever since that mug thing, I'm not imagining it. At least I don't think I am, or maybe I am and I'm just humiliating myself."

Sadie set down her knife and fork and took Jacob from Jess, placing him in the stroller next to them with a set of keys to place with. Sitting back she grabbed Jess' hands and squeezed them. "Jess you're rambling sweetie, I have no idea what you're saying to me. Start from the beginning. Are you saying you and Nick still have feelings for each other?"

"Well that's just it, it hasn't been about _feelings_ so much." Jess lowered her head and her voice and peered over the top of her glasses making sure Sadie got the message.

"Oh...OH!" Sadie's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "You guys had sex?!" She yelled just loud enough for Jess to overreact and lean across to hold her hands over Jacob's ears.

"Oh Jess he's two he doesn't know what sex is!"

"I don't care and no, I told you, nothing has happened."

"Then what exactly are we dealing with here, come Jess enough of the riddles. You're my only source of gossip and scandal I need to live vicariously for one afternoon."

"Fine." Jess paused, closing her eyes and straightening her hair like she was preparing to recite a monologue. "Do you think it's possible for me to have sex with Nick without letting my emotions get involved?"

"No." Sadie offered flatly.

"Sadie" Jess yelled incredulously.

"What? You asked me a question and I'm giving you an honest answer. You're not one of those girls Jess. Definitely not when it comes to Nick. You guys were in way too deep to ever have a casual sex thing."

Jess sighed and flopped back in her seat. "Ugh that's what Cece said."

"Well there you go then."

"She doesn't know I was talking about Nick though and she can't know." Jess pointed her finger in warning at Sadie who held her hands up in surrender.

"My lips are sealed." Sadie shovelled more pizza into her mouth, her calm demeanour having a positive affect on Jess. "How come you wanna jump Nick's bones again all of a sudden."

"I always want to jump Nick's bones." Jess whined quietly with a pouted lip taking a few seconds to realise she'd said it out loud.

"Wow you're really serious about this. Was the sex that good?"

"It was amazing. It was the best sex I've ever had that's what's making this so hard." She cried out the last few words in frustration and buried her face in her hands while Sadie rubbed her back affectionately and tried hard not to chuckle at her friend's plight.

* * *

Jess rode up in the elevator, pleased with her achievement in keeping Cece from worrying about her Mom all day but wincing in embarrassment everytime she thought about what she had talked about with Cece and Sadie. She had know idea what had come over her. She had made it the whole way through highschool and college without having sex and she had lasted just fine. She was a Vice Principal, responsible for the welfare of hundreds of school students, not some vacuous airhead that let herself become consumed by sex and the desire for a man's attention. She was smart and insightful and quite frankly the sex thoughts were taking up too much room in her head. She wished Rose had never brought it up. Cece was right, it wasn't something that she would be able to juggle so why waste her energy even thinking about it and it's not like she even had a prospective partners to go on this little sex adventure with. Her misguided attempt to get Nick's attention had fallen flat on it's face. Yes he admitted to thinking about her sexually which wasn't exactly unwelcome news and yes he had even gone back to fish their sex-mug out of the trash but it wasn't like he had done anything with it. It was three weeks and nothing, he hadn't even so much as hinted at anything or acknowledged that their 'clean break' wasn't as clean or as broken as they thought.

Jess huffed out a breath in exasperation. Was she sick or waiting or was she just sick of waiting for him?

Since when did Nick Miller squirm his way into the forefront of all her thoughts again. If he had just left that damn mug where it was then the dirty thoughts careening through her mind on a daily basis would be completely off the table and she wouldn't be left waiting and wondering.

Nick seemed like someone who should be predictable. He was a creature of habit in his day to day life and simple things excited him like miniature post-its and a new flavour of bubblegum. On all counts he should have been someone who was easy to figure out but he wasn't - not by a long shot. Not when it came to his feelings and when and how he would act on them. He had kissed her out of nowhere, kickstarting an entire relationship between them. He admitted to loving her from the very beginning when he had rolled his eyes and sighed at almost every move she made their first few weeks of living together. He had brought a girl home on a regular Tuesday night, two months after their breakup and screwed her loud enough for Jess to hear through two doorways, those actions had made him cry in apology when he came face to face with her in the hallway the following day. Nick had never cried in the whole time she had known him. So yeah his actions weren't always so easily anticipated. Was he biding his time to use the mug on a lonely night or was he just being sentimental?

As she bundled through the doorway with her many shopping bags she grunted his name in exasperation, unaware she said it out loud.

"What?" His head poked round the corner from the kitchen and her eyes widened.

"Nothing." She breathed out nervously marching to the couch and setting her bags down on the floor.

"Oh I thought you said my name."

She bit both her lips into her mouth to stifle any more slip ups and shook her head. She really needed to be more careful. The more full her mind became with these thoughts the more likely it was she was going to say something she shouldn't or suggest something crazy that her best friends had spent the entire day advising her against. These urges were going to crop up from time to time but she had to learn to keep a lid on it. She stared at Nick and tried to focus on all the negatives, she tried too pick out just about anything gross or unappealing but all that did was draw her attention to how few physical inadequacies he had. Yep. Nick Miller was more than adequate. She shook her head drawing further strange looks from him.

As few moments of silence past as they looked at one another, they smiled at the absurdity that neither of them was saying anything, going to far as to let out an audible chuckle but still they let a few more moments pass by. Nick scratched his neck the way he did when he was nervous, something she hadn't seen him do in a long time and Jess pulled her cardigan tightly around her like suddenly she was showing too much skin.

"Hey Jess sorry about this morning...you know in the bathroom. I shouldn't have invaded your space like that."

"Oh no it's fine, don't worry about it. I'm sorry I yelled."

"So we're good."

"We're good."

She saw Nick's shoulders drop in relief and couldn't help but warm to him. She felt all her annoyance and frustrations start to melt away and that in itself was frustrating. She refused to believe he was the only passage to easing her tension, there had to be another way. But like a moth to a flame she found herself following him to the kitchen, listening to the satisfying fizz of the beer cap popping as he handed her a bottle, clinking the top of it with his own to seal his apology for his little misdemeanour that morning. For all her and Nick had fought over their time living together she found it impossible to stay mad at him for very long, not that she was really mad at him, she was mad at herself but it was easier to blame it all on a convenient shower intrusion. She made her way back to the couch and he followed her willingly.

"How was the mall you get anything good?"

"Yeah I got some stuff. Mostly dresses for dinner with Cece's Mom. She can be a little critical so I'm trying to better my odds. This whole thing with Schmidt is stressing Cece out enough she doesn't need anything else throwing on top of that pile of crazy."

"Is her Mom really that bad?"

"She just a hard work I guess. She puts a lot of pressure on Cece and I know it gets to her. She never approved of Cece becoming a model and she won't let her forget that little fact."

"I get that. My Mom wasn't exactly thrilled that I dropped out of law school to become a bar tender but once she saw how happy I was she got over it. Maybe Cece's Mom just needs to see how happy she is with Schmidt and she'll finally let it go. The more Cece tries to impress her Mom the more it will seem like she trying to make up for her mistakes, then she's just giving validity to what her Mom thinks. If Cece just says screw it, this is my life and I'm happy maybe her Mom will learn that Cece _did_ make the right choice, that _she_ was wrong."

Jess stared at him fondly and let out a tiny giggle.

"What? What did I say?"

She raised her eyebrows and shook her head a little. "The right thing. You always say the right thing Nick."

He furrowed his brow at her adorably and laughed in confusion, he wasn't aware that he had said anything particularly profound but if it made her smile like that he would say it a thousand times over. "So what did you buy?"

"Oh just some shoes and dresses and stuff."

"Show me."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Ok." She giggled.

She proceeded to scatter her bags around the coffee table while Nick shuffled forward in his seat. She smiled gleefully as she pulled the items out of the bags one by one, delighted at how well Nick was feigning interest. She knew it wasn't exactly stimulating for him but she appreciated his effort, particularly when he remembered the cut of a certain kind of dress that she had taught him when they were going out. It was a style he always like on her but after months of suggesting she wearing the dress that does the ' _kicky out thing at the bottom_ ' she figured she would teach him the right terminology. She set the bags aside and reached for her beer when he mumbled with his mouthful, gesturing down to the floor.

"What's that one?"

She kicked the little bag to the side along with the others. "Oh it's nothing important."

"Oooh it is something secret?" Nick teased. "Show me."

"No." She giggled nervously as she took a long swig of her drink.

"Oh come on we're having fun, what is it?"

She sighed heavily and lowered her voice to the point of a whisper. "It's underwear ok."

Nick paused for a second, but feeling emboldened by the enjoyment they were sharing in each other's company he decided to go for it. "Show me."

"What? No!" Jess screwed up her face and carried on drinking just to occupy her nervous hands.

Nick looked at her out of the corner of his eye and he couldn't resist teasing. "Oh right is it the granny looking stuff you girls buy that you think we don't know about?"

"No it's not!"

"It is isn't it?"

"No it's not, shut up Nick."

"It is I knew it."

Jess slammed down her bottle on the coffee table and yanked the bag harshly from the floor unloading it's contents on to her lap. "See! Not granny underwear - sexy underwear." Once she had made her point she was suddenly embarrassed when she saw his face change. Setting down his drink he reached across and took the soft, light material from her lap, trailing is gently through his fingers like it was breakable. Holding it up a little he eyed it and nodded his head, the corners of his mouth turning down in a strange kind of appreciation. "It is sexy." He voice was low and broke just little. He coughed to clear his throat and handed it back to her. Things had turned suddenly, he knew he need to drop the subject and move on but he couldn't help himself.

"So who's the lucky guy?"

She shifted in her seat turning away from him a little and shoved the items back in the bag. "Nobody I just thought they were nice."

He saw her cheeks redden and suddenly he felt bad. He had embarrassed her for no real reason other than his selfish curiosity. "They are nice Jess, really nice. They will look great on you."

She mustered a small, reluctant smile and turned to him. "Thank you."

"Really great." He prodded further and she whacked him on the arm playfully.

"That's enough." She laughed as she tucked her legs underneath her and took a long sip of beer failing to notice the lack of humour in his words as he continued to stare at her intensely. He watched the smooth, alabaster column of her throat as it bobbed and flexed when she swallowed. He could feel his breath start to shallow and it took him by surprise. As she tilted her head slowly to pour the liquid down her throat is eyes trailed down to her cleavage as it dipped tantalisingly below the neckline of her dress. He voice was low and charged and no longer sounded like his own. "I'm serious. You always looked really great in that stuff Jess."

She swallowed uncomfortably and let out a little cough as her head snapped straight. She licked the droplets from her lips knowing full well what she was doing but pretending innocently that she didn't. Nick's sudden change in direction was unexpected but she decided to play along. "I did?"

He nodded as his eyes flickered to her mouth watching her tongue dip fleetingly across her bottom lip. "You have a great body."

She looked down at herself truly unsure whether to pull at the edges of her dress to cover herself up or boldly show a little more skin. She didn't know where to put herself, she was embarrassed, she could feel the emotion squirming just under the surface of her skin but she was also intrigued, thrilled even as his words trickled delightfully over her like honey. "You really think so."

"You know I do." His voice was almost a whisper and tinged with something raw. "I told you often enough didn't I?."

"Yeah but..." Her eyes bore into his which glimmered in the dim evening light of the loft. "...things were different then." Her voice trailed off weakly.

"I still have eyes Jess."

Jess could feel a steady heat rising up from her legs and spreading out across her chest as the mood in the loft shifted. Gone was the playful teasing and mischievous smiles. They had been replaced by something else, something that looked a lot like two people trying to start something. Something they hadn't indulged in in a very long time, something that scared them to death and jolted them to life all at the same time. Then without warning Nick stood and turned away from her, a realisation hitting him that she wasn't privy to. She moved to the edge of her seat. She wanted to stand and physically turn him around to claw back the attention she'd held just seconds ago but she sat and waited. She watched him drain the contents of his bottle in seconds, her heart sinking a little more with every second he didn't turn round to look at her. He set his bottle down on the coffee table and took a step away.

"Nick?" She didn't know what she wanted, what she was asking she just said his name with some vague sense of hope.

His turned his head showing her only the profile of his confused face. "Uh I gotta go to work."

"It only five o'clock."

Nick looked at his wrist but there was no watch there. "Yeah well you know. Saturday. Busy night."

She perched on the edge of her seat trying to hold on to whatever sense of promise was lingering between them. "Ok ...well ...maybe I'll come down later."

"Uh yeah sure ok. Maybe I'll see you later...See ya."

Jess watched and waited but seconds later he was gone.


	3. Cooler

The bar was three people deep which Nick was grateful for, there was literally no room in his brain for another thought other than the long string of drink orders he was trying to catalogue without writing anything down. He was working hard and under the watchful gaze of Winston and Schmidt who was making good on his word to get Nick laid, despite Nick's protestations. Schmidt had never taken Nick's job particularly seriously and tonight even less so as he held _'auditions'_ at the side of the bar, expecting Nick's unmitigated cooperation throughout the entire interview process. While Schmidt's intentions were appreciated somewhere in the far away crevices of Nick's mind it was only the row of customers facing him and the members of staff he was in charge of managing that were stopping Nick from ripping Schmidt a new one. He could hear his friend reeling of a whole list of embellishments on his life and it was fairly depressing for Nick to listen to, that's not the way he wanted to go about things. He was tempted to bite the bullet and take matters into his owns hands just to get Schmidt off his back. As he swiped away the beads of sweat on his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt he could hear his name being called over and over like a stuck record.

"Nick, Nick...Nicholas. Come here I want you to meet someone. Nick." Schmidt bellowed over the noise. "Nick!"

"Schmidt I'm working!" Nick barked.

"Come on, it'll only take a second."

"I'm serious Schmidt knock it off!"

Nick shook his head and tried desperately to recall all eight drinks the pissed off looking guy in front of him had ordered. He could usually rely on Cece to keep Schmidt in check when he was being so obnoxious but she was just as slammed as him. Nick had many hopes for Schmidt after he had become engaged, the main one being that his uncontrollable effervescence in social situations would become somewhat tamed but there was no such luck. Schmidt's pent up flirtatious energy was just as prevalent as ever, only now it was being used for Nick's benefit whether he wanted it or not. He was usually fairly adept at tuning out his best friend when necessary but tonight Schmidt seemed to have his volume button turned up to eleven. Nick shook his head and shuffled down the bar putting a few more feet of space in between him and Schmidt.

"Wow that guy _really_ wants your attention." A voice came from the corner of the bar but Nick could barely separate one face from the next.

"Huh?" He turned around to try and establish who it was.

"That guy across the bar, I said he really wants your attention."

Nick finally put the voice to a brunette who was leaning over the side of the bar toward him. She was petite with short bobbed hair that that looked all choppy like the girls in the magazines. His eyes were immediately drawn to her mouth as her lips sported bright red lipstick but with a pout that colour he assumed attention-grabbing was the point. She hung over the bar exuding confidence in herself, confidence in every part of herself it seemed as her low cut vest left little to the imagination and Nick fully appreciated that was this girl's intention when she had chosen her outfit that evening. She reminded him of Angie which was both interesting and extremely unnerving at the same time. She stood out, there was no doubt about it but she wanted to stand out and there was no doubt about that either. He didn't know if she was flirting with him, he didn't know if he was interested but what he did know was that for the first time in two hours he could no longer hear Schmidt's voice yelling at him across the bar.

Nick smiled at the girl as he worked, trying to keep his attention on two things at once. She continued to try and hook him into conversation and he proceeded to take the bait against his better judgement. He served his customers quicker than he ever had, working his way round to this girl that was so desperate to talk to him and figure out what she was all about. The sweet smell of her perfume hit him as soon as he got in front in of her and he couldn't help but leer as she licked her lips in anticipation of his undivided attention.

"So what can I get you?"

"Four whiskey sours please." She cooed, grinning uncontrollably at him.

"Go big or go home right?"

She giggled "My friends are over there."

"Gotcha."

"So you know that screaming man with the eyebrows?"

Nick turned to look at Schmidt who winked at him, completely devoid of any sense of subtlety. "He's my friend...for now.

"He's trying to set you up with that skinny blonde girl right?"

"Something like that."

"Well, would it help to get him off your case if I went over there and told him you've already found one?." She smiled mischievously, biting her red lip into her mouth and he couldn't help but grin, maybe she was just what he needed to get his head straight.

* * *

Jess still had a strange, inexplicable buzz of energy flowing through her veins and she didn't want to spend the evening alone. She couldn't even bring herself to sit down. She paced from one side of the loft to the other picking things up and putting them down, trying to find something to do to occupy herself. She made herself a cup of coffee which definitely didn't help, it only served to make her all the more wired. She tried to read a magazine but gave up when she found herself reading the same words over and over. She just felt - restless.

Passing the stereo she decided to hook up her iPod and listen to some music. Thumbing through her collection she tried to find the perfect song to help her vent some of the energy that was building up inside her. Turning on something loud and fast she started to bop around the loft a little, not quite dancing but definitely feeling the beat. Bending her legs rhythmically and bobbing her head up and down she began to pace the loft once again, this time with a little more spring in her step. She moved towards her bedroom to dump her shopping bags but she found herself glancing through Nick's open door, loitering outside like she was waiting for him to come out of it even though she knew he wasn't there. Probably a good thing or he would surely have been creeped out by her staring.

She took a couple of steps closer until his comfortingly familiar scent hit her. She missed that smell, she missed being enveloped in it every night. Every now and again she would catch it momentarily when he walked by her or sat next to her for a few minutes but it was never long enough. She had tried to ignore it for so long, tried to ignore so many things for so long but at some point in the last couple of months her resolve had weakened. She found herself wanting him again.

She leaned against his doorframe after a quick check behind her that she was definitely alone. She ventured just one step inside but kept her grasp on the door, she needed an anchor so she didn't fall completely down the Nick Miller rabbit hole. It was hard to imagine a time when all her stuff had been in his room, for a short time it had felt like it belonged there, like she belonged there. She could never really begin to pinpoint the time when it had all started to go wrong, sometimes she felt like she had imagined it, that they were really fine and one day she would wake up in his bed wondering what the hell had happened. Sometimes the fact that they had ended seemed so - unfeasible. They were so good at so many things. One thing in particular.

His bedroom was always the place she yearned to get back to at the end of a long, hard day, or even a not so hard day. She knew that what awaited her on the other side was going to make her feel incredible. For a long time after they started dating it was almost like an addiction. A teacher who had always had her mind one hundred percent on the job found herself watching the clock ticking second by second waiting for that moment when she could get home and have her way with him. She never knew exactly how it would go either, that was the fun part. Sometimes he would be sitting at his desk concentrating intently on his laptop and she would straddle him and take the lead, sometimes she would flop sleepily on to his bed and he would work her tights down slowly kissing from her ankle up to her lips taking all the time in the world as he asked her about her day, then sometimes he would just grab her and take her like he been starved of her for months, sometimes right against the door when making it to the bed was just too damn hard. Jess' eyes had glazed over as they fixed on to his bed, very specific memories flooding through her mind. The way his toes literally curled when she licked behind his ear, the feel of the coarse hair on his chest under her palms when she was on top of him, the way his body would show her just how much he wanted her seconds after she walked through the door. Jess heard herself breath out heavily and squeezed her thighs together at the thought of him. Suddenly she bolted from Nick's room, smashing her hand down on to the sidetable with vigour she grabbed her purse and headed for the bar.

* * *

Her name was Violet, he knew she would have a name like that, something that was designed to make you remember it, remember her. He watched her friends come and go from the bar, collecting their drinks while she remained, now firmly welded to the the stool next to him while he worked. The crowds had slowly started to head out to the clubs for the night so it had quietened down a little. Schmidt and Winston has retreated to a booth with Schmidt now devoting his energy to finding someone for Winston which Winston seemed far more receptive to than Nick had been. Their student master dynamic always made him laugh, he could see that it was tickling Cece too as she looked on adoringly.

The looks he was getting from Violet were adoring in a far more sinful way. It was the kind of forwardness that usually made Nick back up in the opposite direction but as much as he hated it, Schmidt and Winston's whiny, teasing little voices had got into his head. The events of the last twenty four hours had been a clear indication that he was struggling with his needs, while else would he be commenting on his ex-girlfriend's body and daydreaming of her in the shower. Jess would murder him if she knew the thoughts that had been going through his mind. He needed to release this energy far off in another direction or he was going to do something stupid.

He threw himself into a conversation with Violet. She was interesting but they had little in common, every story she told had him wondering just how much of it was actually true. In his experience the crazy, adventurous people never knew they were like that and they didn't talk about it much. It was the ones who constantly painted a picture of that lifestyle that brought up countless seeds of doubt. He learned she was twenty seven, she was a waitress, she was from San Diego and if her stories were to be believed she definitely had a screw or two loose. But she was fun, she was exciting and she had achieved the masterstroke of getting his attention for more than five minutes. He was under no illusion as to why he had allowed himself to be drawn to this girl and in spite of what he would tell Winston and Schmidt afterwards, it wasn't her eyes or her smile, not even her breasts or her seductive lips, he liked her because she was keeping his mind where it should be and away from where it shouldn't.

Violet was doing such a good job that Nick barely noticed Jess come through the door.

* * *

Jess could feel the chalky grind of her back teeth as she clenched her jaw so hard she wondered if it was possible her teeth might shatter completely. She strained her jaw to the point of discomfort as she watched the young brunette at the end of the bar with a grudging fascination. She was one of those shameless girls who had no qualms about pushing her breasts in a guy's face. Just so happened the guy on this occasion was Nick. Jess screwed up her eyes in disdain as she watched the woman lean over the bar and find some lame excuse to touch his arm as he made her an elaborate looking cocktail. Nick would always downplay his success with women but the truth was he got a lot of attention. A lot. It had never bothered Jess all that much when they were together, that was when she was most acutely aware of just how sexy Nick was and she couldn't blame women for flirting with him the way they did. Jess would always find deep satisfaction that for all their efforts, arm touching and breast squeezing, she was the one who went home with him. She was the one who had him naked in her bed at the end of the night doing things those women could only ever dream of. But as she watched one of those very women from afar, Jess found herself reaching the unfortunate conclusion that this girl actually had a pretty good shot. It was making her feel weird. Weird enough to warrant another glass of wine. She had been thinking about Nick a lot, sexually. She had exhausted a lot of mental foreplay on him and now some other woman was going to go home with him and act it all out.

She had seen Nick with other girls since they had broken up but she had always been careful not to overanalyse it. She never wanted to compare how he was with other girls to how he was with her just in case she saw something she didn't want to. But she couldn't help but notice how different he was with this girl. Not cold or harsh by any means, that just wasn't in his nature, but not as warm and gentle as he had been with her. It relieved her more than she dare admit to. A she listened to the raucous laughter coming out of the girl's mouth she knew what version of Nick was out tonight, it was comedy Nick, the Nick that usually showed up in a group of his buddies after a few beers. One joke came after the next, then another. of course his admirer seemed perfectly delighted to be on the other end of his musings but Jess knew it wasn't the real him, he was burying himself under funny words and bravado.

She allowed herself to feel emboldened by the fact that Nick had never had to act around her. She had seen at his most real, his most vulnerable, she had woken up to him in the morning as he continued to walk the fine line between asleep and awake when she could could fold herself into his body anyway she wanted and he would just mold to her, his raspy voice telling her how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to be with her, how he couldn't be without her. That was a Nick this girl could never conceive of and she didn't deserve him.

Jess didn't know if it was the wine or the sight of Nick's sweaty forearms flexing but as she moved to the other side of the bar she found herself doing something she hadn't done in a very long time. She was being Nick's cooler.

* * *

Nick wasn't really sure what was happening. He had listened to Jess refer to herself as his ex-girlfriend five times in the last two minutes and she kept touching his hand like she was trying to get his attention about something. No Violet wasn't the girl of his dreams, no she wasn't the future mother of his children but she had been doing a pretty good job of keeping his mind channelled in a different direction for the evening and Jess had managed to destroy that in the space of five minutes. He listened confused and aghast as Jess championed his sexual prowess, he had never heard her talk about him like that, certainly not to a complete stranger. Whatever Jess was doing she seemed pleased that she had accomplished her mission when Violet hopped off her stool and retreated back to her friends with an awkward, if polite, wave goodbye to Nick.

It was a cheap shot and Jess knew it but she couldn't help herself. The last ten minutes had happened completely beyond her control and yet she couldn't help but feel relieved that the girl was gone. She had seen Nick's jaw clenching and felt his eyes burning into her but that had only spurred her on. She fiddled with the stem of her wine glass, staring at it intently as she span it round and round, she was scared to look up and into his face. She needed more time to find a way to explain why she has just done what she did. She decided the best approach was to play innocent and try and smile her way out of it. It didn't work.

He rested his palms flat on the bar, his arms poker straight as he pushed his tongue hard into the side of his mouth in annoyance. He cocked his head in such a way that said _'explain yourself now Jessica Day before my head explodes all over the bar.'_

"What the hell was that Jess?"

"What? I was just talking to your friend she seemed nice."

"Yeah she was nice Jess. A nice way to spend my time after a hard shift and you just sent her running for the hills."

Jess rolled her eyes and looked back at the girl before turning to smash her ice hard into her glass with her straw. "Ugh you don't need her Nick, you can do better than that."

"Yeah well not tonight." He sighed whipping the towel harshly from his shoulder and wiping down the bar.

"You don't know that." She shrugged unable to meet his eyes.

"What do you mean Jess?"

Her adrenaline inspired confidence started to fade and she was left with no idea what she was doing. Her friends, her colleagues , every sensible, logically sound fibre of her being told her it was a bad idea but she _wanted..._ she just _wanted, wanted, wanted_ and the conflict was making her crazy. Maybe it was better if Nick went off with that girl.

"I don't know. Look I'm sorry, just go after her if you're really that bothered Nick."

Nick's posture softened and he leaned forward on his elbows trying to catch her eye. He lowered his voice and gently nudged the back of her hand with his knuckles. "What's going on here?"

Now was her chance, she could tell him, she could tell him what had actually been going on in her head and making her act so crazy. She could tell him what insane notions she had been pondering and then she could listen to him list the ways in which it would ruin their friendship, listen to him tell her that the past is past and it should be left there. Listen to him reject her and then lose him for good. Doubt froze her still and she couldn't do it so she went for plan B. She ran away.

* * *

Jess scrubbed hard at the dirty pots in the sink, almost wearing a hole in her rubber gloves as she vented some underlying frustration at the burnt on lasagne that was suddenly the sole focus of all her physical energy. She scrubbed so hard her hand was blurring in her eyeline when finally she stopped and took a breath, rubbing the back of her wrist against her forehead to get the hair out of her eyes. She jumped as she heard the front door open and she instantly knew it was Nick, she could tell just from the sound of his footsteps, they were less spritely than Schmidt and didn't have as much of a heavy stamp as Winston's. She felt nervous in the pit of her stomach and then mad at herself for putting herself in a position like this again, a position where she had a reason to feel awkward around him when they had worked so hard to fight past that.

She paused what she was doing and peeled off the rubber gloves but she didn't turn around. She could feel him standing behind her, waiting.

He stared at the back of her head coming to the conclusion that she wasn't going to make this any easier for him. Then again he wasn't sure if he would get any worthwhile answers even if she didn't turn to face him like a grown up. "You wanna tell me what's going on Jess?" He saw her shoulders rise and fall in an unhelpful shrug. He was tired and he wasn't in the mood for it. "Jess!"

"Nothing's going on. I was talking to your friend and you got mad. I guess I got in the way." She mumbled petulantly, her eyes still fixed to the bottom of the sink as she anxiously scratched off her nail varnish.

"Stop calling her my friend, she's not even...I just met her."

"Whatever Nick I don't care."

"Yeah well it kinda seems like you do."

Finally she turned to face him, taking in a small breath when she realised how close he was standing. Her voice came out less assured than she had hoped. "Trust me Nick I don't."

"Are you jealous or something Jess, is that what this is?"

"Jealous?! Of what?" She spat with a slight snicker. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard?"

He paused for thought but, wounded by her sneer, he decided to continue pushing her buttons. "It's not exactly ridiculous Jess you have been...I mean there was that whole thing..."

"What?" She folder her arms.

"Nothing"

"What? Just say it."

"Well I mean there was the whole thing with you...and...you know...the mug."

"What! That was one tiny error in judgement Nick, a _MISTAKE_ , and besides you're the one who kept it."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh come on Nick I know you went back for it." Jess was less sure of herself now, she was starting to feel more foolish as the look on his face told a very different story to the one she has been telling herself for the last three weeks.

"Uh no I didn't Jess, I don't have it."

"Then where is it?"

"You took it."

"No I didn't Nick!"

"Come on Jess you're the one who brought the whole thing up in the first place... and anyway, you're telling me you thought I had that mug for the last three weeks and you didn't say anything?"

"Well it never came up and _HELLO_ you thought I had it and you didn't say anything either."

"I didn't want to embarrass you."

"I'm not embarrassed. I have no reason to be."

"Jess if you really thought I had it you would have had something to say about it long before now."

She snapped. "Yeah well I was waiting..."

Nick paused, moving from side to side on his feet to find his suddenly elusive centre of gravity. He no longer had the desire to tease her, he had the desire for cold, hard facts. "Waiting for what Jess?"

She froze. There were no words to make this better, not one.

"Jess, waiting for what!?"

She gripped her own hand for support simply because she had nothing else to hold on to, nothing else to anchor her to a reality where her and Nick were exes and no amount of rationalising would make what she had in her head seem like a good idea. "Nothing. I...nothing. Look it doesn't matter."

"Jess?"

He stepped forward closing the gap between them until she could smell his skin. His eyes held her intensely and that was her wake up call. She stepped to the side dodging him and moving away. "Look neither of us kept the mug Nick so let's just forget about it, I mean why the hell would we keep it? It would be the worst idea in the world right?!"

Silence.

"Right." He whispered quietly, the word feeling strangely unnatural on his tongue.

She bit the side of her mouth and nodded her head slowly, her gaze on him unwavering even in spite of her discomfort. She scratched at the back of her hand wanting somewhere to channel her uneasiness but when the tension in the air became overwhelming she knew she just needed to get away from him. Offering a weak smile she drifted past him, ignoring the magnetic pull towards his body and disappeared to her room for another night alone.


	4. Testing the Water

Cece loaded the last few glasses into the dishwasher under the bar, quickly checking her nails to see how much damage she had incurred over the course of her shift. Digging around in her jeans pocket she fished out her phone and checked it for the thousandth time but there were no messages, she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing so she let out a nebulous sigh and shoved it back in her pocket. She had left her mother alone in her apartment for the day and was still weighing up whether or not that had been a good idea. She had done several sweeps to remove anything remotely incriminating but she was positive her mother would still find something.

As she checked around her area of the bar everything seemed to be in order, she didn't want to give Mike any reason to get on her back, not tonight. There was a break in customers so that was her chance to make a run for it but she contined to check the bar obsessively. She was about to give the wood another wipe down when a shot glass full of amber liquid appeared under her nose. She felt the towel being extracted from her hand as Nick sidled up next to her, throwing the towel over is shoulder.

"Drink this, you look like you need it." He smiled.

She allowed her shoulders to drop and relax for the first time all evening. "Thanks." She threw it back without question, grimacing as it stung the back of her throat, but grateful for the warmth that soothed her momentarily.

"Stop stalling Cece, it's gonna be fine. Look I know better than anyone what Schmidt can be like but I really think he'll be on his best behaviour tonight."

"It's not Schmidt's behaviour that I'm worried about."

Nick offered a half smile of pity. He couldn't reassure her about the behaviour of someone he didn't know, but he did know a little something about troublesome parents which put him in a unique position of patience and understanding that had made him a surprisingly good confidant for Cece in recent weeks. He had actually learned a lot about Cece because of it, a lot about her had come to make sense to him. Not that she didn't make sense to him before, but now he felt like for all his efforts he finally _got her_. All her energy went into pleasing her mother, that's why she didn't seem to give a rat's ass about most other people's opinions of her, it's what made her such a resilient bar tender when it came to over amorous customers and what made her a little scary from time to time. One other thing he had learned was that when Cece was nervous, she talked, even to him. He figured maybe she thought he could offer some advice, which he had endeavoured to do obviously, but he wasn't sure what effect it had. Probably none judging by the fact he was having to serve her a shot of whiskey just to steady her nerves. He took the glass from her hand and moved to fill it up again but she placed her hand on his wrist.

"No I'm good thanks, I can't show up drunk that'll give her way too much ammunition.

Nick nodded and screwed the cap back on the bottle. "You'll be fine Cece, now go on, get outta here."

She smiled and placed her hands on his shoulders giving them an affectionate squeeze. "You won't be late will you?"

"Scout's honour." He saluted. "I'll be done here in an hour and I'll be there for nine on the dot. I promise."

"Thanks Nick." She finally got herself on the other side of the bar and headed for the door, waving back at him. "See ya. Nine o'clock."

"Nine, got it." He yelled after her.

Nick set the whiskey bottle back on the shelf and began to tidy up behind the bar. He was still confused as to why he was going to this dinner but Cece's Mom had insisted she could only get the full measure of Schmidt by spending time with his friends so here he was, about to blow half his salary on a meal he couldn't afford all in the name of love and friendship. He had actually been glad to take on Cece's problems for a couple of hours, it had distracted him from his own, to a degree anyway.

Jess had slipped out to work that morning at the crack of dawn. If he had awoken at six in the morning and insisted on talking to her in the vain hope she would offer some clarity on the night before, the chances were he would just have come across as creepy and desperate more than anything else. So instead he had listened to her hum while she was in the shower, listened to her make yummy noises as she drank her coffee and then listened to the door close as she left without so much as moving a muscle. He knew he wouldn't get an answer from her even if he had. She had been pretty clear on the ' _not wanting to talk about it'_ part.

He had his suspicions of course but he had quickly squashed them when they began to run too rampant. There was no way...there was no way Jess was thinking about him like that...there was just no way. Jess was too sensible, she had her head screwed on way too tight to be considering anything so frivolous. This was more than likely his imagination creating situations that weren't there. It had to be. Whatever had her acting the way she was, he was going to get to the bottom of it one way or the other.

* * *

Jess eyed up the nice, new underwear she had bought which lay on top of the pile in her drawer, tempting her. She picked it up and toyed with the possibilities of what the night might bring but she soon slammed them back down with indignation. _What's the point?_ she thought to herself, it would just be a waste. She sighed and pulled a set from half way down the pile which happened to match the colour of her dress, they weren't particularly sexy but they were good enough she supposed. Slipping her robe off her shoulders, careful not to ruffle her freshly curled hair she dropped it to the floor and stepped into her underwear, moving in front of the mirror once everything was in place. Once she had a good view of herself she scooped both boobs up to the top of her bra with the palms of her hands to give her cleavage that little boost. She smoothed her hands over her stomach and contemplated just how long it might be before anyone ever saw her naked again. She went to all that effort to keep herself in shape with nobody to enjoy it but her, she figured she might as well just live on cake and cheese and be happy.

She ran her hands down the material of her dress as it hung on the door of her closet. It was a darker shade of red than she usually wore and cost a few more dollars than she could afford but she liked it. When she had tried it on it had fit her in all the right places giving her that womanly feeling that only a few of her dresses really did. She pulled it from the hanger and handled it lovingly as she lowered it to the floor and stepped her feet into it. She shimmeyed it up her body and hooked her arms in either side but then she reached that inevitable obstacle that plagued every single woman all over the world. She bent her arms almost painfully in every angle to try and pull the zipper up but it was no use. She dropped her hands to her sides and stormed towards her bedroom door. She flung it open with the expectation that Schmidt would be pacing nervously on the other side as he had been for the last couple of hours.

"Schmidt could you help me with...oh!" She stopped as she found Nick leaving his bedroom at the same time. He looked impossibly handsome in a black shirt and dress pants and as the smell of his aftershave hit her square in the nose she almost passed out into his arms but she swallowed hard and tried to fight past it. "Wh...what are you doing here?"

He raised his eyebrows, surprised at her question. "I live here."

"No I mean I thought you were meeting us at the restaurant after work."

"I needed to change first."

Now he had thoughtlessly drawn her attention back to his outfit dammit. She knew she was dragging her eyes up and down his body but there was precious little she could do to stop it. Finding Nick in a dress shirt was like striking gold, it didn't happen very often but when it did, oh when it did. He had folded up the cuffs, the sleeves sitting just a little higher up his arms in a way that drove her nuts. She could see just a hint of his chest hair as it poked out above the second button on his shirt. She was staring, oh god she was really staring.

"Uh where are Winston and Schm..."

"They're downstairs getting a cab." He interjected before she had a chance to finish. He didn't intend to be rude but he didn't want the small talk, he couldn't take it again. The atmosphere had changed between them too much in the last forty hours to chit chat about cabs and the weather, which he was certain would come next. She looked amazing but it made him border on mad as he clenched his jaw at the sight of her. He could really have done with her looking just a little crappy for once. He watched her squirming, trying to fiddle with her zipper and the movements of her hips really weren't doing much to help his situation. He sighed and took a step toward her.

"Did you ah...did you need help with that?" He gestured towards the zipper at the back of her dress completely unsure why he was intent on complicating things further. When she didn't answer he moved toward her with his hands poised to help her out but she back away from him sharply.

"I got it Nick!" She snapped and stepped back into her room, closing the door in his face. She backed up against the door banging her head against it in frustration, the neatness of her hair wasn't such a concern anymore. She counted down the seconds in her head until she heard the door knock because she was positive she hadn't gotten away with that little spectacle. Sure enough she felt the vibrations on her back as he knocked on the door heavily. She closed her eyes hoping to transport herself to an alternative universe but the door rattled harder as he banged it again.

"What?!" She grunted loudly as she kicked herself off the door and allowed him to enter with a face like thunder.

"What the hell is wrong with you Jess?!"

"Nothing."

"Why are you being like this? Have an done something to piss you off?"

"No.

"Then what is it Jess ... _WHAT?!_ "

A few long moments of silence passed by. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she glared at him but nothing came out. Thank god nothing came out. But she was painfully aware of a horrible feeling twisting around in the pit of her belly as she saw the look of utter disappointment on his face. He didn't deserve this, he really didn't but she had to keep her mouth shut - she had to. She watched his head drop and his shoulders slump in dejection as he rubbed his eyes harshly before turning to leave. She had almost made it to safety, the door was almost closed and he was almost out of sight when she felt the words start to rise up in her throat, all of them racing against the other to make it out of her mouth and ruin her life. She took a few quick breaths to level her head but it was all bigger than her now, there was no way back, only forward.

"I am mad at you." She barked.

Her turned and moved back into her room tentatively. "Finally a little honesty, care to tell me what I've done."

"That's the problem, you haven't _DONE_ anything."

"Agh Jess I can't take this would you just drop the cryptic and tell me what I did to make you so upset with me. Is it about last night, about that girl coming on to me? Why does it bother you so much that she wanted to have sex with with me?!"

"Because I wanted to have sex with you ok!"

Nick's mouth dropped open and he felt a hard weight on his shoulders. It took him several moments to realise it wasn't the world turning him upside down. As he registered the look of embarrassment and surprise on Jess' face he realised it was Schmidt's heavy hands resting hard on him pulling him back towards the door.

"Come on guys let's go, we got a cab. Come on, come on we can't be late!" Schmidt whined as he bounced up and down, jiggling Nick frantically in the process. Once he had ushered a reluctant Nick towards the doorway he moved behind Jess yanking her zipper up and pushing her out the door behind Nick. They all bundled into the elevator which was suddenly making Jess feel completely claustrophobic. She had just made a huge mistake. She prayed for some secret door in the elevator to open up so she could jump out and run away but she had no such luck. She could feel Nick's eyes burning into the side of her face but she didn't dare look at him. Schmidt gabbled to Winston loudly and it set Jess further on edge, she understood he was nervous but she needed quiet so she could collect herself and figure out a way to back track with Nick. She tightened the grip on her clutch bag as the heat of humiliation continued to rise up her body and flood her face. She prayed she didn't look as red as she felt but knew she most likely did by the way Nick couldn't stop staring at her with a look of concern that made her want to crawl into a hole and die. She closed her eyes willing the elevator to move faster so she could get the hell out and get some air and when it finally stopped she bolted for the door but not before Nick grabbed her hand pulling her back. But she couldn't, she just couldn't so she pulled away.

"Nick we have to go or we're gonna be late." She turned and walked away leaving him trailing behind.

* * *

Nick twirled his pasta round on his fork over and over as he stared at Jess. She had made a point of putting Winston in between them so that he couldn't touch or talk to her, he couldn't even so much as catch her eyes during the meal. Never in all his time of knowing Jess had she confused him as much as she had now. So she wanted him, he knew that now but he still didn't know what any of it meant. They couldn't possibly be talking about getting back together, even he wasn't sure they were ready for that yet. Plus this didn't quite fit his picture of their grand reconciliation, there were no romantic confessions, no grand gestures, no mind altering kiss. Instead it had been a short squabble in her bedroom, two hours of ignoring each other followed by some cold pasta. Not really the stuff Nick's dreams were made of.

He was tempted to ask Winston to trade with him but he didn't exactly want to invite any third parties into their drama, that would involve way too many questions and judging faces which he wasn't in the mood for. Not that Jess would talk to him anyway even if he did get next to her, it wasn't a conversation that was particularly appropriate for the ridiculously fancy restaurant Cece's Mom had chosen. Jess had warned him that it would be a little more upmarket but with its uncomfortable chairs, ironically dark lighting and coronary inducing prices it just wasn't Nick's thing and he wanted nothing more than to be back in the loft with Jess so they could talk everything out.

But Jess was too busy talking to everyone _but_ him, she was too busy fighting Schmidt's corner which he had to admit she was doing a particularly good job of. Jess had a trustworthy face which certainly wasn't going to do Schmidt any harm and Jess knew how to keep Schmidt in check. Sometimes Nick envied the simplicity of her relationships with Schmidt and Winston, but the truth was, what he and Jess shared had never really been simple. There had always been more layers to them which they were still peeling away and uncovering as time went on. This was a new layer he definitely wasn't expecting. Just because he and Jess had never been simple did that mean they weren't capable of it? Did that mean they couldn't strip what they had down to the basics and simply enjoy being with one another? Nick churned the thoughts over and over in his mind, completely oblivious to Cece's Mom talking to him until he saw the stern look Schmidt was shooting him from across the table, followed by a swift kick to the ankle from Winston. Schmidt plastered on the biggest smile Nick had ever seen and it was freaking him out as his friend spoke to him though gritted teeth.

"Nick, Maya was just asking you about your job at the bar."

"Oh right yeah, um Clydes, it's nothing great but I enjoy it."

Maya squinted her eyes and nodded with a slight frown - oh yeah he had seen that look before. "Why do you enjoy it so much? I can't imagine it's particularly challenging."

"Yep, that's probably what I like about it."

"Hmm I see." Maya turned back to her food unenthusiastically and was about to corner Winston before Jess piped up.

"Nick is actually like an assistant manager now so..."

"And that's what you want Nick, to be a manager?" Maya queried looking ever so slightly more interested.

"I've thought about it I guess, yeah."

"Nick's been there for years." Jess continued. "He knows that place inside out so he could be the manager no problem, he could do anything he wanted to."

Nick smiled at Jess but she still didn't look at him choosing instead to stab her fork into the leftover fish bones on her plate just for something else to look at. But in jumping to Nick's defense she had unwittingly drawn Maya' sting back to her.

"So Jess how is your work. Cece tells me you have taken an interest in another teacher, I wouldn't have thought that was wise for a vice principal."

 _Oh shit_ , Jess was screaming in her head. She had just told Cece that to throw her off the scent about Nick and now... _oh shit_. Jess had seen Nick sit bolt upright at the revelation and she could feel his eyes on her making her skin burn red. She could only imagine what he thought of her in that moment, dipping her finger in more than one pie when the only pie she wanted to dip into was... _what the hell was she talking about?_ She shook her head and shuffled in her seat to sit up straight. She was aware she had taken far longer than would be considered normal to answer Maya's question but part of her was hoping she would just forget she had asked it and move on to someone else. It would have been so easy for Jess to bring Schmidt into the firing line as a distraction but she would never do that, it wasn't fair. "Um..." She coughed. "No, that was just...um no there's nobody at the moment."

Cece looked at Jess in confusion and then guilt when she realised she had dropped her friend into something that had made her decidedly uncomfortable. "Mom I was just rambling, I probably got the wrong end of the stick, right Jess?"

"Right." Jess smiled with a sharp exhale but it seemed she wasn't getting off that lightly as Maya prodded further.

"No Cece I distinctly remember you telling me that Jess had set her sights on someone. Someone she already spends a lot of time with."

Nick's ears had pricked up to the point where there was a very real possibility they might shoot right off his head. He couldn't take his eyes from Jess, he had tried and it was physically impossible. Things had suddenly become very interesting, either there was another guy and Jess had straight up lost her mind or he _was_ the guy and he was about to straight up lose _his_ mind in a thousand different ways. Maybe there was another guy on her mind, it wasn't impossible, it's not like it wasn't permitted. She was single. Nick tried to weigh up in his mind if that affected how much he wanted her but he swiftly came to the conclusion that there was very little that would make him ever stop wanting her. There was a burning sensation in his chest that resembled jealously but he squashed it hard with everything that he had, it wasn't his right to feel like that anymore. He had never thrown his weight about with neanderthal jealousy and he wasn't about to start now, that's not how he and Jess worked. Acting jealous just spurred Jess on in the wrong direction, he had got a glimpse of that during the whole Jax incident two years ago and he had been careful not to repeat it.

For the first time in his life Nick was praying for dessert to be over and done with, he couldn't even remember what he had ordered which had literally never happened in his whole life. There was no time for his usual pause for unadulterated admiration when it did arrive, it was straight into his stomach within two minutes. He grabbed for his wallet the second he swallowed his last mouthful, desperate to pay up and get out of there so he and Jess could talk. It was all he could do not to scream out loud when the rest of the table took it upon themselves to order coffees. He pushed his chair out with every intention of following Jess when she got up to go to the bathroom but grunted in annoyance when Maya decided to go with her. His annoyance was somewhat shortlived though when Maya eventually took it upon herself to cover the entire cheque. In spite of the subtle ribbing over his job he was never adverse to a kind gesture, especially when it involved a free meal. He was just glad it was over. Finally they grabbed their coats and headed for the door but as Schmidt pulled him to one side for a debrief he lost Jess and the others.

After a few moments of intense reassurance for his best friend, Nick finally caught sight of the streetlights shining through the front door of the restaurant and the blur of Jess' red dress as she disappeared through it. He tried to pick up a light jog to get past Schmidt but he was too busy basking in his successful wooing of Cece's Mom to be in any kind of hurry. Growing impatient Nick rested his hands on Schmidt's shoulders, masking it as a gesture of support and affection and ushered him quickly outside where he found the gang guarding two cabs, Jess one and Cece the other. He saw the unmistakable look of panic on Jess' face as she helplessly watched Winston get into Cece's cab and then 'puppy dog' Schmidt come bounding eagerly after his fiancee leaving her and Nick alone on the sidewalk. Without saying a word she closed her eyes and crawled into the back seat leaving the door open for him.

* * *

Nick furrowed his brow and shook his head as the incessant shrill of the driver yammering into his phone started to grind on him. Not that the driver was interrupting any in depth conversation between him and Jess, that had yet to even get off the ground but it was adding another level to his irritation. Jess was sitting as far away from him as she possible could, one swift yank of the door handle and she would be out on to the road in a millisecond, that's how hard she was pushing herself up against it. She had her neck craned so far towards the window he worried she was in danger of pulling of some sort of exorcist move.

Nick knew the fifteen minute journey was already set to feel like a lifetime with the atmosphere the way it was but as the car slowed behind a build up traffic he knew it was time for them to start talking. Pushing his knuckles down on to the seat he pushed his butt up and little closer to her narrowing the chasm between them. He nudged her elbow with his making her jump like he had just woken her from a nap.

"So you have your sights set on another guy huh?" He asked with a tentative smile.

She sighed and turned even further away from him "No that was just...no."

Nick ran his hand through his hair clutching at it tightly. "You can't just ignore me Jess. It's not fair."

"Yeah well after humiliating myself I'm just not feeling that chatty tonight Nick."

"You have no reason to feel humiliated."

"Really because the way I see it I have put myself out there twice in the last three weeks now and both times I've been met with the same blank expression so yeah it's a little embarrassing to get shot down like that."

"Shot down? Jess I did not shoot you down I didn't get a chance to."

"Oh great that makes me feel so much better."

"No that's not what I meant I...look Jess I didn't know ok, I didn't know that something was happening here I mean we've been broken up for a year."

"I know that."

"The whole thing with the mug, I thought we were just playing, you know, flirting. I didn't think _you_ would ever really go there."

Jess shrugged and stared intently at her fidgeting hands. "Look Nick can we just put this down to a moment of weakness please. I'm sorry ok, I'm sorry I stirred this all up again. You're happy doing your thing with whoever and I don't want to spoil that for you or make things weird so let's just forget all of this."

"That's what you want."

"Yes. You're right this was just a flirtation, for old times sake. Nothing more than a little nostalgia or something. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do so don't worry. I get it. I really do."

"Jess."

"What?" She risked a look into his eyes and saw an intensity that caught her off guard.

Nick raised his hand slowly and placed it inside her knee making her skin twitch under his cool palm. "I didn't shoot you down."

They both stayed still for a few moments, their muscles frozen into place and they both frantically contemplated what might be about to happen. It wasn't too late for Nick to take his hand back and put it down to nothing more than a comforting gesture from a friend. But that's not what it was, they both knew that. The way his thumb stroked lightly over the soft skin of her leg, they way her skin broken out in a shiver, the way his hand had now slowly started to slide down her inner thigh and they way her legs parted to allow it. This was way more than just comfort.

The journey his fingers were making felt torturous. His usual confidence was shaken by the longtime absent feel of his skin, the fear of what he was about to do and the fact that he was about to do it in the back of a cab which wasn't their usual style. The weight of uncertainty was heavy but his need for her was heavier. Dusting his shaking fingers down the soft skin of her inner thigh, Nick could feel every vein in his body pounding with fear. Fear that she would stop him and fear that she wouldn't. Her eyes were fixed to his hand, watching it cautiously as it disappeared under her dress. Her breath hitched and she grabbed his wrist.

"Nick."

They locked eyes for a moment as their heavy breaths mingled but he didn't move his hand, nor did she make him, she simply circled her fingers lightly round his thick wrist and held them there. His eyes darted around hers desperately trying to find some sort of answer but he could only see that she was pleading for the same from him.

"Do you want me to stop." He whispered, blowing the stray hairs at the side of her face. His voice was quiet and tentative but the confidence in his touch was growing as she continued to permit his action. She shook her head and closed her eyes, pausing for just a second before she pushed his hand higher. Her legs fell apart just enough to give him all the access he needed. He pressed the palm of his hand firm against her and she jumped, sucking air harshly through her teeth in surprise. Slowly he smoothed his fingers from bottom to top, forming smalls circles of pressure in just the right place, watching her bite her lips, stifling a whimper as his tortuous pace made her squirm. Leaving his hand to its own devices he turned his head locking his eyes on her but hers remained closed. He willed her to open them, to have that connection they used to have but she kept them closed.

His eyes flickered to the driver who was still far too engrossed in the road and his conversation to pay any attention to what was going on behind the screen in his back seat. As he leaned against Jess he could feel all her muscles begin to soften and her breath suddenly quicken as he pushed his fingers inside her underwear. Her eyes widened in shock as she searched anxiously around her to check they weren't seconds away from being thrown out of the cab, or worse. She was whimpering with each breath now as Nick remembered how to touch her exactly the way she liked. The strain in his groin sat painfully unattended to but he had to be patient. Jess gripped his thigh abruptly as he pushed one finger inside her, soon followed by another and moved in and out slowly. He felt her grasp on his leg tighten as his pace quickened and when her gasps became open-mouthed silence he knew she was close. Pushing as far inside as the angle would let him he could feel a dull ache setting into his wrist but he kept going. Kept her going.

Nick shifted in his seat to get closer to her when the cab came to a sudden stop. They both felt an abrupt jerk back to reality as Schmidt's hand rapped loudly on the window. Nick snapped his hand from Jess' underwear as she crashed her knees together so forcefully they hit hard off the door making her yelp in pain, a stark contrast to the sensations she had been feeling seconds ago. Nick paid the driver in a bluster as he glared at Schmidt through the window desperately trying to figure if he had caught them. They both let out a sigh of relief as Schmidt prattled on about himself, muffled by the closed window, the most they could make out was that he was demanding their presence as they showed Maya around their humble abode.

Jess rearranged her dress around her thighs and shuffled out of the car quickly without a word, Nick followed behind her nudging and pushing at his groin to try and control the situation that had 'arisen' before they made it upstairs. He could think of one way to relieve it but there was no time and Jess was already tottering towards the front door to the building smoothing down her hair and pressing the back of her hand against her distinctly flushed cheeks.

As Nick welcomed the cool air on his face he couldn't help but smile. Maybe they didn't have that much to talk about after all. Maybe talking wasn't the answer this time.


	5. WTF

Jess straightened out her dress and tightened her ponytail for the fortieth time. Her stomach grumbled violently reminding her how hungry she was. She knew she had to leave her bedroom at some point to go to work but she could hear the guys in the kitchen, one of those guys being Nick and it made her stomach lurch with nerves. She wasn't sure how she had felt about what had happened the night before, she hadn't made up her mind yet. Physically it had felt amazing, that was a given, after all this was Nick she was talking about and he had never been particularly challenged in the bedroom. He had most certainly scratched an itch too, that also went without saying. Every muscle in her body had virtually melted under the touch of another person, but not just any person. That was the problem.

Her and Nick weren't necessarily on the road to getting back together, that had never even come up for discussion since the first few weeks after their break when they had both experienced second thoughts. But for some reason their unwavering attraction was back on the table and so was their very risky but very real desire to have sex on that table. _Did people really do this?_ She thought. Just act on their urges willy nilly. _Was that a thing?_

She stared at herself in the mirror trying to ignore the rosey cheeks and distinct look of satisfaction on her face and wondered if she had just embarked on the very thing Rose was talking about. She would only really know if there were repercussions if she could pluck up the courage to leave her bedroom and face him, then she would know for sure whether or not she had successfully engaged in a sexual act without consequences, without the messiness she was dreading. This was Nick, there was already an emotional foundation there so it would never be just sex, but did that mean it couldn't be just fun? They cared about each other, they trusted each other and they had mind blowing sex, was there really any harm in just dipping her toe into the pool a little, just for a while. She caught herself in the mirror grinning inanely and she immediately chided herself, she was being ridiculous, there was no way it could work. They would just chalk it up to one too many glasses of wine with dinner and some sort of unfinished business which was now most definitely finished. It was. _Finished_...Probably.

* * *

Nick chewed on his cereal trying to satisfy the intense hunger that had settled in his belly since the night before. His eyes stung from being awake so early but he had to see Jess, at least see the look on her face so he would have an idea where he stood and whether or not she was completely disgusted by what had happened between then the night before. There was no way he was waiting the whole day, torturing himself while she ignored his text messages.

He saw images of her every time he closed his eyes and to his never-ending amazement they weren't the worn, faded memories from a year ago, they were fresh and new from only eight hours earlier. He shook his head in disbelief and let out a stunned laugh.

"What?" He questioned with a frown as he noticed Schmidt and Winston staring at him.

"What's with you, you're being weird this morning? And what the hell are you doing up anyway, you do know it seven _A.M_. right?" Winston queried.

"Nothing's up what are you talking about?" Nick moved to shovel in another mouthful of cereal but he stopped short as Jess appeared in the kitchen, the milk and cheerios dropping back into his bowl with a messy splash, covering his t-shirt in droplets that he failed to notice, or just didn't care about. He had half expected her to run straight out the door, he hadn't actually spent any time preparing to employ the right reaction. In spite of the bowl of milk and glass of orange juice that sat in front of him his mouth had gone inexplicably dry. He strained his neck to one side and dropped his shoulders trying to sit normally again, whatever normal was. There was words sitting right on the very edge of his tongue just waiting to be blurted out but he simply nodded at her presence with a little smile.

"Morning Jess."

A smile flickered across her lips just fleetingly as her eyes caught his. "Morning"

She didn't allow herself to look at him for more than five seconds, she figured that was an acceptable amount of time for one friend to look at another without arousing suspicion as they wished each other good morning. She grabbed the pot of coffee from the counter and poured herself some, trying to adopt her most casual pose as she stood next to Winston who remained oblivious to the carefully crafted one-woman show that was going on next to him. Nick and Jess held their breath and waited for a comment from Schmidt or Winston, at the very least a _look_ , but it didn't come. Schmidt continued to read the news on his iPad without so much as an eyebrow raise while Winston munched loudly on his toast being careful to keep the crumbs off his uniform. During their courtship barely a day went by without some form of judgement from the guys, be it good or bad, but it seemed their latest little sexual indulgence had slipped under the radar. Nick and Jess exchanged a look of mutual relief and something else undefinable. Whether or not they had been caught in the act actually wasn't the real question they needed to ask themselves but they would pretend it was for now.

The aftermath of Schmidt and Maya's introduction was useful conversation fodder for them for ten minutes until Schmidt left for work and the spotlight fell back on their rendezvous in the back of the cab. Nick was losing the battle not to stare at her now, the tendrils of hair around her face, the yellow dress that showed the soft sheen of her bare legs and the way she was fiddling with her teaspoon with the hand that had been gripping his thigh in pleasure hours ago, it was all too much.

"Jess?!" His eyes widened, it just came out, he didn't even know what he was going to say.

Jess' heart stopped, he wasn't going to say anything in front of Winston, surely he wasn't. "Yeah?" She asked cautiously.

The silence was deafening as he tried to think of something to say, anything. As Winston's puzzled eyes fixed on him, any kind of bravado he was experiencing soon faded. "Could you pass me the coffee...please."

After preparing for the worst, Jess took a second to make sense of his words, momentarily forgetting what coffee even was. She picked up the pot and leaned across the table toward him, but as his fingers grazed the back of her hand, intentional or not, it was a sensation that she wasn't ready for. The memory of the night before hit her full force and she could feel him all over again. Pulling her hand away sharply she jumped off her chair.

"I gotta go to work. She blurted out and backed up towards the door, grabbing her bag from the couch on the way, bumping into it inelegantly.

Nick stood up like the was about to follow her but with a sheepish glance at Winston he headed back toward his bedroom. He stopped, just as the front door was about to close he jumped just in time to catch it, grabbing Jess' wrist and pulling her back into the doorway.

"Nick!"

"Come to the bar tonight." He whispered.

"Nick I can't"

"Please." He whispered louder doing a quick check behind him that Winston wasn't there. He pulled her hand gently urging her. "Just come to the bar Jess please."

As the lift pinged and their neighbours exited she wriggled her hand free. "I gotta go."

Nick waited for her to look back but she never did.

* * *

Jess sat with her fingers hovering over her computer keyboard trying to write an agenda for her staff meeting later that day, so far she had allotted a time for a coffee break but that was about it, it was taking most of her brain power trying to remember what the hell she had called the meeting for in the first place. The rest of her brain power was trying to figure out...other things. Jess had always prided herself on having laser focus at work and so far in her life there had only ever been one thing that got in the way of that, or rather one person. Nick had the power to render her brain into mush when he wanted to. She had spent two days teaching her adult students the wrong book after he had kissed her for the first time, and after they first slept together she pretty much forgot what a book was.

It frustrated the hell out of her but it was as much her fault as it was his, Nick was right, she had started this. She had spent the whole morning listing never-ending pros and cons in her head, she had even put a spreadsheet together but promptly deleted it when a string of students were sent into her office awaiting detention. It was a waste of time anyway and she knew that, there was only one overwhelming con and most definitely one overwhelming pro which she had got a glimpse of the night before. It made her body jump up about ten degrees in temperature every time she thought about it. Even when they were dating she couldn't remember ever being brazen enough to just let him take her in the back of cab with a complete stranger sitting inches away from them. She couldn't work out if she was embarrassed or a little proud of herself for taking a risk. She feared it was the latter which was incredibly out of character.

Shutting her computer down with an exasperated grunt she decided an early lunch was in order, she needed some air. She walked a few blocks figuring that she was just far enough away from school to avoid the risk of running into any staff or students. Salad wasn't going to cut it today, she needed real brain food, something profoundly bad for her. Buying herself a burger with a side of fries she found herself a grassy spot under a low hung tree and kicked off her shoes, laying down her cardigan to sit on. She couldn't remember the last time she had enjoyed a lunch break that didn't involve sitting at her desk and catching up on reports and teacher evaluations. She needed it. She could feel the noise clearing out of her head bit by bit, all the questions and negative thoughts started to dissipate. She stripped everything down to the most base, primal level until all she could think about was the way he had made her feel.

She had been thinking and daydreaming about it for weeks, letting her imagination go to truly R-rated places but the reality had exceeded all of that, completely shattered it. She had never felt so turned on in her whole life, he had made her feel like she was going to come as soon as her touched her, hell as soon as he'd looked at her with those hooded eyes. Jess was aware that it had been a while but even still, Nick had made her feel impossibly aroused, a feeling that was still making her skin tingle. Time apart hadn't killed the passion between them the way she feared it would, if anything it had fuelled it and made it stronger. She could feel herself blushing just at the thought of it and she knew that was how she must have looked that morning.

She had been scared and embarrassed to face Nick but the truth was she had been glad to see him. Nick being the guy that he was, he hadn't run away the next morning, not like she had, he hadn't avoided her or made her feel bad or ashamed. He had been the same sweet guy he'd always been. He had made her feel sexy and wanted and if he could still be her friend the next morning then maybe it could really work, maybe they could be friends with benefits.

They couldn't get back together, that brought up too many questions she knew they didn't have the answers to, but there was no way back now. She figured they were in limbo so maybe they should just enjoy it.

* * *

It hadn't thrilled Cece to show her Mom the bar where she worked, justifying it for the last hour while Maya sat and grimaced at her red wine had been something of a challenge but Cece's college courses on the side had at least made the whole thing a little more palatable for Maya. She loved her mother but her departure to go and spend the evening catching up with a couple of Cece's cousins wasn't entirely unwelcome. As her Mom's coat tails disappeared out the door Cece's shoulders dropped for the first time in two days and she let out a long, overdue sigh, almost relishing the normality of the bar even if she was working for the next eight hours. She edged behind the bar giving Nick and affectionate squeeze of the shoulders as she passed by, he acknowledged her with a smile as he continued to serve the customer in front of him, an old man just on the right side of drunk who seemed to be enjoying Nick's company.

Cece has been so preoccupied the night before she hadn't had the chance to thank all the guys for going and helping her out, including Nick who had been on his best behaviour as much as Schmidt had, wearing aftershave and everything. She began to collect glasses and waited for some of his free time to show him her gratitude. She watched customers come and go one after the other and she watched Nick check his watch in between every single one of them. Nick never clock-watched, he always said it made his shift feel even longer, she wasn't even sure she had ever seen him wear a watch but there he was checking it incessantly every few minutes. Cece headed back to the bar unloading all the heavy glasses, chuckling at him along the way.

"You got a hot date Nick?"

"Huh."

"What's with the watch?"

"What?"

She laughed, "You keeping checking it like a crazy person, you waiting for someone?" She got a little confused when he answered with nothing but a meek, barely noticeable smile. She got closer to him, leaning her back against the bar so she was facing him. "You know Nick I think we're a little past the whole ' _you not telling me about your dates in case I punch you or tell Jess'_ thing. Nothing has happened between you and Jess for over a year, I think we're ok."

Nick laughed nervously and did everything to avoid making eye contact with her as he could feel the droplets of sweat threatening to break free of his skin and pool at the base of his back. "No it's not that it's just uh...actually I was thinking my shift seemed to have gone really fast, I barely feel like I've gotten started. In fact I'm good to go for the rest of the evening, why don't you uh...why don't you take the night off?"

"What?" She giggled.

Nick nodded with a reassuring smile.

"Nick I just started like twenty minutes ago."

"I know but I don't mind, really. Why don't you go spend the evening with Schmidt or something. I know he's dying for a dissection of dinner last night so you should just go put him out of his misery and do us all a favour."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah!"

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek making him blush and wipe his face like a little boy. "I know you're up to something Miller, but I'm not gonna argue. Thanks pal." Cece grabbed her purse and skipped out of the door leaving Nick to his very important task of counting down the minutes until Jess finished work.

* * *

Nick shut off of the lights and meandered back to the bar with a handful of the last few empties. He looked at the time and sighed heavily, it was late and he was beginning to regret sending all the staff home early and agreeing to lock up. He could have been at home hours ago and instead he had waited around like a fool, and that was exactly how he felt, completely and utterly foolish. What was worse was that he now had no idea what awaited him back at the loft. He threw the bottles into the bin with a loud clatter that was befitting of his mood when he heard the creak of the front door. It was a noise rarely heard over the loud din of the bar and to hear it so late and night when the bar was empty was somewhat unnerving but as he turned suddenly his heart soon settled. Gone was the fear that he was about to become the star of a real life horror movie, replaced by fear of an entirely different variety. He walked to the front of the bar and leaned forward on his hands trying to hide the smile that was threatening to curl up the corners of his mouth.

"I thought you weren't coming."

"I wasn't going to." Jess padded across the room slowly and trailed her hand along the wood of the bar unsure whether she was coming across as flirtatious or nervous.

"So what changed your mind?"

She shrugged. "I didn't think I wanted to talk about what happened but it turns out I do."

Nick wordlessly poured them both a brandy, the only liquor Jess could tolerate neat, and he knew they would need liquor for this, whatever way it went down. He slid one of the glasses across the bar which she accepted with both hands, curling her fingers around the glass as she climbed up on to a stool. For all the times her and Nick had engaged in this very simple act, the familiarity of it all didn't do anything to ease her nerves, nor did the utter quiet of the bar. The silence was too commanding, demanding her to fill it when she had no idea how to. All the words she had spent the day collecting and formulating in her head had become jumbled and nonsensical. Nick set the bottle back on the shelf behind him and made his way round the bar to sit next to her. His stool squeaked ever so slightly as he spun toward her until their knees were almost touching. Jess turned tentatively to face him, her eyes travelling up from their almost touching knees preparing to eventually meet his eyes. Nick smiled at her warmly but couldn't help but notice her nervousness and her vice-like grip on the glass in front of her. He placed a hand gently and innocently on her bare leg.

"Jess relax it's just me."

She glared down at his hand as the heat from it seared her skin. "See this is the thing Nick." She gestured down to the place her was touching her so tenderly and he quickly snatched his hand away. "Since when do we do this again?"

"You tell me Jess you kinda started this."

She looked into his eyes seeing just as much confusion in him as she felt, she couldn't expect him to have all the answers, after all he was right, she had started this. Jess had so often demanded Nick open up about how he was feeling maybe it was time she did the same. Except the only problem was she didn't know. She had come to the bar so determined and resolved and seeing him had turned her into a messy puddle of confusion once again. She rested her head in her hands letting out a lengthy groan.

"I don't know Nick, I don't know what changed. One minute we're talking and the next minute you're touching me and it was just...it just felt so..."

"What?"

She sighed in frustration. "...It felt so good." Turning away from him again she took a hefty sip of brandy.

Nick paused and tried to choose his words carefully. He spoke quietly, half hoping she wouldn't hear him and take his head clean off. "Jess is it really such a bad thing for us to make each other feel good that way?"

She shrugged her voice suddenly less fraught and more cautious. "I don't know. I've thought about it, of course I've thought about it but are we just asking for trouble if we do this."

"You mean there is something we're still, you know, _doing_?"

Jess drained the remaining contents of her glass and jumped off the stool, turning her back to him with her hands firmly on her hips like she was trying to figure out all the mysteries of the world. "I don't know Nick. All I know is that it just felt so good to touch you again and I'd missed it so much but that's bad. It's a bad thing because we're not supposed to...with the touching...it's just part of the deal when you break up with someone. You don't get to do that stuff anymore."

Nick moved behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders, turning her slowly as she continued to ramble. He smiled and held his finger over her lips. "Jess stop for a second. Look at me."

"No Nick this is bad." She looked right into his eyes and her words fell short. "We can't just do what we did...and the way we did it I mean we didn't even kiss we just..."

Without thinking Nick moved his hands from her shoulders to the top of her arms, squeezing firmly and bringing her tight against his body as he pressed his lips against hers, swallowing the surprised whimper that escaped her lips. When her lips softened against his he prised them open, licking his tongue tantalisingly against hers just long enough for it to be maddening before he pulled away.

"There. Feel better?" He whispered against her lips as she stood with her eyes closed, nodding, blissfully confounded. Forcing her eyelids up she could feel a reluctant smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She smacked a hand lightly against his chest as she chewed on her lip. "You're so annoying."

"What? You wanted me to kiss you so I kissed you. If there is anything else you want me to do I'm just saying...I'm here."

Jess reared her head back and raised an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yeah"

"You're serious?"

He nodded.

She smirked with uncertainty. "You think we can do this...just...you know... _be there_ for each other?" She drew the words out and it made him chuckle.

"I'm willing to find out if you are."

She smiled mischievously. "This is just for fun though right, I mean we're just having fun with each other?. We're not...you know."

He nodded as he edged his lips closer to hers again. "Just good old-fashioned, not-so-clean fun."

She felt his breath dusting over her lips, the heat from him gloriously warming every part of her. She tilted her head angling her mouth perfectly in line with his but not yet touching. Their eyes searched one last time for something that said _stop, don't go there, it's a mistake_ but all they could see was want. The kind of want they had seen in each other two years ago when he had stormed the elevator and whisked her off to his bedroom to have the best sex of their lives. Jess could feel every urge she had been fighting start to take her over as her mind and senses gradually left until all she could process was the feel of his warm, thick hands as they pushed under her deliberately short skirt, his palms lying wide and unabashed on both cheeks, squeezing gently. She breathed heavily against his lips as the last of her resolve weakened into a puddle on the floor. "I like fun." She whispered into his mouth as her lips succumbed to his one again.

Soon she felt her back hit against the bar as he pushed himself up against her. The silence of the bar amplified their desperate breaths and passionate groans as their lips tugged at each other relentlessly. She could feel Nick's hands everywhere at once, it seemed he was sprouting new limbs just to touch her where he wanted to. If there was any doubt or hesitancy left there was no trace of it in their touch or their kiss. Suddenly they both seemed certain there was nothing else for them to be doing in that moment but what they were doing, nowhere else they were supposed to be, nobody else they were supposed to be with but each other. Jess' pulled him tight, so tight like she was trying to pull him through her. Her hands grabbed any part of him they could get hold of, fisting his shirt, his hair and pulling at his belt buckle.

"Are we alone?" She whispered as she began to release the leather from the loopholes on his pants.

Nick pulled back a little and groaned. "No."

Jess wrenched her lips ways and pressed her hands against his chest. "NO?!"

"Mike's out back."

She fisted his collar in frustration. "Uh! When do you get off?"

"Like half an hour." He breathed heavily, slightly amazed that he was forming words at all.

She dropped her head against his chest while he rubbed up and down her arms, chuckling as he tried to catch his breath. She kissed him hard one more time and smoothed her hands over the front of his shirt, straightening out his hair which she had successfully mussed up in the throes of passion. Separating herself from his embrace she took a step back. Unhooking her bag from the back of the chair she threw it over her shoulder and backed up towards the doorway, her hair disheveled and her lips swollen. "I'll be waiting." She smiled cheekily and bit her lip before disappearing out the door leaving Nick grinning in the aftermath of the unexpected Jessica Day tornado that had just hit him.

* * *

Twenty five minutes later Nick bundled through the front door inelegantly and kicked off his shoes so hard and fast they bounced off the wall with a loud thud. The only noise in an otherwise silent loft which made Nick let out a small sigh of relief that there would be no interruptions. Then again Jess had had twenty minutes to change her mind so he had to find her - fast. The nerves in his belly were making his heart pound, he wasn't even sure he had been this nervous or eager when he lost his virginity. My god there were doing this, they were really doing this! Doing a quick armpit and breath check he took a deep breath and headed towards Jess' bedroom door, the butterflies in his belly bouncing violently off his ribs. He held his ear against her door but he heard nothing. Doing a quick check behind him down both sides of the hallway he knocked softly. When he heard nothing he boldly twisted the handle pushing the door open and praying she hadn't fallen asleep. She hadn't, it was worse. She wasn't there. He knew it, he knew she would change her mind, he had been too forward and scared her off. He should have known he would find a way to screw up the best, most exciting thing that had happened to him in months. He hung his head, shaking it as he let out a defeated sigh. He left her room exactly as he found it and closed the door, hoping she would never know he had been in there and he could escape the humiliation. Crossing the hall with heavy feet he pushed open his door and sudden feeling of euphoria washed over him in droves.

The room was dim save for a small lamp in the corner. She jumped to her knees in surprise at the sight of him, surprise and a little hesitancy, like she wasn't so sure about her decision now that it was in action. And it most certainly was in action as Nick dragged his eyes over her, taking in the sight of her dressed in only her underwear, the underwear he had seen the other day and never dreamed he would be the recipient of its designed intentions.

"I thought you had..." His words faded into nothing as he continued to stare in awe of her.

"You thought I'd what?" She smiled nervously tucking her hair behind her ear under his intense glare.

"Nothing I...Jess you look amazing." He breathed as he finally dared to take a few steps toward her.

Impatient and starting to feel vulnerable and unsure of herself under his gaze she edged closer to the side of the bed on her knees and leaned toward him, pulling his shirt until he was standing right in front of her. She rested her hands lightly on his chest trying not to be overly tactile, it seemed Nick wasn't intent on trying so hard as he curved his hands around her waist, his thumbs brushing gently back and forth over her skin. She toyed with the top button of his shirt knowing that the second she unhooked it from the button hole that they were really doing this, there was no going back. She dipped the tip of her index finger just below his collar twirling it lightly against a small piece of chest hair as she swept the last few doubts and questions out of her head. As she scraped gently at the short hairs at the back of his neck she willed herself not to think. The second she started to think this was all over and she didn't want it to be over. Then she would just be the girl who got naked in front of her ex-boyfriend for no reason and that would never make for comfortable breakfast conversation in the morning.

"Nick we're on the same page right?"

He nodded, his mouth open in expectation. "Same page."

He moved his hands a little lower, his fingertips dancing along the edge of her underwear. He didn't know what the hell they were doing but as he drank in the sight and feel of her he quickly lost the ability to care. He needed her, whatever that meant about them, or him, or what he was feeling he had no idea, he just needed her. When he pressed his hips against hers it wasn't hard for her to see just how much. They had a physical connection, there was no denying that. It had taken all their strength not to act on it in the last year maybe it was only a matter of time before that strength weakened. Maybe this was inevitable. Jess played with the word ' _inevitable_ ' in her head enjoying how the letters rid her of all sense of responsibility. Passing the buck firmly to fate she lost herself in him.

They continued what they had started in the bar with twice as much fervour. They pressed their mouths hard, almost bruisingly against one another as they made up for all those months of not be able to touch each other. They knew how good they were at this, they knew what lay in store and they couldn't get there fast enough. Considering the appreciation Nick has shown for her lingerie he had no sense of guilt in ridding her of it in seconds. She felt the small strip of tension across her back release as he popped the catch on her bra with one hand and let it dangle down to the crook of her forearms. She let it fall to the floor and lifted her hands to undo his shirt and level the playing field but there was no time as he hooked an arm tight around her waist, pulling her against him and making her back bow under the pressure as he devoured her flesh from her neck down to her breasts. She could feel his trail of kisses cooling on her skin and as his mouth tugged and pressed at the sensitive skin of her nipples, she clutched his head against her wanting as much as he could give. She could feel herself losing balance as her back got closer and closer to the bed. Just as her legs were about to give way she felt him lift her and hook them around his waist as he lowered her down to the bed and crawled on top of her, never losing sight of his task.

The weight of him on top of her, his large hand closing over her entire breast, his lips switching back and forth between tender and firm, it all felt like perfection. It was the very thing she had been craving for weeks and she knew only he could give it to her. As he rid her of her bottoms she lay underneath him completely naked, enjoying the feeling of wantonness as he remained fully clothed so all his focus was on her and only her. The intensity on his face was hitting her in the right place just as his fingers were as the disappeared in her underwear to resume what they had started the night before. She bit her lips into her mouth to keep from screaming, instead he kissed her lips and swallowed her cries as he touched her mercilessly.

She reached for the collar of his shirt but it slipped out of her grip as he abandoned her mouth and moved further down her body. She could feel every curve and ridge of his lips as he kissed down her stomach, moving to the inside of her thighs and edging closer and closer until her eyes rolled to the back of her head. But just as he was about to give her what she had been obsessing over he gripped her hips firmly and moved her further up the bed while he proceeded to remove his clothing under her watchful gaze. She had always loved Nick's body, it was man's body, all hairy and deceptively strong. Her eyes widened as his pants fell to the floor, it was the same reaction she'd had the first time they slept together. It wasn't that she had forgotten, the reality of it just took her by surprise, a reality that brushed up against her inner thighs as he crawled back on top of her, covering her whole body with his own until every part of her was pinned under his delicious weight. She could feel him against her, so close, teasing her and pulling away again until she thought she might hit him.

She could see him trying to catch her eye as he kissed her, trying to give her an out if she wanted it but she simply opened her legs wider and hooked them over his hips. She smiled against his mouth as she felt him fill her, felt him coming home. His mouth opened over hers to swallow her moans and whimpers over and over again as he pounded into her. She pressed her heels into his buttocks urging him more and more, closing her eyes to the sound of his voice in her ear, so familiar and comforting and so fucking sexy. She gripped his shoulders harder and harder as she felt every single thing, every single part of him and it felt incredible. She used her body in ways she hadn't for such a long time, she bent and flexed, curved and thrusted. She focussed only on their bodies fusing together and willed the silence of her heart. As her head began to bang against the headboard over and over it seemed to be working.

* * *

They had no idea how long they had been at it, time and space seemed to move at an unusual pace, it had felt like hours and yet it was over much too soon. Every part of their bodies ached and throbbed in the best possible way. They had used muscles that had lay dormant for so long and shocked their bodies into a state of orgasmic euphoria. Him on top, her on top, covering every square inch of the bed, taking it to the floor unintentionally when things had gotten a little rougher and more desperate. Nick fell back on to the bed, his arms sprawled out like an eagle. She rested her head on his forearm and watched his sweat slick chest heave up and down as he tried to catch his breath. Their bodies lay gloriously used and perfectly on show to one another as the covers had become a distant casualty of their exuberance. Jess dropped her arm against his chest, the back of her hand stroking lightly over his chest.

"That was so amazing."

"Yeah. I'll say." He breathed heavily.

"I mean that was ridiculously amazing." She gasped trying to recover.

"Well...it had to be."

She turned her head toward him and chuckled as he continued to look up at the ceiling. "What do you mean?"

"Well I mean, you know, if this is the last time then..."

Jess moved her hand from his chest and sat forward, routing round the bed for the covers which she pulled over her and lay back down. "Is that what you want...I mean you want this to be the last time?"

Nick turned to look at her, really look at her eyes for the first time that evening. He shrugged. "No...I mean I don't know...do you?"

Jess propped herself up on her elbow and turned to face him, smoothing her hand down his rough cheek she kissed him. Nick stretched out his hand and splayed his fingers to lace them into her hair but she moved to sit on the side of the bed giving a gratuitous view of her ass as she pulled on her underwear. Hooking her bra back into place she stood, grabbing for his shirt which had been discarded on to the floor. She buttoned the middle few buttons, just enough to cover her modesty although she wasn't sure why. Leaving Nick's room dressed in his flannel was just as incriminating as being caught completely naked but it was a little luxury she decided to indulge in nonetheless. She freed her hair from the back of his collar and leaned down on the bed, resting on her bent knuckles until she was facing Nick who was now propped up on his elbows looking more than just a little confused.

"Nick we care about each other, we trust each other and you're the best sex I've ever had."

He grinned widely trying to remain humble in the wake of her words. "So...is that a yes or a no?"

Jess smiled and leaned forward, kissing him softly on the forehead. Making her way to the door she turned back and winked at him before disappearing to her bedroom.


	6. The Rules

Jess watched a box of bobby pins go sailing to the the floor, joining her hair brush, three books and two bottles of perfume, minor casualties of the earthquake her desk was currently subject to. Except that it wasn't an earthquake, it was Nick slamming into her with such vigour she was pretty sure her Ikea desk was going to crumble into a pile of sticks any second. She liked the desk, it was a nice colour and Nick had been so kind putting it together for her, but strangely enough she couldn't bring herself to care as she felt his wonderfully bruising grip on her thighs. The sun was still streaming through her windows and she could hear a bird singing. Alongside Nick grunting her name in her ear, it was an odd combination.

Nick's voice grew louder as his pace quickened, they knew they only had a window of fifteen minutes in between Jess getting home and Schmidt following soon after which ruled out any foreplay and led to fast frantic sex, not that she was complaining, in fact it was taking everything she had not to sink her teeth into his shoulder. Reading her like a book he lifted her legs higher around his waist leaving her clinging round his neck for dear life. They had fallen back into their old ways so easily, it was like no time had passed at all, everything was comfortingly the same. Except one thing.

They didn't look at each other any more.

It was a funny thing. Whenever they spoke or greeted each other or even just passed each other in the hallway their eyes would connect they way friends did, but that changed the second they started making love. They would catch each other's eyes now and again but never for more than a second then hers would close and he would bury his head into the crook of her neck. She tried not to think about, she tried not to think about a lot of things and so far it was working. They'd had sex four times in the last week and they were still standing, figuratively speaking. There had been no tears, no yelling , no questions, there had barely been any talking at all until they were around the others they they became friends again, just like that. She needed that line of friendship to stay in place, they both did, the second it started to blur they were in trouble.

She raked her fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair, her hand gliding over the slight sheen of sweat that clung to his skin. She moved her lips to lay a kiss at his temple but, deciding it was too intimate, she instead moaned her appreciation into his ear, eliciting a satisfying groan from him in return. They took no mercy on her poor desk as is banged against the wall over and over, more of her possessions falling to the floor as their hands swept across the wood trying to grab something to anchor them to reality as they gave their bodies to their urges completely. One rhythmical bang after the other helping to countdown the seconds to her own blissful climax until suddenly it stopped. The hum low down in her body started to diffuse and she hooked her legs and arms tight around his body trying to capture it again but her muscles soon released when she saw his wide eyes pointed towards her bedroom door.

"Wha.." She blinked hard as he pushed his finger against her lips to silence her. Pulling his hand away she considered complaining for many reasons but then she heard it, the front door closing. "Oh my god." She mouthed emphatically. Schmidt was home early.

Nick pulled back cautiously but quickly and Jess hopped off the desk, both of them scrambling round for their clothes, picking up each others and throwing them across the room to help each other out. Nick muttered a few expletives as he heard Schmidt calling his name. Hooking his t-shirt over his head he lunged towards the door not anticipating the healthy yank Jess gave his arm.

"What are you doing?" She whispered loudly as she blocked the door, her shirt hanging askew with only a few buttons fastened.

"What? He knows I'm here if I don't answer he'll start looking."

"He can't see you coming out of my room dummy."

"Jess I come in here all the time it's only weird if we make it weird!" He stretched his hand out to the handle shunting Jess gently out of the way. She hooked her hands around his arms to pull him back, whispering frantically into his ear but it was futile as the door sprung open. She hid behind the door pressing her back against the wall as she waited for all the questions from Schmidt, waited for him to come marching into her bedroom to yell at her and lecture her about venturing into uncharted sexual territory without consulting with him. She waited, she gritted her teeth and scrunched up her face and waited but nothing happened. All she could hear was soft muttering and the occasional laugh, nothing like the uproar she was expecting. Glancing in her mirror she rebuttoned her shirt correctly and ran a hairbrush through the parts of her hair that she had been gripping tightly onto, then she edged cautiously into the hallway. Following the voices she wandered round to the lounge where Schmidt and Nick were sitting on the sofa enjoying a freshly opened beer together. She gave Nick a strangely quizzical look before remembering that Schmidt could openly see her. She hugged her arms tightly around her middle in some sort of vaguely protective barrier and lingered a few feet back from Schmidt for fear he would smell the sex on her. He had a nose like a bloodhound.

"You ok Jess?" Schmidt laughed.

"Yeah." That was way too high pitched, what was wrong with her. "I mean of course. Hey Schmidt. You're uh...you're home a little early."

Schmidt looked at his watch and furrowed his brow "By like ten minutes Jess, besides it's Friday I wanted to beat some of the traffic so I wouldn't be late for dinner with the beautiful Cecelia tonight. It's a big night for the Schmidts-to-be."

"Oh?" Jess continued to obsessively straighten her hair with her hand.

"I finally got it, the ring, and it's exceptional."

"Oh that's really exciting am I allowed to see." Jess finally relaxed under the distraction of Schmidt's news and jumped on to the couch next to Nick, landing felinely on her knees. She leaned toward Schmidt as he rummaged around in his bag for the small velvet box, unaware of her proximity to Nick until she caught him staring freely down her loosely hanging shirt. Leaning back she gripped it closed and thwacked him on the arm eliciting a yelp which luckily Schmidt took as a squeak of excitement and proceeded to join in until his search came up empty.

"Oh shoot it's in my laptop bag down in the car. I'll be right back." With a hop and a skip he was out the door leaving Nick and Jess alone to finally catch their breath. Nick set his bottle down on the table and leaned in toward her the second he heard the ping of the elevator out the hallway, burying his head in her still clammy neck and sliding his hand up her thigh, trying to find the exact position it had been in ten minutes ago but the sensation was slightly less pleasurable as he felt his fingers being squeezed together, knuckle grazing uncomfortably against knuckle.

"Nick what are you doing he'll be back any minute." Jess leapt off the couch leaving Nick to shake his hand with a silent scream as he soothed his sore fingers.

"Jess calm down he has no idea what's going on."

"Yeah no thanks to you."

Nick stood with a tired smile and rested his hands on her waist fighting his compulsion to tease her. "Ok look I'm sorry it's just we didn't get to, you know...finish in there and I'm still a little revved up. I'll keep my hands to myself I promise...for now." He winked at her and she failed to contain her smile.

"I just think if we're gonna keep doing this we should probably make it clear exactly what it is we're doing. I'm a teacher Nick I need order, I need rules."

"Okay, maybe you're right. So..."

"So...I guess the first rule is we keep this between us."

Nick turned his mouth down in a moment of consideration and nodded his head. "Ok you got it."

With a high five they sealed the deal.

* * *

Nick and Jess had unintentionally carved out a sex window. Having sex in the loft without the other guys finding out was more of a challenge than they thought it would be. Their noisiness during the act of love had pretty much ruled out weekends, there were just too my people coming and going at all hours. So it has fallen to that brief window in between Jess getting home from work and Nick leaving for the bar when nobody else was around. At first that has suited them fine, it was a pretty good incentive for Jess to make it through the school day and gave Nick that little boost of energy he needed at the start of his shift. But it was like anything good in life, the more they had, the more they wanted.

Jess had been late home from work due to a meeting that overran, she wouldn't have minded so much if it had been about the welfare of the children, modern additions to the curriculum or salary increases but the very illuminating subject which had kept her at school and made her miss her sex window with Nick was a broken water cool. A friggin water cooler!

She bundled through the front door angrily, her eyes immediately darting around the loft in the vain hope that he was running late for work, or had taken the night off, or the bar had burned down but there was no such luck. She dropped her bags to the ground with a sigh and flopped on the couch like a petulant child. She had really needed Nick that night. No, not Nick. She had needed sex, stress relief, that was all.

She considered taking a bath but she knew that would make her sleepy and it was only eight o'clock so she decided to do the opposite and take a run. Throwing on her leggings and a vest she pulled on her trainers and hooked up her iPod and set off. Her feet pounded the pavement hard as she tried to work all the pent up energy out of her muscles but all she did was raise her heartbeat, her energy seemed to be growing the more she ran. She ran further than she usually did, especially in an evening. She had found she done a big loop that brought her towards the back of the loft, the same direction as the bar. She slowed her pace to a less demanding one, allowing some oxygen to her brain so she could think and catch her breath. She could see the neon sign of Clyde's in the distance and she felt her heart beating faster the closer she got.

She couldn't. Could she?

She stopped at the cross walk to head back to the loft, leaning against the post and pulling her ankles behind her butt to stretch as she kept her eyes glued to the bar which was now suddenly a lot closer. She heard a beeping and saw the sign flashing green out of the corner of her eye but she didn't move. A loud car horn got her attention and she waved an apology to the impatient driver and started to walk down the street, suddenly walking became running. She could hear the soft thud of the music getting louder and the building grew bigger and bigger in front of her. She kept running, she knew that if she stopped she would change her mind. She ran right to the front door and flung it open, spying him at the bar immediately. The bar itself wasn't full but there were just enough people for her to steal his attention for a few minutes and get away with it, and she certainly did.

She saw Nick smile but more than anything he just looked surprised. Surprised to see her in the bar on a Tuesday night? Surprised to see her quite obviously in her running gear? Surprised to see her in general? She wasn't sure but the twinkle it put in his eyes was enough to get her going. Pulling out her earphones she marched to the bar suddenly aware how hot and sweaty she must look and wishing she had thought that part through. Her chest heaved from being so out of breath and she found herself in front of him, actually panting. She smiled a toothy smile and he immediately knew why she was there. Nick licked his bottom lip and turned to the side to assess Mike's whereabouts, seeing him a few feet away Nick's shoulders dropped.

"Rent" Jess barked suddenly without warning.

Nick turned back to her and frowned with intensely quizzical eyes.

"You uh...you forgot to give me the rent for this month Nick and I need it...now."

Nick suddenly scrambled to attention and started to pat his pockets for cash just for effect. "Right uh my wallet is out back do you wanna..." He cocked his head to the back of the bar encouraging her to follow, which she did with great eagerness. Both of them oblivious to the eye roll from Mike. Jess followed closely behind Nick, pushing him into the first open door they came to which happened to be a stock cupboard. As Jess locked the door and edged toward him he laughed with his mouth agape. "Jess what are you doing?" He heard nothing but the clatter of glass bottles as his back hit the shelf behind him. "Jess I'm serious Mike could come in here any second." He heard the sound of his zipper being pulled down as she bit lightly on his lower lip, pressing a kiss on to his mouth. He threaded his fingers into her hair as the din of the bar and his concerns started to slowly fade away. "Where were you tonight?" His kissed her. "I waited but..." His words faded as he felt her hand close around him gently.

With just a few strokes he turned them around, hooking his fingers into her leggings and underwear and peeling them down her legs. Inching his pants over his butt, he pulled a condom from his wallet and took her against the shelves. Bottles banging and clattering around them making Jess laugh and giggle interspersed with moans and groans until they were both spent.

Nick pulled up his zipper and rearranged his t-shirt which Jess had almost torn off him in the middle of it all. "So that was a nice surprise."

She smiled and tightened her ponytail. "Yeah well I had a little extra energy tonight."

"So this thing...it's an anywhere, anytime either of us wants it sort of deal?"

She shrugged energetically "Yeah."

"Well then, I guess that's rule number two huh?"

* * *

Jess smacked the heel of her hand against the steering wheel of her car, except this morning it was her useless, troublesome, idiot car that wouldn't start and was about to make her late for work. She was holding staff assessments that morning and she could only imagine the looks she would get from the other teachers if she showed the audacity to appraise their performance when she had strolled into the meeting half an hour late. She gathered up her bag and files from the passenger seat and got out of the car with a long groan, kicking the door closed angrily with her foot. Looking around despairingly she tried to spot a cab but there was nothing and she had just wasted another ten minutes pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. Huffing and puffing she made the decision to run back up to the loft to retrieve the number of a local cab firm from the fridge door. She tapped her foot like somehow it would take control of the elevator and make it go faster but it seemed to take twice as long as usual.

Blustering back through the door she had calmly walked out of twenty minutes ago she dropped her bags to the floor with a loud thud and ran to the kitchen. As she ran back brandishing the phone number in her hand to nobody in particular she noticed Nick emerge sleepily from his room rubbing his eyes which didn't quite seem to have fully opened yet. She fished round in her bag for her phone and began to dial, mouthing words of apology to Nick who had no doubt only had around three hours sleep.

Nick frowned and watched her with bemusement as she stared angrily at her phone, aggressively typing in numbers and cursing under her breath when she couldn't get through. Her glasses rode low on her nose and her cardigan was uncharacteristically disheveled which made her look even more on the edge. He listened to her mumble into her phone, her voice getting louder and louder with each failed attempt which was a little harsh on his ears so early in the morning. He figured she had seen him screw up his face a little as she stepped towards him with her phone to her ear like she was going to touch his arm in apology but then changed her mind. She hung up shaking her head.

"Shoot!"

"Jess what's going on."

"I'm sorry Nick I didn't mean to wake you it's just my stupid car won't start and now I'm going to be late for work and I sooooo can't be late this morning."

"Well I can take you."

"No Nick you need your sleep and it's early. It's fine I'll figure something out." She stuttered plastering her phone back to her ear.

He stepped toward her and pulled her hand away from her face. "Jess it's fine and it doesn't seem like you have much choice." He moved towards the door plucking his car keys from the bowl on the side table and picking up her bags, slinging them over his shoulder as he waited for her expectantly. She joined him in the doorway and smiled up at his slightly taller stature.

"Thanks Nick." She looked into his eyes which were heavy with sleep but still held that twinkle that made her feel inexplicably happy. He was looking back at her, really holding her gaze with their faces just inches apart and for a fleeting second she felt something shift. It was clear he had too as he took a step back from her and lowered his head.

"We should get going." He smiled to the floor.

She swallowed and nodded. "Sure."

As the streets rolled by her window she couldn't help but chuckle as she considered how carefree Nick had been about going outside and getting into his car in his pyjama sweats and slippers. It was adorable watching him screw up his face and curse under his breath every time one of them slipped off his feet against the pedals. He could be so wonderfully silly and yet the three nights ago he had taken her up on the room and given her the most intense orgasm she had ever felt in her whole life, his strong arms holding her up like she weighed nothing at all as he made her world explode in lights and colours. But that was a different Nick, that was the Nick she was keeping all to herself when she needed her body to be used in the most expert and passionate way, the Nick that was her delightful, dirty little secret. The Nick is front of her was her friend, her crazy amazing friend who did sweet things like make her favourite tea in the morning, who asked her how her Mom was for no reason other than genuinely wanting to know, who drove her to work at seven a.m. when she was running late for work even though he'd barely had any sleep after a hard night at the bar. Suddenly she felt a strange stinging in the back of her throat and he breath caught for just a second.

"Thank you Nick."

He turned and smiled. "No problem, I'll come and pick you up later ok and I can see about getting somebody out to take a look at your car."

She quietly continued to stare at him as he focused on the road. She stared for so long she failed to notice when the car had stopped and the high school sat behind her, waiting for her to get out of the car. He pulled on the handbrake and turned to her expectantly but she didn't move, instead she was looking at him strangely. If he didn't know better he would say he saw a hint of raw emotion in her eyes.

"You ok Jess?" He laughed a little.

She paused. For a long time.

"You're my best friend Nick you know that right?"

He reared his head back suddenly, blinking in surprise. "Uh yeah...I mean yeah I know."

"I don't ever want that to change ok? Promise me that if this thing we have starts to change things, affect our friendship, we stop ok. That's rule number three ok and that's the most important one. I don't wanna do this if we can't stick to that."

He squeezed her hand affectionately for just a split second. "I promise."

* * *

Jess was vaguely aware of the sound of rain against her windows, it wasn't a sound heard all that often in L.A, not like Portland, so it was just enough to catch her attention. As one ear listened to the soft pitter patter of each raindrop the other could hear his heavy breaths over and over as his lungs expelled air with each movement of his body. She turned her head toward the window, her lips grazing against the soft, tanned skin of his shoulder, and she could see the droplets landing on the glass. It seemed like such a delicate action, like the feel of his lips pressing against her cheek to bring her attention back to him, very unlike the feeling of his strong hips pushing his thick body into her over and over. Nothing felt quite like that.

As the places where his lips had touched cooled on her skin, she trailed her hands up his back, her fingertips delighting in the feel of his muscles moving under her hands, shifting against each other like tectonic plates beneath his warm skin. He was moving slowly, taking his time, the way he always had when he was tired but wouldn't even entertain the thought of not making love to her. She loved the feel of his weight on her, she loved how she could take the time to notice ever hint of pleasure in the sounds he made but when he enjoyed her that way it gave her time to think. She could feel questions starting to form in her head, the words starting to pool together slowly like drops of mercury. She squeezed her eyes shut and tightened her thighs against his hips, pushing her hand flat against the mattress to roll them both over and switch positions.

She rested her hands on his chest, his broad chest that heaved relentlessly with desire under her palms. Her eyes followed the path of her hands as they moved down his stomach and back up to his chest, her gaze never venturing to his face. As she felt his hips shift upwards her reverie broke, remembering that he was still very much inside her she began to move. Closing her eyes she thrust against him faster and faster, changing his pace completely, their leisurely stroll in the park had suddenly become a race for the finish. She could feel him struggling to keep up with her rhythm but she kept going spurred on by the grunting coming from below her. Dropping down she buried her head in his neck and held on as he finally outran her, his hips pushing upwards with a burst of energy she wasn't expecting. She could hear her own voice letting out a long, strangulated moan and it almost didn't sound like her, like there was a third person in the room. Finally she felt all her muscles seize and release through a jolt of pleasure but she didn't move. She felt Nick tighten both his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him as he kept moving, prolonging the buzz of energy that was flowing through her. With one final thrust he stilled under her, letting out a long breath that cooled the skin on her neck.

Her body felt heavy and she could feel the layer of sweat on their skin binding them together. They lay motionless for what felt like minutes and minutes on end, waiting until they had fully returned from their ethereal state to their real bodies before they dared move. Jess felt Nick's hand start to stroke tenderly up and down her back, his wide hand covering virtually the whole expanse of her, the delicateness of his touch a stark contrast to his sturdy, masculine body. Her breath caught as she felt every millimeter of his fingertips move from the base of her neck all the way down her spine and back up again. His lips lay close to her ear each breath matching her own as it slowed gradually. She felt him stir and place a gentle, damp kiss to her forehead and suddenly she sat upright and lifted herself off him. She dropped on her back and pulled the covers up around her, staring at the ceiling as she put a decent size space in between them.

She could see Nick out of the corner of her eye rearranging himself and reaching for the box of tissues on her nightstand. But then he lay still, he didn't reach for his clothes or even sit up, he just lay where he was looking up at the ceiling just like her. After five minutes she could see his chest had slowed to a shallow rise and fall, his breath was soft and low and she knew he had fallen asleep. For the first time she turned to look at him, at least what she could see of him in the dark and his eyes were closed and trembling very slightly, his mouth was closed but relaxed and turned down a little at the sides, like someone in his dream had just said something he was mildly unimpressed with. Jess turned on to her side and lay on her hand as she continued to look at him. It felt strange to have him in her bed again, but she couldn't argue with how safe it made her feel. She planned to nudge him awake and send him back to his own bed, she planned to but she felt her eyes start to drift closed and there was little she could do to stop it. She felt completely sated and relaxed, disturbed only by a soft tapping. Grimacing she turned over and chose to ignore it. But she heard it again, a little louder this time. Groaning to herself she forced her eyes open to find the it wasn't soft tapping, it was loud knocking and it was no longer the middle of the night it was a bright sunny morning. Jess was sure she had only just fallen asleep, this couldn't be right. She sat up hugging the covers around her only then realising that she was naked and Nick was still sound asleep next to her. Finally her sleepy, lethargic brain started to judder slowly into gear.

"Jess are you awake." Cece's voice called from the other side of the door and Jess' eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Oh my God." She whispered loudly as she shoved Nick hard, much to his displeasure.

"What the hell?"

"Shhhhh." Jess waved her hand frantically and pointed at the door. "Cece is here, you gotta go." She pushed Nick out of her bed where he just narrowly managed to escape landing hard on his ass. He pressed the heel of one hand into his eye rubbing hard as his other tried half-heartedly to hide his junk. He watched her in confusion as she buzzed around the floor gathering up his clothes, it was way too early for this kind of excitement.

"Nick" she yelled again, well it wasn't so much a yell as the most aggressive whisper he had ever heard. He shrugged, letting himself hang loose, which Jess' face was tantalizingly close to as she picked up his pants from the floor, slamming his pile of clothes into his chest.

"Where am I supposed to go Jess?!"

"Jess babe are you awake, you do have work this morning right?" Cece called again, her voice muffled by the closed door.

"Oh god" Jess whimpered as she began to usher Nick towards her closet.

"I am not hiding in your closet Jess." Nick protested as he found herself standing amongst her hanging clothes.

"Oh yes you are." She began to swing the door closed ignoring his mouth open once again in protestation before he disappeared from view.

Nick could hear their voices on the other side of the door as he sighed to himself, he could hear Jess laughing raucously and he knew she was over-compensating. She would be eyeing her closet door like it was about to catch fire, he was certain of it. He had no intention of dropping her in it, he didn't want the other guys to know any more than she did. Besides he had promised her. But Jess would worry nonetheless, he could almost feel her anxiety radiating through the closet door. Finally it went quiet and her heard the sound of her bedroom door close so he cracked her door just enough to see if there was anyone there. He was about break free when Jess swung the door open hard.

"Rule number four. NO SLEEPOVERS!"

* * *

Nick and Jess sat at the kitchen counter together enjoying breakfast, feeling almost smug at how well they were managing to remain normal and friendly outside of the bedroom. They passed the orange juice back and forth and discussed the day ahead with zero regard to the fact they had been riding each other senseless hours before. Jess in particular saw it as a defeat of the ultimate personal challenge and she felt strangely proud of herself, the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop was slowly starting to fade. For such a long time she had struggled as to what box to put her relationship with Nick in and now it seemed she had two boxes. She opened one box and she got hysterical laughter mixed with loyalty and support and when she opened the other box she got the best sex of her life. Sometimes she struggled to figure out why they hadn't been doing it the whole time. But in true Schmidt form he took it upon himself to remind her.

Schmidt bounced out of his room in a vest and a pair of shorts that displayed such tightness they were bordering on offensive as he prepared to head out to the gym. He performed his stretches in front of them the way he always did, still waiting for they day when they would compliment him in the way he felt he truly deserved. They didn't. Throwing down a glass of orange juice he continued to bounce lightly on his feet making Nick and Jess feel exhausted just looking at him, still he always served to give them a bit of a giggle.

"Either of you guys wanna join me?" Schmidt chirped enthusiastically.

"It's Saturday morning Schmidt." Jess laughed

"So, it'll give you the energy you need for a fun filled Saturday night." He jibed, sucker punching the air a couple of times.

Nick and Jess tried hard not to smile at one another and fought the urge to inform Schmidt they were getting all the energy they needed. Remaining oblivious to anything untoward between his roommates Schmidt shrugged, threw his gym bag over his shoulder and headed for the door. Suddenly he took a step back like someone had yanked him backwards on a leash. "Oh before I forget...here." He slammed a bright pink post-it note down in front of Nick. Jess immediately saw that it had numbers written on it in bold black ink. Nick looked at Jess fleetingly and then back at his friend with a bemused and almost fearful expression.

"What's this?"

Schmidt crammed an apple into his mouth taking a big bite which made him struggle to speak. "It's that blonde chick you liked, the one you saw when you met me for lunch near the gym that time. I bumped into her again so...you're welcome buddy." Schmidt patted Nick on the shoulder a couple of times and bounded out of the loft, leaving an awkward and less-confident silence behind him. Nick coughed into his hand and shuffled in his seat while Jess slurped noisily on her coffee, she figured as long as her mouth was full she probably wouldn't be expected to speak. Nick placed his wide palm over the piece of paper and swiped it off the table, folding into into a tiny, tiny shape and clenching it tight in his fist, hoping that it would disappear. He wiped his lips with the back of hand to rid himself of any crumbs or perhaps it was a nervous gesture he wasn't too sure. Finally he chanced a look at Jess who was poking round at the last mouthful of eggs on her plate.

"It was from before Jess, before we...I mean it was weeks ago."

"It's ok Nick, I mean it's not even a thing it's fine, you don't need to explain."

Nick nodded, it would have been easy for him to take what Jess had said at face value and not explain, not talk, not say the one thing they had both been avoiding. But he also knew that this was the first real opportunity that had presented itself and he forced himself to read between the lines. Another few moments of silence passed before Nick nudged her arm gently with his.

"One of us is going to have to say it Jess."

"What?" She poked at her leftover eggs more forcefully.

"You know what I'm talking about. That final golden rule. The thing that separates what we're doing from being something more, something we're not ready for."

"We don't have to make a big deal out of it Nick really." She stood up grabbing her plate and Nick's and turned to the sink.

"I'm not making a big deal out of it I just want to know where I stand, where we both stand. I mean we're not a couple anymore right."

She paused and started to scrub at the plates harshly, with more vigor than was necessary. "Right."

"So technically we're both still single?"

She turned to face him, drying her hands and trying to look casual "Yes we are."

"Ok so what happens when other people come along I mean how are we you know...doing this?"

"I don't know, I guess we can date other people. I mean that's allowed right?

Nick moved his head is such a way that could only just be construed as a nod. He watched as Jess turned her back to him again and continued to wash the dishes in the sink. He supposed that was it, that was the conversation he had been waiting for them to have for the last two weeks. He looked around the room like he was expecting fireworks to go off but there was nothing. Nothing grand, nothing revelatory, just a quick conversation over breakfast and that was it. That's what they were now. Just two friends who had sex. He half smiled to himself unsure of what reaction he was supposed to have, he wasn't happy, nor was he mad he was...he didn't even know. He drained the tepid coffee that remained in the bottom of his cup and pushed his chair back ready to take himself off for a shower and try and digest his morning.

"But no sex!" Jess interjected stopping Nick where he stood.

"Huh?"

"We can't have sex with anyone else. I mean the thought of you sleeping with me and some other girl at the same time it..."

Nick moved behind her in seconds resting his hands firmly on her shoulders and turning her around to face him, cutting her off as she rambled herself into a state. "Jess, Jess, hey that's not gonna happen. I would never do that to you." She smiled with a shaky breath and nodded her head which he mirrored in reassurance. "But you won't either right?"

Her head snapped up "Of course not."

He lowered his hands which were still resting on her shoulders and looked down to his feet. "So let me get this straight. We're both allowed to date other people, no anger, no jealousy."

She nodded, her voice quiet and unsure. "Right"

"Meanwhile you and I keep...you know until..."

"Yeah until one of us finds...something else."

"You mean someone else."

They both nodded in agreement but there was no high five, no handshake, the deal with sealed with little more than a smile.


	7. The Outsiders

Nick cracked one eye open just enough to check the clock on his bedside table, that way if he didn't see the numbers he wanted to see he could pretend he hadn't really woken up and drift off again guilt free. But it was almost midday, yeah he'd had a late night at the bar but it was Saturday, one of only two days in the week when he actually had people around to have fun with during the day and he never liked to waste it. His eyes adjusted to the late morning light and his body gradually started to awaken, each muscle stirring from it stupor one by one, one part of his body in particular which he noticed was standing impressively proud. He wasn't exactly shy of a little morning wood, he was a guy after all but since he and Jess had started sleeping together his body seemed to have become a little more demanding than usual, perhaps a little too accustomed to getting what it wanted. Although, he and Jess hadn't slept together in three days and his body was determined to keep reminding him of that fact. He put his hands behind his head and gave it a few minutes, waiting for nature to take its course but it seemed little Nick had other ideas. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and toyed with the idea of texting Jess but it was way too bold a move and way too risky, and he had no doubt she would just tell him to take care of it himself so he did just that.

Emerging from his bedroom ten minutes later he used the bathroom to freshen up and headed to the kitchen but he still felt in need of some...attention. His body was still humming and he couldn't seem to shut it off, whatever Jess was doing to him it sure was having a lasting effect. Meandering to the kitchen, he joined his loftmates and Cece for breakfast. Grabbing some coffee and cereal he smiled at Jess when he found a safe moment to do so and she pushed her glasses up her nose and smiled back warmly. He watched her, trying hard to switch into friend mode but she was making it difficult. He couldn't help but notice how she hadn't fastened the belt on her robe tight enough, leaving it to hang open a little around her neckline, showing just enough to complicate his situation even further. In summer she always wore the little pyjamas with the shorts and camis which he could barely notice under her robe, all he could see was skin, so much skin and it was driving him crazy. He scratched the back of his neck hard, trying to focus on the feel his nails scraping on his skin just for something else to think about. He sat down next to Winston and tried to engross himself in whatever conversation they had started in his absence.

"Wait a minute." Winston continued with without enlightening Nick. "I'm not working and Nick has the night off right?" He turned to Nick expectantly.

"Right." Nick nodded and Jess raised her eyebrows making him smile into his spoonful of cereal.

"Well it's settled then. We're going out."

"Huh?" Nick mumbled through his cornflakes.

"When was the last time we all went out together. We need it guys. I need it. Come on, we're not all going to be together for that much longer." Winston pouted for effect making them all roll their eyes, especially Schmidt and Cece whose engagement had been used as a free pass far too many times for it to still be effective. But Winston had a point and they had no reason to turn him down. With a collective agreement they smiled at their decision and already kind of started to look forward to it.

Winston turned to Nick and held his hand in the air like he was waiting for a high five. "Look out ladies. We're wing-manning each other tonight right Nick?"

"Uh sure." Nick slapped Winston's hand half-heartedly as his eyes darted back and forth to Jess who kept her gaze fixed firmly to the bottom of her coffee mug. Suddenly Jess was interrupted by Cece who jolted forward patting her hand on Jess' leg several times in excitement.

"Ooh you know I can still be your wing-woman right Jess? Please don't take that from me just because I'm engaged. I love finding guys for you."

Jess quickly looked at Nick before tucking her hair behind her ear nervously and turning to face Cece. She loved her best friend's enthusiasm but Cece's romantic quests on Jess' behalf had never been particularly successful. Jess loved Schmidt more than anything but her and Cece did not have the same taste in guys. But as she looked at her friend's excited, hopeful eyes Jess just giggled quietly and nodded her head, fixing her eyes safely back to the bottom of her mug, refusing to even address Nick's reaction. She simply waited for the conversation to shift to something else and then she cleared away her dishes before making her swift exit to the bathroom.

Jess flipped her head forward hanging it upside down and knotting a towel around her wet hair, she hoped the sudden rush of blood to her head would help instill a clear mind, no such luck. Throwing her head back she exhaled heavily as the clammy steam sat heavily around her. She felt refreshed but not completely relaxed, there seemed to be only one thing that achieved that effectively these days. She pondered what lay ahead that evening as she plucked her toothbrush from the holder and squirted a healthy layer of toothpaste on it, brushing her teeth leisurely she considered what tests her and Nick might finally face in their newfound situation. Winston seemed intent on pulling Nick into some action so maybe Cece was right, maybe Jess needed to try and indulge in a little action of her own. At least that might keep her out of Nick's pants for the evening. Maybe.

Sometimes Jess was positive Nick could read her mind, that he had a sixth sense of knowing exactly when she was thinking about him, he would always appear like some sexy, grumpy genie. She heard a soft tap on the bathroom door which she had carelessly left cracked open the entire time she had been in the shower, and Nick entered brazenly, raising his eyebrows with a smile as his eyes dragged from her ankles to her eyes with a look of unabashed appreciation. Without saying a word he drifted next to her casually and grabbed his toothbrush. Wiggling the toothpaste in her hand she wordlessly offered her assistance and squirted it helpfully onto his brush. A swishing, scrubbing sound filled the air as they exchanged mischievous sideways glances at one another, smiling through the foam that filled each of their mouths. Just to tease him she threw her leg behind her, kicking him softly on the back of the leg and a few seconds later he did the same. They spat at the same time and swiped the back of their hand across their faces. Nick rinsed his toothbrush under the tap as Jess pulled out some dental floss.

"So I guess tonight could be pretty interesting." He smiled, unsure of what other expression to make.

She paused and lowered her hands letting the floss dangle into the sink. "Um I guess yeah."

"So what do you think Day, you think you got game?"

She turned to him and smiled with her mouth agape. "Oh I think you of all people know I have game.

He laughed before his face softened into something more serious. "It'll do us good right, to get out there and have fun with other people." He felt like he was swallowing a golf ball as the words choked out.

"Sure, I mean yeah that's what we planned right?"

He nodded weakly with distant eyes.

Jess nodded back and smiled, throwing her unused floss in the trash and headed for the door but she felt a strong arm come over her shoulder, his fingers splayed wide on the bathroom door as he pushed it closed, moving it lower to turn the rarely used lock. She turned, a little fearful the other guys were in such close proximity but not fearful enough to pull herself away or even consider the fact that they had started to become a little more careless. The mood shifted from their playful banter and his features darkened. He slowly pulled the towel from her head letting her damp hair fall freely around her shoulders where he played with it in his fingers. Then he pulled at the edges of the towel that clung together around her chest, feeling the taught material slacken as it dropped, revealing her naked body to him. He stood there for a moment, content to just enjoy her as she shifted from one foot to the other, growing more nervous under his lengthy and lustful scrutiny. When her impatience became too much she pulled his face against hers and began her battle with his clothing. Nick lifted her and turned them both, setting her gently down on the sink, leaning past her to turn on the radio behind them and drown out the noises they knew they would both soon be making.

Burying his head in her neck he kissed her slowly, painfully slowly, down one side, across her chest and up the other. He dragged his lips leisurely savouring every second they touched her skin, sticking slightly as the steam of the shower coated her skin. Squeezing her ass he pulled her against him, his want and need for her evident as she gasped sharply, feeling it against her. He moved slowly, teasing her mercilessly as he continued to kiss any part of her his mouth could get access to. He could hear her breathing getting heavier in his ear, he could feel her impatience for him growing and growing and it made him feel amazing. He could have kept her hanging on like that forever just to hear her whimpering his name and grappling at his body like he was only thing in the world she needed in that moment. But Jess had other ideas and without warning or permission she grabbed hold of him pushing him into her. The time for teasing was over as the sound of skin smacking against skin filled the air, countered only by the sound of a tinny radio playing out across the bathroom. As the moment continued to build they lost themselves quickly but purposefully as the prospects of the evening loomed over them.

* * *

Jess curled her hair expertly, occasionally catching sight of Cece in the mirror who sat on the bed flicking through old magazines already dressed and ready to go. Jess figured models needed a lot less work than average folk when getting ready for a night out. Jess was relieved at the casual silence, relieved that her little encounter in the bathroom earlier that day had seemingly gone unnoticed. There was a huge part of Jess that enjoyed the excitement of the secrecy but another part of her just wanted to scream out loud to her best friend about the amazing sex she had been having for the past few weeks. But she also knew this wasn't a situation where Cece was going to snuggle down on the couch with her and a tub of ice cream and demand all the gory details like she usually did. Cece would have questions, lots of questions mixed in with a healthy portion of concern and for Jess that would bring to light all her little insecurities about what her and Nick were doing, insecurities that so far she had managed to keep at bay. Jess chose to see it as withholding information, she wasn't outright lying to her friend, she just wasn't telling her absolutely everything about her sex life and maybe that was ok.

Jess scrunched up her nose as she caught a funny smell and realised she had been holding the curlers on her hair too long as she lost herself in deep thought. She unravelled it quickly as she heard a loud chuckle from behind her. Jess smiled and decided her hair had taken enough abuse for one day. Disappearing into her closet she routed around her dresses unsure which direction to go in, she didn't really know what kind of night she was in for, so she decided to play it safe with a little black dress. Only it wasn't just any little black dress and Jess knew that deep down, it was tight, really tight with a neckline that didn't really expose anything at all but showed enough skin that it gave the impression it did. It was simple, it wasn't overly fancy so she went with it.

"Whoa Jess you look hot, you really mean business tonight huh? Doesn't even look like you need any help from me."

"What?" Jess squirmed a little uneasily and tugged at the hemline of her dress. "It's just a black dress, nothing fancy."

"Well you look good Jess, really good, any guy tonight would be lucky."

"Thanks but I don't even know if I'm that bothered about finding anyone tonight I just want to have fun with you guys."

"Oh come on don't chicken out now, it's just a little fun Jess, besides I know you have naughty stuff on the brain, you've made that very obvious." Cece sat back on the bed again crossing one leg over the other and chuckled as Jess stomped over gave her a playful whack on the arm.

"I do not have it on the brain it was just that one time."

"It's been more than once Jess, hey I'm not judging I know a woman has her needs."

"Ok can we talk about something else now please."

"Ok you got it." Cece held her hands up in surrender before pulling another magazine from the pile on Jess' bedside table sending a box of condoms bouncing to the floor, its contents scattering around Cece's feet as she failed to catch it in time. She raised her wide eyes to Jess with her mouth agape but still smiling at the edges. She picked one up from the floor twiddling it in her fingers with a teasing smile. "Don't have it on the brain huh?"

Jess sucked in a breath that didn't come back out as her mouth hung open, hoping that some convincing words would come out. "That's just...they've been there forever I mean..." She lunged forward and began scraping them off the floor back into the box.

"Jess are you sleeping with someone?"

"No!" Jess barked a little too forcefully. "No I'm not, I just... they're just there..." She checked the floor one more time before stuffing the box in her dresser drawer and slamming it shut with her back to it.

Cece laughed and placed her hands on Jess' shoulders in a calming gesture. "Hey Jess it's ok if you are, is it the guy from work you were talking about?"

"No" She cursed herself inside, she should have just said yes and then maybe this whole thing would go away but that was an outright lie and she couldn't do that to Cece, she couldn't just invent a makebelieve guy that was a step too far.

"Look Jess I know I wasn't totally supportive of you getting involved with someone from work again but you know you can still tell me right. Like I said I would never judge you, I know what it's like when you're in close proximity to guys from work all the time."

"It's nobody really Cece. I just...it's just in case you know...for tonight I mean...I guess I do have it on the brain." Jess laughed nervously, relieved to see a smile play wide on Cece's lips. Jess didn't even know what she meant but it seemed to appease her best friend who pulled Jess' bag from the dresser and dropped the condom she was still holding inside.

"Gotcha." Cece zipped up the bag and threw Jess a wink as she handed it back before heading into the living room to see her finance.

Jess breathed out heavily, she had no idea what it was that Cece thought she ' _got'_ but as long as Nick's name didn't come up Jess could rest easy. For now.

* * *

Nick buttoned up his shirt and straightened out his collar, beaming to himself in the mirror. Nick wasn't a natural smiler, when he did it too much it tended to arouse suspicion amongst those who knew him best unless there was a good solid reason to back it up. The smiling was becoming a problem and it wasn't just a little half smile when nobody was looking it was a big shit-eating grin that was out there for the world to see and try as hard as he might Nick just couldn't wipe it from his face. It was kind of like a tick, something completely involuntary, he didn't even know he was doing it most of the time. Schmidt and Winston were starting to call him on it and he was running out of excuses but he would continue to lie, they couldn't know. It would confuse things and it would mess up what he and Jess had. He and Jess were having far too much fun for him to ruin it just because he couldn't keep his stupid mouth shut.

But it was hard seeing as his life was pretty fucking great. The best it had been in a long, long time. He and Jess were getting on better than ever and the sex...oh man the sex. What they had felt like a pocket full of gold dust and he had no intention of screwing it up, he wanted it to last as long as possible, as long as the fates allowed, as long as Jess stayed single and...well the rest he didn't think about. The sneaking around, the surprising nature of never knowing when it would happen next, it was all so exciting. There were fleeting moments of guilt whenever he or Jess were around their friends and the truth became a little hazy but on the whole he had managed to keep the back sweat at bay at the very least.

He just needed to keep that damn smile under control.

He rubbed his cheeks as he looked in the mirror trying to relax his muscles into more of a frown. Satisfied that he looked a little more convincing he straightened out his shirt, checking it for stains and decided he looked presentable enough for their night out on the town. It was the first night they had all planned together in a while. Catching Winston and Nick with the same night off had become something of a rarity so there was a buzz of excitement amongst them, for Nick and Jess it was mixed with a smidge of nervousness. In the safety of familiar and sober surroundings they could control themselves and keep up whatever facade was necessary but throw a dark bar and few glasses of alcohol into the mix and it was anyone's guess what would happen.

Nick wanted Jess constantly. There was no getting around it and to pretend that he didn't was going to be very, very hard. When he saw her leaving her bedroom he knew she had absolutely no intention of making it any easier for him. She was wearing a black dress that scooped low on her chest without exposing much, reminding him what he was missing, the bottom of it hugged round her butt where his hands belonged. It would kill him if he didn't have her out of that dress by the end of the night but with wall to wall eyes watching them he knew his chances were slim and there was a very real and looming reality that another guy would get in there first.

* * *

They found themselves in a semi-respectable bar a few blocks from the loft where the hard liquor and cheesy music had lured them in. They were in their thirties and loud clubs just didn't do it for them anymore. They wanted somewhere they could actually enjoy each others company, even Schmidt who no longer yearned to club into the wee small hours now that he had Cece. They had holed themselves up in a corner, surrounded by low lights, leather seats and kitsch pictures of dogs and cats on the wall. The laughter that erupted amongst them was the kind of sound that made other people in the bar want to be in their group, to sit with them and find out what they were all about. They told stories, gossiped and teased each other, drinking alcohol that tasted even sweeter seeing as Nick knew the bartender who had slipped them a few freebies.

They had pretty much taken reign of the juke box, not that the other customers were complaining, they had gone so far as so create a small dance floor which Jess and Cece had willingly taken part in. The guys laughed as they watched Jess and Cece spinning each other around and busting out dance moves they were pretty sure nobody in the world had ever seen other than Jess and Cece. They stumbled a little here and there as the alcohol flowed down to their legs making them a little more unsteady on their heels. Jess especially, Cece was more of an accomplished heel wearer than her smaller more ditsy counterpart.

It didn't take much effort at all for Cece to coax Schmidt on to the dance floor and once one guy got up that was Winston's cue to unleash his own brand of rhythm. That just left Nick sitting in the booth alone trying his damnedest not to stare at Jess in that impossibly sexy dress. Jess had been trying her best not to flirt with Nick all night but she couldn't resist playing with him a little bit and she danced back towards their table. She bit her lip trying to stifle the flirtation in her smile and beckoned him on to the dance floor with her best Patrick Swayze impression. Her hips never stopped moving which was slowly becoming a real problem for Nick as he shifted in his seat, shaking his head with a laugh. She was so silly, so attractively silly.

Seeking out his hand Jess gave him a solid yank out of his chair, forcing him on to his feet. Nick could have countered her brute force and pulled her into his lap which he would have very much enjoyed but it was a little more of a giveaway than simply joining her on the dance floor. Nick didn't so much dance as he did bob up and down while Jess seemed to float in circles around him. Every now and again he would catch a wave of her perfume or the ends of her hair would tickle the skin on his face and arms as she flipped it around, basically all those little things that made him want to grab her hips and pull her against him so he could show her just how sexy she was. But he didn't because tonight he was 'Nick the friend', the friend who had to sit by and wait for one of the many guys crowding around her to make their move while he did nothing about it. The least he could do was butt block the ones that were hammered and weren't going to do anything by slobber all over her, which he did with great determination.

Jess was certain to divide her time and her dance moves in between Nick and Winston so nothing seemed untoward. She adored Nick's dancing, he had no rhythm but he didn't care, he gave it a shot anyway and she loved that about him. She could see him vetting the guys that were dancing around her but she didn't say anything, she couldn't, not when she had been actively pulling him away from the skank that was loitering behind him and passing it off as a dance move. She wasn't going back on her word, she would let him date other girls. Just not that one. They had to be worthy of him and not many women made that grade as far as Jess was concerned. There was a possessive feeling nagging in the pit of her stomach but she tried to dance it out of her system, if Nick caught a sniff of her trying to add any dramatics into their situation at such an early stage she was sure he would run a mile. Nick wasn't hers and if other girls wanted to spend some time with him she had to let that happen whether she liked it or not. She was about to do the mature thing and back away from him when she saw him tip his hand toward his mouth asking her if has wanted a drink and she jumped at the chance to accompany him to the bar.

* * *

The waited at the bar standing close and nudging each other playfully with their elbows. The talked about nonsense and laughed at nothing in particular but it was fun. They had been so careful around one another for so long, scared of saying or doing something that would give the other the wrong idea about their intentions or what they wanted. Now that they had had sex and taken that confusion off the table they were completely comfortable around one another again. They didn't have the intimacy they'd had when they were dating but it was like they had their friendship back before anything had happened between them. It made it easy for them to remember why they had both fallen for each other in the first place.

As Nick caught her eyes with a sincere but mischievous smile she laughed and hit his arm trying to diffuse the tension that had inevitably started to build up between them. She smiled back heartily, it was a nice moment but at the end of the day she just couldn't help herself.

"So Miller...you see anyone you like tonight?"

Nick smirked and shook his head "What kind of question is that?"

"What I'm just interested. I see girls looking at you Nick, don't tell me you don't notice."

"Jess come on." He sighed and nudged her with his whole body.

"I just don't want you to feel you can't talk to other girls because of me." She said more sincerely now.

"I don't feel like that, I know the deal Jess. Besides I could say the same to you I haven't seen you talking to anyone tonight."

"I will I'm just...biding my time."

He smiled at her as she lowered her head shyly. Maybe they needed to bite the bullet or rip the band aid off or whatever other analogy fit their crazy situation best. He nodded to his buddy behind the bar and suddenly a shot of whiskey appeared in front of them with a couple of beers to follow. He turned to her handing her the small glass which she took with a suspicious smile and clinked her glass with his.

"Here's to a little Dutch courage." He shrugged and they both threw it back with gusto.

* * *

Schmidt and Cece had disappeared into a dark corner of the bar, seemingly oblivious to the world around them, while Nick and Winston had retreated back to their booth. Without Jess as their dancing partner they had just looked ridiculous out there together so they gave it up, Nick slightly more willingly than Winston. The truth was Nick wanted to put some distance in between him and Jess. It seemed the encouragement of both him and the whiskey at the bar had the desired effect. Jess had gradually immersed herself in the crowd out of Nick's view but he had seen the guy who was trying to get her attention and he had seen the same guy succeed. Without him forming a human blockade and without Cece there to throw in her two cents worth Jess had clearly felt a little more freedom to explore her options and with a little more confidence thanks to him, which was truly ironic.

Nick was glad to have Winston there, he felt less exposed, less vulnerable, like he had a big Winston-shaped security blanket that he was holding on to as he tried not to feel like a complete fool. Not that Winston was aware of that, he knew nothing about Nick and Jess and that was the way it was going to stay. It was nothing to do with not trusting Winston or even the fear of being judged he just just didn't want to hear the answers to questions he had no desire to ask. He welcomed Winston's drunken chatter in his ear, for some reason it kept him anchored to his seat while every instinct was trying to make him do something different. Something that involved interrupting the rather in depth conversation that Jess was having with some guy that wasn't him.

"Dude why are you sitting here with me?" Winston drawled, his eyes opening and closing painfully slowly.

"Huh?" Nick turned to his friend, he had been so used to his idle prattle he hadn't expected any coherent questions.

Winston leaned toward Nick and lowered his voice to what Winston thought was a quiet whisper. "That girl behind you has been trying to get your attention all night man and here you are babysitting someone who is doing everything in his power not to hurl right now."

Nick laughed and patted his friend on the leg, chancing a look behind him and sure enough the same blonde who had been hanging around him on the dance floor was sitting right behind him. As she immediately locked eyes with him he offered her a polite smile and turned back around trying to rationalise why his heart had suddenly jumped into his throat. He watched Jess, he watched her guy lean down to talk to her, leaning so close that his lips were almost caressing Jess' earlobes and it made Nick's chest tighten even further. Nick threw back his whiskey and willed himself not to care. Jess was a beautiful woman, she was going to get hit on all the time, he had to find a way to deal with it. What they had wasn't going to last forever and he knew that, they had tried the forever thing first time round and it hadn't stuck. They were better as friends, they were and if it came with a few benefits, at least for a while, well that was even better. He squeezed his eyes shut and threw back another big swig of whiskey. He could feel the edges of his vision start to blur a little and he pressed his thumb and finger into his eyes given them a sobering rub but when he opened them he found he had company.

"Hi." The woman chirped, holding out her hand, very confident that he would be interested in meeting her.

"Hi."

"I'm Carrie."

"Uh Nick." He shook her hand and managed half a smile. She looked a little younger than him but she was pretty and she wore a pretty sharp outfit, the kind that was so trendy you could never quite tell if what she was wearing was really nice or really awful. She smelled nice too, like strawberries and flowers and something else decidedly girly. She had one of those faces that made him think he had met her before, maybe he had, maybe she had been in the bar, maybe she recognised him and that's why she had come over. He let her sit close to him, he let her lean close to his ear as she talked and he let her touch him whenever she pleased. Suddenly he felt like a player, like he was someone who was juggling women and it didn't sit well with him, he just wasn't that guy. But in reality he wasn't really juggling anything, Carrie was the only one who held any real prospects. What he had with Jess...well that was it, it was never going to be anything more. As far as dating and relationships went this stranger sitting in front of him was a more likely candidate than his ex-girlfriend. So Nick made the decision to ride the wave, fight every compulsion in his bones and go with it.

Carrie was a pretty funny girl, she had elicited some actually belly laughs from Nick which was no mean feat, Nick took time to warm up to people in that way. Of course he had inadvertently covered his mouth everytime he laughed for fear Jess would see him having too much fun. He wasn't entirely sure why that was a problem, after all she had been adamant they do this and if she was convinced then so was he. Carrie seemed like the kind of girl who would be forward enough to ask a guy out but he still got the feeling she was waiting for him. Moments kept cropping up where he knew it was the next inevitable step but he let each one go by like a bale of tumbleweed. She couldn't flirt and touch him any more if she tried, he knew it was the right thing to do but the words wouldn't come out. Nick had his flaws when it came to dating but actually plucking up the courage to ask a woman out had never been one of them. The only woman he had ever had that problem with had been Jess.

* * *

The guy's aftershave was overpowering, she willed herself not to focus on it because she didn't want to be critical for no reason, she had to prove to herself she could do this, but she couldn't get it out of her head, or her nose for that matter. Why was he wearing so much, was he hiding something, was he even wearing that much at all or had she just become too accustomed to the raw, natural small of Nick that anything else just seemed alien now. Aside from that odd and annoying fixation the truth was she was flirting with him, she was letting herself get swept up in his charm and niceties, she was enjoying his handsome face and forcing herself to touch his arm everytime she laughed at one of his jokes. She was proud of herself, at least she would have been if she had managed not to keep looking across at Nick. There had been a few awkward exchanges but other than that she figured he looked ok, she tried to find the positives in that but the truth was she just had no idea if she was ok with him being ok.

She was aware she had zoned out of Tom's conversation for some time as she watched a pretty, young blonde girl situate herself next to Nick in the booth. She felt her stomach drop but she was sure she was just nervous about...well about everything and nervousness and alcohol never made for a good combination. She was sure that was all it was. She smiled at Tom and nodded along with his words desperately trying to hook herself back into the conversation. Touching his arm fondly she swung them both around so she was standing with her back to Nick. She felt strange, it was a feeling she had never had before, like she was revealing this whole new side to herself that she never knew existed. As if it wasn't strange enough she was back to a point in her life where her and Nick freely made love on the bathroom sink, but now here she was with another guy hours later, flirting and pushing the guy to ask her out. She felt like she had stepped out of her body and was watching herself from across the darkened room with raised eyebrows and the occasional shake of the head. She'd been in some sticky situations in the past but for the first time she really, truly had no idea what she was doing.

As the evening swept by and a few more glasses of wine had been polished off Jess found that she had spent a decent portion of the evening with Tom, definitely more than two hours which in anyone's book would imply that she was interested. So there was no reason not to anticipate what was coming next, no reason to be surprised when he asked her out. This was all part of her plan, their plan, so why did it feel so weird. Her and Nick they were just scratching an itch, it had been a while for both of them and they were just helping each other out, friend to friend. So why was it so hard? All she had to do was say one word, three letters and we would score herself a date with a hot guy, there was no science behind it, it was a basic romantic equation.

* * *

As the evening started to draw in those who had overdone it headed home while those with a fighting party spirit had moved on to somewhere louder and more lively to drink into the wee small hours of the morning. The loftmates found themselves content to stay exactly how they were, it had been nice to spend time together, something which Schmidt was getting emotional about as he draped his arms round Nick and Winston's shoulders. He had been this way ever since he had got engaged, Schmidt had always been sensitive but he had reached whole new realms of feeling, something which had definitely been enhanced by copious amounts of beer. Winston was one more blink away from falling asleep, his tolerance for alcohol had definitely lowered since he went into training for the force but he still tried to keep up with the best of them to his own detriment. Cece and Jess were huddled at the bar drinking something colourful with lots of fruit in it and no doubt rehashing the night, or rather Jess' night.

Nick carefully extracted Schmidt's arm from around his shoulder but Schmidt barely notice, he simply draped it around Winston and hugged him like a teddy bear waxing lyrical about how much all their lives were going to change when he moved out with Cece. But as Nick watched Cece return to sit on Schmidt's unsteady knee and Jess drain the last few drops of her drink and head towards the cloakroom he immediately followed her without thinking.

He stood behind her as she rifled around for their jackets, coughing to make her aware of his presence so he wouldn't give her a fright. She glanced over her shoulder with a flirtatious smile and carried on looking for her coat without a word. Nick chewed on his lip trying to curtail his smile and turned behind him to close the door. He walked up behind her slowly, the sweet smell of her perfume getting stronger and stronger, getting closer and closer until he could smell her shampoo, even her skin. The room was dimly lit by a few small spotlights, it was a room that was almost designed to get up to naughty things in dark corners. Jess stopped what she was doing but she still didn't turn around, she just waited for him, waited for the touch she knew she was about to feel, one she was becoming more and more powerless to fight no matter where they were. Finally she felt his warm fingers curl over her hips, his lips hovering dangerously close to the bare skin of her neck.

"Hi" He whispered slowly.

"Hi"

Hidden by a rail of thick coats he felt bold but more than that he felt turned on, incredibly turned on. He stood right behind her, gradually pressing his body more and more against her, making his intentions clear and giving her a chance to back out if she wanted to. She didn't. In the dim light his fingers searched her body. They found comfort resting on her thigh before smoothing up the curve of her hip to rest on her waist. His other hand pulled to one side the hair that sat draped around her shoulders in thick curls. The pale glow of her skin was clearer now and more tempting. The warmth of her skin seared his lips as he placed slow and indulgent kisses up the back of her neck and across her shoulder. He took his time, careful not to push her too far, but as she pressed her butt into his groin and laid her head back languidly on his shoulder he knew she wanted it as much as he did. He trailed both his hands up her sides, enjoying every square inch of her. Something took over him the way it always did when he was with her and he boldly allowed his hands to glide up the front of her body caressing both her breasts through the material of her dress. She started to whimper and when he kissed and licked gently behind her ear she made a sound that was indescribable, a sound he would make it his life's mission to encourage over and over again. He squeezed her breasts tenderly before venturing down the front of her body. His fingertips danced along the hemline of her dress waiting for her to grant them permission. But she didn't, instead she took matters into her own hands and shimmied her dress up towards her hips, revealing in the feel of skin on skin. Pushing her a little further behind the row of coats he eased his hand into her underwear, the intense heat he felt making him hard as a rock. He felt her body start to move against him rhythmically as he touched her, slow and steady and first before finding that spot and pushing her limits.

Jess felt like she was going to explode, he had barely started touching her and she was already on the edge. She grasped behind her blindly, trying to touch him wherever she could. She pulled at his shirt, grasped his head and groped between his legs but it wasn't enough. Easing his hand away from her she turned round and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him intensely as she lifted her leg, hooking it over his hip. She sent her bag crashing to the floor, its contents clattering around their feet noisily but it wasn't nearly enough to stop them. She moaned wantonly into his mouth as he accepted her invitation and began to ease her underwear down her legs, letting them drop to the floor. The pounding, muffled din of the bar was a reminder of where they were. Each beat of the music like the second on a time bomb ticking by until they would getting caught. Jess had never been this reckless in her whole life and it felt good, it felt right to be reckless with him because she knew she was safe, she knew he wouldn't let anything happen to her. She could hear the metallic tinkling of his belt buckle and the sound of his zipper being pulled down forcefully. Closing her eyes she followed his scent and kissed up and down his neck as he put on protection with perfect speed. Lifting her dress a little higher and hooking her leg over his hip she felt him fill her entirely and her body was no longer her own. She held on to him with all the strength she had and let every sensation take her over completely, let every inch of him shake the very centre of her.

As their breathing slowed and the heat started to dissipate, the real world started to pour back in like an unstoppable stream of water. The bar sounded louder now, the light round the edge of the door seemed lighter, their little bubble was on the verge of bursting once again. She pushed against his chest gently but purposefully and bent down to pull up her underwear, straightening her dress back around her thighs and she made a move to leave but she didn't get far. He placed his hands tenderly on either side of her face, his unsteady breath blowing against her hair as he held her still.

"Wait a second." He whispered, stroking the her hair away from her face and piercing her eyes with his.

"Nick I can't I..."

"Just...wait." He whispered again still holding her face gently.

She stared past him towards the door, her eyes darted round from the small tuft of chest hair poking out of the top of his shirt to the bead of sweat that ran down the side of his face from his temple. She looked everywhere taking in every detail until eventually she caught his eyes. She felt uneasy, there was a strange sense of fear squirming around her stomach as his eyes burned into her but slowly, very slowly it started to fade. She felt her muscles relax into his touch one by one, her shaky breaths easing against his lips. Her tense grip on his waist slackened and her fingers curled around his form. She could see his eyes asking her something, something she figured her eyes were asking too but it was wrong, they weren't supposed to be questioning this. There was nothing there that needed to be figured out it was simple it was just sex. She pushed at his chest again but this time with more success and he lowered his hands from her face and took a step back to let her get by.

She bent down to collect all her belongings now strewn across the floor, her bag lying pitifully empty next to them. Nick bent down on his knees and began to help her, trying use it as an excuse to make eye contact with her but he failed. They both stood up, Nick cradling a small hand full of her bits and pieces in his hands, most of it small items of makeup that he was positive she didn't need, he tipped them into her open bag but as he did he caught sight of a business card, clean, not dog-eared, it was new. Brand new.

 **Tom Rutherford**

He toyed with it in his fingers, a strange kind of smile playing on his lips that failed to display any real humour.

"So you took that guy's number."

Jess' features fell as she saw disappointment behind his forced smile that was rapidly fading. She managed to harden herself a little as she stepped toward him, grabbing his arm and pushing up his sleeve to expose a number scrawled messily on his forearm.

"So did you."

A long silence passed between them as they looked at anything but each other.

"So what do we do now?" Nick asked innocently.

Jess plucked Tom's business card from Nick's grasp and held it between them, gesturing down as Nick's graffitied arm. "We do this. We date."


	8. First Date(s)

As the classroom doors burst open outside her office Jess could hear the din of scores of hungry teenagers rushing through the hallways towards the canteen. Right on cue her stomach growled violently as she tapped out a few emails. She shifted forward in her seat and sat up straight to concentrate hard on what she was writing but her stomach grumbled even more angrily. She paused to look at the little clock in the corner of her computer screen, Cece was late!

Once her hunger had officially distracted her from her work she reached for her phone to send a message to her punctuality-challenged best friend. As Jess opened up her messages she found herself face to face once again with the elephant in the room, or rather the elephant on her phone in the shape of a message from Tom asking her out which she had uncharacteristically ignored for the last twelve hours. She had no idea specifically what it was that was stopping her from replying but she was sure Cece would have no hesitation in telling her once they met for lunch. She had drafted about ten texts to him but each and every one had been deleted somewhere into the ether never to be seen by Tom's eyes. Her fingers hovered over the keypad as she considered making attempt number eleven but her phone rang in her hands before she got the chance.

"Hey, Cece where are you?"

"Babe I'm so sorry I got tied up in class. I'm on my way ok."

"Ok, shall I'll meet you at Carlo's?"

"Yeah, say five minutes."

"Ok, see you then."

Jess turned off her computer screen and packed a few of her personal items into her bag, including her phone which she stuffed away in the deep dark recesses until she absolutely had to deal with it. The corridors were loud and frenetic as the kids grappled their way to the canteen, it was like an assault course just getting to the door but Jess' empty stomach gave her the determination she needed and stopped her from getting caught up in any petty student squabbles that were happening along the way. As the front door closed and the pandemonium faded behind her she was left with the peace and relative quiet of a beautiful sunny L.A. day. She took her time to stroll in the fresh air knowing that five minutes for Cece really meant ten. As she got closer to all the cafes and restaurants the welcoming smell of a hundred different foods hit her square in the nose and she loved it. It was her new favourite thing to do on her lunch break, walk out and sample a whole bunch of different foods she had never had before. Quite often she would meet Schmidt if he managed to get a lunch hour and it was a fun thing for them to do together but today was Cece's turn. They hadn't spent quite as much time together lately but Jess didn't mind, she knew how exciting and new things had been for Cece over the last month.

The break from school and the walk often helped to clear her head if she was lucky, if she was unlucky too much time on her own led to too much thinking which wasn't a fun exercise for her these days. Her recent fraternisation with Nicholas was usually the headliner, that was until the lovely Tom had asked her out and now that had becoming the latest rolling news. It was precisely why she had arranged to meet Cece and distract herself with a hundred different foods she would soon have in her belly.

Reaching Carlo's she managed to get a table outside to enjoy the sun, she had come fully equipped with her shades, stylish sunhat and sunscreen in her bag so she was ready to go. She watched the world go by for ten minutes until she was joined by a flustered and book laden Cece, who she suddenly felt compassion for even though she had initially doubted her friend's excuses. She didn't really care that Cece was late, the day she was ever actually on time would be far more unsettling. Cece looked effortlessly beautiful as usual, the sun loved Cece whereas Jess had the propensity to go a little pick if she wasn't sensible, with that very thought she layered a little more sunscreen on her arms as Cece ordered them some lemonades. Generous plates of pasta soon followed, the kind that made Jess certain she would fall into a food coma on her desk later that afternoon but it was too delicious to resist. As they shoveled the cheesy, tomatoey delights into their mouths the conversation flowed seamlessly as they touched on a hundred different little things as always but Jess was waiting patiently for the conversation to touch down on one thing in particular, the one thing Jess could tell Cece was itching to ask her about.

"Sooooo?" Cece smiled through a mouthful of pasta as she continued to poke around at the food on her plate.

"What?"

"Don't _'what'_ me, the guy from the other night, don't tell me he didn't ask you out."

"No he did."

"Yay! And...?"

"He asked me out tonight actually."

Cece suddenly sat forward in her seat. "You said yes right?"

"Well I haven't actually said anything yet."

"What's the matter you didn't like him? It kinda seemed like you did."

"No he was great. I don't know. It's just been a while, I guess I'm a little nervous or something."

"Well I'll help you, come on give me your phone." Cece wafted her hand, beckoning Jess.

"Cece." Jess warned.

"Come on just give me your phone."

Jess sighed and reached for her bag dropping it heavily on her knees. She was tempted to play the whole _'I've left my phone at work'_ card but she knew it wouldn't fly with Cece. She held the phone against her chest tightly for a few seconds to protect it, or herself maybe, but Cece clicked her fingers in demand so Jess eventually released it from her grasp and searched through her messages to find the one from Tom. She figured she should also check there was nothing suggestive from Nick on there, that was a can of worms she definitely wasn't ready to open, plus some of Nick's more pictorial messages were enough to make anyone blush. She handed it over to Cece reluctantly only really loosening her hold when Cece wriggled it out of her hand with some brute force. Jess dropped back in her chair and chewed at her fingernails as Cece took a lifetime to read through the message. She started to get a little paranoid that Cece was checking for something in particular but she relaxed when she saw a swooning smile play across her friend's face.

"Oh Jess this is a really sweet message you have to say yes. Come on let's reply."

Suddenly Jess could hear the sound of Cece's fingernails tapping away and she shot forward in her chair. "Cece don't send anything yet!"

"I'm not I'm just drafting something, I'll let you see don't worry."

Jess watched uneasily as Cece typed and deleted and then typed and deleted a few more times, her face full of concentration like she was writing a paper on the first world war. Jess should have been used to Cece pushing her into stuff like this, she had been doing it since they were kids. A lot of the time Jess needed that extra shove and she was thankful to Cece for it but this time it just didn't sit right. Her control on her current situation already felt like it was slipping at times, she needed to hold on to whatever was left. But as far as Cece was concerned Jess hadn't been with anyone since Ryan and for that reason Jess knew this date was going to happen one way or another. Jess would do the same if it were the other way around, it just so happened Cece's life was perfectly together and in no need of any rescuing while Jess' life was like an erotic novel with the back pages torn out. Jess squirmed in her seat as she tried to decipher the words Cece was muttering under her breath as she typed but she couldn't make them out.

"Cece look I..."

"Here what do you think?" Cece interjected holding the screen in front of Jess' face for her to read.

"Um jeez I don't know it's a little forward but I guess it's ok." Jess frowned desperate to get her phone back.

"Great." Cece smiled cheerfully and tapped her thumb against the phone setting it down on the table and going back to her food.

Jess' eyes widened in confusion as she jerked forward in her seat. "Wait did you just..." She grappled desperately for her phone and ran through her messages to see that Cece's rather bold, war and peace message has been sent. "Cece!" Jess dropped her head into her hands and shook her head in refusal of the entire situation. "Cece you did _not_ just send that!"

"What you said it was ok."

"I said the message was ok I didn't say it was ok for you to send it, what the hell am I supposed to do now?!"

"You go on the date what's the big deal. It's just a one meal and if you don't like him you come home." She shrugged and smiled like it was nothing but Cece could see the lack of amusement all over Jess' face. "Come on Jess you skirt around these things for too long, I was just doing you a favour."

"I would have text him in my own time Cece."

"Well if you were going to text him anyway then what does it matter. Now it's done, you can go out and have a good time with a cute guy."

"Yeah well maybe..."

"What Jess, give me one good reason not to go out with this guy."

Air gathered in Jess' throat as words tried to force their way up but she had nothing.

* * *

Winston rolled over and nuzzled his pillow, frowning a little at the thudding noise that had woken him up. He smacked his hand on his alarm clock aggressively but the sound that awoke him continued. His lifted his head with a grimace to look at the time which was glowing four p.m. in bright red numbers. He had been on night shift and was about to do the same thing all over again that night so the early evening had become his breakfast time. It was playing havoc with his sleeping patterns but he figured he would at least have another hour until the clattering around in Nick's room made it abundantly clear that wasn't going to happen. He pulled his pillow taught over his head as he lay face down on the bed but it made no difference, he was completely awake now. Admitting defeat Winston groaned and set his feet on the floor, rubbing the sleep harshly out of his eyes. Once his vision had fully adjusted he surveyed his bedroom, scrunching up the nose as the smell of dirty old cups and plates hit his nostrils. First he would eat, then he needed to get in a workout before he had to get to the station but when he got home he most definitely needed to clean his hell hole of a room. But before any of that he needed to go and smack his roommate in the head for waking him up. With just the right amount of tiredness and pre-breakfast rage he stomped down the hallway towards Nick's room and found the door wide open. Inside was something that resembled Nick attempting a sit up. So that's what all the noise was about, Winston nodded his head to himself as everything suddenly fell into place.

"Man what are you doing?" Winston screwed up his face in confusion at Nick's awkward position.

"Just releasing a little spare energy. Gotta stay in shape you know." Nick grunted inelegantly as he tried desperately to touch his knees with his elbows, his face going a funny shade of red that forced Winston to interject.

"Jeez dude you're gonna have an aneurysm doing it like that. Look I'm going for a run before I gotta go to work why don't you come."

"I don't think so."

"Come on it's not gonna kill you, I can help you out."

Nick sighed as he scrambled slowly to his feet, the blood gradually draining back down to the rest of his body. He pondered Winston's offer with a frown but he figured maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. After all he had been spending a lot of time naked lately, maybe it wouldn't hurt to try and tighten a few things up. Just for fun of course.

"Fine. I'll go but I don't want you yelling at me like you did last time. I have more muscle mass than you it takes longer for me to carry it around."

"Ok." Winston laughed and smacked the door frame jovially before he headed off to the kitchen.

It was a rare thing that Nick let himself be talked into a workout session but it did happen from time to time. Rummaging around in his closet he pulled out his sneakers and wiggled them on to his feet. It was strange for him to be wearing sweats for the actual purpose they were designed for and not just lounging around on the couch all day. He bounced a little in his shoes and shook his hands trying to get himself amped up. It didn't take much, the truth was he constantly felt like he had energy that needed to be released these days he had just become accustomed to releasing it in a very specific way with a very specific person. If he went to long without it he could feel an itching starting to settle into his muscles and it drove him nuts.

A short while later he found himself in the park, his feet pounding heavily against the ground as he and Winston lapped the field. He could feel his lungs starting to burn and his legs starting to ache but he pushed ahead with a motivation he didn't even know he had. He felt like he was on a mission to tire himself out, to use up all his energy just to give it somewhere to go. He had suddenly become one of those people he used to stare at from a park bench while eating a pretzel, getting exhausted just from the sight of it all. He couldn't pinpoint why he had spontaneously made the decision to put himself through it. He had never been the kind of guy to stand in front of a mirror and poke his wobbly bits, it had never bothered him, it still didn't really he just felt the compulsion to do something, better himself in some way.

When breathing became almost impossible he finally stopped, resting his hands on his knees with pain in his face as Winston jogged alongside him having barely broken a sweat. Taking some sympathy on Nick, Winston decided not to tax him any further and slowed his jogging to a gradual stop pretending he had a sudden urge to do some sit ups instead. He granted Nick some reprieve in holding his ankles while he continued with his work out. Winston pushed himself hard until finally beads of sweat started to flow from him freely while Nick held his feet and gazed around the park in a daze having regained his composure.

"How many is that man."

"Huh?" Nick turned back suddenly.

Winston grunted and pushed himself up one more time. "How many?"

"Oh uh...like eighty."

"Damn it Nick you were supposed to be counting."

"Sorry my head was somewhere else."

"Yeah I had noticed."

Nick dropped back on his butt, legs wide and hugging his knees in front of him, trying to look casual as his heart leapt into his throat. "What does that mean?".

Winston sat upright and tried to catch his breath, wiping his forehead with the sleeve of his t-shirt. "You've been like this for weeks dude, it's like you're distracted all the time. I can tell something is on your mind...or maybe someone."

Nick's heart immediately started to batter violently in his chest. "What?!"

"I'm just saying these things are usually about a girl but hey I could be wrong." Winston held his hands up when he saw the severe frown on Nick's face.

"You _are_ wrong, there' no girl Winston."

"Ok well...maybe _that's_ the problem then."

"There's no problem here." Nick tried in vain to laugh off the conversation.

"Alright, alright I just don't think it would so you any harm Nick, I mean you got that girls number the other night right, why don't you give her a call."

Nick sighed and stared at his feet. "I think I'm ready to run a little more."

"Nick you almost passed out."

But Winston found he was talking to himself as Nick rose quickly to his feet and started to jog steadily away from him. He sighed and shook his head with an exasperated smile before he pushed himself wearily to his feet and ran after his friend.

* * *

Jess dropped back heavily against the wall of the elevator banging her head against it repeatedly and whimpering to herself over and over. She could kill Cece, she knew it wasn't her fault, she didn't know what was going on but Jess needed someone to vent her anger at and get it out of her system before her date and Cece was the most viable candidate. Except she wasn't around, she was at home with her fiance living her perfectly simple life that was completely devoid of any romantic complications. Jess was annoyed, really annoyed and the next unfortunate victim in her path was going to get it if they so much as looked at her the wrong way. She flung the front door open, using her foot to give it an extra shove and dropped her bags to the hard floor with no regard for what was in them. She needed a glass of wine, she needed to calm herself down and find a little courage for the date which had suddenly been thrust upon her. She heard Nick groan from the kitchen which flared her temper. _**Him.**_ He was the reason for her frustrations, he was the reason the very notion of a date was suddenly so complicated and preposterous. She was ready to bark at him, she could feel annoyance burning in her throat but as she charged round to the kitchen she was completely unprepared for the sight in front of her.

Nick in shorts, sweating, with his t-shirt pulled up to wipe his forehead showing off his glistening torso populated with just the right amount of hair that made her want to claw her fingers through something, preferably him. She felt her stomach flip and an immediate throbbing between her legs. She stared with her mouth open as he wrung the material across his face before letting it drop to take a long sip from his bottle of water, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down slowly, the movement was almost hypnotic. When he lowered his head, his eyes widened just a little.

"Oh hey Jess."

But she didn't respond, she strode over snatching the bottle from his hand and throwing it on the counter before she fisted her hands in the mildly damp material of his t-shirt and pulled his mouth hard against hers. She pressed her tongue against his lips but he only responded for a split second before resting his hands on her hips and pushing her away.

"Whoa Winston is here!" He whispered loudly, frowning at her strange demeanour. She was looking at him, really looking at him, almost through him. He could see the muscles in her jaw flexing as she clenched her teeth nervously, her brow furrowed with a hint of worry as her eyes seemed to be pleading with him. Not for sex, for something else, something he didn't know. He released one hand from her hip and rested it on her face, his thumb swiping over her cheek and still she didn't speak or even move, her hands still clutched the sides of his t-shirt into little balls in her palm.

"Are you ok Jess?"

Moment after moment went by and nothing. Part of him wished it had stayed that way after the words finally left her mouth.

"I have a date tonight." She blurted.

His hand immediately left her face and she felt her heart sink. As he released his hold on her completely, she followed suit and let go of his shirt, focusing on the creases she had created just to avoid looking at his face.

"Oh."

"It's the guy from the bar."

Nick nodded, his mouth turning down as he stared at the floor. Jess opened her mouth to say more words, to explain and rationalise but there was no point and really there was no need. She didn't need to explain herself, this was what they had both agreed, but that didn't do anything to ease her stomach which was swimming with guilt. She raised her hands to touch his face, to force him to look up from the floor but she hesitated, her hand hanging in the air with indecision. Suddenly she yanked them behind her back, her hands wringing together anxiously at the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway, she could hear the duty belt on Winston's uniform jangling, the sound getting louder and louder but never quite making it into the kitchen as he hollered a goodbye and slammed the door behind him. Jess sighed in relief and turned back to Nick who was now looking at her. He looked confused, like she had just given him an impossible maths equation that his life depended on.

"I gotta go take a shower." His voice cracked and he made a move to get past her but she grabbed his arm stopping him.

"Nick wait."

"Look Jess I don't mind, it's fine...you know, whatever." He wriggled his arm free and offered her a small smile as he headed for the bathroom.

Unable to be left alone with her thoughts and the general feeling that she was the worst person in the world Jess found herself pacing in the hallway, waiting for him to come back to tell him...actually she had no idea what she wanted to tell him she just wanted to make sure that they were ok, that nothing had changed. She heard the soft trickle of water bouncing against the shower curtain further down the hall and it got her attention. Her feet started to carry her towards the sound, completely of their own volition even though she had yet to weigh up whether or not it was a good idea. The expression on his face ten minutes ago would suggest that it wasn't, but she found herself hovering outside the bathroom door with her hand resting on the door knob nonetheless. The sound of the water hitting the base of the shower with each movement of his body made her picture him on the other side of the door and before she knew it she was turning the handle.

Steam hit her in the face as stepped towards the shower, his inaction suggesting he hadn't heard her come in. She used his obliviousness wisely and took the time to peel her cardigan off her shoulders, popping the small buttons of her shirt and unzipping the side of her skirt which she let drop to the floor. Taking another step forward she loosened her bra and hooked her fingers in the sides of her underwear letting them join her skirt on the floor.

She didn't let him know she was there nor did she wait for permission. She pulled back the curtain witnessing the expanse of his tanned, wet back as his muscles worked under the surface of his skin. Still he didn't hear her. For the first time all day Jess didn't think, she let something else take over. She ran her fingers up his back and he flinched but he didn't turn around. She kissed apologies into his skin but the room remained quiet. They were soft reverent kisses across his shoulder blades that got more and more passionate the longer he stood with his back to her. She could feel his skin expanding and contracting under her lips and palms as he breathed in and out faster and faster. She moved a hand round to his stomach and started to gently scratch her nails downward, down past his belly button, down the trail of sparse hair that led between his thighs but he grabbed her wrist stopping her and spun around, hooking his arm her around her waist and turning her back against the tiles in one quick, fluid motion.

She could feel his skin slick and slippery against hers as he stood against her gripping her hips and just staring at her, that stern, confused look still present. She curled hers fingers around his neck and tugged at him, angling her lips up towards his but he stood firm, almost delighting in her impatience. His thumbs started to moved in painfully slow circles over her hip bones causing her to lift her leg, hooking it over his thigh in the hopes of getting things moving but his hands remained where they were. She pressed her fingers into the back of his neck giving him a gentle but purposeful jerk.

"Nick!"

He smiled almost wickedly and she didn't know if she wanted to kiss him or punch him but she was capable of neither as she felt one of his hands move between her legs and start stroking her tenderly - at first. Her lids fell closed as her eyes rolled back and she bit her bottom lip into her mouth to keep from shouting out. She could feel his heavy breaths rush over her face as his hand worked its magic, getting faster and applying more and more pressure making her jerk and spasm as he touched her. She wrapped her hand around his length and tried to bring him to where she was but she was too far gone and lacked the coordination that he was so expertly demonstrating. His fingers felt almost abrasive against her most sensitive skin but that seemed to just push her over the edge.

Nick could read her, he knew her body and her responses too well and the second she was about to come he pulled away making her whimper loudly in his face. He placed both hands flat on the tiles on either side of her head and his body now stood further away from her, his skin no longer touching hers. Her whole body was pulsing and she needed him to finish what he had started. She grabbed both cheeks of his ass and pulled him against her, feeling how hard he was, wondering why he wasn't doing anything to remedy it. Still he stood and stared at her his face just millimeters away now, his lips dusting against hers with every breath in. Time stood still and just as she was about to push him away in annoyance she felt the outside of his foot press against the inside of hers as he pushed her legs a little wider apart. Lifting her other leg he pushed into her quick enough to make her gasp and dig her nails into his biceps. He was done waiting now, done with wasting time, he moved rapidly in and out of her, feeling her grip on him tighten as their kisses lost all sense of poise and control. It didn't take long for either of them to come, it felt like they spent their lives almost on the edge these days.

Nick sunk his head into her shoulders for a few moments, his lips resting against her slick skin before he moved to stand under the stream of water, closing his eyes and running his hands through his hair while Jess watched him the whole time, trying to come back to her reality. With one quick glance at her he stepped out of the shower and reached for his towel, winding it round his waist he walked through the door closing it behind him. Jess stayed with her back against the cool, tiled wall regaining her composure, the throbbing and vibrating in her body slowly starting to dissipate. She moved to stand under the flow of water. Taking a deep breath she reached for her shampoo and tried hard to remember how to carry out a basic task. She started to lather up her hair. She really needed to get showered and clean, she needed to get ready and look and smell nice because she had a date. _A date._ For that short while she had forgotten and now all she could feel was her stomach churning. She could still feel where Nick had been, where he had touched and now she was getting ready to go out with another man. As the water rinsed the white bubbles down her body she felt the harsh prick of tears behind her eyes.

* * *

Nick buttoned up his shirt, his hands still shaking a little with adrenaline. He straightened out his collar and laughed to himself, somewhat uncomfortably. He was having a strange day, things between him and Jess had finally shifted, their honeymoon period was over and they had to share each other now. That thing they had talked about so confidently with so much bravado was now a reality and his bravado was trying to make a run for it. He slapped his cheeks with both hands to snap himself out of it, trying to focus on the sharp sting. It was just a date, he knew it was coming and he had to get it together. There was nothing to stop him from going out and doing the same thing, well there was the minor obstacle of a shift at the bar but that could be his playground if he wanted it to be. But he had two hours to kill before then and he didn't know how comfortable he felt being left alone with his own imagination.

He went to the kitchen to grab himself a much needed beer and cracked the lid, delighting in the fizz of air. He chugged a few gulps of the cold liquid down before he settled on the couch, dropping his feet on the coffee table. He could hear the sound of a hair dryer and the quiet melody of music coming from Jess' room and it made it hard to get his mind of their encounter which he was desperately trying to do. Ten minutes later he heard her door open and watched her pad across to the kitchen in nothing but her robe with half her hair now curled and a little make up on her face. He sipped his beer and flicked through the TV channels as he heard her clattering around in the fridge, the clinking of glass telling him she was getting a glass of wine - to steady her nerves perhaps. He expected her to retreat back to her room but suddenly he felt the sofa dip as she sat next to him, her feet taking up residence next to his on the the table.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" He asked tentatively.

"I have an hour it's fine."

He pouted and nodded his head. "Well the outfit is sexy but it might be a little risque for a first date."

She turned to him and smiled, an airy laugh flowing through her nose. "Yeah well it's been a risque kinda day." She nudged him without meeting his eyes.

"You can say that again." He laughed and shook his head.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Nothing it's just..."

"What?"

"You used to need to go on a date with me to have sex with another guy now it seems you need to have sex with me to go on a date."

He smiled and tried to keep it light but it didn't last as his face fell, hers quickly following.

"That's not what that was Nick."

"Oh yeah, then what was it?"

They locked eyes for the first time since the shower, the small movement of their pupils darting around made them certain they were both searching for something, maybe the same thing. Jess finally lowered her gaze to her wine glass which was looking more and more tempting by the second.

"I should probably get dressed."

"Jess I didn't mean..."

"No it's fine I just uh...I just don't want to be late you know.

As she disappeared Nick closed his eyes and let his head drop against the back of of couch, an echoing sigh blowing around his beer bottle as he lifted it to his mouth. He turned the TV up to try and distract himself but all he could focus on was the small red clock on the DVD payer below, watching every minute count down until eight o'clock when he knew she would leave. He heard her turn off her music then he heard her pull the zipper on her bag and spray her perfume. He considered a quick bolt to his bedroom to avoid any further awkwardness but there was no time as she emerged from her bedroom looking painfully beautiful in a dress he remembered from a date they'd once had in Chinatown. The food had been so bad that night they had taken a bottle of wine and a bag of fortune cookies to the park where they had spent the whole evening laughing, her legs sprawled across his lap while he wrapped her in his jacket. It made his chest sting.

She wiggled her feet into her shoes and draped her bag over her shoulder finally chancing a look at him. They both smiled with sad eyes and tight lips for a few moments.

"See ya" She uttered as she walked out the door suddenly.

"Yeah see ya." He whispered to the closed door.

* * *

Jess pulled up outside the restaurant and rested her hands on the steering wheel, pausing as she stared at the front door watching a few people come and go looking as happy as she was sure she was supposed to look. She kept her hands tight on the wheel and even kept her feet on the pedals as she considered her options - as though she had any. That was until she was interrupted by a soft tapping on the window as a very young valet beamed at her through the glass. She smiled and grabbed her bag, finally exiting the car and handing her keys to the exuberant young man next to her who wasted no time in whisking her car away, taking her to a point of no return. She suddenly felt very annoyed at Cece, everything that was wrong in her world in that moment all felt like Cece's fault even though Jess knew that wasn't true. Jess herself was the reason she was in this situation, she was the reason she felt like this. She took a deep breath and headed towards the front door, the sound of soft music and the smell of garlic and cooking food hitting her as she walk in.

Tom was waiting for her at the bar, he spotted her immediately as he jumped off his stool and straightened his suit jacket out nervously. Jess felt like she was on her first date ever, her nerves were out of control, so much so she wanted to turn round and run away but she couldn't do that to him. He had gone to so much effort with his suit and tie and the lovely restaurant. She could see he had already order her a rose wine, he had even remembered what she was drinking from three nights ago. She held out her hand to his and his pulled her in for a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi Jess, wow you look really great."

"Thanks, so do you, very smart."

"Thank you. Shall we..." He pointed towards an empty table for two a few feet to their left.

"Uh yeah sure."

She accepted her glass of wine gratefully and they made their way to the table. He pulled out her chair, he complimented her, he surprised her with the best virgin cocktails on the menu, he was polite and considerate and he listened to her, really listened. By all accounts she was on the perfect date. Still she had this unsettling feeling in her stomach, the kind of feeling where she thought she had left the oven on or left the front door to the loft open when there was nobody home, a general feeling that there was something else she needed to take care of. Her mind ticked over and over so loud in her head she didn't notice the silence at the dinner table until it was too late. She smiled widely, almost too widely and chuckled in the vain hope he had made a joke. He laughed politely knowing full well she wasn't listening to him.

"Uh Jess, if you don't mind me saying you seem a little distracted tonight."

"Tom no I...uh I know I'm sorry."

"Are you not having a good time or..."

Jess reached across the table a rested her hand over Tom's surprising herself. "No that's not it I am, I am having a good time. I'm sorry I just had a really long day and...bad day at work. It's not you, really it's not."

That was the truth, it wasn't him. In terms of the lottery that was meeting random guys in bars she had pretty much hit the jackpot with Tom. There was no good, logical reason for her not to enjoy the date, enjoy him. She couldn't stay single and sleeping with her best friend for the rest of her life, that made her and Nick into something they weren't, something they could never be. She had to find a way to compartmentalize her life, she had to find a box for Nick, a place where she could leave him from time to time. She tried to be brave and she left her hand lying over Tom's. He was second date material and every part of her knew that, under any other circumstances she would have skipped home with glee after the date with a big smile on her face, but her circumstances were what they were and for the first time she started to accept they weren't as simple as she wanted.

Jess stuck it out for the whole date and she was proud of herself, she even went so far as to imply she would be open to seeing him again, which was partly true. She had kissed him on the cheek with a genuine smile and they had gone their separate ways. But as she drove home on the quiet roads she wasn't dissecting her date like she normally did, she wasn't trying to remember things they had both said to each other or count how many times he had touched her, she wasn't even calling Cece to give her a blow by blow account. All she could think about was what was waiting for her at home.

* * *

She opened the door to the loft and was met by silence. The lights were on and there were a few beer bottles and bowls of chips scattered around on the table so there were signs of life but there was nobody around. As she walked into the hallway she looked back at Nick's bedroom door but it was closed tight, she figured maybe he was still at work, it wasn't like him to be in bed before midnight. She walked into her bedroom dropping her bag on to her bed and kicking off her shoes with a sigh. She sat down on her bed with a little bounce and tried to process the day's events but it was foggy in her mind and it was making her tired, she was exhausted from trying to figure things out, she just wanted it to be simple again, she just wanted it all to feel easy. She glanced through her open door and stared hard at the wood of Nick's door like she was trying to see what was on the other side. The harder she focused the more she noticed soft music coming from his room, she stood up, took a few steps and rested her hands on the door frame without venturing outside but she was certain he was home. She felt the sides of her mouth curl up into the tiniest of smiles.

She stepped back into her room pulling the door to and reached up behind her back awkwardly to pull the zipper down on her dress, with a few jerks and squirms she managed to get it down her arms and let it drop to pool on the floor. Standing in front of her mirror she pushed her fingers into her hair and shook it a little to give it some more bounce. She surveyed her face to check she had no mascara or lipstick smears anywhere and she sprayed a quick squirt of perfume on her neck for good measure. She gave herself the once over in the mirror and draped her shortest robe around her shoulders, tying it loosely around her waist. She didn't know what mood Nick would be in after the way they had left things earlier that evening but she was willing to take her chances.

With a deep breath she made her way towards his bedroom. Smiling to herself she loosened the neckline of her robe and raised her hand to the door knob, she was way past the formality of actually knocking. But as her hand met the cool brass she heard it. The sound that felt like a punch in the gut. The soft but unmistakable sound of female laughter.


	9. Sleeping Habits

Jess could see the kid's lip starting to quiver, he was blinking incessantly to keep the tears at bay but it wasn't working. He pulled at his t-shirt desperately, staring at absolutely everything in the room apart from her. Then it happened, the tears finally fell and it was all her fault, she had caused it. The kid had only been ten minutes late for class but he might as well have murdered somebody or stolen from Jess the way she had yelled at him. It wasn't the way she did things, she liked to treat her kids like they were adults and she didn't go around randomly yelling at the adults in her life every time they made a tiny mistake. She took a few quiet moments to calm herself down and get a little perspective on the situation. She had to maintain her professionalism so she couldn't fall to her knees reeling off apologies the way she wanted to, so she simply lowered her voice, gave him a small pep talk and reneged on her threat to call his parents, sending him back to his class with dry eyes and a sense of relief. When he was out of her sight she dropped her forehead into her hands and shook her head, she shouldn't have let problems in her personal life seep into her work like that. Just because she was mad at her room mate, Joey Blackman didn't really deserve to bear the brunt of that.

She was excruciatingly tired, she figured she had only had around two or three hours sleep. She had been awake long enough to hear Nick's lady friend leave in the early hours of the morning. She had also been awake long enough to see his feet underneath her door as he had the audacity to hover outside her bedroom afterwards. But he hadn't knocked, even if he had she would have surely ignored him. How could he do that to her? He promised. She trusted Nick more than anybody else in the world and he had let her down, it wasn't a feeling she was used to and she really didn't like it.

Jess sat chained to her desk as the students started to filter out of the building at the end of the day. Hundreds of voices became dozens and then eventually she was left in complete silence save for the soft buzz of her computer. Her office felt like a safe haven, she wasn't ready to go home yet, she wasn't ready to face Nick and have to end whatever it was they had. But as the pink haze of the sunset started to fill her office she knew it was getting late, too late to be at school. As much as she loved the place she hated being there alone at night, she only ever did it when she absolutely had to. She had heard far too many ghost stories from other teachers and watched far too many horror films to want to stick around too long after hours.

Turning off her computer she began to pack up her things. She kept checking her phone but she had no idea why, she hadn't heard from Nick all day, they hadn't spoken at all since before her date and that had hardly been the most comfortable exchange they had ever had. She left the building, waving goodbye to the janitor and made a dash for her car, she tended to pick up the pace a little when she was walking alone, a habit instilled in her by Cece. She threw her bag on the passenger side and slumped heavily in her seat, stopping just to rest her hands on the steering wheel for a moment and stare into the distance, hoping some words of wisdom would fall from the sky on how she should handle all of this. When she was met with nothing but the sound of a few crickets and some distant traffic she tried the next best thing. Grabbing her phone from her bag she searched through her numbers and started to dial.

"Hey sweetie."

"Hi Mom."

Her Mom's voice felt like home, it felt like a thousand hugs even though she wasn't there and it stirred something up in Jess, something she wasn't expecting and could no longer contain. She felt her face collapse, her shoulders hunch and her resolve weaken. Tears immediately started to fall down her cheeks and there was simply no time for her to stop them or prepare her mother for what was wrong.

"Oh honey what's the matter what's happened?"

She sniffed and tried to steady her voice. "Mom I think I've done something really stupid."

* * *

Nick's phone buzzed in his pocket for the fifth time, he pulled it out and stared at the same name before stuffing it back in his pocket. He squeezed his eyes together and sighed, what the hell had he been thinking? He should have never stayed behind for those drinks after work, then she never would have stayed behind with him and she never would have ended up back at his apartment. He had tried to get rid of her, he had really tried but she had been so insistent and he never liked to come across as too forceful with a woman. He just wished he had got her out of the loft quicker, hearing Jess' key in the lock and the click of her bedroom door had made his stomach drop out his ass. It was a close call, too close, Jess could just have easily come straight into his bedroom and then what would he have done? Seeing disappoint on Jess' face made him feel so small, like he was fulfilling some prophecy he had written himself that he was destined to fuck things up when it came to her, and she was the last person in the whole world he ever wanted to hurt. He still carried the weight of responsibility for their breakup in spite of all the reassurances she gave him that it was a mutual decision, and he didn't want to add to that. The thought of Jess ever resenting his very existence was unbearable.

He had never expected to see Violet again, he was certain Jess had put her off for life. If anything he had been waiting on a call from Carrie, the blonde from the bar, but that had never happened and Violet was just...she was just there. She appeared in the bar so loud and full of life on an evening where he had felt anything but that. Nick never used the word perfect too frivolously but Violet had been the perfect distraction from Jess' date. He stared at the front door to the bar like it was about to burst into flames, he was convinced Violet was going to come back for round two and at the risk of feeling like a complete asshole, it definitely was not something that he wanted, at all.

"You ok Nick, you seem a little distracted?" Cece spoke as she cleaned glasses at the bar, leaning as casually as the quiet Tuesday crowd afforded her.

Nick sighed, he was at a loss as to how many more ways he could answer that question before he was just going to blurt something out. "Winston said that to me yesterday I don't get it I'm fine." He snapped without really intending to.

"Ok Nick I get it, it's one of those moods, it's fine I won't talk to you." Cece set the glass down and turned away but he rested his hand on her shoulder. It was strange to be going through something so intense with Jess and for Cece to have no knowledge of it. As Jess' best friend and someone who knew her as well as him he had always got good advice from Cece, or at the very least a cold, hard dose of reality. After his break up with Jess he had the luxury of going entire shifts without ever having to say a word and Cece would never judge him because she knew exactly what was going on, probably in as much detail as he did. Cece being out of the loop felt strange, she had become a good friend now and he felt guilty lying to her, even more so than Schmidt and Winston, he sure as hell had no right to get moody with her.

"Hey Cece I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap, I'm just a little tired."

"It's ok. I think there's more to it than that but I get that you don't want to tell me...whatever it is. So I'm not gonna push."

Nick smiled wearily and chose to take the spotlight off himself and move on to more pressing matters. Adopting his most casual stance and nonchalant voice he asked the question that had been plaguing him all day.

"So how was Jess' date last night?" He waited for the face, that face she always used to give him when she had him sussed out. Then he remembered she had no reason to suspect him, and seemingly she didn't.

"You know, I have no idea. I've been texting her all day and she hasn't gotten back to me. She must have had a crazy day at work or something."

Nick nodded until enough time had past for him to ask his next question. "He seemed like a nice guy right?"

"Right yeah, Super nice."

"Yeah." Nick continued to nod and screwed up his face a tiny bit. "Not really her type though right. I mean a little, you know...normal."

Cece made a face that lay somewhere between humoured and slightly defensive. "You don't think Jess is looking for a normal guy."

"Well no I don't mean that I just mean she should be with someone a little more you know..." Nick started to make a whole load of gestures and facial expressions that only served to confuse Cece more and more so eventually he stopped. "I just mean she deserves to be with someone who gets her."

"Jeez Nick relax it's just been one date and why do you care all of a sudden?"

"I always care about Jess, she's like my best friend Cece. Just because we're not together anymore it doesn't mean I don't want her to be happy. Why do my motives always get called into question whenever I say anything about Jess' love life. We're friends, I'm allowed to."

"Alright, alright." Cece held up her hands to calm him as his babbling voice got faster and more shrill. She backed away from him a little when a customer got her attention. "You're in a weird mood today Miller. _Weird_."

* * *

Nick held his ear to the loft door as he neared it. He had no idea what he was expecting to hear or find, it was just the type of thing he did when he was preparing for the unknown. He could hear nothing but there was a stream of light underneath the doorway so he knew someone was home. Stifling the jangling noise of his keys for no particular reason he slotted one into the lock and turned slowly. Pushing the door he saw the living area was empty but he could hear the sound of the kettle whistling in the kitchen and yes Schmidt was partial to some of Jess' fruity teas but not committed enough to indulge at midnight. No, that was Jess. He set his keys on the side table with enough volume to let her know he was there before he edged his way sheepishly round to the kitchen.

She was wearing one of her fluffiest robes, the one she wore when she was settling down to a night of ice cream and movies. Her hair was down, the curls having dropped a little over the course of the day to more of wave. The lenses had been exchanged for glasses and the pumps for slippers. Her looking like that would make it so much harder to withstand the sternness in her face he knew he would see when she turned around.

"Hey Jess."

"Hey." Her voice was flat and emotionless. Yep, he was in trouble.

"How was your day?" He saw her shoulders rise and fall in a quick shrug but stirring her tea was apparently a lot more interesting than him as she declined to turn around.

"It was fine."

He sighed as his shoulders dropped in defeat. "Look Jess about last night I..."

"I don't want to do this Nick." She interrupted as she finally turned around, her face hard but nervous.

"Ok you're right it's late we can talk about it tomorrow."

"No this. Us. I don't want to do it anymore."

Nick's face fell as he took an urgent step forward grasping at something and nothing at the same time. "Hey Jess wait. Look I know why you're pissed at me and I'm sorry, I know I kinda screwed with the rules a little bit last night...shit Jess I don't know what to say I'm sorry, I'd had a few beers and she just ended up in my room."

"You _'screwed'_ with the rules a little Nick."

"Well yeah. I know that's not exactly the most articulate way of putting it but..."

"One thing Nick!" She yelled cutting him off with the sound of her stern voice and her mug slamming down on the kitchen counter, her drink spilling over the top. "We agreed to let each other date, we even agreed to kissing other people but all I asked was that you didn't sleep with anyone else. That was all I asked. How could you Nick?!" Her throat was stinging as sorrow burned in to the back of it. She didn't want to cry, not least because she wanted him to see she was mad, not upset. But also because she just didn't want to cry, she didn't want to get emotional over him and have to deal with what any of that meant. She squeezed her eyes tight, quickly swiping a finger behind her glasses, her vision now clear enough to see the utter confusion on Nick's face, confusion tinged clearly with anger. She could see his chest heaving as indignation stole his breath from him. She expected him to yell but his voice was quiet, controlled even.

"You think I slept with her?"

 _Oh shit_. She swallowed hard. Her throat continued to burn, the sensation now flooding into her chest as she realised everything might not be as clear as she thought it was. "Well you did didn't you? She was in your room Nick, I heard you both."

"You heard us what Jess, talking, laughing, what?"

Jess froze, there was no other word to explain it, she was frozen stiff to the spot, her mouth slightly agape and her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "You mean you didn't?" Her voice was meek, barely there, making the sound of Nick's voice almost coarse in the silence of room as it remained clipped with anger.

"No I didn't Jess."

"Nick I'm sorry..." She stepped towards him but he moved away, holding his hands up to block her.

"Shut up Jess. You really think I would do that to you?"

"Well you have no reason not to I mean we're not together."

"You _asked_ me not to Jess...that was my reason." Nick rubbed his hands into his hair in frustration. "God Jess, I thought we had gotten past this?"

"What?"

"You always thinking that I'm gonna screw stuff up, that I'm always gonna make the wrong decision."

"I don't think that."

"Yeah I might mess some things up Jess but not something like that. I would never do something like that to you, don't you know that by now?"

Silence filled the loft giving Jess much needed time to consider her mistake. "I do know." she sniffed, "I'm sorry Nick, I just...I heard you guys together and you were in your room and it was late and my mind just went to the worst place."

"We were in my room because Schmidt was here and he was bored without Cece and he wouldn't go away, it was late because I had done a shift at the bar and the only reason she was even here Jess was because..."

"What?"

"Because I was lonely Jess ok. You were out on your date and I didn't want to be on my own and she was just there. That's it. She was just there."

"Nick I'm sorry."

"Yeah. You said that." He sighed defeated as she stared at his feet. "Look I'm really tired I think I'm just gonna go to bed."

"Ok." Jess conceded, she knew the conversation was done. She had upset him too much for it to go any further that night so she let him walk away.

* * *

Jess rested her arm across her forehead as she stared into the darkness of her bedroom, sleep was too much to ask for apparently, it evaded her for the second night in a row. She had been lying that way for two hours doing nothing but cursing herself for upsetting Nick the way she had. She should have known he wasn't capable of that. Even at their worst as a couple, even after they had broken up and gone through a phase of being intensely mad at each other, he had still never done anything cruel to hurt her, in fact the opposite was true of Nick. He had always put her feelings ahead of his, always. She should have known, or at the very least asked him before taking his head off and trying to end things. Well not end things, that made it seem like they were in a relationship, which they weren't. She should have trusted him as a friend because as far as friends go, he was the best she'd ever had. She could feel a queasiness in her stomach that wouldn't go away, she rubbed her hand over her belly but it made no difference, it made no difference because what she was feeling was guilt, plain and simple.

She started to feel an unpleasant coolness down her right hand side. The warmth of the sheets where he had been a few nights before had faded into memory. She would swear she could still make out a dip in the pillow where his head had been, smell his skin on the fabric. She stretched her arms out, the back of her hand falling heavily against the sheets, touching their creases affectionately, almost forlornly. She felt a quiet sense of desperation and she realised that was what he must have felt last night, the sudden feeling of loneliness was overwhelming. She found herself wanting to touch him, fell the heat and weight of his body against her. Not sex though, this time she wanted something else.

She flipped the covers back and set her feet on the floor, her knees jumping nervously up and down as she sat with her hands clinging on to each of them. Chewing her lips relentlessly she stared at her clock, it was three in the morning, maybe he would be asleep but maybe he wouldn't. She was being impulsive but hell that's all she had done for the past two months, be impulsive, it was almost becoming second nature to her. She stood and paced her bedroom for a few seconds but moments later she found herself at his bedroom door. Without even knocking she opened his door quietly and found her way through the darkness to the warmth of his bed and climbed in next to him. Wriggling under the covers she pressed her back against him she felt around for his hand, curling her fingers around his thick wrist she and pulled it up to her chest as she nuzzled back into him, tangling her feet with his.

"I'm sorry." She whispered not even knowing if he was awake until he fingers tightened around hers.

"It's ok."

"But this is just for tonight ok, it doesn't mean anything."

Nick didn't say a word, he simply tightened his hold on her and buried his face into her hair as they fell asleep.

* * *

Jess felt her whole body being pushed down into the mattress under the weight of sleepiness, more specifically Nick's mattress where she had spent the night, breaking the rule she herself had made and pushing them even further into that grey area in which they seemed to be becoming more and more submerged. His leg was tucked between hers and his arm was still draped over her heavily, with a now slackened grip on her hand, his fingers just nestled in between hers loosely, suggesting neither of them had moved the entire night. His breath was soft and reassuring on her shoulder, his chest heaving rhythmically against her back in time with her own. She knew she should leave, just slip away before he woke up but her body just felt so comfortable and heavy, lifting herself out of his bed at this point just seemed impossible. But the more awake she became the more the harsh light of day started to bring things into focus. Pushing herself even further down into the mattress she tried to squirm out of his grasp without waking him but suddenly it tightened and she was even more confined in his embrace, his face now buried deep in her hair. She laughed at her predicament even though she knew that there was really nothing funny about it. She curled her fingers around his wrist and tried again to lift his arm but he tensed it. Now she knew he was awake. If it was possible she actually heard him smile.

As the rolled on to her back he rose up on to his elbow making room for her to slot right underneath him the way she used to in the morning. He looked down at her and had almost forgotten how brilliantly big and blue her eyes looked first thing in the morning. ' _How did she do it?_ ' _How did she look like that when she had just woken up?'_ He thought to himself and as he gazed down he couldn't help but press his lips lightly against hers, giving little consideration to the level of intimacy or what rules he might be breaking. Jess had already broken the rules when she climbed into his bed in the early hours of the morning. Underneath the brilliance of her eyes he had seen a hint of wariness but still she kissed him back, her fingers soon making their way into his hair to graze delightfully against his scalp.

This was new, it was new territory. Morning sex had never really been part of the deal, especially not if it followed a whole night spent sleeping together. To start and end the day together in each other's arms had a distinct odour of couple-ness which is why they had always stayed clear of it. If they were ever in denial of the potency of their _'situation'_ and its implications they could always find ways to rationalise it, to put it in a box to make it more acceptable to both of them. In the evening they could blame it on tiredness if they so wished, or perhaps one too many beers, even during the day it could be passed off as a mode of amusement, a way to pass the time, or simply as being an appropriate time slot in a vacant apartment. But in the morning, there was no real way of rationalising it, it was nothing but want and need and being positive that was the best possible way to start their day. They both knew this, they had discussed it and yet neither of them stopped it. Quite the opposite in fact as Nick allowed his hands to pluck gently a the small buttons of her pyjama top. Jess simply dropped her hands to either side of her head and let it happen, let him have his way.

He peeled one side of her pyjama top away from her and then the other side, every movement slow and measured. His eyes simply lingered over her breasts until the temptation was too much and he squeezed one gently bringing his mouth down over it. He took his time, his mouth and hands still waking up as they moved over her leisurely eliciting soft but constant whimpers from Jess who lifted her knees and began to push at the sides of his boxers with her feet. Through a mouthful of her flesh Nick laughed at her lack of success and pushed himself up on his knees, but rather than tackle his own underwear he instead chose to peel her navy, star covered pyjama bottoms down her legs. Then finally he ungainly removed his boxers only getting them as far down as his ankles. The fact that they were both still semi-clothed heightened their senses and made it all the more incredible when his length came to lay between her legs, rubbing slowly but purposefully against her.

The lack of urgency felt strange, she couldn't remember the last time they had made love like this. Lately they had always been in a hurry, desperate to get each other naked and fearful of getting caught, but this was different, it felt very, very different. She knew Nick could feel it too as he propped himself up on his elbows on either side of her head, his hand stroking tenderly against her hair as he stared at her. Slowly, almost painfully slowly, he entered her, his eyes never leaving hers. As he began to move she could see every feeling and sensation in his eyes and it was almost too overwhelming. She remembered why they had avoided this, why she had never let herself look into his eyes, now she was in a world of trouble as she felt every inch of him moving inside of her as his eyes burned into hers. Pressing her heels into his behind she pushed her hands up inside his t-shirt to grab at his back and kissed him with little finesse or coordination, but he reciprocated gladly.

His pace quickened, the sounds of heavy breaths and a mildly creaking bed filled the air, getting faster and faster adding to the anticipation. It wasn't the most creative sex they had ever had, it probably wasn't even the most passionate but as the final moment landed upon them and they looked into each other's eyes neither of them had ever come so hard in their life. Their breaths were hard and loud in each other's ears, their skin slick against one another as Nick gradually slowed to a stop.

Nick didn't want the feeling to fade, partly because it felt fucking amazing but partly because he knew the feelings of doubt and fear that were going to replace it in a matter of minutes. Something has shifted. They were getting too close.

He closed his eyes as her lips moved lazily up his neck towards his face but as she started to search for his mouth again he turned his head away from her feeling her lips landing soft and open against his cheek. He stared out of the window momentarily trying to focus on the noise outside, any noises so he could step outside of himself, outside of a moment that was becoming too intense for him. Sensing his sudden distraction Jess pushed her hands against his chest signaling for him to move. Nick obliged but his heart sunk as he watched her frantically start to button up her pyjama top, avoiding his eyes. He cursed himself and reluctantly pulled up his underwear as Jess routed round on the floor for her bottoms and immediately left his bed.

He set up and rested his arms on his knees as Jess plucked her glasses from his side table and put them back on her face. They looked at each other for what felt like minutes on end when it was probably no more than ten seconds. Nick wrung his hands and Jess pushed her glass up her nose unnecessarily.

"Good morning." He laughed a little trying to make light of it, the sound of his voice almost strange in what had been complete silence up until that point but there was nothing light about Jess' face which was unsettlingly serious.

"I uh, I'm sorry I slept over last night I know it's not what we agreed."

"It's ok, I mean we had fun right?"

"Yeah...fun."

A silence descended making them both start to squirm, the sheer comfort they had felt moments ago disintegrating right in front of them.

"Are we ok Jess?"

"Yeah we're fine. Why wouldn't we be?"

"Ok, it's just we agreed that we wouldn't let this affect our friendship and..."

"It's not Nick." She snapped and then smiled to try and conceal it. "It's not we're fine really. That was just sex we don't need to talk about it."

"Ok." Nick nodded unconvincingly. "Will you come to the bar later?"

Jess forced a smile. "Sure." She left his room closing the door behind her, doing a quick check down the halls before she dashed into the safety of her own room. She closed the door and dropped wearily against it, her brain and body an intense conflict of peace and chaos. She never did go to the bar that night.


	10. Persuasion

**Three weeks later...**

Jess swept the make up brush over her eye layering on a darker colour to what she had been wearing during the day, she smoothed mascara up to the tips of her long lashes and then proceeded to dab a light sheen of lip gloss on to her lips. It was a routine she had down to a fine art but it still required that little bit of extra concentration when it was a special occasion. Her concentration was just intense enough for her to be convinced she had misheard what Cece had just said to her. As she paused with the lip gloss stick hovering over her mouth she watched her best friend in the mirror and listened more intently as she said it again. Jess spun round so fast her hair hit her in the face sticking inconveniently to her newly applied lip gloss. She spat a few times as her fingers scrambled against her lips.

"October 18th?!" Jess almost yelled.

"Yeah."

"Cece that's like three months away!"

"Yeah I know." Cece pressed her palms together and chewed on the fingernails of her index fingers as she continued to brace herself during Jess' inevitable reaction.

"I thought you said you guys were gonna wait another year? I mean we haven't planned anything, like nothing Cece."

"I know it's just my grandmother isn't in great health and she really wants to be there. She still hasn't recovered from the disaster of my last wedding. I need to give her a happy ending Jess. I can't have my grandmother's death on my hands."

Jess widened her eyes and blew out a breath with a slight shake of the head. Settling down on her bed next to Cece she allowed her shoulders to drop and decided to take stock of the situation. Jess was nothing if not organised, she could to this, they could do this. "Ok." She exhaled again. "So we have approximately twelve weeks to plan your entire wedding." She turned to Cece squinting her eyes. "And Schmidt is ok with this. I mean he has been dreaming about his wedding since he was a kid. I know he has lots of ideas, he showed me the scrapbook Cece, it's bigger than mine."

"I know but it was his idea actually. He said he doesn't care when or where it is, he just wants to marry me."

Jess pouted and sported her best puppy dogs eyes. "Oh Cece that's so cute."

"I know."

But their tender moment was shortlived as Jess clapped her hands together sharply and bounced off the bed to retrieve her laptop from her desk. She immediately flipped the top up and settled back next to Cece so close their thighs were pressed together snugly. Cece heard the whir of the computer as it started up and laughed as Jess clicked on a small folder marked _'Cece and Schmidt's Big Day.'_ Inside was a whole host of other folders with various labels ranging from _flowers_ to _wedding favours_. Cece threw her arm around Jess' shoulder and squeezed. "Jess what are you doing?"

"We don't have any time to waste Cece we have to get started."

"That's very sweet but aren't you meeting Henry in like an hour."

"Well yeah but we got some time."

Cece smiled and rolled her eyes, pulling the laptop from Jess' knees and shutting it down. Bending forward she slid it under the bed and turned back to her friend who was now pouting and playing with her fingers nervously. "What's going Jess, I thought you liked this guy?"

Jess had met Henry at the Farmer's Market following a discussion over the finest local cheese. They had been on five dates so far which, after things with Tom failed to even get off the ground, was pretty impressive. Henry was a nice simple guy who liked a lot of the things she did and was pretty compromising about the ones he didn't. He owned a small book store and had a quaint little apartment which Jess had frequented once or twice but had yet to spend the night in. Traditionally, yes, she would have slept with a guy before the fifth date went by but she was in no hurry and so far Henry hadn't put her under any pressure. She was happy to take her time and leave sex out of the equation for a little while and it wasn't just Henry who was feeling the repercussions of that.

"I do like him." Jess wandered back to her dresser and touched up her make up a little more, not keen on offering up much more information than she had.

Cece could see a distinct lack of enthusiasm in Jess' face, not to mention the fact that she was more than familiar with Jess' behaviour when she was into a guy and this wasn't it, there wasn't even a trace of it, but Cece decided to let it drop. She didn't want to send Jess off on her date in a funky mood. "Well good, I'm glad. It's a big date night huh? I'm almost embarrassed that Schmidt and I are staying in to watch movies and eat Chinese food."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you, Winston, Nick, you guys have been busy."

"Nick has a date tonight...a-and Winston?"

"Yeah. It must be the summer of love in loft 4D."

Cece picked up Jess' laptop again and sat back on the bed crossing her legs comfortably, deciding she was now a little intrigued as to what ideas Jess had in store so far. Jess turned back to her mirror to play with her already perfectly preened hair. She knew that Cece was suspicious over her disinterest in her own love life, Cece knew her far too well. But it was a conversation Jess wasn't in the mood for so, just like Cece, she chose to ignore it. She also chose to ignore that she hadn't really picked the perfect pair of shoes for her outfit, she chose to ignore that she was about to go to a restaurant she had once given her violent food poisoning, she chose to ignore how uncomfortable the underwire of her bra was and she chose to ignore that Nick was going on his third date with Carrie.

* * *

Nick's smile reached from ear to ear and almost beyond as he patted Schmidt firmly but affectionately on the back for the umpteenth time. There was a spring in his step as they walked down the street back to the loft and it was the first time he'd felt that in a couple of weeks. He knew for a fact it was two weeks because he specifically remembered the last thing that had made him smile the way he was smiling right now.

Schmidt would often take him out for lunch or dinner right after he'd been paid, it was a ritual they'd had ever since Schmidt had started to make good money. Nick had even managed to return the favour a few times at slightly cheaper establishments of course. So as much as Nick always appreciated the gesture, it was exactly surprising. The champagne had been a little more of a head-scratcher but he knew Schmidt liked to be flashy so again he let it slide without question. So as Nick had chewed his expensive food and sipped his champagne merrily he hadn't necessarily expected what was coming next but it certainly wasn't an unwelcome surprise.

"Does this mean I get to plan the whole bachelor party?" Nick smiled gleefully almost skipping next to Schmidt

Schmidt screwed up his face with a doubtful expression. "Hmmm I guess so, I mean I will need to be an associate project manager of course but I suppose, technically as my best man, yes you get to plan the bachelor party. No cheap beer cans though and I want to wake up with both eyebrows fully in tact on the morning of my wedding Nick! I'm determined to look as good as Cece in the photos."

Nick offered Schmidt two enthusiastic finger guns "You got it! Well I guess we need to talk dates, I mean October really isn't that far away huh?"

"I guess not."

"Man by the time Halloween comes around you're gonna be somebody's husband Schmidty!"

"I know it's crazy, I always thought..." Schmidt lowered his head and busied his overly talkative mouth by chewing one of his fingernails.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No what were you gonna say." Nick prodded.

"I don't know." Schmidt jammed his hands in his pockets and scuffed his shoes against the pavement as he walked. "I guess I always thought that you'd be first, you know, that maybe you and Jess would..."

That was another lightning bolt of words that Nick wasn't expecting and it kind of floored him. Any mention of him and Jess in any romantic capacity had all but stopped amongst their friends, sometimes it was almost as if they had all completely forgotten. He considered for a moment whether or not Schmidt knew anything and started to mentally prepare how he was going to rationalise it but as he witnessed the apologetic look on his face, Nick knew it was nothing more than a harmless comment born from an day of sentimentality. Judging by the strange ache in Nick's chest maybe harmless wasn't quite the right word.

Schmidt shook his head, berating himself. "I'm sorry man I don't why I said that."

"Forget it, it's fine."

"No it was stupid I know you guys are happy being friends."

Nick laughed nervously as they approached the elevator in their building and prayed that his face wasn't as red as it it felt, partly from almost being busted but partly from the extreme guilt of lying to his best friend about this huge thing that was happening in his life, or _had_ happened, whatever the correct tense was for him and Jess. Nick willingly turned the conversation back to the role that had been bestowed upon him earlier that evening as Schmidt's best man which Schmidt was more than happy to bite at. As they made their way into the loft they found Jess and Cece curled up on the sofa, enjoying a glass of wine together. Nick felt the burn of embarrassment in his cheeks intensify, like somehow Jess had heard what Schmidt had said. It was the feeling of coming face to face with someone he had just had a sex dream about. He'd had plenty of those about Jess too.

He pressed the back of his hand against his face to assess how hot his cheeks were but that just served to draw more attention from Jess who raised her eyebrows at him with that strange smile he had been getting for the last couple of weeks that he couldn't place. Like she was waiting for him to get a clue about some joke or secret that only she was in on, it was full of anticipation mixed with a healthy dose of shyness and disappointment at the same time. As he and Schmidt settled down on the couch next to the girls, Cece immediately began to pour them both a glass of wine which Schmidt readily accepted with a gleeful smile but Nick held his hands up in polite decline.

"Uh I shouldn't, I gotta be somewhere soon."

"Oh the big date." Cece teased as she screwed the cap back on the bottle. "This is the third date Nick you must be into her."

Nick's eyes couldn't help but flicker to Jess who was eyeing him over the top of her wine glass waiting for him to answer. Nick rubbed his hands on his thighs a few times creating enough heat on his skin to realise how nervous he was acting. He shuffled forward in his chair and reached for the bottle of wine.

"I guess one glass couldn't hurt." Truth be told his head was still a little fuzzy from all the champagne but that was preferable to having to answer Cece's question. Cece shook her head with a giggle and turned to Schmidt who had snatched the wine bottle from Nick and was now reading the label intently. Nick blew out a breath of relief and sat back into safety until he realised Jess was still looking at him, still waiting. He watched Jess trail the tip of her finger around the circular glass disc at the bottom of her glass as her gaze alternated between him and her hypnotic hand movement.

"So are you into her?" Jess asked, trying her best to sound casual.

Nick held in a mouthful of wine giving himself time to think of something to say as Jess continued to glare at him, her question suddenly re-engaging the attention of Schmidt and Cece.

"Um I don't know...she's nice."

Jess nodded painfully slowly and pushed her tongue to the side of her mouth as she brought her wine glass up to her mouth, draining its remaining contents quickly. When the last mouthful was swallowed she lifted it up in front of her face inspecting its emptiness. "I'm gonna open another bottle of wine." Kicking her legs in front of her, Jess threw herself out of her chair and headed for the kitchen, Nick's eyes following her around helplessly.

Luckily Nick's lacklustre attempt to provide any juicy gossip wasn't nearly enough to keep Schmidt and Cece's attention and they soon resumed fawning over each other, Cece's legs draped over Schmidt's lap as he placed just enough kisses up her neck for it to become disgustingly uncomfortable for Nick. With a grimace Nick swiftly vacated his seat and wandered to the kitchen where Jess was cracking ice cubes into her wine glass for wine that wasn't yet chilled to her liking. Nick took a large gulp of his drink and edged closer to her.

"So it's pretty exciting about the wedding huh?" He offered.

Jess turned with a smile before continuing to tackle the ice cube tray. "Yeah I mean it was kind of a surprise that's it's so soon but yeah sure, I'm really excited."

"Schmidt asked me to be his best man." Nick beamed.

After pouring the pink liquid into her glass with a satisfying glugging sound she finally turned round to face him, leaning with her back against the counter and swirling the wine around in her glass coolly. "Nick that's really wonderful. I know that means a lot to you."

"Yeah it was uh...it was nice moment."

"I'm Maid of Honour too so...yay." She gave Nick a thumbs up and a smile.

"Like there was ever any doubt."

She lifted the wine bottle from the counter and wiggled it towards him. "You want some more, I guess we're both celebrating."

"Sure."

He stepped forward with his wine glass at the same time she lunged forward with the bottle of wine sending a good half of a glass down the front of his shirt.

"Oh god I'm so sorry Nick."

Depositing the glass and bottle back on the counter Jess' hands were immediately on Nick pulling the soaked material away from his skin. As Nick felt the unpleasant, cool wetness clinging to him his instinct was to take it off, he quickly undid the bottom buttons without thinking when suddenly Jess' fussing hands grazed just below his belly button. As the tickling sensation sent a shiver up his spine Nick grabbed her wrists gently and her fingers softened against his stomach until she yanked them away suddenly, almost aggressively, much to his disappointment. Nick sighed forcefully and buttoned up the bottom of his shirt again.

"Oh come on Jess why are you being like this?" He whispered loudly, checking behind him to be certain Schmidt and Cece were still engrossed in one another.

"I'm not being like anything."

"Since when is it so terrible to you to even touch me?"

Jess took a step toward him until their bodies were just centimeters apart. She stared at the damage she had caused to his shirt and fingered it delicately as she finally looked at him with big, wet eyes.

"Nick I...I'm sorry about your shirt."

Finishing the last of her wine she grabbed her purse and walked away.

* * *

Nick felt slight fingers curling around his forearm as he walked, more and more of her weight pushing into his side as they made their way down the street. Now that the heat wave had passed it was a little more bearable to walk around without the risk of melting and that's exactly what they had been doing for the last hour following their early dinner. It was his first daytime date with Carrie in addition to two evening ones, and he always figured those ones were a little more serious. There was no cloak of darkness or alcohol to hide behind and it was harder to know when the date was over so more often than not it would just keep on going into the evening. This date didn't seem to be any different. Now that dinner had run late into the evening he had no time to head back to the loft before his shift at the bar so he figured he would head straight there. As she clung to his arm tightly, he soon realised Carrie had the same idea. He turned to the pretty blonde with his brightest smile and the friendliest voice he could muster.

"Carrie you know I have to head to the bar now right?"

"I know." She shrugged lightly. "I thought I might come spend some time there, watch you work. That's ok right?" She jerked his arm gently pulling him against her with a wide smile.

Nick took a long breath in, mulling over in his mind all the reasons he would prefer she didn't. She was a nice girl, the sheer fact that it was their third date was testament to that, but he wasn't quite sure they were at the point where he was happy to have hanging out at the bar with him all the time. Not to mention the fact that the lovely, if tempestuous, Violet had made several appearances at the bar since their last date which was a tidal wave of drama he could so without. Then there was Jess. It was always a possibility that Jess would turn up at the bar and he would be lying if he said they weren't in something of a weird place. They were still friends, that hadn't changed but they hadn't slept together in three weeks and try as they might to be normal around each other, it was a chasm between them that they couldn't ignore.

There had been no explanations, no drama, it had just stopped and he'd had an unsettling feeling in his stomach ever since. She insisted there was nothing wrong, as did he, and they had both thrown themselves into the dating scene with gusto but something was just...off.

Nick stared off into space, lost in his own head, soon realising as Carrie stared at him quizzically that he hadn't actually answered her question. Nor did he want to. "Won't it be kind of boring for you?"

"No, not at all. If you don't want me to it's fine I'll just..."

"No it's fine." He smiled and squeezed her hand as they strolled off to Clyde's.

* * *

Jess couldn't help but focus on the muscles flexing in Henry's jaw as he chewed, he had a very muscular face if that was even possible. He had a few crumbs running from his bottom lip to his chin but she didn't have the heart to tell him and they weren't nearly intimate enough for her to reach across and sweep them from his face with her thumb. Their was a risk of touching his lip and that was too much, sure she had touched his lips with her lips a few times but somehow the thumb thing was a step too far. It was their fifth date in two weeks and she was pretty sure that she liked him, maybe not quite the way a girl should like a guy she had been on five dates with, but she was definitely getting there - she was certain of it. Her and Tom had given it one more embarrassing shot at a date but Jess had been unable to recover from the disaster of the first one and Tom had disappeared quickly into the sunset. Then Henry had come a long and he was everything Jess knew she should like so when he had asked her out she hadn't hesitated in saying yes.

Except that was a lie, she had hesitated, she had hesitated a lot.

She let her hand go limp against the table as he grabbed hold of it, threading his fingers through hers and rocking their hands back and forth playfully. She would be lying if she said she felt nothing, he was incredibly handsome and they never would have made it to five dates if there wasn't something she liked about him but she was still waiting for those butterflies to start fluttering or that lightening to strike her or just some sort of sign to tell her it was more that just a small crush and that hadn't happened yet.

Her and Nick had agreed to cool things a little. Except that was yet another lie she was telling herself. The little white lies made her love life just a little bit more palatable for about five minutes. They hadn't agreed at all, it had just happened and they hadn't cooled things a little, it was a lot. They hadn't slept together in three weeks, they hadn't even tried. Jess knew that it would all end one day, particularly with them both dating more and more but she hadn't expected it to end so abruptly. Everything just felt so...unfinished.

Jess squeezed Henry's hand and shook her head with a smile realising her mind had wandered yet again to the enigma that was her relationship with Nick Miller. It wasn't supposed to be like this, he wasn't supposed to take up so much head space, it was just a sex thing. She felt a wave of annoyance towards Nick pass through her before she decided to shake it off and dedicate all her attention to the lovely Henry who had finally seen fit to dab his mouth with a napkin.

"Oh my god that food was so good." He mumbled with his cheeks still full of food.

"Mmm yeah it was great." It hadn't been great it had been awful, Jess hated the place. "So what do you want to do now, do you wanna go get a drink or something."

"Sure that sounds good. Why don't we go to that bar you're always hanging out at?"

Jess sat back in her chair, her hand casually breaking free of his grasp. "Oh I don't know, there has gotta be some place nearer than that."

"Oh come on I'm intrigued. I always pass that place on the way to be work and, I don't know, to me it always looked like a bit of a dive but if you like it maybe I'm wrong."

Jess flinched at his words and tried hard to fight her mad face but she still found herself considering his proposal. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea for her to introduce him to Nick and the other guys. Maybe a good, hard dose of reality was exactly what her and Nick needed to keep their situation a little clearer and draw those boundary lines firmly back in the sand. The more she thought about it the more it started to make sense in her head and without giving herself anymore time to think about it, she found herself agreeing. Suddenly the cheque was paid and her coat was being placed neatly around her shoulders in a gentlemanly fashion. The move from the restaurant to the cab was almost seamless and within fifteen minutes Clyde's was in sight. She could see a few people had spilled out on to the pavement so she knew it would be busy, part of her hoped it would be so busy that Nick wouldn't get any time to talk to them, another part of her hoped the crowd would put Henry off altogether. But soon they were both part of that crowd, fighting their way through the door and towards the bar.

* * *

Carrie was an insane flirt. So far he had only really spent time alone with her, just the two of them, so he hadn't noticed how she behaved around other men. He thought he had been the sole beneficiary of that treatment over the last couple of weeks but now, as he watched Winston get a taste of it, he started to realise what he had let himself in for. He knew she was tactile, she would always find ways to touch his arm or stroke his hair behind his ear and he figured he just brought that out in her, it had made him feel pretty good about himself. But now, as he watched every one of Winston's weak jokes elicit the stroke of her hand up his thigh Nick knew it wasn't just him. Perhaps it was just anything with a penis that made her act that way.

Nick didn't want to seem like he was being jealous or foolish so he just laughed it off. It wasn't like him and Carrie were anything serious, it had only been three dates and she was free to behave however she wanted. He felt like he should care more, particularly judging by the raised eyebrows from Winston, but he just didn't. Every now and again she would lean up over the bar and offer him a peck on the lips and that seemed to be enough to placate him for the next half an hour. It also didn't hurt in conserving his pride as Jess' eyes burned into him from across the bar. He was baffled that even though Jess was sitting there with another guy's arm draped around her she still had the effrontery to give him that look, the one where she squinted her eyes and clenched her teeth just enough for her jaw to jut forward a little, letting him know he was doing something she was less than impressed with.

Nick made a face at her to try and get her to break but when she remained stoic he gave up. He was in no mood to play ' _what's wrong with Jess?'_ knowing full well he would never get an answer. He had lost count how many times he had asked her that question over the last couple of weeks, it was almost a knee jerk reaction now. Also, he didn't want to give Carrie or Winston any reason to be suspicious of him and Jess, or Henry for that matter. Nick had only just met the guy but he immediately felt sorry him, being brought unknowingly into a situation that was far from simple.

Nick couldn't help but size himself up against Jess' new conquest. He wanted to get the full measure of the guy who seemed to have put an abrupt halt to the fun and games he and Jess had been enjoying. Nick had made an effort to talk to Henry, out of curiosity more than anything else, which was more than could be said of Jess who had barely mumbled a hello to his date. Just as well seeing as Carrie had taken far more of an interest in Henry since she had failed to get Winston to succumb to her charms. Nick wasn't even sure why Jess was there, she looked nothing but uncomfortable and the look of disdain on Henry's face for his surroundings suggested he would happily have been somewhere else too. Nick felt for Jess, really he did, he knew how strange and awkward their situation was but he just couldn't help the satisfaction he felt in seeing the flicker of jealousy in her eyes every time he touched Carrie or laughed at one of her jokes. He didn't want to make Jess feel bad but just to get a reaction out of her after three weeks of avoidance felt good even if it was a little unfair.

Jess had always felt at home at the bar, she was pretty sure one of the bar stools had her ass print firmly embedded into it, but tonight she couldn't wait to get out of there. It was not the way she had wanted her date to go. The evening was supposed to be about fun and flirting and her and Henry getting to know each other so they could continue to take things further but now he was too busy getting his thigh grabbed by Nick's floozy in reward for a joke that had not only been humourless but borderline offensive. The night had taken a complete nosedive and for some reason the only person she wanted to take it all out on was Nick, particularly when he threw her a teasing smile as he walked by her and disappeared behind the bar.

"You ok Jess?"

Jess' eyes were fixed to the back of Nick's head as he plodded down to the cellar after a word in his ear from Mike.

"Jess?"

"Huh?"

Winston laughed and leaned a little closer to her lowering his voice. "Is everything going ok with...?" Winston nodded his head forward a couple of times in Henry's direction.

"Oh...yeah sure it's fine why do you ask?"

"Well you guys have hardly spoken since you got here. Do you need help, I mean do you need me to help you get out of the date, I have a whole bunch of excuses I've come up with over the years, they're way better than Schmidt's."

Jess laughed and rested her hand on Winston's arm. "No it's fine I promise I guess I'm just tired or something."

"Ok...well he seems like a nice guy Jess. "

"Thanks, yeah he is."

"So you like him?"

Jess pondered his words for a few seconds and nodded her head.

"Good, you deserve a nice guy Jess, someone who you know...gives you the belly flutter and all that fuzzy stuff."

Jess' eyes fell to her lap as Winston's word reverberated around her head. Suddenly the heat and the noise of the bar was too much and Henry's arm on her shoulder sent a shiver of discomfort down her spine. She found herself hopping off her stool, standing at the bar and not really knowing what to do with herself. She could feel both Winston and Henry staring at her from either side but all she could do was grasp her glass of wine and throw back its remaining contents. She unhooked her bag from the back of the seat and started to edge away.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

* * *

Nick exhaled heavily as he trudged downstairs to the basement, partly from tiredness and partly from something else. Swiping his shirt sleeve across his forehead he bent down, his knees giving out a satisfying crack. He pulled the clipboard from the top of the barrel and started to check off the stock he would be taking back up to the bar, signing his name with a messy scrawl that had come from years of carrying out the same daily task. Dropping the clipboard back on to the boxes of beer bottles with a loud clatter he hooked his rough fingers under the bottom of the box and lifted it with a soft grunt. The basement was dimly lit but Nick knew it like the back of his hand, knew exactly where to place himself without bumping into anything, which is why she took him by surprise as she appeared right in front of him, her back pressed against the wall at the foot of the stairs, the whites of her eyes brighter than ever as she stared at him. Knowing she hadn't stopped by just to say hello or indulge her curiosities about the secrets of the Clyde's basement, he set the box down to his feet and repeated the motion of wiping his forehead.

"You get lost Day?" He smiled as she continued to pout like a child.

"No, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh now you want to talk?" He laughed. "I thought you would be enjoying your date with the cheese man." Nick smiled a little amused by his own joke.

"Yeah well...I just wanted to talk to you for a second."

Nick sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Look Jess we don't need to have this conversation, I get why you've been acting so weird lately, why you won't come near me." With that he bent down to pick up the box again but he felt her hand curl around his forearm stopping him and pulling him upright.

"Wait, you don't even know what I was gonna say." She spoke quietly, her fingers still curled around the warm skin of his arm.

"Yeah I do, you're going to tell me you want to sleep with him. You want to end this." He gestured between them with a flicker of embarrassment before he looked away from her and down to his feet. "Whatever this is. If it's anything now."

Jess pulled at his arm enough to make him take a step toward her, stumbling a little over the box in front of him and getting closer to her than he initially planned, not that he had a problem with it.

"That's not what I was gonna say."

"Oh." He took another step toward her, pulling his arm through the circular grip of her hand until he was holding it, then he let it dangle by their sides. "Then what did you want to talk to me about?" His voice was low and quiet, almost suggestive, taunting her.

"I uh..."

He completely closed the gap between them until his torso was touching lightly against hers, enough to make her nipples harden underneath the material of her shirt in seconds. He pressed her back further against the wall as he leaned against her trying to figure out every millimeter of her face in the dim light. He felt her chest start to heave under his as her breaths quickened, the grip on his hand tightening out of tension more than anything else. Everything about her face screamed uncertainty but still she didn't move. She let his body cover her, let his hand grasp hers tightly, let his face linger right in front of hers begging for more.

"What is it Jess?" He whispered.

She opened her mouth to speak but all that escaped was a small gasp, her lips were left hanging open before his waiting to be touched. He let go of her hand suddenly and placed his palms flat against the wall on either side of her head. It was impossible to tell now which breath belonged to who, their gaze was narrowed to only each other's eyes as their surroundings started to fade away. Nick pressed his groin into her almost involuntarily just to create some sort of friction that had suddenly become vital to his wellbeing. Their chests started to rise and fall in unison as air became more and more of a necessity. Nick fingers flexed against the wall as the need to touch her became too great. "I wanna kiss you?"

The last of her breath left her lungs gusting over his face, she was certain it carried a small whimper with it. "We can't, they're right upstairs." She placed her hands against his chest, intending to push him away but instead they lingered, feeling the strong beat of his heart through his shirt.

His lips hovered millimeters away from hers, the moist flesh of his lips occasionally catching hers. "Fuck I really wanna kiss you Jess."

"Please Nick, don't, not now"

He buried his head into her hair and his breath echoed around the hollow of her neck which was begging for his lips against it. "Why did you stop coming to me Jess?" He whispered.

"I didn't stop. We just...we needed a break." She exhaled heavily blowing the soft hairs on the side of his head.

"I didn't" He breathed against her neck before placing several soft kisses there, leaving them to cool in his wake as he moved up towards her lips. He tried to kiss her but her hands suddenly seemed to find their function again and pressed against his chest, pushing him away just enough so they were face to face again.

"Nick we can't do this I think maybe..."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe I do want to sleep with Henry. I mean we've been on five dates I think I should at least consider it. We both should."

"That's really what you want?"

Jess nodded unconvincingly.

Nick started to lower his head to her neck again. "Your mind is made up?" He kissed her skin.

"Yeah."

"And there's nothing I can do to change it?" He kissed her again.

Jess shook her head as her eyes drifted closed. "No."

"Nothing?" He dragged his lower lip along her jawline.

"No." Her whisper disappeared into his mouth as he pressed his open lips against hers, his tongue refusing to wait for any permission.

Their kiss was rough and desperate and lacking all finesse, they kept going and going until only their need for air could stop them. Jess could feel the graze of his stubble against the tender skin of her neck as he kissed his way down, palming her breasts desperately with his big hands as he moved. He trailed his mouth down in between her breasts as far as he could get access without ridding her of her shirt. Jess opened her eyes and looked down at the top of Nick's head as it moved lower and lower down her body until his knees hit the floor. She knew what was coming next and she knew that it was wrong in so many way but she couldn't move, his touch had rendered her muscles powerless, she was amazed her legs were even still holding her up. She felt a cool breeze on her stomach as he lifted the bottom of her shirt, kissing from one side to the other so softly it made her stomach flip over and over again. All she could hear was the sound of his lips and her breaths quickening until there was a sudden and very obvious hitch as his hands pushed under her skirt.

Bunching her skirt up around her waist Nick trailed his fingertip across her stomach just above her underwear, her skin felt impossibly soft underneath his rough hands and her smell was intoxicating. He watched her thighs brush against each other as she fidgeted underneath his touch, her feet deciding whether to stay or go. He smoothed his hands down the sides of her thighs and back up several times and slowly she stilled allowing him to return to his task. He gripped her hips firmly and brushed his lips over her navel eventually allowing his tongue to dip inside for just a second. The second his tongue touched her skin he felt her fingers bury into his hair, rubbing against his scalp which made him moan quietly against her stomach, the vibrations causing her hips to buck in his hands. Kissing down from her bellybutton her started to pull down the front of her underwear eliciting a whimper and a harsh grip of his hair but, taunting her, he let it snap back into place and moved back up her stomach.

He distracted her with his kisses until he suddenly pressed his thumb at her centre making her jerk. Rubbing his thumb against her he chanced a look up at her. Her eyes were closed and her mouth hung open a little letting loud breaths escape over and over again, her head lolled back against the wall and the top of her breasts heaved inside her top. He could feel himself getting hard, his jeans straining tighter and tighter against his groin but in that moment it was about her, changing her mind, getting her attention, or rather getting it back. He ran his fingers along the seam of her underwear where it met the top of her thigh, following it underneath, unable to contain his wicked smile as her legs moved further apart for him giving him better access. Bowing his head lower he kissed the soft skin of her inner thigh, moving back and forth from one leg to the other, each time getting closer and closer to where she wanted him without touching.

Her hips had started to pick up a small rhythm against him but he could tell she was trying hard to fight it and he wanted her to let go, he needed her to to let go. It one smooth motion the tips of his fingers hooked inside her underwear and pulled it to the side, exposing her to him. He smoothed his right palm down her left thigh and lifted her left leg over his shoulder, pressing his mouth against her instantly, moving his tongue in such a way that it was the only thing in the world that made her curse. Really curse.

Jess could feel a tingling heat burning inside her, spreading out to every part of her body and building with each stroke of his tongue over her sensitive flesh. As her hands clung tight to his hair she knew she must be hurting him but she needed somewhere to direct the energy that was coursing through her body like a freight train. Suddenly she smacked her palm hard against the wall, sending an intense stinging deep into her hand as his tongue circled on the same spot over and over until soon all she could see was a white light behind her eyes that left her body convulsing with pleasure. She dropped back heavily against the wall as the coolness between her legs disappeared when he felt her underwear snap back into place.

She felt a pressure on her hips as Nick pushed himself back up to his feet. He continued to hold on to her hips like they were the only thing that was keeping him standing as he pressed himself against her once again showing her the effect she had on him. He stared at her under hooded eyes for moments on end until she opened hers and returned his gaze. He leaned toward her like he might kiss her again but instead he simply nudged his nose with hers once or twice.

"How about now?" He whispered.

Jess simply smiled.


	11. Love Doctor

_'Whatever'_

Jess turned the word over inside her head trying to make sense of it. That had been Nick's response when she had told him she was planning on seeing how things went with Henry. In other words, that she was considering sleeping with Henry and putting on hold their little sexual adventure. Now, as she stood facing the door that had been closed in her face, or rather slammed, the word was starting to lose all meaning to her. Did he mean that her actions were of no consequence to him because they weren't emotionally involved? Or did he mean she was technically free to do whatever she wanted but he would bear a quiet grudge about it for the rest of their friendship? Judging by the look on his face she feared it was the latter. He hadn't questioned or argued with her, she had just seen what could only be described as a dark cloud descend over his face before he immediately removed himself from her company.

She had been trying to bring the subject up with Nick for days, ever since their rendezvous in Clyde's cellar when he hadn't taken it particularly seriously. Nor had she if she was being completely honest. But when she had gone back up to the bar to face Henry that night, for the the first time she felt shallow, like what her and Nick were doing was wrong, really wrong. She never wanted anything about her relationship with Nick to feel wrong because he was one of the only things in her life that made any real sense to her. The last thing she wanted to do was cheapen that in any way.

Everything in her life for the past few months had been about sex, sex, sex. Sex with Nick, avoiding sex with other guys, hiding the fact she was having sex from her friends, embarrassingly explaining that she was enjoying a little casual sex to her mother. A few months ago that had been exactly what she wanted, ironically she thought that was what would make her life simple, just stripping everything down to basics but now she had lost all grasp on her feelings. Nick was on her mind a lot, almost as much as he had been when they were dating and that was never her intention. There was nothing for her and Nick beyond what they had. She needed to figure out what she had with Henry, she needed to take sex out of the equation and the only way to do that was just to do it with Henry, then she would know how she really felt.

But she hadn't meant to tell Nick the way she did, she hadn't meant to sound so harsh or abrupt, it had just slipped out over breakfast. He had made some harmless joke about her bare legs in the short, red summer dress she was wearing and jokingly pinched her knee and apparently that was her trigger point. The feel of his hand on her skin had sparked something and the words just tumbled out involuntarily leaving a thick silence and his pained expression in its wake.

Now, as she took a step toward his closed bedroom door, she closed her palm around the door handle and paused. She felt like she wanted to just talk and talk at him relentlessly until he understood and everything felt normal again but she knew it didn't work like that. He had walked away from her precisely because he didn't want to talk to her and she had to fight every inclination in her body and respect that. Not to mention that the longer she stood staring at his door the more late she was going to be for work. A couple of minutes later she retreated into her own bedroom, grabbed her bag and headed for the door giving his room one last sorrowful glance on the way out.

As she tapped her fingers against the steering wheel nervously she poured over the last hour in her mind. Her sympathy for Nick had soon turned to frustration at his lack of cooperation. This was what they had agreed, Nick had to remember that. She was making a grown up decision, that's what she was doing and lord knows one of them needed to. He would be fine with it eventually, this was just a dent to his male pride, it had to be. Soon he would find someone, maybe that Carrie girl, or maybe even that brash brunette who Jess was positive would be able to distract Nick in a very specific way. Nick would be fine, this would all balance out eventually and they would look back on their time together as nothing more than a little harmless fun. That was the whole point after all, it was never meant to be anything more than that and it wasn't, she wouldn't let it be. She couldn't.

Her eyes suddenly caught the blur of a red light and she slammed her feet hard and painfully on to the brake. The harsh jerking movement an attempt from the powers that be to smack some sense it to her, she was certain of it. She waved an apologetic hand to the old lady at the cross walk in front of her and took a moment to catch her breath, banging her head hard against the seat in frustration. She was not about to crash her car and die because of Nick Miller!

* * *

Rose sipped her coffee steadily and frequently willing the caffeine to soak into her system as fast and as quick as it could. She was trying super hard not to grimace or even grunt at every child that ran past her. The morning was not her favourite time of day. Coupled with the fact she'd had no time for breakfast after she'd overslept, she wasn't in one of her finest moods. With an almost elegant swinging of the hips she dodged countless middle-schoolers sprinting past her. What they were in such a rush for she had no idea, the bell hadn't even gone yet. Thank god, because she sure needed a little more time to plaster some make up on her face and make herself feel a little more human. She felt like she had just rolled out of bed, which she pretty much had, and it didn't help at all when an immaculate Jess sidled up next to her in the hallway in a smoothly timed walk. However, Rose immediately detected that Jess looked a little more ruffled than usual. The smile she usually wore in the hallway in the morning for the benefit of the kids, because she believed it was a positive reinforcement to the start off their day, was tilted right upside down. Rose squinted at Jess and pointed at her face in confusion.

"What's this? What's with the face?"

"What do you mean?"

"Jess if you were frowning any more your mouth would be touching the floor, you ok?"

"Yeah, I don't know, I guess I didn't get enough sleep."

A misplaced smile started to tug at the corners of Rose's mouth. "Oh I get it."

"What?"

"Henry been keeping you up all night?"

Jess shushed Rose and looked over her shoulders frantically to check that none of the students could hear their conversation before she placed her hand on the small of Rose's back and ushered her more quickly to the teacher's lounge which was a few feet away.

"No, keep your voice down. I don't want a bunch of sixth graders knowing about my sex life!"

"Ok, ok I'm sorry. So did you?"

"No I didn't!"

Rose flopped down on the couch with a sigh, the hope that Jess was just about to liven up her morning with some juicy gossip now dashed. Draining the rest of her coffee she began to fish round in her bag for her makeup. Selecting a pale pink lipstick she began to paste it onto her mouth while insisting on talking to Jess at the same time with her lips stretched taught. "How many times am I gonna have to ask you that question before I get a different answer Jess. Come on give me some scandal. I know there' something you're not telling me."

Jess sat down next to Rose who was too preoccupied with her compact mirror to see the look on Jess' face. A look that screamed how desperate she was to finally tell someone what was going on in her life. Joan knew bits and pieces but naturally Jess had given her the super edited version of events with her being the mother and all. Inevitably her Mom's advice had been that which any parent would give. That casual sex would only wind up hurting her, she should be with the person who made her happiest, who stimulated her emotionally, she shouldn't risk losing Nick as a friend, all the stuff that Jess already knew. What she needed was someone who would be brutally honest with her, someone who knew all the specifics, who knew what she had been through with Nick and could talk to her straight about what the hell she was doing with her life. The words were on the tip of her tongue, where they had been sitting tight for the last few weeks, ready to jump out and into real life conversation at any minute. But Jess knew that once she talked about it, once she told her friends then it was really real and she would have to deal with it. For the hundredth time Jess swallowed her words which settled uncomfortably back down in her belly.

"Sorry no scandal yet, but... I'm thinking about it."

"Yeah you keep saying that. What are you saving yourself for?"

"I don't know, nothing I guess."

Rose threw her makeup back in her bag and zipped it up, throwing it over her shoulder before she headed to the kitchen to grab some more much needed coffee. On the way out she smiled teasingly at Jess and hit her playfully on the knees. "Well get a move on honey, you can't leave the guy hanging on forever."

Jess sat back and let out yet another loud sigh, trying to push the heavy feeling from her body. Rose was right, she couldn't keep anyone hanging on, something had to give. She had to let something go - she just didn't know what.

* * *

The evening was slow in the bar, painfully slow. Nick jerked his head back knocking the small white pills down his throat with a gulp of water. He winced as the noise of the bar compounded his banging headache and stared at the clock willing the hands to move around quicker. He was only two hours into his shift and he already wanted to go home. Every clink of every glass, every raucous laugh was making his ears hurt and even the smell of alcohol was making his stomach turn. It just wasn't his night. In fact it wasn't his entire day. As always, when he felt the way he did, his instinct was always to talk to Jess who made him feel better but in light of the morning's events that didn't seem likely for a while. There was an aching in his chest that had been sitting there since earlier that morning which he couldn't shift, he figured that in time, like most things, it would fade. If he could recover from from being in love with her he could recover from this. Unlike before he knew they had an expiration date this time, that was the thing that would make it easier.

He pressed his thumb hard into his eyebrow and tried to alleviate some of the tension in his head but that only sent a stronger wave of nausea coursing around his belly. Everytime he closed his eyes he could picture his bed, which is exactly where he wanted to bury himself and sleep the rest of the day away so that it was over and he wouldn't have to think about it anymore. He was certain it was the overthinking that had given him this headache in the first place. Thinking about Jess with Henry, wondering if he would make her feel the way he had, wondering if Jess would have any regrets the next morning when she woke up next to him, wondering how much he was going to care when he inevitably saw her walking out of her bedroom in the morning dressed in another man's shirt, her hair mussed up and her face satisfied. He closed his eyes tight and shook his head. It was a bad day, that was all it was. Tomorrow he would wake up, he would feel better and he would be glad that he and Jess had managed to have so much fun and come through the other side still as friends. Hindsight was a wonderful thing, he just wanted to get there a little faster.

At the other end of the bar Cece stood resting low on the worktop as she leaned towards Schmidt with a newspaper spread between them so they could both see apartment listings. Armed with red markers they both started circling feasible options. The need for their own place had become greater since they had brought their wedding forward, a lot further forward. Moving back and forth from each other's apartments was beginning to get a little harder with their busy schedules, not to mention the lack of privacy at the loft. They had talked about Schmidt moving into Cece's apartment but with all the memories of boyfriends past and as the scene of one of their many breakups they decided it would be best to start from scratch somewhere new, the whole prospect made everything just that little bit more exciting.

"It's gonna be kinda weird you not being in the loft any more."

"I've moved out before Cece, remember?"

"That was across the hall Schmidt that doesn't count."

"Does too."

"I just mean it'll me a little weird seeing you every day without Nick and Winston popping up in the background. I'm kinda used to those guys."

"Well we could always bring them with us if you want?"

Cece giggled. "What about Jess?"

"She'll be fine, she can turn that place into one big craft room."

"I think she would kinda love that actually."

Cece's concentration started to drift as she began to draw doodles on the newspaper rather than circling anything meaningful. She stared down the other end of the bar and watched Nick as he drove his fingers deep into the back of his neck, rubbing harshly.

"Do you think Nick has been acting a little strange lately?"

"Nicholas is always strange but no more than usual...why?"

"I don't know, he's been really up and down lately, like there's something going on. Has Jess said anything?"

"No, but I doubt she would know anything she's been super preoccupied lately."

"With Henry? Yeah she's preoccupied with something but I'm not sure Henry is it."

Schmidt followed Cece's gaze to Nick and shrugged his shoulders before burying his head back in the newspaper, drawing red circles around apartments that were twice their agreed budget.

* * *

Winston smiled widely at the satisfying sizzling sound as he flipped the steak in the frying pan. It was his first evening off in a while and he had bought some nice food and some expensive beer and he was ready to settle in for the evening with the TV shows of his choice, which really meant him and Jess watching one of his favourite musicals together without any commentary from Nick and Schmidt who were conveniently occupied for the evening. He sipped his beer and took the smell of frying onions deep into his nostrils and it made him happier than a pig in mud. Just as he contemplated singing a little happy song to himself he heard the front door to the loft open and close and the familiar sound of Jess' school bag dropping to the floor and her keys hitting the side table.

"Oh hey Jess, I'm cooking up a storm here, are you ready for this?"

Jess sauntered around to the Kitchen, kicking the shoes of her sore feet on the way, and rested her hands on Winston's shoulders, leaning over him to absorb the smell and sight of his food. Winson actually had some skills in the kitchen when he had the time to do it.

"Oh my god that smells so good." Jess moaned as she squeezed his shoulders affectionately and moved to grab herself a beer from the fridge, replacing Winson's with a fresh one while she was at it. She leaned with her back to the counter facing Winston as he worked away in the kitchen and the familiar, homely activity made her smile. With him working in the evenings and her being somewhat preoccupied with her bedroom activities with Nick lately, her and Winston hadn't spent much quality time together. So her heart had almost melted when she had seen his text earlier that day telling her he was going to cook for her that evening. It was exactly what she had needed after the day she'd had.

She talked to him about work, about his family and about the other guys and it felt good. It even felt calming to a degree although that niggling feeling of guilt still lay low in her stomach preventing her from ever relaxing fully. She knew if she just told Winston that on some level he would understand, he would remain calm, he wouldn't overreact and he wouldn't make her feel bad so why couldn't she just tell him and then that feeling would go away - maybe. Winston had that special brand of chaos he saved for his own life but when it came to giving advice to other people for their problems, he could be very wise. Which was exactly why Jess wasn't surprised by what came next.

"Is everything ok Jess? I've gotta say you've been acting a little weird lately and I don't mean the usually brand of Jessica weirdness, I mean a whole new ball game of weird. I know you're just going to say you're fine but I know you're not and I just want you to know that you can tell me if there is something going on."

This was it, this was her chance. She took a long breath in and opened her mouth to speak, her eyes latching on to Winston's who looked so sincere it made her heart ache. "Ok, well...the thing is..." She paused. "Nick and I..."

"Yeah?" He prodded.

The words were there, they were right there. She had started this, now all she had to do was finish it, just a few more words and then it was over. She turned to face him a little more directly and steeled herself but she was interrupted by the harsh sound of Winston's phone vibrating against the kitchen counter. Winston's tutted with a headshake and snatched it up quickly, shutting off the sound.

"Sorry Jess, what were you gonna say?"

Jess smiled and shook her head. "It's nothing it's just Nick and I had a stupid disagreement this morning. It's nothing really, it just got me a little bummed out today I guess."

"What was it about?"

"Nothing, it was silly. I think I uh, I think I was just nervous about things with Henry and I...I took it out on Nick because he was there. It's all my fault really."

Winston set down the spatula and began to divide the food out on to two plates next to him. He was silent for a few moments as he seemed engrossed in his task. "You know Jess, we've known each other for a while now and I've a few guys come in and out of your life and I gotta say I've never seen a guy getting under your skin like this."

Jess brushed her hair out of her eyes and tried hard not to look flustered. "No, no, no Henry isn't getting under my skin I mean I barely know him really. It's just weird timing I guess, I don't know. It's all fine."

Winston picked up their plates of food and headed for the dinner table but not before he took one more look at Jess.

"I wasn't talking about Henry, Jess."

* * *

The following morning, for a few short seconds Nick felt fine, he felt like himself, that was until suddenly he didn't. Aching started to seep into every one of his muscles until they felt heavy and routed firmly to his mattress. His first attempt to swallow felt like he was choking down a bowling ball covered in razor blades as pain shot from his throat to his ears, rattling around his head on the way. He was sore, uncomfortable and sweaty. He was sick and Nick never got sick. He groaned to himself over and over again but even that was taking too much energy. He had been feeling a little rough the night before but nothing he couldn't handle. He figured he was just a little tired and run down from doing back to back shifts at the bar. That was the perils of working around the general public every day, you never knew one of them was going to cough or sneeze all over you and knock you on your ass for the next week.

Using every ounce of energy he could find he sat up and swung his legs round slowly, settling them on the floor but his head immediately started to swim. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes trying to alleviate the pounding behind them to no avail. The only thing that outweighed his need to be horizontal was his need for water. He knew it would be a challenge getting it down his aching throat but his body was screaming for it. He figured if he could just make it to the kitchen and back then he could spend the rest of the day in bed and he would wake up feeling well enough to go to work later that evening. He had to go, it was Friday night and he was the most senior member of staff, he couldn't leave the other guys on their own it would be chaos.

Nick swayed as he made his way towards the door, resting heavily on the handle when he reached it to hold himself upright. His feet dragged slowly across the floor as he made his way to the kitchen, the room spinning mercilessly around him as every one of his muscles objected at the very movement. Pulling a glass from the cupboard he could see his hand was shaking, he should probably try to eat something but he didn't relish the task of having to swallow anything solid nor did he have the energy to make anything that would require more than twenty seconds in the kitchen. Filling two glasses to the brim so he wouldn't have to leave his bed again he headed back there. Once he set the glasses down on his side table he dropped down heavily and pulled the covers tight up around his neck as the shivering started to set it. His body was on fire but he shivered nonetheless, this was not good, this was definitely not good, he had about six hours to pull himself together so he closed his eyes and willed the discomfort to fade just enough to allow him to drift off.

* * *

Later that evening Jess piled through the door laden with shopping bags, offering a swift greeting to Winston and Schmidt who sat comfortably on the couch before she disappeared into her bedroom. Tipping one of her shopping bags on her bed she was presented with a wide array of toiletries, all of which were going to have her looking and feeling amazing in the next two hours. It wasn't that she hadn't made an effort for Nick, she had, it's just they had already dated so he'd already caught her in those moments where her legs were little prickly, her skin had suffered a breakout and her nether region wasn't quite as well maintained. But Henry, he was new and she still had to make an impression. She still had that small window of opportunity to make him believe she was one of those girls that was always effortlessly well groomed and naturally in place. She would never be able to sustain it of course but she had to at least try.

Unzipping her dress she let it pool on the floor and she kicked off her underwear at the same time as unhooking her bra and letting it add to the small pile. Throwing her robe around her shoulders she scooped up the razors, nose strips and tanning moisturiser and headed for the bathroom. Turning on the shower and stepping inside she wasted no time in cleansing, moisturising and the arduous task of mass hair removal from everywhere but her head. As she ran the razor up her shin she lamented how much work it took in the early stages of dating, she had almost forgotten it had been that long since she'd had to do it. It was one thing she'd never had to endure when her and Nick got together, he already knew her, he had seen her at her worst. He had literally seen her with her head in toilet and droplet of vomit on her chin after a particularly heavy game of True American and even after all that he had still wanted in. Everytime she said his name in her head she felt her stomach turn. She decided to put it down to nerves, she was hours away from getting naked in front of new guy, it had to be nerves, nerves was the only thing she was emotionally equipped to deal with.

When she was content she had applied every lotion she owned and removed every hair on her body she wrapped a towel around herself and headed back to her bedroom, pausing for a brief moment to stare at Nick's closed bedroom door. She hadn't seen or talked to him since yesterday morning and she didn't like it. She knew she would never exactly get his blessing to go out and sleep with Henry but she hadn't expected him to straight up ignore her for a day and a half. It wasn't like Nick to act that way, no matter how hurt he was. She took a tiny step towards his door and considered knocking to see if he was ok then she remembered what she was wearing, or wasn't wearing rather, and she saw the other guys still sitting on the couch out of the corner of her eye so she decided against it and shut herself away in her room.

Staring at herself in the mirror she began to apply her makeup willing herself to be more excited about the night ahead. She knew Henry was expecting them to sleep together that night, even though she hadn't explicitly spelled anything out. But she had been getting suggestive texts from him all day so she knew it was most definitely on the table. As she began to curl her hair she tried to fight the part of her that just wanted to throw on her pyjamas, walk into the living room and settle herself in between her boys with a bowl of popcorn and the vain hope that Nick would leave his bedroom and join them. She wanted to slap some sense into herself but, for fear of ruining her newly applied makeup, she gave a sting-inducing clap of her hands to snap her back to reality. Ignoring her own thoughts altogether she plucked her new dress from the shopping bag on her bed and began to wriggle into it, hoping she would look far more sexy removing it than she did putting it on. After a lot of deep breaths and numerous stern words with herself she grabbed her purse, threw in a couple of condoms and headed for the hallway. She made a beeline for the front door but her timing was less than impeccable as she ran into Nick in the hallway. A weak and decidedly grey looking Nick.

"Oh hey Jess." His voice shook.

Jess' mouth couldn't help but fall open ."Oh my God, Nick you look terrible!"

"Oh thank you."

Nick shuffled towards the front door, his shoulders hunched and his pale face sweating more and more by the second. He routed around the bowl on the side table for his car keys and slipped his feet into his shoes, the minor action almost sapping the last of his energy. Taking as deep a breath as his aching body would allow he opened the front door before a small body threw herself in front of him closing it tight shut again.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Come on Jess I gotta go to work." He pushed at her arm gently but it barely had any effect.

"Like hell you do." Jess pressed her hand against his hot clammy forehead and immediately grabbed his shoulders, turning him around and ushering him back towards his bedroom. "You're going back to bed Nick, you're sick as a dog."

"Jess I'm fine."

"No you're not Nick, you look like death."

With a gentle push of the shoulders Nick dropped down to sit on his bed without putting up too much of a fight, he just didn't have the energy and if he was honest, standing behind a rowdy bar for eight hours was literally the last thing he wanted to do, the thought of it made him want to weep. As his mouth hung open a little trying to take more air into his sore lungs he felt his feet being released from his shoes and his socks being peeled off, the cool air on his feet feeling almost euphoric. His eyelids opened and closed heavily, he was positive that even his eyelashes were hurting. Closing them once more to test that theory he felt the bed dip next to him and delicate fingers start to fiddle with the top button of his shirt. The shirt it had taken him a good ten minutes to put on in the first place. As the the air hit his the sensitive skin of his chest he turned to her now very serious and resolved face and forced as much of a smile as he could muster.

"You look really pretty and everything Jess but I don't think I'm up for it right now." He joked wearily.

She laughed and stroked a rogue piece of hair from his forehead before she continued to unbutton his shirt, peeling it delicately down his arms and replacing it with a fresh t-shirt she had pulled from his closet. Putting gentle pressure on his shoulders she forced him back down on to the bed and set about unfastening his belt but in a much less passion-fuelled way than she had been used to over the past few weeks, instead it was tender and caring. She eased his pants down his legs leaving him in just his boxers as she pulled the covers up around him and tucked him in. He felt the bed bounce as she stood up and as he rested his eyes he could hear her voice fade a little as she moved into the hallway. It didn't take him long to figure out she was on the phone to Mike. Mike was a grouchy son-of-a-bitch but he actually had a soft spot for Jess the way a lot of people did and he knew if anyone could get him the night off without too much backlash it was Jess.

He smiled weakly as she returned a few moments later and resumed her place next to him. He heard himself moan out loud as she placed a damp cloth against his forehead, the cool sensation and the delicateness of her touch being everything he needed in that moment. Jess gazed down at Nick, he never got sick, she wasn't used to seeing him so vulnerable. However she was used to seeing him be stubborn and she knew that if she didn't take charge of him he would pretend he was fine, go to work and make himself even sicker. She pressed the cool cloth around his face wiping the sweat from his brow and chilling his fiery skin. After a brief protest he seemed to eventually relax under her touch.

"Nick have you eaten anything today?"

He shook his head slightly. Jess looked at her watch and bit her lips into her mouth with a sigh, if she didn't leave soon she was going to be late to meet Henry. Glancing down at Nick's weak form she closed her eyes and shook her head before heading for the kitchen. Pulling an apron speedily round her waist to protect her dress she pulled a pot from the cupboard and began work on some soup, not the most sensible thing to make when she was a all dressed up for a date but she knew it was exactly what Nick needed. She remembered him saying his Mom always made him tomato soup when he was sick as a kid so she had Mrs Miller's backing that this would work. Checking her watched incessantly she willed the soup to bubble in the pan while she chided the guys for not checking on Nick earlier, she was officially going to be late now. Slicing a couple of pieces of bread she added them next to the bowl of soup for good measure and topped it off with a glass of milk. Returning to his room Nick turned to face her slowly, the colours in his face almost completely absent and it made her heart ache. Setting it down next to him she propped some pillows up behind his back as he sat upright and she placed the tray on his knees.

"You didn't have to do this Jess."

"Yeah well you're sick and you need someone to take care of you. It's no big deal." She shrugged.

"You made me tomato soup." He smiled, his eyes making that puppy dog stare at her that made her stomach flip.

"Just make sure you eat it all ok. You'll feel better if you do."

Jess tried hard not to make her pity face as she watched him grimace in pain every time he swallowed, his skin starting to break out in a sweat again at the simple action. For some reason she found herself glued to the bed watching him eat, she had every intention of leaving she just hadn't managed to do it yet. She waited until he had finished the last drop and she set his tray on the floor as he dropped back down on his bed. She swiped away a drop of soup from his bottom lip with her thumb and set the cool cloth back on his forehead. Suddenly she found herself fighting the compulsion to lay a kiss on his forehead but she stopped herself, she knew at that point it was time to leave. He was just going to fall asleep now, there was nothing else she could do. She stood to leave and got half away across his room before she heard him.

"Thank you Jess." He coughed painfully.

She looked over her shoulder at his pale face peeking above the covers and her resolve weakened. "You're welcome."

* * *

Jess had been pacing across her bedroom floor for the last fifteen minutes. Winston and Schmidt were there, they could get Nick anything he needed or take him to the doctor if it came to that. He would be fine. He would, he would be absolutely fine. So why hadn't she left the loft yet to go and meet Henry? Nick was a grown man he didn't need babysitting, this was ridiculous. She wiggled her feet back into the heels she had kicked off for the sole purpose of pacing and thinking and grabbed her bag, trying to get her game face on again. She made it as far as her bedroom door.

After standing and staring at the door for what felt like minutes on end, she pulled her phone from her bag and started texting like she was on autopilot. Before she even had time to consider her actions she heard a small whooshing noise as her message disappeared into the ether. A message telling Henry that she wasn't coming, that she was sorry. For a moment she stood facing her door with her mouth open, not really sure what she had just done. Maybe it hadn't really sent, maybe it wasn't too late. But as her phone beeped loudly, breaking the stunned silence she knew the damage was done. Taking a few blind steps back she sat slowly down on her bed, still cradling her phone in her hand, the words from Henry staring at her intrusively. She let her shoes fall once again from her feet and set her bag down next to her. She took a few moments to herself before turned off her phone. She lay quietly on her bed for what must have been almost an hour in perfect silence, her brain alternating between screaming at her and simply being numb. She heard the front door go once as Winston left for work and then she heard it go again as Schmidt left for the bar to ease the stress that Cece was no doubt under from having to cover for Nick. She stirred and moved toward her bedroom door, leaning on the frame and just staring at Nick's room considering what her next move should be.

Finally she edged her way forward and tapped softly on the door, pushing it open slowly at the same time. The room was dim apart from the one small light she had left on when she left just so he could find his way out easily if the fever made him all disoriented. She tip toed over trying to establish if he was still asleep but he turned his head toward her as the sound of her feet shuffling on the floor.

"Hey."

"Hi." He tried to push himself up against his pillow but he didn't make it very far as his arms shook a little and gave way.

Jess perched on the side of the bed next to him. "How do you feel?"

"I've been better." He smiled weakly.

"Can I do anything?"

"No it's ok, thanks Jess, I just took a little something to ease my headache so I can get some sleep.

"Your head hurts?"

"Just a little, it's nothing."

But it was too late, Jess rose to her feet and made her way around the other side of the bed. For the first time in a while she stopped analysing her actions and just settled into the middle of the bed next to him, her lying on top of the covers while he lay snuggled under them. Bringing one arm behind him, stretching it round the back of his shoulders she lay her fingers at each side of his head and began to slowly rub his temples in soothing circles. She could feel his body, which had gone rigid at her sudden presence, start to relax against her, his head falling slowly against her chest with his hair tickling her chin. She continued to rub in circles, moving from the side of his head to the middle of his forehead just above his eyes and back, eliciting a groan of relief from deep in his throat. She pressed her thumbs into the hot skin of his neck, soothing his muscles from top to bottom and then she moved her fingers into his hair, rubbing and soothing.

As she dipped her head to peer over his shoulder she could see his eyelashes flickering against the top of his cheek and she knew he was fighting sleep, but sleep was exactly what he needed so she continued to caress his scalp with her fingers. His breathing became slow and his head heavy against her chest and she knew he had finally dropped off. Her hands paused their movement but she herself didn't move, she was loathe to wake him. The heat from his body was putting her own muscles at rest, her breathing started to equalize with his. She allowed her hand to remain threaded deep into his hair, still very gently moving back and forth and without thinking she pressed her lips against the side of his forehead in a long and benevolent kiss.

He was asleep, he had food in his belly and medication soothing his sore muscles, she had done her job as the caring friend. She could leave now. She could leave any minute now and let him sleep. Jess said the words to herself over and over as she turned of his bedside light and closed her eyes with her lips pressed gently against his skin.


	12. Prove It

**Two months later...**

Jess looked down at her left hand as she tried to catch her breath. It slid against the kitchen counter the more she leaned forward and put pressure on it. At some point in the last ten minutes she had managed to squish her hand into an entire block of butter rendering it little more than a pile of mush. It wasn't clumsiness, in fact it wasn't her fault at all, she had simply grabbed the first thing she could get a hold of as Nick had taken her from behind against the kitchen counter. It's not her fault the stupid butter got in the way. She felt the hairs at the side of her head blow softly as he laughed in her ear while she inspected her decidedly greasy hand. As he rested his chin on her shoulder she couldn't help but laugh too, the action reminding her how out of breath she was from their encounter which was kind of still happening as he continued to move slightly within her, bringing them both down from the intense high that had nearly made them both pass out a minute ago.

As he eventually moved away from her she felt her skirt drop back around her thighs. She heard his zipper go up and she scanned the floor for her underwear which he had managed to kick halfway across the kitchen in his urgency. She stepped into them and tried to pull them up with one hand while the other hung in the air, grossing her out with its greasiness. She heard him laughing louder now but he made up for it as he apologetically wiped her hand with a towel, cradling it delicately. Jess dropped back against the counter and let him take care of her, his infectious smile catching.

"Well, we almost lasted a whole week that time." She half giggled, suddenly a little more shy as his eyes caught hers.

"Yep, almost"

The sunset had cast a deep pink haze across the loft which made his skin look so deliciously golden she had the urge to caress his face tenderly, but she resisted. A single bead of sweat fell slowly from his temple and dispersed somewhere along his jawline, a tiny sign of a big exertion. She wasn't really sure how it had happened. One minute she was cooking, the next her and Nick were talking about what dessert she should make and before she knew it she was facing a cupboard with his hands on her breasts, her skirt bunched up around her waist and, well, the rest was history. Not that she had resisted, not at all, quite the opposite. She let him tuck her hair behind her ear, she let him indulge his urges to touch her even when she tried to fight it.

"We're not supposed to be doing this Nick." She whispered, his proximity affecting the tone of her voice.

"You started it." He laughed quietly.

"No I didn't." She hit him playfully on the arm that had now curled around her waist.

Two months ago they had reached an agreement to stop sleeping together. They had both promised each other that if things got weird they would back away and they had both agreed that their friendship was paramount to anything else. They had initially lasted five days until he had bumped into her in the hallway when she was wearing nothing but a towel. Then then made it another four or five days until Nick had given her a foot massage after a particularly stressful day at work. That's the way it had been ever since. Every week they tried to make it just a little bit further and every week they failed.

"It's ok Jess I forgive you."

"Nick come on I'm serious." She gently peeled his arms from around her a pushed him away. "We need to try harder to control ourselves, we can't carry on like this, it has to be done now."

"You've said this all before Jess, so have I."

"I know but I mean it this time. You need to keep your hands to yourself Nick."

" _Me!_ What about you?" He laughed incredulously. "You'll cave before I will."

"No I won't I'm a teacher I have discipline."

"Ok Jess ...prove it."

"What?"

"If you think you can stay away for good then prove it. I dare ya."

"You prove it."

"I can. I will."

"Well so will I."

They shook hands, both displaying complete confidence yet both painfully unsure of their resolve to stay away from one another.

* * *

Jess banged the end of her pen repeatedly against the notepad which rocked precariously on her lap under the motion. As she tried to bring her surroundings into focus she realised she had well and truly left her attention span in the car earlier that morning. Principal Foster had called the meeting this time, and unlike the ones she usually led, his lacked any sort of enthusiasm or liveliness, in fact they kind of sucked the life out every teacher in the room. She had been sitting in the meeting for over an hour and she could feel a numbness starting to settle into her butt cheeks as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She had the agenda in front of her and she knew at some point Principal Foster was going to bring her back into the conversation to talk about lunch lady grievances or something like that so she sat up straight and tried to piece together the conversation so it would look like she had been focusing the entire time. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket but she decided it was best to ignore it, she was going to get called on at any second and she had to be competent and prepared. But five minutes past and then another, and then another and Jess found herself staring at the hands of the clock once again.

Quickly checking that Principal Foster was nicely preoccupied and focussed elsewhere, she fished around in her skirt pocket for her phone, careful not to draw attention to herself. Placing it discreetly behind her notepad she looked at who it was from and a small smile played on her lips accompanied by a headshake that ineffectually tried to convey exasperation.

With a quick swipe of her finger she opened the message and her jaw almost crashed to the floor. Whenever she was at work she was always in full on Vice Principal mode, well ninety percent of the time at least. She had been existing in a school environment in one form or another since she was a kid and she knew what to expect. Any student or teacher drama that came her way she was ready for it. It was her turf and she knew how to handle anything, nothing really caught her off guard anymore.

Unless it was a very prominent, very naked and very unexpected picture of Nick's penis appearing on her phone in the middle of meeting!

She felt her eyes widen in her head and, as much as she tried to avoid it, a very tingly feeling low in her body. Being that up close and personal with Nick's dick reminded her of only one thing and now it was all she could think about. Damn him!

"Miss Day?"

Jess continued to stare hard at her phone like it was about to perform a special trick.

"Miss Day?!"

Things sure sounded a little louder that time Jess thought as she finally raised her head to find the whole room staring at her. Her face froze as she looked at Principal Foster who was looking at her expectantly.

"Miss Day can we have some of your thoughts on that matter please."

Finally Jess' brain clicked into place, a place that wasn't fixed on Nick's crotch. She pressed her finger incessantly on her phone to rid herself of the image and trying to avoid getting fired for displaying indecent images in a school environment. She scrambled to her feet trying to cough the sudden dryness out of her throat. She had no idea why she had stood up, nobody else was standing. She was still aware of how painfully hard she was gripping her phone in her right hand trying to lock away the image of Nick's penis from the world and from herself.

Back at the bar Nick stuffed his phone in the back pocket of his jeans with the widest and most smug smile in the world. He arranged himself back into place and pulled up his zipper which was suddenly one of the most satisfying noises he had ever heard. He could picture Jess right now, fighting a wild battle with herself as to whether she was angry or turned on. He knew how to press Jess' buttons, he knew how to wind her up and more importantly he knew how to prove her wrong. He was a dab hand at it, he always had been. He had no idea why he enjoyed it so much, why _they_ enjoyed it. He supposed he had always put it down to being some sort of twisted foreplay. When they worked each other up mentally it usually had the same effect physically. At least that was what he hoped otherwise Jess would have the upper hand. As long as he kept himself on her mind he couldn't lose. He walked cockily back to the bar and threw the towel over his shoulder as he started to pour a glass of rum for one of the regulars.

Hours later after Nick's shift had drawn to a close he padded heavily back into the loft and drifted automatically to his bedroom to throw on his sweats and then to the kitchen to grab a beer and wind down but as he heard frantic, slipper-clad feet shuffle across the floor he knew that winding down wasn't quite what was in store for him. He smiled into his beer bottle as the cooling liquid washed down his throat. He watched as Jess entered the kitchen, hand on hips, eyes wide and her foot literally tapping like a mother who was about to scold her kids for breaking all the expensive glassware. He couldn't help but let out an airy laugh that ricocheted around the bottle making it far louder than he intended.

"You think it's funny Nick?" She snapped, trying to control the volume in her voice.

"Yes." He laughed again.

"I was at work!"

"Oh come on Jess you're no stranger to a little work-time naughtiness. I have that on good authority." He took a long gulp of his beer knowing how much his casualness was annoying her.

"I know what you're doing Nick."

"Oh yeah."

"Yes! You thought I was just gonna come running home and jump into your bed after that didn't you. Well not gonna happen pal. Two can play at that game."

She turned sharply, her ponytail almost whipping her in the face as she stormed back to her bedroom leaving Nick to bask in his success. Oh Jess was wound up, she was wound up real nice.

* * *

Nick bounced the bagel back and forth in his hands as his fingers started to burn. As it settled on the plate he delighted in smearing cream cheese over it as the smell of coffee filled his nostrils reminding him just how fantastic Saturday mornings were. He reached behind him to pour coffee into Schmidt's mug, one of the many uncharacteristically affectionate gestures he had made since Schmidt and Cece had finally found an apartment and were set to move out in a week's time to get it all done and dusted before the wedding. Nick actually marveled at how easily Schmidt was taking it all in his stride. Two major life changes in the next few weeks and here he was sipping coffee, with his newspapers and a few laughs and jokes when Nick was certain he would be terrorising every realtor and wedding caterer in L.A. by now. He assumed Schmidt's obsessiveness and list-making had finally paid off, he and Cece were positively serene.

Settling down on a stool he began to fill his face with bagels and coffee feeling completely content, well almost completely. He watched the closeness of Schmidt and Cece which seemed to grow more and more by the day and he couldn't help but feel mildly envious. It had been a long time since he'd had that with anyone. With Jess it wasn't so easy, they'd had to work hard to keep their behaviour in check so they didn't cross over the line to exactly what he was watching before him. He missed it, however fun what he and Jess had was, he missed simply being with someone. He pushed the thought swiftly to the back of his mind and continued to enjoy his breakfast.

"So what have you guys got on today." He mumbled, blowing out a few crumbs by accident.

Cece took a deep breath like it was something she had already been going over and over in her mind all morning. She held her hand in front of her and began to count across her splayed fingers. "We have to finalise things with the florists, I have to book in a fitting for Jess' bridesmaid dress, we're meeting with the cake guy this afternoon to try a few samples." Schmidt's smile widened to crazy proportions at the last one making Cece giggle, but she continued. "Then I really have to do some more packing, its unbelievable how much crap I have and it doesn't help that Nadia kindly left half her crap behind too."

"How's the bachelorette party coming?" Nick smiled trying to make Schmidt nervous which seemed to work a tiny bit.

"I have no clue, Jess has the whole thing planned apparently but she won't tell me a damn thing. I don't know whether to be excited or nervous."

"This is Jess we're talking about Cece." Schmidt smiled. "I don't think it'll be anything too dirty, she doesn't have it in her."

Nick bit his lips hard and forced more food into his mouth to stop himself from making any comments. Schmidt had no idea what he was talking about.

Twenty minutes later Schmidt and Cece left to embark on all the things she had listed off on her hand leaving Nick to relax and enjoy the rest of his morning. Pouring himself another cup of coffee he sat back in his chair and swiped the newspaper Schmidt had been reading moments ago. He heard Jess' bedroom door go and her feet shuffle across the floor and he smiled, he knew she would probably still be pissed at him from the night before but he had his best charm offence ready to placate her for the time being. He waited for her scowl, her silent treatment or possibly even a morning tirade but as she appeared around the corner he definitely didn't get what he bargained for.

"Morning Nick." She smiled widely and his eyes almost jumped out of his head.

Jess wasn't wearing a robe like she normally did, her comfy flannels had been exchanged for something decidedly more skimpy that showed some cleavage and just enough of the underside of her buttcheeks to make Nick shift in his seat. As she reached over the counter to pour some coffee Nick stared at the back of her, her legs suddenly seemed to go on for miles and the expanse of her back across her shoulder blades was in full view begging for his lips to be dragged across but he stayed rooted to his seat. In fact it was better if he stayed exactly where he was in that moment. He tried to greet her back but nothing came out but a dry rasp so he coughed and tried again.

"Morning Jess."

As she turned round she leaned over the counter in front of him, reaching for the butter and giving him an ample view of the top of her breasts. He quickly pushed the butter dish across to her and averted his eyes back towards his paper, sipping incessantly on his coffee. But it was impossible for him to stop stealing glances, there was skin, so much soft creamy skin that he didn't know what to do with himself. He had never seen those little pyjamas on her before but he was damn near certain he wanted to see them again, and again, and again. Once her toast was buttered and her coffee poured she stretched her hands up over her head with what he was positive was a fake yawn. Her top lifted up showing him the flat plain of her stomach which he had kissed down so many times on his way to a very specific final destination. The material pulled taut, very taut against her breasts perfectly outlining her nipples. With a sudden movement Nick dropped his paper and pushed the heel of his hand into his crotch trying to get himself under control. She pulled up a stool close to him and jumped on to it, crossing her legs so the full expanse of her thigh was close to his legs and in full view, but Nick swiftly vacated his seat and ducked round to the other side of the counter.

"I know what you're doing Jess."

She took a sip of her coffee and then paused blowing over the top of it gently, almost seductively. "What?"

"This." He pointed at her body, his finger moving frantically in all directions.

"They're pyjamas Nick."

"Are they?!"

"What? I was hot." She smiled, teasing him.

"I'm not an idiot Jess."

"I didn't say you were."

His eyes scanned her body a few more times and suddenly his mouth was very, very dry. His gritted his teeth. She could see his jaw flexing in annoyance, and something else, and it made her feel strangely satisfied.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." He tried to say triumphantly like he had won their strange little battle even though they both knew he had lost pretty badly.

"Ok." She shrugged and went back to her breakfast but a few moments past and still he didn't move. "I thought you were going."

"I am I just..." He glanced down his body nervously and then back to her with a small hint of panic in his eyes. Finally he turned on his heels very swiftly and hobbled off to the bathroom with a newly acquired limp leaving Jess feeling extremely pleased with herself.

* * *

"I warned you about those doughnuts Nick!" Schmidt spat as he tugged the sides of Nick's suit jacket around his belly.

"What, it fits just fine." Nick whined swatting Schmidt's hands away from him. He turned to face the mirror and smoothed his hands over the front of the suit. He felt a little dejected. Unbeknownst to Schmidt Nick had still been running with Winston, trying to lose those last few pounds before the wedding. He wasn't usually so concerned but this occasion was kind of a big deal. Schmidt was right, there was still a couple of pounds to go, either that or resend his measurements to the tailor to get a bigger jacket, but with only three weeks to go that wasn't really an option and he was pretty sure Schmidt wouldn't be too keen on him walking down the aisle in the Swuit.

"Come on man give Nick a break. The jacket looks fine." Winston interjected knowing the effort that Nick had been putting in.

"This wedding is going to be full of models Winston. _Models!_ Do you have any idea of the pressure that puts my side of the wedding party under. I can't have Nick killing one of them when a button fires of his jacket half way through the ceremony." Schmidt moaned causing several eyerolls from the people around him, include the staff at the store.

"Look it's fine." Nick moaned feeling slightly wounded. "I got three weeks I can still get another couple of pounds off."

"Five!" Schmidt pouted.

"What?"

"I want five pounds off Nick, not two!"

"Whatever."

Nick had left the store taking all Schmidt's teasing in good nature but it had caused him to step it up a notch with his Winston workouts. He never wanted to admit it to Winston for fear he would make him take it up another level, but the truth was, the more he did it the easier it was getting. Not to mention the fact that it was a great way to vent his pent up energy now that he and Jess had stopped sleeping together, his bucket loads, or rather truckloads of pent up energy that was driving him absolutely crazy. For the first time Nick took it upon himself to go the park without his running buddy and try it on his own that evening. It had been one of those beautiful clear, orange evenings that actually made him really happy that he'd started to go outside a little more rather than being glued to the couch. His lungs were burning and his legs were sore but he felt good. He managed to push himself a little harder even without Winston barking encouragement in his ear the whole way. Trying not to lose momentum he decided to run the whole way back to the loft. If he did it without stopping maybe he would reward himself with a little beer when he got home. All in all it wasn't shaping up to be the worst evening he'd ever had, made all the more delightful when he caught sight of Jess in the distance on her way back from Cece's. He summoned the energy to pick up his pace a little and catch up with her.

Jess could hear him calling her name and she turned briefly but didn't stop walking. She saw him in his running gear, sweating and surely breathing heavily and given the mischievous mood he had been in of late she really couldn't handle it in that moment so she kept on walking. Miraculously she heard his voice getting louder and feet moving faster, she didn't realise he had it in him but then again she had no reason to question Nick's stamina. No! She scolded herself for thinking such things and picked up her own pace but it was too late as he sidled up next to her.

"Didn't you hear me calling you?"

"Guess not." She said casually refusing to look at him. She pushed her way into the lobby and strode towards the elevator with Nick picking up a light jog once again to keep up with her. As the doors closed confining them both in the smallest of spaces, she could smell the manly scent of sweat coming off him and it made her insides flip. Seeing Nick sweat made her think of him naked and sweating right after they had done the other thing that made him exert himself that much. The worst part was Nick knew the effect it had on her. She had a thing for him when he'd been working hard and pushing his body to the limits. She was the same when they were together and she would see him lifting, grunting and sweating on the other side of the bar as he moved boxes and bottles around. He was the picture of manliness in those moments and she found it hard to keep her hands off him. She side stepped to the right a little to put some distance in between them but he did the same, turning to face her a little more.

He stretched his hand up behind his neck and began to work his muscles with his fingers giving her a glimpse of the trail of hair that ran from his belly button tantalisingly somewhere between his legs. Her eyes were starting to ache from staring sideways but she couldn't let him see her looking at him, he could not win. He continued to press his fingertips into the soft, glistening skin of his neck, beads of sweat dripping from his hairline down to his shoulder blades that she just wanted to run her tongue over. He let out a long groan and she rolled her eyes in contempt.

"Think I pushed myself too hard today." He drawled in a low voice.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah my muscles are aching real bad." He took another step toward her. "You think you could rub my neck Jess, I know you have magic hands." He raised his eyebrows and Jess let out a loud sigh stepping forward in the elevator, pressing the button for their floor over and over in the vain hope she would get there quicker and get the hell out of this torturous situation. Finally the doors slid open and she almost fell through she'd had pressed herself so close up to the door. Nick couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched her march purposefully towards the door, her hair swishing from left to right the way it did when she did her angry walk. She dropped her bag on the side table with a loud thud and made her way to the kitchen but he followed her. She wordlessly began to make some tea refusing to turn around and look at him but he didn't want to give up, this was way too much fun. He coughed and straightened his face and took a few steps toward her.

"Come on Jess please. I'm really serious my neck hurts I think I might have pulled something."

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him but she wasn't quite taking the bait just yet.

"Please Jess, just for a second and then I'll leave you alone."

She sighed. "Can't Winston help you?"

"He's at work." He wasn't, he was in his bedroom. "Please."

"Ugh fine, just for a second, sit down." She pushed him towards the couch and made him sit on the floor while she sat crossed legged on the couch behind him. She closed her eyes for a second and shook her head before bringing her hands up to his shoulders and placing her fingertips against his skin. Her touch was cold and rigid at first and she was positive it was providing him with little comfort but as he began to roll his head on his shoulders slightly with a soft moan she began to relax and soften. Her motion slowed and with each circle of her thumbs she felt his body vibrate in a low hum. There was a glistening patch of sweat in between the top of his shoulders blades and she dipped her thumb down and slid it hard back up his neck, slickening the motion of her hands and making him groan. The movement was almost hypnotic and she closed her eyes for a few moments feeling the soft tickle of his hair on her legs as he leaned his head back against her a little more. She didn't know if it was his smell or the feel of his skin searing into hers but her fingers started to move around the front of his neck, dancing over his clavicle. With her eyes still closed, in tune only with the sensation of his skin, her fingertips dipped underneath the neckline of his t-shirt and she heard him breathe in sharply. Lowering her head a little closer to his she took leave of her senses altogether and pushed her hand down the front of his t-shirt to feel his slick chest, smattered with hair that felt wonderful under her palm. The touch evoking a million and one images in her mind in the space of a few seconds. Suddenly her eyes popped open and she snatched her hand away, pushing at his shoulders to move as she scrambled to her feet.

"Ugh I know what you're doing Miller."

"Actually I was a little more interested in what _you_ were doing." He smiled seductively, his voice heavily tinged with sex even though that hadn't really done anything. He took a step toward her toward her but she backed away holding her index finger in the air in a way he knew her students must have seen at school many times.

"Just back off Nicholas." She snapped, looking decidedly flustered before she stomped back to her room leaving Nick a healthy mix of smug and significantly turned on.

* * *

Jess toyed with the penis shaped drinking straw in her hand and giggled like a little girl. Cece's last bachelorette party had been something of a rush job and hadn't quite turned out the way she had planned so this time she was determined to get it spot on, right down to the the tiniest penis straw shaped detail. The kitchen table was littered with shopping bags full of artifacts of a similar ilk, some of it nice and girly, some of it downright smutty but Jess quite liked it. It was a chance for her to unleash a naughty side instead of people thinking she was so innocent all the time, plus she knew Cece loved all that stuff and with this party being free of any Parekh or Schmidt relatives, Cece had more of a chance to indulge.

Hearing the sound of the front door Jess' heart jumped and she dove in front of the table trying to shield the sexy memorabilia from Cece's future husband. Instead she was greeted by a rather cheeky looking Winston.

"Well, well, well what do we have here?" He rubbed his hands together as he edged closer to the table with a boyish grin.

"Nothing to see here." Jess smiled as she began to gather everything up into the bags. "Schmidt's not with you is he?"

"No, he's out for dinner with some of Cece's friends tonight." But Winston wasn't really interested in Schmidt's whereabouts he was far more concerned with what secrets Jess had hidden in her bags as he grabbed one to peer inside, eliciting a sharp smack on the hand from Jess.

"This is bachelorette stuff, not for your eyes so just back away Mister. Nick has plenty of surprises for you guys I'm sure."

"Oh I know he does." Winston nodded with a smile so wide it was definitely worth measuring again.

Jess tried desperately to act like she didn't care but the thought of Nick possibly hiring a stripper or something for Schmidt peaked her interest, and not in a good way. "Well um...I mean what have you guys got planned?" She flicked her hair casually as she spoke.

"Nuh uh, you don't show, I don't tell. Besides Nick would kill me if I spilled anything. Needless to say it's gonna be one hell of a night."

Jess smiled nervously as Winston skipped off to his room, obviously delighted by all the shenanigans that were going to be taking place over the next couple of weeks. Exhausted from her day of shopping Jess abandoned her purchases and set about putting some good wholesome food into her belly, and apparently Winston's as he joined her in the kitchen with precision timing before he headed off to work. With all the guys occupied for the evening she figured she would relax with a glass of wine and plan the final touches for Cece's party uninterrupted. With the loft nice and quiet save for the sound of the TV Jess settled down with her laptop to find some funny, sexy costumes they could make Cece wear as part of the many dares they planned to inflict upon her. But after a couple of glasses of Rose, nature called and Jess dashed to the bathroom. Humming to herself quietly as she often did when was enjoying the acoustics of the bathroom Jess failed to hear Nick coming home from work. So it was pleasing to find him clutching a bottle of beer and hovering over her laptop with an expression of surprise and delight as she hung back in the hallway. It was pleasing in the sense that she still hadn't forgiven him for his relentless taunting over the last few days and she suddenly found herself presented with a glorious opportunity to get him back.

"See anything you like?" She smiled as she leaned against the wall flirtatiously, crossing one bare leg over the other which she knew would get his attention, it always did when she wasn't wearing tights.

Nick shifted speedily to the other side of the couch and feigned a sudden intense interest in the TV. "I didn't know you were into those kind of outfits Jess." She shrugged without giving him an answer either way and made her way over to the couch to join him. "What are you looking at that stuff for?"

Jess picked up her wine glass and crossed her legs, her knees pointing toward him as she tilted her body purposefully. "It's for Cece's bachelorette party."

He nodded, trying not to look too interested. "You girls are planning on wearing that stuff?"

"Maybe." she smiled at him over the top of her wine glass, delighting in the large gulp she saw him try and hide. "You wanna see some of the other stuff I got?"

"Isn't that all supposed to be top secret?"

"From Schmidt yeah but you're not gonna tell him right?"

Nick's eyes locked with hers and suddenly he had become a little boy again as he shook his head helplessly at her will. As Jess returned to the couch with bags of stuff he shifted forward in his seat rubbing his sweaty palms over the thighs of his jeans. He watched her pull things from the bags one by one, every item getting a naughty little explanation from Jess and every single one of them screaming sex at him. Watching her handle phallic items with a dirty smile and a naughty giggle made him want to lose his mind. He knew Jess had this side to her but to see it play out so effortlessly in front of him was better than any porn he had ever watched and Jess still had her clothes on. He wasn't stupid, he knew Jess was trying to wind him up as payback for the other night but while he wasn't stupid he _was_ weak when it came to her.

Jess knew she had Nick almost beaten. Nick always gave as good as he got with Jess but when he went quiet, when there were no words from him at all, that was when she knew she had a completely captive audience and he was putty in her hands. Feeling emboldened she toed her pumps off her bare feet and curled her legs up towards Nick, her arm resting on the back of the couch so she was facing him head on.

"I got these funny little question cards too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We're gonna ask Cece all these questions, you know sexy stuff."

"Is that right?"

Jess watched his Adam's Apple bob up and down in his throat and she smiled, deciding to push his buttons a little further. She toyed with the little cards in her hands flicking through them one by one. "Like... _what's your favourite position?_...or... _where's the craziest place you've had sex?_ " She lowered and softened her voice, speaking as slowly and sensually as she could, trying to get a rise out of him but he was trying his best to feign as much indifference as he could. She continued to read through the cheeky cards, each question getting more and more daring than the last. She could see his skin start to flush from the neck upwards and part of her started to feel guilty she was getting him so worked up, unfortunately for him the bigger part of her was getting a little kick out of it.

"Jess." He laughed out nervously.

"Then there's ... _what's your favourite sex toy?"_

"Jess come on"

 _"Have you ever had to fake an orgasm?"_

She could see his face getting redder as he squirmed.

 _"Who's the best sex you've ever had?"_

Suddenly she saw his face change and she lowered her hands knowing that the game was over. He messed with the label on his beer bottle for a few seconds before he turned to her, his eyes burning into her at close range making her start to wish she hadn't chosen to sit so close to him in the name of fun. Now she was the one feeling uncomfortable. She could see his chest rise and fall as his mouth hung open a little.

"You want me to answer that question Jess?"

She looked at him, her breaths now coming out in short sharp bursts that she prayed he couldn't hear. Somehow, somewhere her game had backfired but that didn't mean she wanted it to end. She found herself nodding slowly but certainly. Nick set his beer bottle down and lifted his leg, turning his body round on the sofa so he was facing her. His face was even closer to hers now but this time she didn't pull back, instead she waited as his eyes studied her, waited as his breath began to mingle with her own sending shivers up her spine. Suddenly his head dipped down and his lips hovered close to her neck but they didn't touch. They moved down and then back up, never touching until he reached her ear and her eyes flickered shut as her body began to throb.

"You." He whispered, his breath blowing against the soft skin behind her ear, the sensation moving down her body and between her legs. "You are the best sex I've ever had Jess. You make me feel amazing. You do things to me that turn me on for hours after you touch me. I think about you all the time Jess."

Her hand moved to the back of his neck of their own volition, her fingers sinking gently into him as his words tickled over her skin. She turned her head at the same time he turned his and their lips were almost touching. Her fingers moved up into his hair while the other hand gripped onto his thigh like a lifeline. She nudged his lips with her own just once as she considered her actions and how the tables had suddenly turned. It seemed Nick was considering that too.

"You're not gonna cave on me are ya Day?"

She tightened her grip on him. "Just shut up Miller."

Fisting his hair in her hands she pulled his face against hers and molded their lips together tightly. It had only been a week but to their bodies it felt like months. Nick shifted his body weight pushing Jess on to her back, her legs hooking over his hips as he settled naturally between her legs. Their mouths and hips fell into an instant rhythm, fighting to be free of their clothes. Jess pushed her hands inside his t-shirt up the smooth, tanned plain of his back while he squeezed tenderly but firmly at her breasts until all the material became too much of an obstacle. There was no time for foreplay, it wasn't that kind of night, they had been too starved. Nick grabbed the hem of Jess' top and as she arched her back he pulled it over her head. Nick's shirt was the next to go and as he rose to his knees to throw it back off his shoulders he attacked the zipper on Jess' skirt, shimmying it down her legs along with her underwear. She sat up to kick it off her feet while unhooking her bra and tackled Nick's belt at the same time. It turned out they were both amazing at multitasking when they needed to be.

Then the sounds of rustling clothes, creaking leather of the sofa and exertion suddenly stopped and it was replaced by the quiet peace of their breathing which began to escalate steadily as he pushed inside her and they began to move against one another. Jess felt a familiar feeling start to build but somehow it was more intense, every touch and very movement of his body felt twice as powerful. As his body worked hard he dropped lower down to bury his head in the crook of her neck, his breath and moans filling her ears. She could hear him saying things to her, telling her how good she felt, how amazing she was, she wasn't even sure if he knew he was talking half the time, words would just tumble from his lips turning her on more than she ever thought possible. Then she became aware of her own voice as he pounded harder, guttural sounds rising from deep in her body and getting louder and louder which each thrust of his hips. She could hear their bodies coming together, she could hear the sound of the sofa creaking and moving ever so slightly against the hard floor. Then she heard a rattling in the distance, a strange noise that seemed out of place.

Then a voice.

It was different.

It was a man.

But it wasn't Nick.

Jess opened her eyes. It was Schmidt, staring at their naked, writhing bodies in horror.


	13. Busted

"Oh my god!" Jess cried out in what was almost a sob as she shoved Nick's naked chest and scrambled for the blanket on the back of the couch. There was a mass of limbs everywhere as they both tried desperately to cover themselves as soon as possible, their throbbing, pleasured bodies now unpleasantly rigid.

"What the hell?!" Schmidt yelled trying to cover his eyes, unsure which direction to run away to as his feet shuffled indecisively against the floor.

Nick jumped off Jess with his hand cupping his junk, his back purposefully to Schmidt, he figured it was probably a slightly better deal for Schmidt to see his ass rather than his dick. Swiftly moving his hand from front to back he tried to shield his butt as he bent down inelegantly, yanking his jeans from the pile of clothes on the floor. He pulled them on faster than he ever had, forgoing his underwear and almost getting himself into a nasty accident in his haste. Finally turning to face a furious and disgusted looking Schmidt he held his hands up in what was a futile calming gesture.

"Don't freak out Schmidt."

"What the hell is this?! Why are you naked?! We are you having sex on the couch... _WITH EACH OTHER_. My eyes! Oh my god Nick's ass is burned into them!" He rubbed his eyes again like they were physically stinging.

"What are you doing home Schmidt?!" Jess wailed as she finally gained enough coordination to wrap the blanket around her body, holding it firmly in place with her underarms.

"Oh I'm sorry did I interrupt you having sex on your own private sex sofa where nobody else ever sits?!" Schmidt was turning a dangerous shade of red now as he glared at them like an angry father.

"Look we're sorry Schmidt." Nick tried to reason.

"It's DISGUSTING! You guys had better disinfect that couch right now." He rested his hand over his stomach like he was feeling nauseous. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom to pour bleach in my eyes and you guys had better be dressed when I come back!"

Schmidt disappeared down the hall, stamping petulantly and mumbling something to himself about genitalia and things being unsanitary. Once he was out of view Jess dropped down on to the sofa with a desperate whimper and threw the blanket off her shoulders as she grappled around the floor for her clothes. Nick watched her, unsure of what to say, or what she wanted him to say. Their little secret was out in the open now and neither of them knew what that meant or what to do about it. They had worried about this day coming but they hadn't really planned a course of action if it did. Nick fumbled around hesitantly before he finally plucked his t-shirt from the floor along with her top which she snatched out of his hand a little more coldly than he would have liked. As she arranged her clothing he bent down to his knees and rested his elbows on the couch on either side of her, his thumbs stroking the sides of her legs affectionately to try and calm her down.

"It's ok Jess."

"I'm so embarrassed." She covered her face with her hands, almost like she might cry so he tugged at her wrists.

"Look I've walked in on Schmidt having sex before it's fine, he'll get over it."

"No I'm embarrassed about the whole thing."

Nick's heart sank a little as he pulled his hands away from her legs and sat slowly back on the coffee table, unsure of how to take her comment. Considering how close they had been just minutes ago he could see Jess starting to disappear into her own head, concern etched across every millimetre of her face as she closed herself off to him. It was times like this when their newfound relationship was at its hardest. He couldn't comfort her like a boyfriend nor could he comfort her the way he wanted to as a friend, hell he had been inside her two minutes ago, everything was way too raw for that. So he sat back and thought about what he would do if things were different, how he would relax her by tenderly touching her face, how he would sit with his arm wrapped around her until the redness of humiliation drained from her face. He would do all those things if he had the chance, but he didn't. So he did the only thing he could think of, the only thing that stood the slightest chance of making the moment feel less awkward, or so he thought. He joked.

"Hey at least with went with missionary or that could have been a whole lot worse, right?"

Jess rolled her eyes which were glistening with the tiniest hint of unshed tears."It's not funny Nick, he's gonna tell Cece and she's gonna think I've been lying to her this whole time. She's getting married in three weeks, I can't have her hating me, especially not now."

"She's not gonna hate you Jess. Look Schmidt won't tell her ok, I won't let him."

Jess blew out a deep breath trying to channel her emotions in the right direction. She didn't want to take any of her feelings out on Nick, they were in this together and the chances were great that he was feeling exactly the same way she was, he was just better at hiding it. She looked at the sincerity in his eyes and gave him a weak smile as she rested her hand on the back of his. The sensation was soothing, calming even and she let her hand linger. Enjoying the comfort of it, Nick turned over his hand daring to lace his fingers through hers and to his relief he felt the pressure of her fingertips as she responded. Both stared at their locked hands, hypnotised by the movement of their thumbs stroking back and forth reassuringly over soft, warm skin. As the shock of the moment started to subside Nick finally felt some words of substance start to make their way to the surface but he was denied the chance to speak as a marginally calmer looking Schmidt appeared in the hallway armed with rubber gloves and a bottle of disinfectant.

"Oh you have clothes on, how decent of you." Schmidt mocked, eyeing them with complete disdain like they had just committed all seven deadly sins in one deliberate hit.

Nick felt Jess' hands pull out of his sharply and he could see the redness of embarrassment fill her cheeks once again as her eyes landed on almost everything in the loft apart from Schmidt. He clenched his jaw, suddenly lamenting the intrusion on a moment between him and Jess which felt infuriatingly unfinished. He smacked his hands on his thighs and pushed himself up off the coffee table.

"You made your point Schmidt, we said we're sorry now just drop it, it's no big deal. It's not like you an Cece haven't done it."

Schmidt chewed the side of his mouth as he tried desperately to counter Nick's argument but he had nothing valid. He knew that he and Cece had christened damn near every corner of the loft so he simply rolled his eyes and continually shook his head from side to side, trying to make his disdain as evident as possible. An uncomfortable silence descended on all three of them, but as Schmidt looked at the painfully uncomfortable faces of his friends he saw more than just the embarrassment of two people caught in a compromising position, he saw something he hadn't see in a long time. It made him soften as the shock faded into nothing but confusion. He watched as Nick stood protectively in front of Jess and tried to piece together exactly what was happening between his two best friends.

"So what...are guys back together?" Schmidt knew by their faces it wasn't that simple but he had to ask.

Nick and Jess looked at each other. "No we're not back together." Nick answered as Jess shook her head.

"So what this was just a one time thing? I just happen to have literally the worst timing in the whole world?"

Nick and Jess continued to exchange glances both of them looking to the other to answer. Jess finally stepped from behind Nick and cleared her throat "No it's uh...it's not a one time thing it's happened more than once. It's happened a lot actually. We're just..you know...having fun I guess. That's all Schmidt it's nothing."

 _Nothing_. Of all the words Nick expected Jess to say ' _nothing'_ wasn't one of them and he didn't like it. He knew what they had was confusing, it had been downright infuriating at times but at no point had he ever considered it to be nothing. He could see Schmidt looking at him to back up what Jess had just said, to give it some credence but all he could do was nod. The ability to apply meaningful words to their situation was getting harder by the day. Schmidt continued to stare at him, clearly wanting more of an explanation from his friend but Nick just couldn't give it, he didn't know what he was supposed to say.

"Look man are we done here, are we cool cos I gotta get ready to go to work." Nick started to edge away from the conversation and made a break for the bathroom before Schmidt had a chance to answer. He heard the slam of Jess' bedroom door behind him and he knew that one way or another things were about to change for them.

* * *

Nick knotted the towel around his waist and sighed for the hundredth time. He had lost all sense of what he was sighing about, he just wanted the universe to be aware of his exhaustion and hopefully cut him some slack. Part of Nick had wanted everyone to find out, at first it had all been forbidden and sexy but lately it had just been tiring, being so dishonest about such a big part of his life was just downright draining. Sadly he feared Jess didn't feel the same way, from her reaction he figured she would have just as soon people never found out. Trying to figure out why she felt that way was even more exhausting still. He sighed again and shook his head firmly, half shaking the water out of his hair and half shaking the thoughts out of his head.

As he padded back to his bedroom he glanced at Jess' bedroom where she had been holed up ever since Schmidt had made her feel suitably humiliated and even more confused than she was in the first place. Cece had done wonders in softening the guy but he could still be a douche when it came to tact and sensitivity. He paused momentarily but there was nothing but silence from her room, he knew she would be lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and mulling over the evenings events, cringing everytime she relived Schmidt walking in them. He would have preferred to talk to her before he left for work to make sure they were ok but he knew when she needed to be left alone.

Nick added to his list of sighs and walked into his bedroom, immediately dropping his towel and fishing around in his closet for a clean shirt and jeans. After inspecting the few small scratches Jess had left on his shoulders he sprayed on some deodorant and buttoned up his shirt. His stomach let out a loud growl and he realised that in light of all his amorous activities with Jess he had completely forgotten to eat anything. Glancing at his watch he decided he had time to whip up a sandwich to eat en-route to the bar.

Leaving his room Nick immediately came face to face with a still confused looking Schmidt who had abandoned spraying the sofa with copious amounts of disinfectant and was now toying with all of Jess' bachelorette party goodies that she had left strewn about the sofa in her haste to lock herself away in her bedroom. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself at the look of disgust which hadn't yet shifted from Schmidt's face.

"What are you doing Schmidt?"

"Do you guys really need all this crap to get each other off? I mean this is just gross, I can't believe you guys are into this stuff."

Nick snatched the penis shaped cake mould from Schmidt's hands and screwed up his face. "It's not ours, it's for Cece's bachelorette party you dummy!"

"Oh" Schmidt's eyes widened. "OH! My future wife can't be subjected to this smut what the hell is Jess thinking. Seems that's all the girl thinks about these days."

"Knock it off Schmidt!" Nick growled and packed up Jess' bags, neatly stacking them against the couch before he stomped off to the kitchen with Schmidt following quickly behind him. Nick proceeded to pull things out of the fridge and stuff them in between two generous slices of bread as Schmidt glared at him. Nick tried to ignore him, he had no time to get into another discussion before work but, like a gnat in his ear, Schmidt was making it impossible. He had a real knack for that.

"What Schmidt, what is it?"

"I just can't believe you guys would be so stupid!"

"I don't understand why you're getting mad Schmidt. This is between me and Jess. It's none of your business."

"I'm not mad Nick. I'm concerned."

"There's nothing to be concerned about, Jess and I are adults and we know what we're doing."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

Schmidt marched round the other side of the kitchen island to stand in front of Nick, his arms crossed and his face challenging. "OK let me ask you something Nick, are you sleeping with other women?"

"What?" Nick played dumb, trying to buy himself some time to pull together a convincing answer.

"Are you having sex with other girls?"

Nick shrugged and nodded his head with little conviction. "Yeah."

"Are you? I haven't seen you bring anyone back here in weeks Nick and you've been here every night."

"How would you know you've been at Cece's half the time."

"Well have you?"

"Yes."

Schmidt screwed up his eyes focussing intently on Nick. "Name one girl you've slept with in the last two months."

"Uh..." Nick swallowed hard and softened his voice to the point of a whisper hoping Schmidt wouldn't hear but would buy it anyway. "Um...Sharon."

"Fail. You hesitated."

Nick slammed the jar he was holding down on the table and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "Ok fine I'm not sleeping with other girls ok, I'm only sleeping with Jess."

Seeing the turmoil in his eyes Schmidt attempted a softer approach. "Don't you see what's wrong with this picture Nick?" You guys should never have started this, you're both gonna get hurt."

"No we're not, we're just having fun. We knew exactly what we were getting into when we started this."

"No Nick I don't think you did. You guys were in love, very much. You can't have casual sex with someone you've had those feelings for. There can't be emotions involved Nick. You can think they're hot sure, you can think they're a nice, decent person absolutely but you categorically cannot have any romantic feelings for them, you certainly can't be in love with them Nick."

"We're not...it's not like that now. It's...I don't know."

"You guys need to figure what you are and you need to do it fast because this thing you're doing right now is going to end badly. Very badly. And I worry that you guys won't be able to pick up the pieces this time."

Nick had expected Schmidt to overreact and tease him but he hadn't expected that sort of brutal honesty and it took him by surprise. He and Jess had spent so long convincing themselves and each other that everything was fine, that it was all just casual and they could deal with it. The sudden abrasive opinion from outside their little bubble from someone who knew them both so well was like a jab to the ribs or a right hook that Nick wasn't bracing for. As Schmidt walked away he left Nick reeling.

* * *

Cece muttered to herself as she lifted and closed the lids of the many cardboard boxes that filled her apartment. Locating something as simple as a hairbrush could take her up to thirty minutes these days. Moving day couldn't come soon enough but until she got there she had to do everything within her power not to torch every box in the place. All the searching, shifting and stubbed toes were pushing her to the edge. With an aggressive sigh she gave up and simply scraped her hair back into a ponytail. Giving one of the boxes a mild and frustrated kick she disappeared to the kitchen to grab some food before she had to leave for the bar. She pulled yet another ready meal out of the fridge, she was reluctant to fill her kitchen with real food before she moved out so she had been living off the things for two weeks. As the whir of the microwave filled the apartment she leaned back against the kitchen counter and flicked bemusedly through a Russian magazine she had unearthed in Nadia's old room until she heard a knock at the door. Due to the speed and rhythmic timing of the knock she knew instantly it was Jess. Bounding toward the door she flung it open with a big smile on her face.

"Hey babe." Cece chirped enthusiastically.

"Hi." Jess loitered in the doorway for a moment, nervous and strangely out of breath.

Cece frowned "Jess are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm ok but uh...can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah sure. Sounds serious." Cece half smiled and moved to one side to let Jess by. Jess offered a token chuckle but still she hung in the doorway prompting Cece to be a little more obvious with her welcoming gesture. "Jess...are you coming in?"

"Oh yeah sorry."

Cece screwed her face up in confusion as Jess meandered past her like a ghost. Cece had suddenly developed that inevitable sinking feeling in her stomach, the feeling all people got when someone they loved uttered the ominous phrase ' _can we talk_.' Jess wasn't smiling so Cece knew it was nothing worthy of congratulations or jumping up and down with excitement. Shame. She much preferred those conversations. Cece made her way to the kitchen and began to make tea, she no longer needed to ask Jess if she wanted one. Meanwhile Jess wiggled her butt into one of the stools opposite and started to fidget uncontrollably. Cece began to mutter away as she made the tea. Their roles would always reverse when Jess was going through something, Jess would sit quietly and analyse everything while Cece would do all the idle prattle. Soon after, Cece turned with a mug in each hand and slid one across to Jess as she leaned down on her elbows on the kitchen counter, now more at eye level with Jess whose expression seemed to be getting more fearful by the second. Jess' eyes were avoiding hers and she had begun to scratch of her nail polish the way she always did when she was nervous. Finally Cece moved her arm across the counter and rested her hand over the back of Jess' with a gentle squeeze and a smile to try and relax her from whatever thoughts were spinning round in that head of hers.

"Jess what is it? Is it something bad?"

"No it's not bad exactly it's just...um...has Schmidt text you or called you about anything today?"

"He text me about a vintage side table he found for the new apartment but something tells me that's not what you're here about."

"No, no it's not." Jess stalled for time but she could see a hint of impatience and concern in Cece's eyes. "Well, um the thing is Schmidt probably will text you about something, something I probably should have told you about before now. I just wanted to talk to you face to face before he did. I'm sorry I've kept it from you and I really don't want you to be mad at me it's just that it's been a little complicated or at least it is now and..."

"Jess what is it?"

Jess paused even though it was way too late for her to backtrack , she had Cece's attention well and truly captured.

"I've been sleeping with Nick."

Cece pushed herself back upright suddenly and widened her eyes as she reared her head back a little. "Oh. Well that I was not expecting."

"Yeah."

"So...are you guys..."

"No we're not back together." Jess interjected.

"Oh."

Jess couldn't help but notice that the second _'oh'_ was a lot more flat that than the first, like Cece had immediately figured out the reality of the situation without Jess even having to say another word. The tiny sound was riddled with concern and Jess knew exactly what Cece was thinking. She was a lot more calm than Schmidt had been but that look was there, that _'oh dear Jess, what the hell have you done'_ look that Jess had been dreading.

Jess always knew Cece would find out eventually, the truth was she had been on the verge of coming clean but Schmidt had shunted the situation forward a little. She knew they would _all_ find out, her and Nick were a timebomb, it was inevitable. But strangely enough she had been less concerned with what they would say to her and far more worried about what on earth she would say to them. She watched Cece trying to find the right words, Cece sometimes struggled with her sensitivity levels if it was something she felt passionately about so Jess could see she was trying hard to weigh her words very carefully before she spoke.

"Soooo, all the curiosity about the 'friends with benefits' thing, that was all about Nick?"

Jess nodded.

"And that's what you are? Just friends...who have sex?"

Jess nodded again, a little less assuredly this time.

"And you guys are ok with that? Just sex, no emotions at all?"

Jess looked at Cece as she considered the weight of her question. "Well I mean there are emotions because he's my best friend but there are no ' _feelings'_ if that's what you mean?"

"It's the same thing Jess."

"No it's not. We're both fine with it, it's no big deal."

"Jess if it was no big deal you wouldn't have kept it from me. Why did you?" Cece asked trying to sound as sympathetic as possible.

"Because it...it was just..."

"Look Jess I don't judge you and I'm not gonna make you feel bad but you need to know that what you and Nick are doing **is** a big deal, whether you guys want to admit it or not. You guys were in love. I don't know if that's stuff ever completely goes away."

Cece watched as Jess quickly dipped a finger behind her glasses and chewed her lip to keep any emotion from spilling out. She could see that whatever inner battle Jess was having with herself, maybe Cece didn't need to add to it. She smacked her hands down on the counter and pushed herself upright again, turning towards her freezer and pulling a tub of ice cream from the back of it with a satisfying gust of dry ice. She may not have had any fruit or vegetables but in her freezer there was still ice cream and a bottle of vodka in case of emergencies and she knew from Jess' face this was an emergency. She stuck two spoons in the top and placed it in front of Jess. "Screw the tea, we need the good stuff." She smiled.

Jess chuckled but it was laced with raw emotion.

"I just don't want you to get hurt Jess, that's all."

"I know... I won't." Jess smiled. "I know what I'm doing, I promise."

Cece wanted to say so much more, she wanted to protect her friend but Jess wasn't ready to hear everything she had to say. Cece's heart fell a little as she came to the realisation that Jess was going to figure it all out the hard way, she was in too deep now, she had seen that look in Jess' eyes before. Cece would have to wait and make sure she was there at the right moment to help pick up the pieces. Until they would carry on as normal, whatever the new normal was.

"So how come Schmidt knows, did old Sweatback crack under the pressure."

"I wish." Jess mumbled through a big mouthful of ice cream which she swallowed hard, a guilty and slightly cheeky look in her eyes. "He kinda caught us."

"What!?"

"On the couch."

"Oh my god." Cece laughed hysterically as she buried her face in her hands, carrying on as normal, for now.

* * *

Cece gave Jess' arm a healthy yank as she pulled her towards the front door of the bar. Jess was intent on allowing the proverbial dust to settle but in the spirit of ' _carrying on as normal'_ Cece had insisted she accompany her to work. Eventually Jess had conceded that maybe it wasn't such a terrible idea, she would have to face Schmidt a few hours later anyway and at least this way they were surrounded by a room full of people so Schmidt would have to keep the temper tantrum under control. But it wasn't just Schmidt Jess was wary of seeing, she had felt something shift between her and Nick the second Schmidt had caught them but she didn't know what they had shifted to or from.

They were immediately met by Schmidt's megawatt smile as they walked through the door which Jess was well aware was direct solely at his fiancee. Jumping off his stool like an excited child he bounded towards her unable to wait until she had walked the final few feet to the bar. Hooking his arm around her waist he pulled her in for a kiss until she finally shoved him away with a giggle, gesturing toward Mike who was glaring at them with contempt. Cece swatted Schmidt away affectionately and moved to join Nick behind the bar. Cece and Nick had grown so much closer over the last couple of years but Jess could still see that Cece had the power to petrify Nick without really doing much at all. He stared at her wide eyed, with his shoulders tight and his teeth chewing anxiously at the side of his mouth.

Cece abused the rush of power for just a moment before she decided to take pity on Nick. She could see from the look in his eyes he was clearly expecting another junk punch of epic proportions but the truth was Cece wanted to give him a hug, she could foresee the rough ride the pair of them were in for and she felt like she wanted to protect them. She watched Nick and Jess exchange looks of fear and mouth things to each other across the bar like nobody was looking and she shook her head, ' _no big deal my ass.'_ As she passed behind Nick, Cece rested her hands on his shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze, instantly feeling his muscles relax in what she could only assume was relief. She began to fix Schmidt a cocktail until she got the distinct impression that all three of them were waiting for her to fill the void of conversation. Nick and Jess continued to try and communicate in some silent code across the bar while Schmidt and Jess sat so far apart they practically needed megaphones to speak to one another.

Slamming Schmidt and Jess' drinks down on the table in front of them she got their attention.

"Jeez what is this, nobody died." She snapped in exasperation.

"That's not entirely true." Schmidt pouted. "I'm positive a little bit of my soul died when I saw Nick's naked ass bouncing round on the couch, devil may care."

"Oh come on Schmidt would you give it a rest it wasn't that bad."

Nick and Schmidt began to tease each other which was oddly comforting for everyone. Cece congratulated herself for breaking the ice and disappeared to serve the other customers leaving Jess to listen to the boys banter back and forth. Jess wanted to join in with them a claw back the normality of it all but she knew Nick and Schmidt needed their moment to stabilise things after what had been an intense evening for them all. Jess was more than satisfied when Schmidt paused to offer her a wink of the eye half way through, sending a warmth of relief through her body and making her smile into her wine glass.

When Nick finally remembered he was at work and did have to actually attempt to earn some money that night, he left Schmidt and Jess alone. Schmidt jumped off his stool and pulled it closer to Jess so they were sitting side by side. As Jess looked at him at closer range his face had softened considerably since earlier that evening, the shock and disgust had faded into something a little kinder, more like the cuddly Schmidt she could sit and watch Steel Magnolias with. She knew he had questions but she also knew he was now very clear on the fact that neither she nor Nick had any of the answers. Schmidt wrapped his arms around her shoulders and smiled.

"I'm sorry I overreacted."

"Well I'm sorry you saw what you did."

"So am I?" He chuckled and she laughed heartily in return.

"I just want you guys to be careful Jess."

"Oh we have been I promise, condoms all the way."

"Ew Jess No! I mean I wanted you to be careful with the situation because the thing is Jess..." He sipped his drink debating whether or not to continue.

"What's the thing?"

He turned to her and stared into her eyes earnestly giving Jess a glimpse of that uninhibited sincerity that she only saw once in awhile. "You're not gonna like it?"

"I can take it." She said unconvincingly.

"If either of you had come to me before you started all this and asked my advice I would have told you both to run a mile in the other direction."

Jess bowed her head in reflection and fought the urge to cry. Schmidt tightened his grip on her shoulders and kissed her on the temple. "Just be careful Jess. I don't want either of you guys to get hurt again." He whispered as Nick looked on in concern.

* * *

Cece shook the excess water from her hands and grabbed a paper towel from the back of the sink. Swiping a finger under her eyes she removed a little smudge of mascara, straightened out her hair and reminded herself that she need to book her and Jess into the salon for the morning of the wedding. A crucial appointment that she hadn't managed to take care of yet. Everytime she would think that her and Schmidt had everything covered with the wedding and the move something else would come up that she had to add to what was already a very long list of tasks. As she toyed with a few split ends she sighed and decided to head back out into the bar. Her feet were already starting to throb and she still had another couple of hours to go. She wriggled her toes in her shoes to relieve some of the tension, there was no way she wanted big swollen elephant feet for her wedding, she was going to have to to push Mike for another couple of days of beforehand. The din of the bar got louder as she headed back from the bathroom but before she made it round the corner Nick appeared almost smashing into her.

"Whoah sorry Cece." He held his hands up to protect her from the force of banging into his chest.

"What's the hurry mister?"

"Uh we're out of Champagne, I'm just gonna head down to the cellar and get a couple more bottles."

"Ok, you want some help?"

"No it's ok I got it."

They paused for a moment just looking at each other as neither of them made an effort to get to where they were going. After a few seconds Nick smiled and grabbed the top of her arms, moving her gently to one side as she squeezed past her to go down the stairs.

"Nick wait."

Nick stopped at the top of the stairwell and closed his eyes knowing full well he was never going to escape Cece that evening.

"Look I know what you're gonna say Cece."

"Do you?"

"Yes you're gonna say that we're being stupid, that we're making a mistake. I've heard it all from Schmidt I really can't listen to it all again."

"I don't think you're stupid Nick."

"Well...thanks, I guess."

"But I do think you're being naive, I think you both are."

Nick sighed and turned to walk down the stairs again but she grabbed his shoulder turning him around so they were both facing each other. "I know you don't want to hear it Nick but I think you need to. I know you and Jess started this thing with the best of intentions, that you guys really thought you could do this without anybody getting hurt but Nick you know that's not possible."

"Nobody has gotten hurt."

"Yeah because you guys are keeping this thing going but what happens when it ends, what happens when you meet someone or Jess does and you guys have to go your separate ways. Again. Are you honestly telling me it won't bother you because I know how much it will bother Jess. Look Nick I've known Jess for a long time and she's amazing at making people think that she's on top of everything, that she can cope and handle things on her own but she has her weaknesses."

"Cece I know that, I just..."

"And you're one of them Nick." Cece interrupted, rendering Nick silent as he stared at her with his mouth slightly agape. "She cares about you so much Nick and the need to make you happy it becomes all consuming to her that she forgets about herself, so you're the one that needs to remember."

"You think I don't know that Cece? I would never do anything to hurt Jess, ever. Ever since we broke up I have done everything I can to make sure she's happy and yeah sometimes I've hated it. You think I was happy we broke up? You think it didn't kill me to see her falling for Ryan? Trust me Cece it did, but I lived with it and I supported her because I had to, because I needed to keep Jess in my life. I need Jess in my life Cece, in whatever way that comes so whatever she needs from me I will it give her. You can be sure of that. No matter what it is. Even if it means me getting hurt in the process."

Moments of silence passed them by.

"Well shit Miller, I didn't mean for things to get that intense." Cece smacked him affectionately on the arm but Nick could see more relief in her face. Relief that no matter what happened Jess would be happy, he would make damn sure of it. Cece gave Nick's bicep a friendly squeeze and with a heartfelt smile she left him alone. He watched Cece walk away and he knew it wasn't over, he knew their friends would have a lot more to say about their relationship but for one night it was enough. With a deep breath he trudged downstairs completely unaware of Jess standing in the hallway behind him, listening to every word he'd said.

* * *

Nick jerked the lock at the top of the door, bolting it tight shut and keeping all the drunken revellers on the other side so he was finally left in some peace and quiet. He could always tell how much of a busy night it had been by how much his ears were ringing once he was plunged into silence at the end of a shift. He rolled his shoulders to ease some of the aching and plodded back to the bar, collecting a few scattered glasses on the way. As he set them down on the bar he looked over to the other side and smiled.

"Jess what are you doing?"

"I'm helping." She smiled as she stacked dirty glasses into the washer under the bar. Her hair was now pulled back in a loose, almost messy ponytail while she had the sleeves of her bow-covered blouse rolled up to her elbows.

"You don't have to do that really. Why don't you sit down and I'll fix you another drink. You could use it."

"I don't mind."

Nick walked behind the bar and stood next to her, gently trying to urge her out of the way but she resisted and flicked some of the water on her hands in his face playfully.

"Jess come on." He laughed and grabbed her wrists trying to control her, or just touch her, he wasn't sure.

"Tell you what, why don't I help with this and you can fix me a drink anyway."

Nick smiled and turned to retrieve a bottle of rose from the fridge underneath the bar, pouring himself a red wine in the process. It felt like a red wine kind of a night, it warmed his muscles up in a way that he really needed. As he listened to the satisfying glug of the wine hitting the glass he finally started to to take stock of the day and absorb the reality that his and Jess' dirty little secret was out in the open, floating round in the ether in the form of a big old question mark just waiting to be answered. _What did they do now_? He knew Jess was wondering the same thing, that was why she was still here, although she hadn't come right out and said it. Working under the watchful eyes of the other guys all evening had added more weight to that question but now that it was just him and Jess again things started to feel more comfortable, less pressured. He watched Jess from behind as he leaned against the back counter and took a sip of his wine. He watched her bend down to the dishwasher over and over again, the back of her skirt rising up to show a little more of her long, bare legs each time. The light material of her shirt hung neatly around her body pulling down a little at the base of her neck where just a few strands of hair scattered across her pale skin and he found himself fighting every urge in his body to walk over and kiss her there, right exactly there. But he didn't.

Finally he walked up to her and closed the door of the washer, signalling to her that the work part of the night was over. His set the wine glass on the bar in front of her and slid it across into her waiting and grateful hand. They both leaned on the hard wood with their elbows and stared out across the empty bar, their sides brushing against one another each time one of them shifted their position a little. Nick nudged his body into her gently but purposefully.

"Some day huh?"

"Yes sir."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah." She turned to him. "Are you?"

"I think so. It was a weird night."

"I guess it's good in a way. No more lying or sneaking around right?"

"Right." He smiled and nodded his head just once. "It was fun though."

"Yeah I know." She laughed before her face fell serious and a silence came between them.

"They're just concerned about us Jess."

"I know." She nodded forlornly staring down at her feet.

"They don't know... they don't know the whole situation. If they did they would see that..."

Jess turned to face him, leaning on one elbow, her eyes looking into his with more intensity now. "What would they see?" Her voice was low and quiet and suddenly thick with emotion. Her eyes twinkled as the only light left on in the bar captured them so much that Nick was unable to look away. She had him hooked in to the point where he knew he was a goner. Letting go of his wine he pushed his fingers into her hair suddenly and pressed his lips against hers. As she curled her delicate fingers over his thick wrists she kissed him back hard. Moving his hands down every inch of her body he gripped her ass and lifted her on to the bottom bar. She didn't put up a fight, instead she hooked her legs around his thighs and pulled him to her as tight as she could, her arms wrapping around the back of his head with uninhibited need.

Licking his tongue behind her ear and down the length of her neck he pulled at the tiny buttons of her shirt, his thick fingers letting him down. She giggled and took over pulling the material to each side, offering herself to him as the most perfect gift. Curling his fingers around her tiny waist he pulled her hard against his groin until her back bowed and her head lolled back giving him perfect access to her breasts as he pulled the front of her bra down and devoured her passionately. Pushing at his shoulders she sat herself back upright and met his lips again as she tugged at his belt. Just when he thought the feel of her tongue brushing against his couldn't be any more perfect he felt her warm hand wrap tightly around him and begin to squeeze and pull at him in the way only she could, the way that made him want to scream intensely from deep parts of his body that he didn't even know existed.

This time it was her turn to talk as he listened to her whisper things in his ear, how she wanted him, how his body felt, how she wanted to finish what they had started on the couch earlier that evening. She wasn't just trying to turn him on, there was an honesty to it, ironically there was an innocence to it, a purity that only she had and he wanted to do every single thing she was asking of him and more. He wanted her to feel the way he was feeling as she touched him, the sensation getting more a more powerful with each stroke of her hand. As he pushed his fingers into her underwear he could feel how turned on she was just from touching him and he let out a guttural groan which vibrated against the soft skin of her neck making her whole body fold into him. As he moved his fingertips over her slickly he could tell by the gasps and whimpers escaping her lips that she was going to last about as long as he was, so pulling her underwear to one side, he pushed into her slowly but firmly, her eyes burning into him as they fought to stay open with every twitch and tingle she felt.

With his palms grasping tightly at her butt he began to move, his pace quickening at the demand of her body. Every part of her was gripping on to him tightly like he was the only thing that could save her from falling into an abyss. He could hear her saying his name over and over with a few other select words mixed in between. He came hard but he kept going, kept pushing to bring her over the edge with him. Her hand gripped tightly on to his hair almost to the point of pain as he thrust into her. As she dug her heels into his ass and pressed her fingertips hard into the back of his neck she came, words tumbling from her lips as she exploded.

Sensations had grown quickly, more quickly and powerfully than either of them expected. The sounds and sensations were overwhelming, the stimulation was almost too much. It was different this time. Something was different.

As her body started to melt around him he became strangely rigid. He could feel his hard pounding hard in his chest, harder than usual, it pounded with an intensity he hadn't felt in so long it almost felt foreign to him. He could feel a nervous tingling setting into his legs and he was worried they might give way completely. He kept his head buried in her neck, his harsh breath sounding almost deafening in his ears but not enough to drown out what he had heard, what he was certain he had heard coming from her lips.

I love you.


	14. The Elusive Jessica Day

Jess loosened her grip on the back of Nick's neck, holding her head just a little further away to put some distance in between them, like that would create some sort of forcefield which would stop any sound from her mouth making its way to his ears. Her whole body had seized up in a way she had never felt before and even Nick felt completely rigid in her arms.

Maybe he hadn't heard, maybe if the universe had taken some small semblance of pity on her then in the midst of heavy breathing, moving bodies and banging on the bar, he hadn't heard. He kept his head buried in her shoulder, his breath thick and fast against her now panic-sweating skin and minutes went by where he didn't move a muscle. The window of opportunity for him to acknowledge what she had said was rapidly closing but still he said nothing.

Jess closed her eyes as a shudder of humiliation passed through her entire body. She had absolutely no idea where it had come from, it had just slipped out, a jumble of words had escaped her mouth and those three just happened to come out in that order. She didn't even know how the word 'love' had sneaked itself in there. The only thing she did know was that she wanted the sticky, grubby floor of the bar to open up and swallow her whole so she wouldn't have to see the look on Nick's face.

Nick finally raised his head and held his face close to hers, so close that her view of him was distorted. She could see his eyes but they were too close to read. Pulling her head back a little she grabbed his face and pushed him further away to get the measure of him, to figure out what he was thinking. But there was no time, he threaded his fingers tightly into her hair and crashed his lips against hers. He kissed her hard. He kissed her because it meant he didn't have to talk. She kissed him back for exactly the same reason, their kisses intense and almost bruising just to shift the focus away from what had just happened.

But as minutes went by with her words still hanging in the air, his silence was becoming more and more deafening and she could feel the prick of tears behind her eyes as he kissed her. Her lips began to tremble against his so she pulled away from him, looking past him to the row of bottles behind which looked like a very inviting world to immerse herself into in that moment. Anything to numb what she was feeling would be welcome. Resting her hand gently on his chest she pushed and felt him finally pull out of her. Jumping off the bar she began to straighten herself out, forcing a small smile to alleviate the tension.

Nick took a step back from her but he made no attempt to move, he just stared at her with his mouth hanging open, hoping that eventually some words would make their way out. Any words at all would have been sufficient in that moment to end the torture of silence. Jess adjusted her bra, fastened up her shirt and purposefully avoided his eyes, the explanation they demanded was too much for her to handle. Suddenly Nick finally seemed to remember where he was and what was happening, like someone had put a new battery in him. He jerked back to life and quickly fastened up his jeans, followed by his shirt which he tucked back in neatly.

Then there they were, aside from a little mussed up hair and slightly flushed cheeks it was like nothing had ever happened.

"I should go." Jess choked, finally daring to look at him.

"Well, um...wait and I'll give you a ride."

Ok, well there it was, she had her answer, he wasn't going to acknowledge it. "No it's ok I'll get a cab." She began to move around the other side of the bar, her feet moving as fast as they could without giving away her desperation to escape. She could see the door edging closer but then so were Nick's footsteps behind her as he followed her outside.

"Jess wait." He picked up a light jog to keep up with her. "Jess wait, why don't you just let me give you a ride."

She turned to him and tried to plaster something resembling a smile on her face but the strain was unbearable. "Nick it's fine really, you have to finish up here and I'm tired so I'm just gonna..." She held out her hand to hail a nearing cab. "I'll be fine. I'll see ya."

He lunged to grab her hand but she was in the cab with the door closed before he had time. He stared through the window, making out only her silhouette as the reflection of the lights from the bar obscured his view of her. As she turned to him all he could make out were the wet whites of her eyes before the car pulled away leaving him standing alone and wondering what the hell had just happened.

When she was at a safe distance Jess glanced back and he was still there, standing in the middle of the road now and watching her drive away. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes for a second until she was round the corner and out of view. As the buildings and people passed her by she felt herself getting further and further away from him and under the concerned scrutiny of the driver in the rearview mirror her face finally crumbled as sobs shook her body.

* * *

 **One week later...**

Jess smoothed her hand over the front of her dress, the material felt silky and expensive underneath her fingers. She moved her hips from side to side eyeing her body up from all angles in the mirror. It was tight around her waist, enough to catch her breath, but it hugged her body in all the right places so she came to the conclusion that breathing was overrated. The vibrant colours of the the dress poured into her eyes but as her gaze moved higher she couldn't help but notice how washed out her face looked. Her makeup was there but it hadn't been applied with the same attention she usually gave it and her her sallow complexion was showing through. A hint of redness still circled her eyes from the tears she had tried so hard not to cry. She brushed a finger under her eyes trying to wipe it away but it was fixed as was the feeling which had caused it in the first place. Of course nobody knew, especially not Nick, she had successfully passed it off as exhaustion from a particularly stressful week at work and so far that had invited no questions. She heard the curtain rustle behind her as Cece entered the changing room.

"Oh Jess you look amazing, it fits you perfectly."

"You think." Jess said trying to sound modest even though she knew the bridesmaid dress fitted her like a glove.

Schmidt and Cece has decided to fuse their respective cultures for the wedding, Cece had been very clear that an out and out Indian wedding brought back too many bad memories from the Shivrang disaster so she wanted something a little more personal to her and Schmidt. Something heavily accented in Jess' dress which had the shape, style and gentle flow of a traditional bridesmaid dress but had the deep purple vibrancy and rich patterns of a sari. It was unexpectedly beautiful but then again, if anyone was going to nail wedding fashion it was Cece.

Cece ran her hands over the dress, playing with the material and tugging at a few areas so it sat perfectly and Jess just let herself be manhandled by her best friend. Jess had spent virtually the whole week with Cece, but with two weeks to go until the wedding Cece had been grateful of the help and support and seemed not to notice Jess' reluctance to return to the loft. Of course Jess would have devoted her time to Cece anyway but she couldn't lie that is was a very convenient disguise.

"I think we found a winner, are you happy with it?" Cece clapped her hands together hopefully.

"Yeah of course but what about your cousins I mean they have to wear it too. Should we call them or..."

Cece waved her hand dismissively. "They'll wear whatever they're told. You're my Maid of Honour I just want to make sure you like it."

Jess grabbed both of Cece's hands to stop them fussing and she smiled. "Cece, I love it."

"Yay." Cece squeaked as she did a little dance back and forth before helping Jess and unzipping the back of her dress. Cece sat back on the small stool in the corner of the dressing room and produced a small note pad from her handbag which had numerous things listed down, some items with little ticks next to them. Jess couldn't help but smile and how much Schmidt had rubbed off on Cece over the years. This was a girl who would forget her own birthday if there wasn't someone there to give her presents and cake. Jess pulled the dress delicately from her shoulders, careful not to cause it any damage and shimmied it down her body, hanging in back on the hanger with care.

"I know someone who will lose it when he sees you in that dress." Cece teased with raised eyebrows.

Jess turned suddenly to Cece "What? Who?...oh." Her voice fell flat when she realised what Cece was talking about and she instantly returned to pulling on her tights in a sulk. "I'm not wearing this for Nick."

"I know but he's gonna get an eyeful that's all I'm saying. How are things between you two anyway, you guys still..." Cece made a gesture with her hands that made Jess wrinkle up her nose in disgust like she had just smelled something really, really bad.

"You don't need to keep checking up on me Cece. Yes we are and things are fine between us. Same old, same old."

That was a lie.

Things weren't fine. Jess had barely seen Nick at all in the last week. She had been making herself frighteningly scare from the loft. By the time she had got home from work he had left for the bar and he was never around first thing in the morning. She feared he was avoiding her just as much as she was him. Not that she could blame him. She had broken their deal and made things weird. She had forced an intensity into their arrangement which had no place being there. Nick had every right to be pissed at her, he had every right to stay out of her way if she was going to start throwing around ' _I love yous'_ all the time.

But she missed him.

She had spent the last week trying to figure out what the hell had possessed her to say what she did and she had been quietly tearing herself up about it. She wanted nothing more than to turn to him for reassurance, for him to tell her that it was ok, that they were ok. She need to feel that safety from him again but she didn't, she hadn't given him the chance to offer it. He'd left her texts and voicemails but she hadn't replied to any of them, she knew that made it all worse but she didn't know what to say to him and when she finally figured it out she was pretty sure she didn't want to say it via text message. He had asked her, almost begged her to talk, putting the ball in her court when all she wanted to do was throw it back. She had said enough. She wasn't about to let herself do anymore damage.

She had seen the look on his face that night at the bar and she had felt him start to slip away from her ever since. Right after they had made love she had seen something change in his eyes, his whole body had stiffened, hardening himself so the words wouldn't get through to him, wouldn't touch him in any real way. It was like he had reverted back to the Nick she had met four years ago who closed himself off when things got too hard. All the work she had put into him over time had evaporated and now she had no idea what she was left with and the thought terrified her.

Zipping up the side of her skirt she hooked her top over her head and used the brief private moment to squeeze her eyes shut and swallow the urge to cry again. Cece couldn't know, nobody could know what was happening between her and Nick, it would only intensify things and make them worse. For now she had to carry on as normal, she had to carry on pretending that her and Nick sleeping together was the best idea in the world when now her and Nick both knew very different.

"Jess there is a reason I'm asking." Cece continued sheepishly, chewing her fingernails.

Jess smoothed out her hair and placed her glasses back on her face before turning back to Cece, dropping her arms heavily by her sides in irritation. "Cece I'm fine, really I am."

"No it's not that, it's...well, you remember Jack from my engagement party...the cute guy from class?"

"The blonde guy with dimples and the nice teeth?"

"Yeah that's him...well he kind of asked for your number." Cece saw Jess stiffen a little but she ploughed ahead. "I said no at the time because you were dating Tom and then there was Henry and now there's the whole Nick thing, but he keeps asking and I just thought since..."

"There's no Nick thing." Jess interjected forcefully immediately backtracking and softening her voice. "I mean, Nick and I aren't a thing. I've told you we're both free to date other people."

"So what should tell him. I mean there's no pressure here at all Jess I just figured it might be a good thing for you. You know, something a little more simple."

Jess took a deep breath and thought about Nick, about where they were in their friendship and how messy it all was, about how irrationally mad at him she was. She chewed her lips for a second and fought the churning in her stomach.

"Tell Jack..." She took another deep breath. "...Tell Jack he can have my number."

* * *

Later that night Nick glanced at the clock on the wall of the bar and then fished his phone from his back pocket, looking at the time again just be sure. The bar was empty, it was clean, the cash was all counted to the last cent and put into the books and he had let two of the staff leave before him even when they were due to be on closing duty. So why the hell was he still here? He dropped his hand heavily on the nearest bottle of scotch and dragged it across the bar to the closest glass like the weight of it was just too much for him to deal with. The noise of the liquid hitting the glass was the only sound that filled the bar and wasn't nearly enough to drown out the sound of the thoughts in his head, nothing was. Leaning his elbows on the bar he threw back a mouthful and sucked in sharply as the bitter, burning taste hit the back of his throat. Hanging his head down he closed his eyes and dug his finger tips deep into the back of his neck, making small circles and feeling the ache shoot right down between his shoulder blades.

Jess would be in bed when he got home, the way she had been every night this week and he had made no attempt to sneak into her room and climb under the covers with her, slowly peeling away her pyjamas the way he had been doing for the last few months. Something just didn't feel right about it now, he didn't feel like he belonged there in the same way, or that she even wanted him there anymore. She had been avoiding him for days, he hadn't seen her for more than fifteen minutes the entire week and even then she had been disappearing out of the door to engage in other plans, any other plans that kept her out of the loft. Suddenly leaving for school at seven in the morning with no breakfast, working late, making yet more wedding arrangements with Cece and making dinner plans with friends she hadn't seen in months. Nick hated it, he hated not seeing her everyday but he was still scared of what would happen if he did.

He was afraid of what she would say. He couldn't listen to her say those words to him again, it was too much, he had no idea how to process it. He had tried and everytime he tried to figure out what it all meant his brain went into melt down, he wouldn't let himself get underneath the surface of it, he couldn't. The last time he had heard her say those words to him was moments before his world had coming crashing down around his feet. So many times, hearing her say it would making him feel like he was walking on air, like his life couldn't possibly be so good, but not that day. That day it had been a goodbye. It wasn't often Nick let himself think about it anymore, it still turned his stomach as much as it had in the moment that it happened. Even casting his mind back just a little bit triggered something and it wasn't a trigger he wanted to pull. He didn't want to remember, he didn't want to experience anything like that again for the rest of his life.

He couldn't be sure if she meant it. He had just made her come and humans were prone to saying strange, irrational things in that moment. With all that blood flowing south the brain gets neglected. She wasn't thinking straight. He was sure she didn't mean it. But what if she did?

Nick squeezed his eyes shut and threw back the rest of what was in his glass, groaning at the burn in his chest and pouring himself another one. What if she didn't mean it? What if it really was an accident? Did they just carry on as normal? Did they just continue to sleep together and cling tight a hold to the pretence that it was all just a little bit of fun? For the first time in months Nick realised that Schmidt was right. This thing, however great it had once been, had the power to end very badly and there was no way in hell he was going to let it get that far. Enough was enough, they couldn't hide from each other anymore. He had to talk to Jess.

He growled at every red light on the way home and fought the urge to tail and beep his horn at every single car that slowed him down but as he looked at the clock on the dashboard he knew he had to haul ass if he wanted to catch Jess awake. Eventually he found himself drumming his fingers on the doors of the elevator willing them to open. As he moved closer to the door of the loft he could hear nothing but silence and his heart sank. Throwing his keys on the side table he marched past the empty living room and headed straight for Jess' bedroom. Resting both his hands high on her door frame he stared through an open door to an empty bed and he dropped his head with a sigh.

"She's at Cece's man."

Nick jumped and turned to find Winston in the hallway. He quickly pushed himself away from Jess' door and took a step towards his own room. "Oh, ok whatever I just wanted to ask her something but..." Nick shrugged and smiled casually as he stepped in front of his bedroom door and turned the door handle.

"I know Nick."

Nick turned his mouth down and shook his head in feigned confusion. "What do you ..."

"About you and Jess, sleeping together, I know."

Nick closed his eyes and nodded his head. "Schmidt told you."

"Yeah...but he didn't need to."

"What do you mean?"

"I've known from the start man. You've been distracted for weeks and the only time I've ever seen you look completely switched on is when you've been with her. And Jess...she is just the worst liar in the world, she's worse than you."

As Nick looked at the genuine and slightly disappointed expression on Winston's face he felt a wave of guilt go through him to match the waves of nausea he felt from being at odds with Jess. He was glad Winston knew, in all honesty he hadn't meant to leave his buddy out of the loop all week he had just had other things on his mind. He knew that Schmidt would be chomping at the bit to gossip anyway so Nick figured maybe that could be an early wedding gift.

"So I guess this is the part where you tell me we're being idiots and making the worst mistake in the world."

"I'm not gonna tell you that Nick." Winston offered a weak smiled and patted Nick on the shoulder affectionately as he passed by. "I think you've already figured it out."

* * *

The next day was clear and crisp with just that little bite of cool air even though the sun was shining brightly. Nick yawned so hard he thought his jaw might lock, he had been up virtually the entire night waiting for Jess to come home but it never happened. He had texted her and once again she had ignored him. His sympathy was rapidly starting to wane and he was getting annoyed with her and how unfair she was being by cutting him out. His patience was being tested further still as he stood on the sidewalk with Schmidt waiting for a decision to be made.

Schmidt squeezed the small velvet box tight in his hand and stared at Nick with a look of intense concern. What he held in his hand was the integral piece of the entire wedding, he had never held something so important in his hands. Apart from his bride-to-be of course. It wasn't that he didn't trust Nick, he did, he knew his best friend would never do anything to intentionally spoil his special day it's just that Nick had a knack for shirking responsibility, whether he meant to or not. He had got better over the last year, very much so, but stored memories from years gone by still made Schmidt a little nervous. The wedding was two weeks away which was fourteen whole days for Nick to misplace the tiny box in his pig sty of a bedroom and with Schmidt moving out of the loft in less than forty eight hours there was no way for him to carry out his daily checks for reassurance. He stretched his arm out to hand the box over and then he pulled it back. He did that several times as they stood on the street outside the jewellery store until Nick was pushed too far. It had been a long day that was nowhere near over and he'd had enough.

"Just give them to me Schmidt. I'm not gonna lose em.!"

"You know how important these are Nicholas, if you lose them I will be forced to kill you. No, correction, Cece will claw you to death with her bare hands if you lose these rings."

"Just trust me Schmidt. I'm not gonna lose them. God do you really think I'm that careless."

"Yes."

"Well not about this Schmidt." Nick barked, taking exception to Schmidt's hesitation as he snatched the ring box out of Schmidt's hand and shoved it deep into his pocket. "I am taking this seriously you know."

As Schmidt noticed the reverence with which Nick was treating the rings, already standing with his hand protectively over his pocket Schmidt started to feel bad. He had to relinquish a little bit over control over this wedding at some point and he actually wasn't quite sure what he would have done without Nick's help over the last few weeks. Schmidt smiled genuinely and patted Nick on the back with sincere affection, evoking the same reaction from Nick who was quick to forgive.

"Ok what's next on the list." Nick shook his head with feigned exasperation but he couldn't help the smile that curled at his lips.

"Ok." Schmidt clapped his hands ready for the next task of the day. "Cece and Jess are out getting makeup trials or some crap like that..." Nick's heart leapt at the sound of her name but he swallowed it down and let Schmidt continue. "...So I need to go meet with the DJ now and then I'm meeting Cece at five to go get the marriage license so I just need to...oh shoot." Schmidt barked as he rifled around in his bag.

"What?"

"The passports, I left them at Cece's place, we need them to get the marriage license oh she's gonna kill me."

Nick held his hands up in a calming gesture. "Ok relax, why don't you go home and get them and I'll go see the DJ, what do you need me to do?"

"No I can't because then you'll find out what our first dance song is and it's a secret."

"Uh bigger picture here Schmidt."

"Tell you what, why don't you go to Cece's..." Schmidt suggested dangling the keys in front of Nick's face. "...Then I can meet you back here in like an hour. Pleeeeease."

"Ugh fine." Nick's snatched the keys from Schmidt's hand and headed back to his car.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Nick rattled the key in the door of Cece's apartment and made his way in, immediately greeted by nothing but boxes stacked up across every part of the floor. It looked barren and smelled strangely dusty, it didn't feel homely at all, it definitely didn't feel like Cece's place anymore. Amongst the beige of cardboard Nick spotted a small pile of colour on the kitchen counter and sure enough there were the passports just where Schmidt had said they would be. He picked them up, taking a moment to look at the back page of Schmidt's and laugh at the photograph. It had been taken soon after Schmidt had lost all of the weight and had absolutely no idea how to style his new body or his hair. He looked like a Backstreet Boy. Nick chuckled one last time and stuffed them into his back pocket suddenly noticing there was a small puff of steam emanating from the kettle. Sitting in front of it was an empty mug with the string of an unused teabag hanging over the side. Nick frowned as he started to put two and two together but he was beaten to the punch with sounds of footsteps coming down the hallway.

"Hey Cece I hope you don't mind but I borrowed your...oh!"

Nick's eyes widened like he had seen a ghost, but given her absence from his life for the past week that was almost true. She looked good a little tired but good, god he had missed her face. But the look she was giving him right now, that he could live without. It wasn't like Jess to run away from things, that was his specialty and he could see that it had taken its toll on her, she wasn't quite as efficient at handling it as he once had been. She looked small, frail almost and he just wanted to put his arms around her but he knew that would push her away further.

"Hi" He choked out.

"Hi...wh...what are you doing here?"

Nick fished the passports from his back pocket. "I needed to get these for Schmidt and Cece, he forget em so..."

"Oh."

"I didn't realise you'd be here, I um..." His heart sank into his stomach as he watched how uncomfortable she was around him. Her eyes used to light up in his presence and now she looked like she wanted to be nowhere near him. "I guess I should have assumed you'd be here though, I mean you've been here all week."

"Yeah well, Cece has a lot going on right now, she needs my help."

Nick squinted in dismay, his eyes imploring her for some understanding. " _We_ have a lot going on right now Jess."

Jess could see the confusion on his face, it was the same look she had seen on his face in the bar last week, it hadn't altered at all and she knew it wouldn't until she talked to him. She wanted to go to him so badly she could almost feel the pull on her body but she stayed with her feet rooted firmly to the floor. She could see him rubbing his fingertips against his palms nervously, his feet taking tiny almost imperceptible steps towards her like he was hoping she wouldn't notice if he suddenly appeared right in front of her. He looked lost and she felt so guilty because of it. It was time to talk to him, she knew the longer she avoided him the worse it was all going to get, the more it would seem like what she had said was true. She steeled herself and squashed down any urge to cry, she painted a weak smile on her face in a bid to lighten the atmosphere and take some of the pressure out of the room. Stepping forward she hit his forearm affectionately, a gesture from friend to friend and gesture that reeked of being platonic but, then again, that was her intention.

"Look Nick I'm sorry for what I said ok. I don't know why I did it. I guess it was the heat of the moment but that's it. It didn't mean anything ok." She smiled trying to look as casual as she could. "I would really appreciate it if we could just forget about it and not make it into a big deal."

Nick stared at her hard, his head nodding along to her words painfully slowly like he was trying harder than usual to process them. "Ok." He finally spoke quietly.

"Ok?" She questioned, half surprised that he had agreed with her so easily.

"Yeah I think maybe you're right, maybe with shouldn't make a big deal out of this, I mean we said we wouldn't right from the start so..."

Jess bit her lips into her mouth and nodded. She hadn't wanted much of a reaction from him but how that she wasn't getting it she could feel herself getting angry. "So are we done here because I have plans...I uh...I have a date."

Nick's head shot up, his glare moving from the floor directly into her eyes, boring almost into her soul. "You have a date?" He screwed his eyes up tight, an angry flush of red starting to move its way up his neck. "With who?"

"A friend of Cece's from school."

"Jess you can't be serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be serious? Nothing has changed Nick. I told you it was a mistake. I don't feel that way about you anymore." Jess could feel her chest burning in pain as the words came out, her stomach turning over and over so much she thought she might throw up.

"Yeah I got that." Nick said measuredly through a sneer, getting more irked by Jess' lack of emotion. "So what's going on here are we...?"

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" She shrugged nonchalantly, almost to the point of being callous.

Nick looked at her. Whatever he was seeing it wasn't Jess. It wasn't his Jess. He could see her building a wall up with every word that came out of her mouth. It's wasn't the sweet, open Jess he was used to. If this was what he was doing to her then he didn't want it, not like this.

"I think it's best if we take a break from this for a while Jess."

Jess bit her lips into her mouth and nodded her head. "Fine" She chirped.

"Fine?" Nick questioned, staring at her in disbelief.

"Yeah it's fine, this was never serious so...I think it's best if we avoid any confusion you know, just keep things clear."

"Oh you've made yourself perfectly clear Jess." Nick reached for the handle and opened the door, staring at her with hard eyes. "Enjoy your date."

Jess flinched as the door slammed hard in her face. She felt sick. That was it, that was really it, whatever they'd had was just ended and she wasn't even sure which one of them had done it. She leaned back against the door as her legs threatened to give way and suddenly she felt like she couldn't breathe as sobs climbed up her throat. She waited until she heard the elevator doors close and then the tears began to fall so hard she thought they might never stop.


	15. Celebrations and Revelations

The walls were bare, the furniture was all in the wrong place, there was nothing in the cupboards and nothing hanging on any of the walls, but it was theirs and they were blissfully happy. Cece wrapped her arms tight around Schmidt's waist as Nick shoved the last box over the threshold with a loud grunt, signalling he had reached his limit with all the lifting and moving. He pressed his hand into the small of his back, arching it with loud crack as he grimaced like and old man making Schmidt laugh. In celebration and in gratitude Schmidt pulled two bottles of champagne from their new fridge which he had stored there earlier that morning when nobody was looking. With a satisfying pop he closed his mouth over the top to catch the bubbles before pouring out five glasses of varying styles and sizes and dividing them amongst his hard working gang which he couldn't have got through the day without.

They all clinked their glasses, even Nick and Jess who had fought hard to wear smiles all day to be supportive of their friends, forgetting for a while the fact that they hadn't really spoken in almost a week, nothing that went beyond strained pleasantries over breakfast anyway and that was mostly for Schmidt and Winston's benefit. With the bachelor and bachelorette parties taking place the next night, neither of them wanted to do anything to rock the boat. Nothing had been resolved in their last conversation. Jess had cancelled her date that night and Nick had shed a tear for the first time since they broke up but that didn't change where they were or how they had got there. The knew their next conversation would be just as intense so it simply had to wait until the wedding festivities were over. Looking at each other over the top of their glasses as they took a long sip they could see how much the other wanted to say but now wasn't the time.

Nick looked at her in her shorts with all that leg on show and the tiny little t-shirt that pulled taught across her chest every time she moved. He noticed how the sheen of sweat had caused her hair to form little curls at the back of her neck which danced against her skin, the rest of her hair tied back in a buoyant ponytail. She looked so naturally beautiful but for the first time in weeks in didn't matter. All of those little things that had proved to be his weakness for so long were of no consequence and all he wanted to see what was going on behind those eyes, those eyes that had barely looked at him in days. He just wanted her to talk to him, to feel that connection again, the one that made them inexplicably Nick and Jess. He had come to realise that he no longer knew who he was without it and he was terrified to find out.

Things hadn't been this bad between them before. Even when they broke up a day never went by where they didn't talk to each other, always finding the time to chat about their day or at least say goodnight no matter how hard it was. But now it was like there was something sitting in the middle of them stopping them from getting to one another and he didn't know how to move it.

Jess could feel Nick looking at her. But rather than feel uncomfortable under his scrutinous glare she felt oddly comforted, it was the only real connection between them right now, no matter how tenuous it was. It showed that he still cared, when his attention was fixed on something else was when she had a real problem and their current problem was enough for her to handle right now.

When they both caught one another staring they moved their gaze elsewhere but with Schmidt getting more and more amorous towards Cece in celebration of their new abode it became almost impossible to find anything to look at that wasn't awkward. They knew it was time to leave but they supposed they had been delaying it, sipping their champagne slowly so they could prolong the final few moments of being something close to loft mates. Knowing the time was upon them Cece smiled and took a courteous step back from Schmidt to allow them all to say their goodbyes.

The roomates all looked at one another as a silence fell upon them that spoke a thousand more words than they ever could. Schmidt had left before but this was different, this wasn't just across the hall and this time it was for real, he wasn't coming back. Jess could feel the sting of tears in her eyes, a familiar feeling of late, and she stepped forward gathering Schmidt up into her arms. She knew she would see him all the time, she would see both of them, but those little moments would be a thing of the past, those little moments only shared between people who live together. She squeezed him extra tight, she wanted to squeeze him for longer but she knew there was someone who had an even more important goodbye to say than her. Nick and Schmidt edged toward one another almost shyly and with an element of manly restraint they vocalised their goodbyes awkwardly but their hug said it all, it was long, it was tight and it was filled with love and affection which brought a lump to Jess' throat.

The journey home was silent, even Winston was way too pensive to indulge in any conversation. The emotion of the day had left them drained, none of them more so than Nick who was apart from his wingman for the first time in thirteen years. As a welcome breeze blew through the open window and on to Jess' face she glanced at Nick in the rearview mirror and she could see the feeling in his eyes. She just wanted to lean forward and wrap her arms around his shoulders but had to settle for a loving smile as Nick's eyes caught hers. Even though there were still no words she wanted him to know she was there if he needed her.

The loft seemed bigger when they finally arrived home. Schmidt was just one compact guy but it felt like he had left so much space for the three of them now, too much, and they hadn't even entertained the idea of getting a new loft mate yet. They all took a moment to look around at the strange hole left by their exuberant housemate when all that was left for them to do was to return to normality. Whatever that was. Winston decided to hit the shower to get himself ready for work, a welcome distraction to sitting in what suddenly felt like an overly quiet loft.

Once their mediator left, leaving Nick and Jess alone the tension immediately started to rise like a pressure cooker being turned up painfully slowly. Taking himself to the kitchen Nick plucked a cold beer from the fridge just for something to do but he could see Jess out of the corner of his eye, loitering nervously around him.

"You ok?" She asked quietly, her voice sounding almost strange after she had spoken to him so little that week.

"Oh so you can see me, I was starting to wonder." Nick sulked as he cracked open his beer.

"Fine, forget it." Jess turned to leave but he lunged in her direction.

Nick sighed and gritted his teeth. "Jess wait." He yelled after her and she stopped in her tracks turning slowly. He edged towards her unsure of how to act. "Yeah...I guess I'm ok, it's weird that he's gone but I'm ok. Funnily enough I don't miss him half as much as I miss you right now."

"Nick..."

"I hate this Jess. I hate what's going on with us."

"It's...I don't know, it's a rough patch Nick, we'll work past it eventually."

"When?"

"Nick...I don't know, it's complicated." Frustration poured out of every word.

"How can we work past it when we're not even talking to each other? This has never happened, not even when we broke up. Why is this so hard Jess, why can't we just talk this out?"

Jess' heart was pounding in her chest, made worse as Nick stepped towards her until he was standing right in front of her. Waiting. She had never had problems communicating with Nick, if anything it was usually the other way around. She could feel words lodged in her throat but they weren't moving. She had no idea what those words even were and she was terrified of them making their way out. As her lips opened she could feel them crawling up and it made her panic even more.

"Nick I..." She felt him grab her hand, squeezing encouragingly and it felt like fire.

Suddenly the front door slammed open and they pulled their hands away from one another abruptly, taking a few steps back.

"And I'm back!" A loud voice bellowed as a familiar face rounded the corner.

 **"Coach!"** Nick and Jess both exclaimed in unison.

* * *

Today was a new day and it would bring about a new state of mind. That's what Jess told herself as she felt fingertips rub deep into the muscles of her back and she couldn't help the long, satisfied groan that escaped her body. It was exactly what she needed, she had no idea just how much she needed it until it was happening. She could hear candles crackling around her in time to the plinky plonky music that filled the room. The scent of lavender oil whooshed up her nose with each stoke up the skin of her back and it felt divine. Turning her heavy head to the side she saw Cece looking almost drunk with pleasure as the other masseur was giving her the same treatment, she could even hear a loud groan from Sadie at the other end of the room. It was definitely the correct way to kick of Cece's bachelorette party celebrations. Jess had planned every single thing down to minute detail so now it was time to relax.

Once their wonderful masseuse had sent them to some higher plain of relaxation they found themselves in a jacuzzi sipping champagne, just Jess, Cece, Sadie and Melissa. They were due to meet all Cece's model and college friends later so Jess was glad of the quality time with her best friends before things really got nuts. The massages, the beauty treatments, the champagne and the bubbles, it was all for Cece but it was exactly what Jess had needed to take her mind of things. Of course nothing could completely take her mind off her troubles but this was having a pretty good go. After her ill-fated attempt to talk things out with Nick the day before he had been swept away for twenty four hours of intense manliness and guy stuff by Coach and she hadn't seen him since. Oddly the same thing had happened the last time Coach breezed into town but she didn't mind, Nick had a pretty good excuse and she no longer had the right to an opinion on the strippers this time - although the thought made the knot in her belly tighten a little. Jess shook her head to rid herself of the thought and focussed on Cece who was smiling fondly at her engagement ring.

"I can't believe this time next week I'll be Cece Schmidt." Cece pondered with a wide smile on her face. "Can I even call him Schmidt anymore if it's my name now? How does that work?"

Jess giggled and sipped some more of the delightful bubbles down her throat. "I guess you could hyphenate but man that's a mouthful. It'll take a long time for me to get used to calling you Schmidt anyway." She chuckled. "It sounds so crazy."

"What are the guys up to today?" Sadie smiled, already looking a little tipsy. She just couldn't take her alcohol the way she used to since she'd had Jacob.

Jess bit her lips into her mouth and shook her head. "Hmmm that would be telling."

Cece rolled her eyes. "Oh tell me it's not a strip club that's so cliche. Come on Miller, try harder."

Jess giggled mischievously. "Relax they're playing paintball right now and then they're going to some club, they wouldn't tell me which one so I don't know... but I do know we have to get back to the loft and get ready, we have dinner reservations."

"Ooh where?"

"I'm not telling you it's a secret. Come on drink up." Jess downed the rest of her drink and climbed out of the jacuzzi playfully flicking water in Cece's face.

An hour later the four of them were lost in a haze of hairspray and perfume as they all bundled into Jess' room, listening to eighties music, eating penis shaped cupcakes which Jess had taken enormous pleasure in making and drinking yet more champagne out of phallic shaped straws. With every familiar song that came on Cece's smile spread wider and wider across her face and Jess felt her heart swell seeing how happy her friend was. This was it, this was always how Jess had always imagined Cece's bachelorette party to be. Jess was worried she had failed so miserably last time when she couldn't seem to lift Cece's spirits but now she knew she never stood a chance, Cece didn't really want to marry Shivrang so it didn't really feel like her party. This did and it showed on every part of her face. The had a fun night ahead of them and Jess couldn't wait.

* * *

Nick was still trying to catch his breath, he hadn't endured that kind of physical activity in quite some time. He was grateful for the small amount of running he had done with Winston and that other type of exercise he had done with Jess because without it he feared that running round a paintball field might have killed him. Nick wasn't a particularly competitive person but Schmidt sure was and apparently so was every guy that Schmidt had ever worked with. Anyone would have thought it was a real war the way they were all playing. Nick shook his head and chuckled to himself as they headed back to the locker room. All in all Schmidt seemed to have had as much fun firing paint balls in healthy competition as Nick would have had firing back vintage whiskey. Which was a lot.

As Nick unfastened his paint-spattered boiler suit he surveyed the small round bruises on his naked torso in the mirror. Damn that had been one competitive game. For the first time Nick started to doubt his choice of daytime activity as he waited for it...

"Nicholas I'm covered in marks!"

"Relax Schmidt, that's just what happens they'll fade, you need to be a little better at dodging the paint balls next time." Nick smiled teasingly as he threw his shirt around his shoulders and began to button it up.

"Well if someone hadn't cheated maybe I could have." Schmidt yelled in Coach's direction.

"Hey I didn't cheat, you just sucked Schmidt." Coach mocked. It had been a while and he had missed it. He insisted on making up for lost time before he headed back to New York next week.

"Ugh these better be gone by Saturday otherwise Cece is gonna think she's having sex with a leper or she's gonna think it's hickies. I don't know which is worse!"

Nick laughed as he produced a crate of beer from his locker and began to distribute them amongst the group. As they all clinked their beers bottles enthusiastically it was clear the next phase of the party had begun and Nick was excited, it was the first time he had allowed himself to feel any positive emotion in two weeks. He checked his watch continuously to make sure they were on schedule, he was surprisingly organised and punctual when it came to something as important as Schmidt' bachelor party. He knew he only had one shot and he had to get it right, Schmidt had been through the ringer with Cece and he deserved it.

In spite of how Schmidt's face contorted as he pulled up his shirt to inspect the small purple marks in the mirror, Nick was still confident he was having a great time. He had even caught Schmidt's eyes filling up over breakfast that morning as Nick had delivered their itinerary. Nick knew that a part of Schmidt would have been perfectly happy at the spa with the girls but the guy had a lifetime of that when he married Cece. Schmidt had verbally expressed he wanted some ' _real macho bonding'_ , in those exact words, so that is what Nick was going to deliver. Nick looked at his watch one last time and clapped his hands together.

"Right come on, we got to get back to the loft and get ready, we need to start phase two."

* * *

Sadie stuffed a bottle of champagne under her arm and closed the fridge before opening it again and pulling out a second one for good measure, it was a celebration after all. Her feet were already starting to throb in her heels which she knew wasn't a good sign. Melissa had been telling her all week to break them in around the house but a two year old didn't really allow for dress up time. She wriggled her toes to alleviate a little bit of the pain and hobbled back towards Jess bedroom and toward the sound of _'Like a Virgin'_ pumping out loudly. She started to smile to herself when she heard all the girls singing along, the sound of their feet thudding on the floor as they danced, the noise of the party was so enticing until it was drowned out by the sound of four burly, mildly inebriated boys bundling through the loft door inelegantly. Sadie stared at them wide eyed like she had just been busted breaking into her parents liquor cabinet.

"What are you guys doing here? You're not supposed to be here." Sadie spluttered glancing a Jess' door with a hint of panic to her voice, like the presence of men was going to somehow drain the power of the bachelorette party.

"No _you're_ not supposed to be here." Winston stepped forward and tapped his watch. "You ladies had the loft from five until six o'clock then we got it after that, I agreed it with Jess. No Crossovers."

Sadie looked at the delicate jewellery on her wrist that just about passed as a watch. She squinted her eyes to see the time and stamped her pained foot. "Oh shit we're running late. Jess!...Jess!" Sadie hobbled a little faster down the hallway.

"What?" Jess spilled out of her bedroom with a glass in one hand and the back of her dress gathered in the other as it hung unfastened around her waist putting her bra on full show to the guys. With the sound of Madonna still ringing in her ears she hadn't heard them come in. She handed her drink to Melissa or rather Melissa caught it from landing on the floor as Jess tried to discard it in a panic. Jess reached behind her and pulled her dress up round her chest frantically. "Whoa, what the hell?!" She backed into Cece wordlessly begging for her to fasten up the back of her dress. She glared at Winston and tried hard to ignore how Nick's eyes had widened and fixed on her breasts, his mouth falling open in a leering appreciation. "What are you guys doing here?!" She blew a breath up her face, dislodging her neat fringe as she tried to cool her red face down.

Nick coughed and tried to find his voice and her eyeline after the very unexpected sight of her bra-clad breasts had distracted him from literally everything else in the world. He had seen them a thousand times, with and without a bra covering them and they still got the same reaction after all this time and it was reaction that had a tendency to originate from between his legs. He saw Jess' red face and knew a tactful approach was in order.

"Um, it seems you guys are running a little late."

"Oh." Jess caught his eyes for a second before looking down at the floor. "I see."

"No, no, no this is all wrong." Schmidt thundered dramatically as he powered past Nick. "I can't see my bride like this it's bad luck."

Cece stepped forward and ran her hands down Schmidt's arms with a laugh. "What the hell are you talking about Schmidt, that's the wedding not my bachelorette party. Dummy."

"Oh." Schmidt smile widened like a Cheshire cat. "Well in that case you look sensational Cecelia."

"Thank you." Cece did a mock curtsy and ushered him into the kitchen to get a drink.

Sadie pushed Melissa back into Jess' bedroom so they could continue getting ready and Winston and Coach decided to keep the party momentum going and joined Schmidt and Cece in the kitchen for a drink. Nick looked back at the kitchen longingly pretending that he was at least considering going to join them when his feet had made no attempt to move away from Jess. It was that, and the fact that it was pretty hard to look at her when she looked that amazing. He turned his head slowly, gulping to prepare himself to look at her again. The little red dress she was wearing was designed solely to torture him, there was no other reason, he was sure of it. It was the kind of dress he wanted to look at her in all night and marvel at her beauty and at the same time he wanted to rip it into little pieces to get at what was underneath, especially since he'd had a preview of the lacy black underwear that she was wearing. He licked along his teeth to wet the inside of his top lip which was now inexplicably dry and tried to pick some other things in the hallway to stare at so it didn't get weird.

"I'm sorry Jess, we didn't mean to ruin your night. We'll be out of you hair soon."

"No it's ok, we're the ones who are running late. I'm sorry we just lost track of time. I guess it takes us longer to get ready than I thought."

"Well, the effort was worth it, you look really beautiful Jess."

Jess sucked in a breath sharply and tried to swallow it down as she tucked her air behind her ear just for something to do. His stare was intense enough but whenever he used the word beautiful it turned her insides to mush. She never took compliments very well, even from Nick, but this time she felt like she truly didn't deserve it. Nick had been trying to talk to her all week and she had kept shutting him down. Her insecurities had continually bubbled to the surface and the only way to control them was not to acknowledge them and in some twisted way that had meant trying not acknowledge Nick. Something that it turned out was completely impossible.

"Thank you...I should...um...I should go finish getting ready, we have to leave soon so..."

"Oh right yeah, sure. I should get back to the bachelor boy anyway so..."

Jess' eyes met his eyes, both so open, pleading for something. She smiled shyly and turned to head back into her room as he stared after her.

When Jess was finally ready and she was certain Nick was no longer waiting for her in the hallway, she headed to the kitchen. She knew she had to get back into the party spirit again for Cece's sake. With Sadie and Melissa in tow she joined the others for a celebratory drink, at least it _was_ a celebratory drink, now it seemed to have turned into celebratory shots. Jess smiled gleefully as she watched Schmidt and Cece link at the elbow and throw back a shot of tequila, grimacing as they licked the salt off one another's hands. After a little persuasion Jess soon found herself linking with Winston and doing the same thing and as the potent liquid hit the back of her throat she almost choked, it was one hundred percent because of the the tequila and nothing to do with the fact that Nick had appeared in the kitchen in a suit and dress shirt looking impossibly, almost obscenely handsome and smelling just as good. Suddenly had no idea what to do with herself, she needed to get away. Clapping her hands together she tried to rally the girls.

"Ok ladies." her voice shook. "We gotta get outta here or we really will be late for dinner come on."

"Oh...ok" Cece agreed with surprise as she turned to give her finance a kiss goodbye.

Winston kissed Sadie on the cheek and Coach kissed Melissa and Jess could feel her heart thudding in her ribcage as Nick took a step towards her. She even tried to back away but her back collided with the kitchen counter. Nick leaned forward and pressed his lips against her cheek and her eyes closed as his mouth seared her skin. His lips lingered for a few seconds as his thumb stroked over her hip bone a few times where his hand rested at her waist. She leaned into him at the sensation and her fingers squeezed his bicep involuntarily. As he pulled away her body floated into the space he had left until she remembered herself and pulled back.

"Have fun tonight Jess."

"You too." Her voice caught in her throat.

Jess waited for a few moments, she felt like she wanted to wait there forever but finally she grabbed Cece's arm and headed for the door, resisting the urge to throw back another couple of tequilas on the way out to steady her nerves.

* * *

L.A. was covered in darkness now where the only lights were shining like tempting beacons from all the bars and clubs that surrounded them. Their feet vibrated as the music from the clubs pounded along the pavement, livening up every person that walked over it. The atmosphere was electric and added to Schmidt's excitement for what had already been a pretty perfect day. He couldn't believe he had ever doubted Nick, he had planned everything perfectly with personal touches here and there which had forced Schmidt to excuse himself once or twice to go to the bathroom and compose himself. Now the night was at fever pitch and the club beckoned, but as Nick suddenly stopped and turned to him, Schmidt's expression changed.

"Nick what the hell we're never gonna get in here." Schmidt whispered in a panicked tone as he saw the name of the club. "You need to have at least a daytime emmy to make it over the threshold, seriously Nick this place is fancy and expensive I just..."

"Schmidt would you shut up, we're on the guest list."

"What? How on earth?!"

"I'm a bartender in L.A. dude, believe it or not I have some connections."

"We're really on the guest list? All of us?"

"Yes." Nick laughed at Schmidt's reaction which was better than he could have hoped. "That's not all." Nick smiled mischievously. "There's somebody else on the guest list, that's why I chose this club at the last minute."

"Who?" Schmidt queried suspiciously like he was worried he wouldn't be able to handle the answer.

"May I?" Nick asked the doorman with a smile and wink who handed him the clipboard he was holding. Turning the clipboard to face Schmidt, he pointed at the name third from the top.

 **Kanye West**

"Now don't get too excited." Nick held up his palms. "I don't actually know for sure of he's in there and even if he is you can pretty much only look at him but it's something right?...right?"

Schmidt eyes widened more than Nick had ever seen and his bottom lip began to tremble slightly. He made a high pitched squeaking noise which wasn't really decipherable as being words but then suddenly Nick was almost knocked clean off his feet as Schmidt lunged at him throwing his arms around him in the tightest embrace Nick had ever experienced. He could actually feel his lungs straining at one point. As Schmidt was rendered a gibbering wreck, unable to cope with the situation, they delicately ushered him into the club and towards the bar where they began to ply him with shots to loosen him up and maybe make it possible for him to approach his idol.

* * *

As the night went on and they all got more drunk and danced more wildly to the cheesy tunes in the club, Jess had noticed that the guys circling them had started to close in, no doubt sniffing out the most intoxicated ones ready for the kill but Jess was hip to their game. They had been relatively safe in their little cordoned off area for most of the night where they had played lots of silly games, got Cece suitably embarrassed and drank half their body weight in champagne and now the attention of some of the models had turned to the guys in the club who were determined to make themselves noticed. She watched the men swarm in and pluck off Cece's friends one by one. None of the girls were actually interested in going home with anyone but a little harmless flirtation was definitely on the agenda of a bachelorette party, it was almost mandatory, even Cece was allowed to indulge in some final harmless flirtation if she wanted to but she refrained, naturally so did Sadie and Melissa who were snuggled together in the corner trying to ignore one obnoxious man who was trying to angle his way in between them. But as Jess saw all the smiling faces of Cece's friends she was pleased with the success of the night, everything had gone according to plan. She was so busy congratulating herself for her handiwork she didn't notice the young gentleman who had sidled up next to her in the booth. Apparently the little red rope around their section was no longer having the desired effect. As he leaned in toward her to talk she could immediately smell copious amounts of tequila on his breath, she'd had her fair share that night but this was something else. Still he seemed quite sweet and considerably less reprehensible than some of the others guys in there.

Jess never liked to be rude so she indulged him for a little while as she formed a polite excuse but she soon regretted it as Cece and her friends noticed out of their corner of their eyes. Jess was still considered as a strange novelty amongst Cece's model friends, something that had never changed over the years no matter how well they had got to know her. Seeing Jess with a boy was fanciful enough for them to start getting over excited and cheering her on. They meant well but she could feel her face starting to burn with embarrassment, she had no interest in this guy and yet somehow she had been paired with him as part of some sort of performance act for the benefit of Cece friend's. There was suddenly a look of hope on the guy's face, the kind of hope that came with six or seven beautiful women fighting his corner for him. He edged closer to Jess and put his arm around her shoulders, Jess could tell he thought he was a shoe in at that point and she almost felt nauseous with nerves as to how the hell she was going to get rid of him.

She waved her hands vehemently at the girls, trying to maintain her smile so she didn't come across as a kill joy but they were having none of it. They pushed and they pushed and even Cece gave her an encouraging smile at one point and it was all too much. Suddenly she found her feet carrying her towards the front door, the light and air that was coming in from outside was her saviour.

* * *

Schmidt's voice was no longer determinable as being a human man's voice, it had been reduced to a deep slur that Nick hadn't really heard since their college days when Schmidt had got over excited at his first frat party. Nick knew how crappy Schmidt was going to feel in the morning but he couldn't help but congratulate himself on a job well done. The last few words he had been able to decipher had been '. _..best night of my life'_ and then something about Cece's boobs which he tried to blank out. Schmidt had come, he had seen, and he had conquered - or rather he had been carried in, taken a selfie with Kanye and then the whiskey had conquered him. With Schmidt almost out for the count the other guys had naturally taken the opportunity to indulge in a little flirtation, except for Coach who appeared to relieve Nick from his babysitting duties, allowing him to go to the bar for one last drink before the night was done.

It wasn't long before he had a blonde girl's limp arms draped around his neck. Nick smiled politely and extracted them from his shoulders several times but they kept reappearing like a leech sticking to his skin. He reared his head back to the point of neck pain as she brushed her lips against his, he could smell god knows how much sambuca on her breath, and it turned his stomach a little. He could see Winston and Coach gesturing to him from across the bar, telling him to go for it but all he could do was shake his head profusely and continue to battle with the girls overzealous hands. He could see the other guys around him, almost all of them enjoying a little bit of female conversation, some of them had even managed to steal a kiss or two but unlike Nick they seemed to be having fun with it. Eventually Nick placed his hands on her hips and pushed her away from him in the most gentlemanly fashion that he could, eliciting a look of disdain from the girls best friend who came in and swept her away to doubt doubt push her on to another guy she considered more worth of her friend's drunken advances. Nick shook his head and ran his hands over his face as he returned to join Coach in the booth who was now serving as a human pillow for Schmidt.

"What the hell dude, you were in." Coach exclaimed as Nick slid down the the back of the booth next to him.

"I'm not interested." Nick shrugged.

"You don't have to be interested, it's a bachelor party Nick, just have a little fun."

"I am having fun, with you guys."

Nick swilled the expensive whiskey round in the glass and took as sip, enjoying the way it tingled in his mouth. Coach was still looking at him and he knew that the conversation wasn't over and considering Coach'd had a fair bit to drink Nick knew things were about to get a little more deep and introspective. Coach was like Jess, alcohol made him all emotional. Nick pressed his fingertips into his chest making small circles and trying to ease the ache that had been sitting there for days.

"Nick you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine I think the whiskey just went down the wrong, my chest is just aching a little."

"You sure that's all it is?"

"Yes. What does that mean?"

"Winston told me about you and Jess, not that he needed to, I could tell there was something weird going on between you when I walked through the door. I'm not going to make a big deal about the fact you guys are sleeping together, that's your business dude and from the sounds of it you've had enough opinions already but I just want to ask you one thing and then I'll shut up."

"What?"

"Do you still love her?"

Nick squirmed in his seat taken aback by such a direct question. "It's not that simple Coach."

There was a long pause where Nick had hoped Coach had abandoned the conversation but that wasn't the case.

"You know Nick I didn't actually want to move to New York. I didn't really want to leave you guys, I liked living with you all a lot, it was the most settled down I had been in years and I didn't really want to leave, I knew how much I'd miss you all... New York is cold in the winter, like really cold and cabs are a nightmare and there's not as much grass and you know how I like my greenery. But I never considered not moving there, I knew I had to leave because I knew I loved May. It was that simple. It's either a yes or a no Nick, there's no grey when it comes to this stuff. _You_ know what the answer is and I'm not going to force it out of you but the sooner you accept it the sooner you'll be able to figure things out with Jess. One way or another."

Coach wriggled out from underneath Schmidt's heavy head and squeezed by Nick, patting him on the shoulder on the way as he headed off to the bathroom leaving Nick behind with his cluttered and confused mind.

* * *

Cece swerved from side to side as she made her way through the crowds and tried to stay on her high heeled feet after several shots of tequila. Polite ushering of people out the way with a gentle hand on the shoulder became a more abrupt shove as she completely lost Jess from view when she fled out the front door. She smiled widely at the doorman who were wearing slight looks of concern that they were going to have a dramatic situation on their hands as they had watched Jess flee past them. As they stared quizzically, Cece gave them a wink for good measure and made her way outside. As unsteady as she was on her feet the cool air outside felt amazing on Cece's face. It had only been a few hours in the hot and stuffy club but Cece felt like she had forgotten what fresh air felt like in her lungs. She scanned the people standing outside, most of whom were people who had just come for a cigarette until eventually she spotted a small figure hunched over, sitting on the low wall underneath the club sign. Cece tottered over as fast as she could and pulled the hem of her dress further down her thighs, preserving her modesty as she sat down next to Jess, putting her arm around her shoulders as she noticed her tear stained cheeks.

"Jess honey are you ok? Look we're sorry about what happened in there we didn't mean anything by it."

Jess wiped her eyes swiftly. "No it's fine just ignore me, please go back inside Cece I don't want to ruin your night. Just give me a second and I'll be back in." Jess waited for Cece to leave but she didn't. "Really Cece I'm ok I think the alcohol just went to my head a little, you know how emotional I get."

"Jess..." Cece stroked Jess' hair behind her ear affectionately. "I know what this is about."

Jess turned to Cece to try and judge how worthwhile it was to keep protesting that she was fine but when she saw the look on Cece's face she knew there was no point. "I'm so sorry Cece."

"Jess don't be sorry, just tell me what happened."

Jess shrugged and swallowed more tears. "You were right, you and Schmidt were right. Nick and I should never have started sleeping together."

"Yeah I kinda guessed that you guys weren't really talking. Did you have a fight?"

"Yeah." Jess sniffed. "No! Ugh I don't even know what it was. Things just got so complicated and I made it worse, I made it so much worse and we can't' even talk the way we used to and I hate it. I hate not talking to him, I miss him."

"Jess?"

"I know it'll be ok eventually, it has to be but...

"Jess?"

"I just need to figure out what to say to him to make it better."

"Jess?!"

"What?"

"You still love him don't you?"

Jess nodded as the tears fell freely down her cheeks.


	16. The Big Moment

Nick strained his neck and pulled at the knot of his tie as the streets of L.A. rolled past the car window. He wriggled his toes in his new shoes which pinched his already sore feet from having pulled a double shift at the bar three nights in a row just so he could get the next few days off. There was no air coming through the open window and for some ungodly reason the cab driver had the heating turned on making Nick shift uncomfortably in his seat as droplets of sweat started to pool between his shoulder blades. He wasn't entirely sure why he'd had to get so dressed up, it was a rehearsal dinner, surely the hint was in the title. But as he poked at the heel of one shoe with the toe of the other he considered maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to break these puppies in.

He pulled at his tie once again before Schmidt swatted his hand away like and annoyed father. Nick petulantly jammed his hands between his legs, he knew to pick his battles with Schmidt wisely for the next twenty four hours. The nuptials were just around the corner and the nerves were starting to sink in. But it wasn't just Schmidt that was feeling nervous. Jess had been staying with Cece for the past few days, performing her bridesmaid duties and avoiding him like the plague. Without seeing her he had no idea where they were or what kind of reception he was going to get when he saw her. They had exchanged a couple of texts but they had mostly been about wedding stuff, neither of them had been brave enough to push it beyond that. But Nick could feel their relationship stretching thinner and thinner each day and pretty soon something was going to give, he just didn't know what.

As they pulled up to the hotel lobby Nick immediately started to pick out faces that he recognised. One of Schmidt's old friends from Long Island who had come to stay with them during college and had a pretty bad staring problem. One of their old college buddies whose reputation had been based solely upon the fact he could snort shots of sambuca, he was a doctor now. One of Schmidt's old work colleagues who'd had an insane crush on Caroline and insisted on calling Nick, Ricky whenever he was around her. Then there were the faces that almost felt like family, like Schmidt's Mom who was making her way over to them at a fast pace. She immediately began to fiddle with Schmidt's suit and lick her thumb to wipe some lipstick from his cheek in that wet and forceful way that only mother's knew how. Nick had always had a somewhat tempestuous relationship with Louise but there was still a rooted affection that they would both acknowledge every now and again with an odd smile or even and awkward hug, both of which he was experiencing right now. When she released him from her tight grip she followed with a sharp smack on the arm which made Nick's mouth drop open in a silent cry as he rubbed his burning skin.

"Go talk to that ex-girlfriend of yours would ya, she's been following me around like a puppy all night trying to be my best friend."

Nick smiled at the thought, his whole face lighting up at the sound of her name. "Oh yeah sure, I can do that.

Nick looked over at Schmidt hopefully for permission to go and find Jess and Schmidt nodded with an exasperated sigh. Nick just had to be there at dinner and deliver a practice speech and he was golden. He had enough material to talk about Schmidt for a decade so her wasn't worried. He weaved his way through all the guests surprised at the turnout, if this was just the rehearsal dinner god only knew what the wedding would be like. He smiled politely and made small talk as a few people stopped him along the way to catch up but his eyes continued to scan the room for Jess who was nowhere to be seen. He spotted Cece but she was deep in conversation and he didn't want to get under her feet, tonight of all nights, but she caught him anyway and offered him a small mercy as she nodded her head toward bar. Apparently she didn't need to speak to him to know what he wanted.

He began to politely ease people out of the way as he made his way across the room and sure enough there was Jess sitting at the bar, her fingers curled around a glass of wine, her legs crossed casually, her head tipping back a little as she laughed. It was the first time he had seen her really laugh in days and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth until the crowd dispersed a little more and he saw what she was laughing at, or rather who.

There was somebody sitting next to her, somebody pretty good looking, somebody whose knee was brushing against Jess' everytime he moved in his seat under the efforts of some wild gesticulation that was making Jess laugh even more, someone he didn't recognise, someone who clearly liked her.

* * *

Jack smiled at Jess, flashing those straight white teeth that had stuck firmly in her memory from the first time she met him at Cece's engagement party. She knew he was interested, Cece had told her as much and in spite of the fact Jess had cancelled their first attempt at a date it didn't seem to have tempered his enthusiasm. Quite the opposite. She had no desire to lead him on, nor did she want to pull him into the car crash that was her love life but it was oddly comforting to talk to someone who didn't know anything about her, did know anything about what she was going through. There was also the fact that she just couldn't get rid of him, he had been following her around for the last hour and a half, so she had to give him an A+ for effort and at least reward him with a little bit of conversation.

The truth was, under any other circumstances she would have been totally into him, he was truly handsome, his jokes were genuinely funny and she found him interesting. But the circumstances were what they were and there was just no room left in her heart for anyone but Nick, no matter how miserable that fact was making her right now. If she was undecided about Nick, if any part of her feelings were wavering or uncertain she might have given Jack a chance but she had never been more sure of her feelings for Nick. She was more sure now than she had been even when they were dating, and back then she had been pretty damn sure.

Sitting there with Jack was simple and that was something her life had been completely devoid of lately. There was no subtext to their conversation, no mixed messages, no aching feeling in the pit of her stomach. But she could see the spark of hope in his eyes, his demeanour getting more and more assured by the second as he managed to keep her attention. She didn't want to do that to him, he was a nice guy and Jess was certain there would be plenty of other girls at the wedding who would be more worthy of his time. Her head went a little fuzzy and the blood in her legs warmed up as she gulped her wine faster and faster so she could leave. Her wingwoman was somewhat occupied for the evening and Jess had a proven record for being terrible at getting herself out of situations like this. She swilled the last mouthful of wine around the bottom of her glass and threw it back, steeling herself to make a sharp exit from Jack, a ' _thanks but no thanks'_ kind of thing. But she was too late, as her wine glass was swiftly swiped away another one appeared in its place, like it had multiplied before her very eyes. She hadn't even heard him order it. He was smooth. Too smooth.

She smiled at the side of her mouth, a little less enthusiastically now. She scoured the room looking for Cece, praying that occasional telepathic connection would kick in and Cece would come and rescue her. But Cece was too busy showing off Schmidt to some of their old Portland friends and rightfully so, it was her night after all. Her next best shot was Winston but as she tried to pick him out from the crowd she stumbled across someone else, someone who was glaring at her and Jack looking considerably unhappy.

Nick made no attempt to come over, he just stared, his face a mix of anger and disappointment all at once. Jess opened her mouth and uncrossed her legs as though to stand but she stayed where she was. Instead they just looked at each other for a few long moments until Nick shook his head and walked away.

* * *

Jess hung her bag on the back of the bathroom stall door and lowered the toilet seat to sit down. It wasn't the most glamorous of settings but it afforded her a few minutes alone. She ran her fingers into her immaculately placed hair, loosening a few strands from the clips that held it back. It was only then she realised how well she had kept herself occupied for the last few days. Not seeing him had been easier for a little while at least, but that thought made her inextricably sad. She hadn't meant to stay away from the loft completely but she supposed she had taken the coward's way out, a very un-Jess like characteristic. Hiding it behind the ruse of offering Coach her bedroom for a few days had just been way too easy.

With a few deep breaths she left the stall. She straightened out her hair and applied a little more lipstick, turning her head towards the closed door as she heard the noise of all the guests move further away. Stepping outside, everyone had started to take their place at the dinner tables. She looked for an open spot but they started to disappear one by one. Winston had attached himself to one of Cece's cousins and Nick was staring sternly at his beer bottle, boxed in by two of his old college friends. She saw Sadie waving at her from the other side of the room but she was too late as one of Schmidt's aunts swooped in, much to Sadie's displeasure. She continued to scan the room until she heard a quiet voice behind her calling her name. As she turned she found Jack chivalrously pulling out the seat next to him. She knew it probably wasn't the best idea but as she turned and scoured the room one more time, she had little choice. She smiled politely and rounded the table to sit next time him. As he lifted his jacket off the seat she suspected he had been saving it for her all along which made the whole thing worse. If only he knew where her head was at he wouldn't be trying to hard and she wouldn't feel so guilty.

She could feel Nick's eyes burning into her from across the room and she tried to find the balance between being polite to Jack without enjoying his company too much. It seemed the she wasn't striking that balance very effectively and Nick continued to sneer. She wasn't sure what had got into him, it wasn't like him to behave so insecurely. While a tiny part of her enjoyed getting a reaction, any reaction, the bigger part of her was sad that it had come to this, sad they hadn't been able to prove their friends wrong and be stronger people.

She shifted in her seat turning her back to him a little but it wasn't enough, it seemed she had laughed at one too many of Jack's jokes or Jack had touched her arm one too many times as Nick left his seat and started to cross the room. He looked a strange combination of mad and nervous and it made her stomach drop the nearer he got. She could hear Jack's voice begin to peter out in her ear as Nick suddenly loomed over them from behind. Wedging his way in between them slightly, Nick turned his back to Jack and bent down close to Jess' ear.

"Jess I need to talk to you."

"We're in the middle of dinner Nick, can't it wait?"

"No it can't."

"Well...it's gonna have to."

"Jess please."

"I think she said no man." Jack interjected and Jess winced as she saw Nick's face change.

Nick looked over his shoulder refusing to even offer Jack the courtesy of turning around. "Yeah well this is nothing to do with you pal."

"Nick!" Jess snapped.

"What? Who is this guy Jess, what the hell are you doing?"

Jess lifted her napkin from her knees and smacked it down on the table trying to offer a polite smile to Jack through gritted teeth. She saw a look of sudden understanding and disappointment on Jack's face as he turned in his seat, trying to remove himself from the situation. She pushed herself angrily out of her chair and grabbed Nick's wrist roughly, marching him out into the hallway. She smiled at the other guests as she went by trying to play down her annoyance but anyone who could see the vice like grip she had on Nick's hand would have noticed the intensity of their situation.

* * *

Jess could feel the vibrations along the floor under the weight of her own feet stamping angrily. She could feel her fingernails digging into skin ever so slightly but she didn't slacken her grip one bit, he deserved a little discomfort. Pulling him into a dimmed recess of the hallway she finally released his wrist leaving him to rub it with a stern pout. She spun round to face him, her brow furrowed and her jaw jutting forward slightly in anger.

"Nick what the hell was that?!"

Nick stopped rubbing his wrist and dropped his arms by his sides with a loud and lost sigh. "I don't know."

"I'm so embarrassed, what the hell has gotten into you, it's not like you to behave like that."

"I know."

"This is Schmidt and Cece's night, you can't just go around being rude to their guests!"

"I know, I'm sorry."

Jess glared at him and waited for more but now he looked just as mad as she did. "That's it?"

"Well what do you want me to say Jess?"

"Ugh just forget it Nick you've said enough."

They both knew this eruption of anger was completely irrational and yet completely inevitable. Weeks of missed opportunities to have a civilised and meaningful conversation about the state of their relationship had left them both to harbour pent up frustrations. But now wasn't the time, they couldn't have picked a worse time to try and get into this conversation so Jess made a move to leave but Nick grabbed her arm pulling her back, a move she was familiar enough with for it to make her heart constrict. He pulled her so she was standing back in front of him only this time she was closer, close enough to see his nostrils flaring just a little and the crease in the middle of his forehead as he frowned at her in such a way it would make her burst out laughing if she wasn't so mad.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing I...I don't want to talk about this now." She tried to move again but she didn't even make it half a step this time before he pulled her back.

"Yeah well I do Jess, you can't keep calling all the shots."

"Yeah well believe me I wish I wasn't, I wish I never had."

"What exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying the guys were right, they were all right. _This_... _us_...it was a mistake Nick. We never should have started this. I regret it."

"Come on Jess you don't mean that."

"Yes I do."

It was now or never, she knew it. They couldn't go on the way they were any longer. The fear that he would say nothing again was paralysing but she couldn't go on hiding from the one person she needed more than anyone else in the world.

"We've always had a connection Nick, there has always been something between us but we took what we had and we made it all about sex. We'd make love and then there was just ...nothing. Right afterwards one of us would be gone. I don't want that. I want you to hold me and tell me things. I want you to spend the night and I want to wake up with you. I thought it would all be fun but all it did was remind be how much I miss you and how much it hurts not to be with you."

"Jess I...you said it was what you wanted I..."

"Yeah well it's not. It's not enough.

"Jess?"

"What I said to you that night in the bar, it was no accident and I think you know that. You didn't say anything so I took it back, pretended I didn't mean it but I did. ...I'm still in love with you Nick. "

Nick's grip on her arm slackened involuntarily and he felt himself starting to freeze again. There was no question this time, no debate, nothing to cloud her judgment. She had said it as clear as day. Nick leaned into her, his mouth open to speak but suddenly there was a roar of noise from inside the hall as the doors behind were thrust wide open, Cece's Mom's head poking out with her eyes scanning the hallway frantically.

"Oh there you are Jessica, Cece's need you honey." Maya clicked her fingers in a way that made Nick's gut burn.

Jess turned, quickly swiping her index finger under her eye and sniffing back any emotion in her voice. "Oh ok sure, I'll be right there."

Jess swallowed down the tears that sat behind her eyes and turned on her heel to walk toward Maya who was waiting for her. She heard Nick calling after her time and time again but she didn't stop, she didn't even turn around. She needed to get as far away from him as she could so he couldn't reject her again.

* * *

Cece could feel her body starting to get tired, being the star of the show sure was exhausting. If she hadn't been able to split the responsibility with Schmidt she wasn't sure she would have made it. She worked the muscles in her cheeks with her fingers as she prepared to plaster on one last big smile as two of her uncles approached her to say goodnight. She longed to get home to her bed, the last thing she wanted was to wait up looking tired and haggard on her wedding day and that meant she needed at least ten hours sleep. She nodded and smiled as her uncles gushed over Schmidt who had performed spectacularly at winning over all her family, but she could see Nick bobbing around anxiously in the background waiting for his moment to pounce on her the second she was alone. This wasn't going to be good.

Cece knew Jess had been lying, she could read her like a book. ' _We talked it out'_ she'd said. ' _Everything is fine_ ' she'd said, but Cece knew different. Confessing your undying love to someone wasn't something that was resolved in ten minutes in the lobby of a hotel. She loved Jess for trying to keep it together for her sake, she loved that Jess would do absolutely anything to make sure she had the most perfect day but without Jess smiling and enjoying it with her, it wasn't perfect.

With a strategic yawn Cece started to make her exit from the conversation and kissed her uncles on the cheek one by one as they disappeared with her Mom. She began to walk towards Nick who was over to her like a shot.

"Cece where's Jess?"

"She left, she gave my grandma a ride back to the hotel. Why?"

Nick ran his hands through his hair and sliced through the air as he dropped them heavily by his side. "God dammit!"

Cece's heart melted a little for Nick as she saw utter desperation in his eyes. It was the look of a man whose grasp on something he cherished was slipping by the second. Cece knew exactly what conversation had taken place between them, she didn't need to be there to know what words had been exchanged.

"She told you didn't she?"

Nick's fidgeting suddenly stopped and his eyes fixed on Cece, wide with anxiety.

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew."

"What the hell am I gonna do?"

"I can't answer that for you Nick, you know I can't."

Nick dropped down on to a nearby chair and ran his hand firmly over the scruff on his face. He felt a warm hand settle comfortingly on his knee for a few seconds as Cece sat down next to him. Cece had come to be a reassuring presence to Nick over the years, it was like they shared a secret that nobody else did with their shared connection to Jess. He felt inextricably linked to Cece because of that but he knew that even she couldn't do anything this time, it was up to him to fix it, him alone. Hearing Jess say those words to him felt so familiar, so wonderful, so amazing but also strangely terrifying. The first time she had ever said them it has been nothing but pure euphoria but the last time she had said them had broken his heart. He knew the power of those words now and what they could do to him.

"I'm scared Cece."

Cece reared her head back a little, shocked by the open honesty from Nick, it was rare. "I know you are. So is Jess."

"I couldn't go through losing her again. I just couldn't, it hurts too much."

"So I guess you didn't say it back."

Nick's face showed a strange type of anguish where it looked as though he might burst out laughing any second at his own plight. He shook his head in disbelief and rested his forehead in his heads. "No I didn't. I froze. Again."

"Did you want to say it?"

"Look Cece I..."

Cece could see him starting to panic, hear it clearly in his voice so she backed off. "Look Nick, you don't need to tell me, I'm not the one who needs to hear it. I know how scared you are of losing Jess again but if you don't figure out a way to answer this question you're gonna lose her anyway. She loves you Nick, you know that, she deserves an answer."

* * *

Schmidt smiled wide as he flung open his curtains to see a bright, sunny L.A. morning. It was rare that California let him down with the weather but it seemed extra bright and sunny that morning and it made him happy. Then again he had every reason in the world to be happy. It felt nice to be in his old room after he had left his apartment to Jess and his wife to be. He was loving every second of living with Cece but the familiarity of it all was almost soothing. He immediately started to rummage around in the bottom of his bag for his mini steamer which he proceeded to run over his suit for the hundredth time as it hung from the door. He had hours before the wedding but he needed every last minute to ensure that he and his ushers looked immaculate. Gathering numerous products in his arms he headed for the bathroom for what would proceed to be an hour long shower from which he would emerge having been scrubbed, plucked and moisturised to within an inch of his life. On the way back from the bathroom his tightened his towel around his waist and banged firmly on each of the guys' doors as he passed eliciting a number of groans and expletives. He waited at the end of the hallway with his arms folded until each of the guys emerged sleepily from their rooms.

Nick rubbed his eyes wearily, he knew it was going to be a long and eventful morning and he'd barely had any sleep. After the rehearsal dinner everyone has retired to bed reasonably early to get a good night's sleep but as the loft fell silent Nick found himself staring into the light of his phone into the wee small hours of the morning as he tried relentlessly to text and call Jess. As much as he hadn't wanted to have the conversation over the phone he was desperate and he had been under strict instructions from Schmidt not to over to Cece's and disturb her the night before the wedding. Reluctantly he had agreed and instead ran the battery down on his phone.

As Schmidt reeled of the morning's agenda with glee, Nick took another look down at his phone which sat in a hand that had almost become claw-like he had been clinging onto it for so long. There was still nothing from her. He didn't know why he expected otherwise. She had said what she had to say, it was up to him now. Stuffing it in the pocket of his sweats he tried to focus his attention firmly on his best friend, he was best man today and despite what was going on in his own crappy love life he wasn't about to screw up Schmidt's. So for the next couple of hours there was no issue with Jess, everything was all smiles and roses with a hint of puppies.

But a couple of hours was Nick's limit. Once Schmidt was nicely dressed and calm and safely in the car on the way to the wedding Nick's mind instantly started to wander back to one thing. As they sat in the car Nick's stomach was starting to churn violently, anyone would have thought he was the one getting married. What kind of best man got more nauseous than the groom? Schmidt was the opposite, he was cool as a cucumber and Nick was envious. He longed to feel the kind of zen that Schmidt was currently enjoying. He has always envisaged Schmidt terrorising half of L.A. on the day he finally got married, giving the world's biggest divas a run for their money but he couldn't have been more wrong. Schmidt was more together than he had ever seen him, he was happy, truly happy and it made Nick smile. Leaning across he patted Schmidt's leg affectionately who gave him a friendly nudge in return.

There was little time to waste when they arrived. Guests had already started to gather in their masses and suddenly everything seemed very real. Nick and Schmidt exchanged a look of dismay and acknowledgement that they had finally done it, somewhere down the line they had finally grown up. But their pensive moment was shortlived as a swarm of smiling faces descended upon Schmidt like he was some sort of celebrity, not that Schmidt was objecting at all. Nick wiggled his way out of the crowd, enjoying the air on his face for as long as he could as his skin started to slowly boil in his three piece suit. He spotted a bar in the distance and wondered if it was too early for him to knock one back to steady his nerves but he concluded it probably wasn't the best idea. He scoured the room for Jess even though he knew she wouldn't be there yet. God he wanted to see her. The waiting was killing him, he actually thought it was killing him as a burning sensation settled in his chest and stubbornly refused to shift.

Just as he considered pressing Louise for an antacid he noticed everyone start to filter into a nearby room and he knew it was time, Schmidt was almost up, which meant he was too. Pressing his fingertips into his chest he rubbed gently and took a deep breath. He edged toward the room slowly, keeping his eye fixed on the front door just in case she came in and he would at least get a couple of minutes to talk to her. He craned his head to look over the heads of everyone in the way and stared at the door so hard it almost started to change form right in front of his eyes. He squinted his eyes and saw a white car pull up before a mass of coloured dresses poured out of it and his heart jumped into his throat. Suddenly he felt a strong hand land heavily on his shoulder and it snapped him back to reality.

"Come on man. we're up." Coach urged as he trailed behind Winston and Schmidt who were already taking their places.

"Ok, yeah, sure, Just give me a second I'll be right there."

Nick ignore the concerned face of Coach and started to power towards the door as the bridal party made its entrance. He knew he was crossing an array of lines when it came to wedding etiquette but he needed to see Jess, he had no idea what he was going to say to her he just need to see her. As he approached them Jess was crouched down puffing out the bottom of Cece's dress and making sure the train was straight. Nick hovered nervously until Cece caught sight of him.

"Hi Nick." Cece said flatly but with a knowing smile.

"Cece uh...you look...wow, you look incredible."

"Thank you Nicholas." She smiled sincerely and moved to talk to her Mom.

Nick turned to Jess and tried to swallow non existent saliva in his very dry throat. "Jess I know I'm not supposed to be out here but..."

"No you're not, you should go back inside Nick." Jess whispered in a panic as she shooed him away.

"Can I just talk to you for a second, you wouldn't take any of my calls and I really, really need to talk to you Jess."

"Nick..." She sighed glancing over at Cece. "This is not a good time."

"Come on dude you gotta get inside." Coach called as he hung around the door frame.

"Yeah Just a second."

"No Nick, now man, we gotta do this. Let's go."

Nick ground his back teeth together in frustration as he watched Coach disappear back inside. Looking back at Jess she had already started to edge away from him.

"You should go." Jess whispered as she headed back over to Cece.

* * *

Nick ran down the aisle and patted Schmidt on the shoulder in apology, luckily Schmidt was far too distracted to yell at him which was a fortunate bonus but a quiet scolding from Winston and Coach made him get his shit together. Nick breathed out heavily and rolled his shoulders back a few times to compose himself. The silence in the room made his thoughts far too loud and it was difficult for him to shut them off, he felt a strange feeling of relief when the music started and drowned them out, well some of them at least. His heart was thumping so hard in his chest and he could feel sweat pooling on every inch of his skin, but he smiled through it as camera flashes started to go off. He took a few deep breaths to make sure he wouldn't pass out and he focussed on the aisle as Cece's cousins started to make their way down. Then he saw Jess and his thumping heart stopped, everything stopped. As she walked down the aisle toward him, at least it felt like it was toward him, he wondered how it would feel in another life if this were them getting married and it made his heart ache. He couldn't take his eyes off her, she looked perfect.

Jess could feel her legs wobbling as she walked down the aisle. She could see him at the end watching her and the whole thing just felt like too much but she had to keep it together. Just a few more steps and then all eyes would be on Cece and she could just hide away from him, from everyone. She focussed on Schmidt whose smile warmed her heart and that helped to calm her nerves a little. She couldn't bring herself to look at Nick, to walk toward him like this, knowing what could have been hurt too much. She looked down at the floor and counted how many more steps in her head.. _.four...three...two...one_. She took her place on the other side of the boys and waited for Cece to follow. There was a hum of energy as people began to comment on how beautiful Cece looked, flashes from phones and cameras lit up the room and there wasn't one person without a smile on their face. As Jess finally chanced a look at Nick, even he was smiling wide, she hadn't seen that in a while, it was nice.

Finally Cece glided past them and took her place next to Schmidt and the room fell into silence once again. They had made it, Schmidt and Cece had finally made it, after everything, and Jess could feel the swell of emotion building up in her throat. They had triumphed, they had overcome everything they had been through because they loved each other and that was all that mattered. She could feel her eyes stinging as she looked over at Nick and tried desperately to figure why they couldn't so the same, why couldn't they get back to where they once were. As words of love and promises filled the air her eyes fixed on Nick, completely beyond her control now. She couldn't help but think about how she'd had it so good, for a little while at least. As Nick's eyes landed on her from the across the aisle she meant to look away but she couldn't. He didn't look quite as lost as she did, didn't look quite as broken. He seemed oddly more composed than he had earlier. He had a look of a determination on his face, one that she had only seen a few times before. He opened his mouth, his jaw flexing like he might try and speak to her from across the aisle but he didn't. Instead he uncrossed his hands that had been holding in front of himself in a gentlemanly fashion.

Slowly he turned his hand, his palm facing her. He had written on his hand in black marker pen, the same marker pen she had used to write some last minute table place names earlier than morning. His nerves had made his palms sweat so the ink was running into the lines of his hands a little but the letters were still as clear as day.

 **I love you too**


	17. The Next Step

Jess breathed in sharply and the air stuck in her lungs as he heart began to swell to an impossible size. The words on his hand began to blur as her eyes misted with tears but unlike the tears she had cried over the last couple of weeks they were tears of sheer joy. Her trembling lips spread wider and wider as she beamed at him, she watched his shoulders drop in relief as he smiled back with everything that he had. She felt a tickle on her cheek as one tear escaped but to anybody looking on she was sure she could pass it off as tears for Cece and Schmidt. She dabbed the back of her wrist against her face and continued to smile widely at him, her emotions pouring out of her heart to run wild all over her face. They couldn't look away from each other, both desperate to hear the words out loud. Every word of love uttered around them felt like it was for them alone.

As rings were placed on fingers and Cece and Schmidt shared their first kiss as husband and wife the congregation erupted into a loud cheer. The ceremony concluded and the bride and groom began to make their way back down the aisle. The second their back was turned Nick and Jess lunged across to each other grappling firmly for each other's hand and lacing their fingers tightly. The began to follow behind Cece and Schmidt obediently, sure not to disrupt the service even though they both wanted to scream out loud or devour one another against the nearest wall. They marched by Winston, Jess' actual partner at rehearsal, and left him to style it out on his own.

Nick could feel Jess' pulse throbbing as he gripped her hand tightly. He felt the fingers of her other hand curl around his bicep and squeeze tightly like she never wanted to let go of him. As they broke free of the doorway and Cece and Schmidt disappeared for photos Nick pulled Jess' arm leading her away from the noise of the crowd to literally anywhere that they could be alone. Finding a helpfully signed store cupboard Nick flung open the door, hit the light and pulled Jess inside. Using her body to close the door behind them as he pushed her up against it and grabbed her small face in his two large hands, pushing his lips against her and swallowing the whimper that escaped her mouth. His kissed her with such ferocity he surprised himself. He could feel her hands tugging at the front of his shirt pulling him against her even harder. Only when there wasn't a breath of air left in his lungs did he stop kissing her, resting his forehead softly against hers, still cradling her face and revelling in how precious it was to him.

"I never stopped loving you Jess." He whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before staring at her closed eyes which glistened with tears as she opened them to meet his.

A tearful laugh escaped her lips as her smiling face greeted his. Just when she thought it was over, just when she thought the book had officially closed on their story, old Nick Miller had swept her off her feet and taken her by surprise once again. She held his face and stroked the tips of her thumbs over the dimples in his cheeks which were getting deeper by the second as his smile matched hers.

"I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you, I was just so..."

"I know, I know." She silenced him gently, placing her thumb delicately on his lips for a moment. "I was scared too. I still am, but I love you Nick."

Pressing his forehead against her once again he closed his eyes in a desperate, contemplative moment. "We have to make this work Jess, we have to."

"We will, we can, I know we can. We just...we can't run away scared just because things aren't going perfectly. We have to fight for it this time Nick because it's worth fighting for."

"So we're really doing this?"

Jess nodded her head against his.

"You're my girlfriend again?"

She nodded again and they both let out a joyous laugh.

With their lips red raw from kissing and their clothes slightly dishevelled they emerged from the store cupboard, their temporary love den, and headed back to the reception, hoping that nobody had noticed their sudden, impromptu absence. As they headed toward the dining hall they could still see Schmidt and Cece making googly eyes at each other under an archway outside as the photographer snapped away. They reached a set of large double doors but as Nick reached for the handle Jess grabbed his hand and pulled him back. She began to mess with the buttons of his shirt nervously and he rubbed up and down the tops of her arms knowing full well what she was going to say and loving her even more for it.

"Nick I think we should keep this quiet, just for today. This is Schmidt and Cece's time and I don't want it to seem like we're trying to steal their thunder or anything."

"You freaking out already?" He joked.

"No, no." She laughed. "I just think we should wait...let them enjoy their day...let it be about them."

"I'm kidding." He kissed the end of her nose. "I can wait. Just say it one more time to keep me going."

She giggled. "I love you."

Hooking his arm firmly around her waist he pulled her against him suddenly and pressed one more kiss quickly but firmly on to her lips.

* * *

Jess rested her chin on her hand and swirled her champagne around in her glass as she watched Nick make his speech with adoration. Nick tried his best to direct every word to Schmidt and Cece but he couldn't help but look over at her as words of love spilled from his mouth. She felt an enormous sense of pride swell in her chest as everyone laughed along at his jokes and nodded in agreement with every word he said. As a best man, he was a hit, not that she ever doubted it. She just wished they weren't sitting so far apart, him at one side of the table near Schmidt's family and her at the other. She finally had him back and she just wanted to touch him over and over again to make sure it was all real. But she had to settle for the cute way his eyebrows rose up as he smiled at her and the dimples that formed in his cheeks.

She swallowed her delicious dinner down happily, realising it was the first solid meal she had eaten in days now that the horrible lump of sorrow in her throat had shifted. She even welcomed two pieces of cake once the happy couple had cut it and started sharing it around. She began to seriously regret the control underwear she had on underneath her dress, for more reasons that one, but there was no time to wallow as Winston pulled her out of her chair and on to the dancefloor.

She held Winston close to her and couldn't help but smile at his gleeful face, she loved to see all of her friends looking so happy and she was truly glad that she could feel a part of that happiness too. Nick has been accosted by Schmidt's mother and was trying his best to shuffle back and forth in time to the music in spite of the odd smack on the shoulder from Louise when he stepped on her toes. Winston wasn't oblivious to Jess' adoring stares and began to slowly move them toward where Nick was standing, where Winston bowed before Louise in a gentlemanly fashion and took her hand from Nick leaving him and Jess alone. Winston began to dance away smoothly looking very pleased with himself but not before he leaned into them one more time.

"I'm gonna hit a club with Cece's cousin tonight so you guys have the loft to yourselves. You're welcome."

Nick and Jess pretended to laugh and feign confusion. "What I...what?" Jess shook her head dizzily as she questioned him but he was out of sight before she had the chance to convincingly perfect her act.

Nick collected her hand in his and rested the other on her hip and she instantly felt a soothing warmth flowing through her body. Moving closer to him she curled her fingers around the back of his neck and stroked against she short, soft hairs that lay there. As he pulled her closer he held her hand against his chest and she could feel his heart pounding firmly and reassuringly. As she rested her cheek against his they started swaying, there was suddenly nothing funny about the way Nick Miller moved. They had never really danced before, not like this anyway and it felt nice. Turning her head into him she breathed in deeply taking in the smell of his skin and with her action she felt his grasp on her hip tighten, his fingers starting to dance lower and lower. She smiled and reached behind her, lacing her fingers through his and pulling his hand away.

"We're supposed to be behaving ourselves." She whispered.

"Yeah well it's hard...very hard." He whispered back suggestively making her bite down on her lip to hide her reaction.

She playfully hit his arm and pushed against his chest putting a little distance between them. "I'm serious" She giggled. "Should we maybe...wait before we, you know, do anything?"

"Isn't it a little late for that?" Nick raised his eyebrow.

"I don't know I just thought...maybe we should take our time."

Sensing her hesitancy Nick grabbed her hand and brought it back over his heart and began to sway them again. "Ok I'll tell you what we're gonna do. I'm gonna go get you some champagne then when the reception is over we're gonna go back to the loft, put on our pyjamas, make some popcorn and watch a movie together. How does that sound?"

Jess hooked both her arms around his neck and grinned broadly. "That sounds perfect."

* * *

When they finished their dance Nick was true to his word and fetched him and Jess a glass of champagne so they could toast their friends once again and their own reignited relationship which Winston had also decided to keep to himself to let Schmidt and Cece have their time to shine, much to their relief. The rest of the evening flowed as seamlessly as the whole day had, and the smiles and happiness radiating from the loft mates was more than any of them could have ever hopd for. If Winston had managed to sneak in Ferguson in a little tuxedo like he planned the day would have been complete perfection.

After what seemed like a thousand goodbyes and thank yous, Schmidt and Cece finally made their way to their honeymoon suite with a very purposeful sprint. They were in for a night of intense passion, there was no doubt about that. But Nick and Jess, on the other hand, they had different plans in store for their evening. To the casual eye it might have seemed strange, being reunited after a year and half apart and choosing not to rip each other's clothes off. But they had been ripping each other's clothes off for weeks and weeks on end. It had all been about the physical and sensations, everything was on the surface, right there in front of them to be touched. But now they had dipped below the surface and they needed to remind themselves just how deep their connection went.

The warm L.A. night had encouraged them to shun a cab and walk home hand in hand. Their feet started to ache and the view of the stars was skewed with the city pollution but it was still the most romantic walk either of them had ever taken. With the wedding attire, the warm open air and the unmovable smiles it all felt so familiar, so reminiscent of their first night in Mexico all that time ago and just as exciting. But back then it had been different, it was all so new and they were exploring this whole new side of each other they had never seen before, becoming physical in a way they could never have imagined. This time they knew what they were in for, they knew it wasn't all going to be nights making love on a Mexican beach under the stars, this time they knew there were going to be hard moments. There were going to be moments that challenged them as a couple, there might even be moments where they wanted to quit but now they knew that they finally had what it took, every piece felt like it was in place. Suddenly they felt more solid than they ever had.

* * *

The loft was dark save for a strip of moonlight that bounced off the kitchen table and the room still held that warmth from where the sun had shone brightly through the windows all day. It was silent except for the buzz of the fridge and the sudden rustle on the sofa as Ferguson jumped off and ran away to Winston's room as Nick and Jess came through the front door. It was the first time Jess had been back to the loft in days and she felt an instant comfort wash over her. She followed behind Nick willingly as he led her into the loft, still holding her hand tightly. She stood in the middle of the floor like an expectant stranger as he moved around turning on a couple of lamps and shuffling a few cushions on the sofa for no reason in particular. He toed off his shoes and kicked them under the coffee table and she did the same, unable to stifle the groan that escaped her mouth at the feeling of her hot, throbbing feet being freed. Nick laughed and took a few steps towards her, grabbing her hands and swinging them gently. He looked into her eyes which were a few inches lower down now that she had lost the shoes and he didn't know whether to kiss her, hug her, burst out laughing or burst out crying. He wanted to do it all.

"So you gonna get that popcorn going." She smiled.

"Sure." He smiled and kissed her forehead before moving to the kitchen and rummaging around in the cupboards noisily. Jess smiled at his exuberance and retreated to her room to get more comfortable.

The foil started to rumble and pop as Nick shook the Jiffy Pop over the stove. He poked at the hot popcorn and shook his hand in pain when his fingertips got scorched. The cold glass of the two beer bottles was very pleasantly soothing as he pulled them from the fridge and set them on the tray next to a big bowl of popcorn and a couple of pieces of cheesecake Schmidt had left over after a last minute indulgence when his wedding diet had become to much to take. Arranging everything so it sat at perfect angles he set the tray on the coffee table and quickly ran to his room to throw on his sweats. When he returned Jess was already perched on the sofa, dressed in her comfy flannel pyjamas, her glasses on, her hair completely loose and her legs tucked underneath her. Seeing Jess that way was really nothing new, but what was new was that he could walk over to her, place his finger underneath her chin, lift her head and kiss her, and that was exactly what he did. It wasn't a kiss that was going to carry them to the bedroom, it wasn't a kiss designed to make her clothes fall off, for the first time in a long time it was a simple, reverent kiss simply to tell her that he loved her.

Settling down he propped a few cushions behind him and let his legs fall open allowing her to shuffle back and sit in between them. Resting her hands on his thick thighs she let her head fall back against his chest and it was warm, solid and so very reassuring. He stretched out his arm to grab the remote and turn on the TV as she pulled the big bowl of popcorn on to her lap, handing back a few pieces which she placed into his mouth with a giggle. As the movie started up he hooked his arms around her shoulders and placed a kiss against the back of her head, happy to let his lips linger, Jess happy to let them too.

"What is it with us and Cece's weddings?" Jess laughed, patting his thighs affectionately.

"I have no idea, it must bring out our romantic side. Except we didn't run away to Mexico this time, which is a shame."

Jess jokingly look at a pretend watch on her wrist. "We still got time."

"I guess, but I was thinking maybe Vegas this time...they got a lot of chapels right?"

Jess turned around quickly to face him with a suspicious grin on her face and her eyes wide.

"I'm kidding Jess."

"Phew, I wasn't really sure what to say to that." She giggled and he laughed too.

After a few moments of reflective silence Nick lowered his head a little closer to her ear and placed a kiss on her temple. "I do think about it though Jess. I just want you to know that. I might not have all the details but I do think about it. That person I see sitting next to me when I'm old and grey, wielding my cane about at little kids... it's you."

Jess shifted in her seat and turned a little. Curling her fingers around the back of his neck she pulled his head down a little further and pressed her lips against his. "I love you." She whispered against his mouth.

"I love you too."

Stroking her thumb over his cheeks a few times she gave him that smile that still made his stomach flutter after all this time. He felt her hand fall from his face, down the front of his chest and grip his thigh as she kissed him one more time before she began to move away much to his displeasure.

"I'm gonna make some tea you want some?"

"Uh yeah sure, ok." He frowned in slight confusion.

Nick readjusted himself and lamented the cool draft on his body left by Jess. He was pretty sure they had been having a moment but hey, he knew how much Jess liked her tea and she probably just wanted to wind down after long day. He had other ways of winding down on his mind but he would wait for that. Cramming a few more mouthfuls of popcorn into his mouth he tried to focus on a small part of the movie that he and Jess had been paying little attention to so far, distracted by the sheer novelty of being able to touch one another again so intimately. His whole body felt so wonderfully weightless and free of tension and it felt amazing, the entire day had felt amazing. The relief of having Jess back in his arms again as his girlfriend was almost overwhelming, now he just needed her to come back from the damn kitchen so he could put his arms around her again. As the whir of the kettle started to subside he could hear the clinking of the spoon hitting the sides of a mug and finally the shuffle of her feet as she padded back towards him. Once again he allowed his knees to fall apart and rested his hands on her hips to guide her back down where she had been sitting before. They both shuffled a little to get themselves comfortable and Jess lay back against Nick's chest once again as he curved both his arms around her. Peering over her shoulder he went to place another kiss on her cheek when a broad smile crept across his face.

His arms tightened around her as he watched the steam rise from a familiar mug she cradled carefully in her hands.

 **The End**

 **Once again thank you so, so much for reading and taking the time to make comments, like and favourite, it means so much. It really is a pleasure writing things for this lovely fandom x**


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